names in the sky | {fray family}

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

KELLAN ♛ F R A Y

I guess I have grown accustomed to the meetings that now frequent my family's training center after hours. There once were only eight children in our home, eight mouths for my parents to feed, eight beds to be made every morning, eight toothbrushes in the cabinet above the bathroom sink. Now there are so many that I don't even bother keeping track anymore. Every time we have one of these stupid meetings, it is so that our parents can announce the arrival of our newest sibling, and every time we are expected to greet the bottom feeders of our District time and time again with warm hearts and happy smiles.

Which basically means our parents want us to fail. It is to be expected these days. It seems they blame us for fate's cruel hand, that it is our fault a slip of paper with one of our names written on it has not been chosen in front of everyone. That's the only reason all of these new faces, some of which I haven't even bothered to remember the names of yet, are here. Because I have impatient, illogical, insane parents.

We all stand on our own or in small groups in the central area, all quietly waiting for my dad to get in front of us all and announce that, once again, none of us are good enough for the games it would seem, and they are on a mission to find someone who is. "The bigger our numbers, the better the chances, right?" My mom would say after.

Ripred, they are pathetic.

However, they surprised all of us when they made their appearance as only a pair, rather than some unwashed trash shadowing them. Even I craned my neck and bit my bottom lip in confusion. My mother cleared her throat, smiling a humorless smile at each of us, and then began speaking. "Hello children. As you all know, the reaping is fast approaching. Your father and I believe we have increased our chances of finding more permanent financial security by a good bit by adopting some of the district's most promising... ah, underprivileged children. We have spent every day training everyone in this room. Some for as long as you have been alive, some for as long as you have been a part of this family." I cringe. I don't even want to be a part of this family anymore, so I can only imagine how the other must all feel, living in my shadow and wishing they could contain at least enough talent to challenge me.

My father picks up just as my mother stops: "The thing about reapings, we've realized, is that none of us have control over them. We cannot help whose name is called. But, what is one thing we can do?

"Volunteer." I say aloud, and then it hits me.

He wants one of us to volunteer.

"Yes, volunteer. Any of you could do it. So, if all works out, one of you will be reaped and this won't even be an issue. But in the event that things don't happen like we have planned, your mother and I need to know you'll do what it takes to put yourself on that stage. Can we count on you?"

I don't answer.

Not because I don't plan on volunteering: I do. I'll be the best tribute district one has ever seen. But I am not doing it for them. I'm doing it for myself. I find my fists clenched at my sides. What if someone else volunteers before me? What if one of my own brothers takes away my last chance of the games? Kaiser would do it just to spite me. Maddox would because he thinks he is better than me, and Justice because, whether he cares to admit it or not, wants nothing more than to be me. All of the illegitimate children would do it just to feel loved by my parents, which is a joke, since they only love themselves (any true career does.)

I scoff, and then I turn and head for the exit, even as my father shouts after me, and I slam the door behind me.

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

PILLAR FRAY;

Being surrounded by my “family” gives me war flashbacks to the last time I was crowded with them in one place, when I stood up and finally let my feelings be heard –
fuck, if I don't still hate 'em all.

I'm older now, quite a bit harder to break and tear down. Probably because I barely spend time at home anymore, or even training, but I like to think that my recent reckless streak can account for at least some of my newfound independence. It's with a lazy stare and a leaning against the wall of the center that I take my position during the meeting, not bothering to group up like the others. I'd probably infect them or some shit – make them break out in hives, make 'em start puking on each other and ruining their prissy clothes.

Tempting, but eating a bowl of nails for breakfast sounds more fetching than getting near those bitches.

My ears don't bother to pay attention, in all truth. As “Mother” and “Father” start their pretty little speech, probably about to introduce some new sad soul into our fucked up clan or rant on and on about some pointless nonsense, I stare down at my shoes. I count the strings one by one, over and over, questioning my existence and other fucked up poetic shit that I usually ponder when I'm higher than the kites I never flew as I child – until a voice brings my gaze upwards.

“Volunteer,” Kellan says, as if answering something “Father” just asked. I purse my lips, listening in on the following conversation. I can't help but to smile, really. How desperate my “parents” are for a Victor in the bloodline is amusing, and I find it brilliant watching them trying so relentlessly to find that one perfect Fray.

So far, though? Their luck is shit.

Still, the recent additions should be grateful, if anything. At least they were adopted based on skills, not just as a last attempt to cover up a sign of weakness. I shake my head as “Father” asks of us to state whether or not we will volunteer if the time calls for it, my eyes following Kellan as he leaves.

What the fuck are we supposed to say? –
“Oh, yes! Father, yes! If it's not a Fray called, I'm going to sign off my life just for you! Oh, yes!”

Yeah, more like: oh, fuck no.

There was a time when my whole life revolved around this little family. Where every action I performed was a heartfelt attempt to feel wanted, to at least see a tiny smile upon the faces of the monsters I was forced to call kin. All the tears and the sweat never resulted in love, and all the fiery snaps never resulted in respect.

It was better to be nothing. To be numb, to block out the world and everyone in it. Not just the creatures that clawed me raw with each passing moment, but even those who made me feel happy. Like Garnet and-... Fuck.

I think I missed Corran's birthday.

I think back to all the parties, where we were the others star guest, and I can't help but to bite my lip with a frown. All the makeshift hats, all the promises held between little fingers, and I've been throwing it all away. Hell, it's not as if she's probably noticed. Honestly, I bet she didn't even blink.

I'm just Pillar. No one wants me, not even those who care –
not even myself.

I run my fingers through my hair, pushing off of the wall and walking out. I shove open the door, ready to walk into some wild adventure that will hopefully result in me waking up without a pulse. Unlike with Kellan, however, no one calls after me –
not surprising. I bet they're glad I'm gone.

I wish I was gone.

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