facades {odessa/nolan}

[k!ah]

I leave the hospital, my footsteps echoing around me as I walk down the quiet pathway. My thoughts were lost, my mind consumed by him, my brother who never be able to walk again, never be able to leave that hospital because of them. My heart begins to pound harder in my chest, a lump forming in my throat because only if i had tried harder. If only i had tried harder to protect him. It should have been me, I should have been the one in that hospital- but if it had of been me I would never have meet him.

The thought of him makes me smile momentarily, the thoughts of my brother slipping from my mind being replaced with his charming smile, with his dancing eyes- with Lachlan. I remember the first time I had meet him, the way he had made my walls crumble, he had been able to make me smile, really smile. Only one other person had been able to do that. Now, now there were two people. 

Closing my eyes for a moment I allow myself to picture his smile, the way his eyes danced when he saw me. Everything about him made me feel at ease even when he made me feel so nervous, it was such a peculiar feeling and I couldnt stop thinking about him, even as I left the hospital, even as I left my brother... this journey would normally be filled with my brother, his sad yet happy eyes, his small talk and his pain, but lately I had not been able to stop thinking about him.

I give a small shake of my head, to clear it, as I walk past the shops my feet knowing the exact path to my home. The streets are dirty, covered in grime and mucous and some of the alley ways were home to those people who had no homes. Often I would walk down them and give those people a little of nothing, hoping that even the smallest bit I could offer would mean something and it did in the end, just to see their smile and their words of thanks, just that gratitude alone was enough. Not many people knew this side of me. Most people thought I was just that bubble teenage girl into parties, drinking and sex... little did they know how far away I was from their expectations. 

Little did they know that that smile I wore was just a mask, hiding my real face, sheilding it from unwanted eyes. No one needed to know my real pain, no one needed to know that this girl wasnt that firendly popular girl, that she was a broken lost girl. No one needed to know that, no one but the ones I loved. 

[arx!!]

Nolan Paquette-Casovnik

District 6 - Seventeen - Reject reality & smile instead.

It wasn't a good day for Mom. Today she thought that the doctors were aliens plotting to kill her and that I was an accomplice. My visit was cut short by a glass of water aimed pretty accurately at my head. Her doctor patted my arm and smiled reassuringly as she always did when this happened. "She always comes back around to knowing you as her son, this time is no different." I know she is right, but I hate seeing her schizophrenic delusions controlling her like this, hate seeing her scared. Before I leave they sedate her. She looks peaceful while she sleeps.

I loosen my tie and unbutton my jacket as I exit the clinic, my head fuzzy and aching as a lump begins to form there. I shoulder my bag and keep my head down. I want to cry. But the tears don't come, and instead, as I slowly make my way home down the dirty and dank streets, I find myself smiling. I nod to a few familiar faces, the dirty and sad faces that light up just a little at the sight of me. I feel bad having forgotten to pack food with me this times. Watching their faces fall back into darkness and despair, their eyes losing hope, my heart twists in my chest.

But just like everyone else in the District, I was low on funds. Between getting books for school and paying for my mother's care I didn't have much wiggle room, even with a full-time job. That's how it was around here - I was just the only one trying not to let it phase me. I would share what I had and be someone better than the drug dealers and hood rats that swarmed these streets at night.

The pattering of tiny feet sprinting across solid ground makes me look up. I'm met with two tiny hugs at my knees. "Nolan!" The tiny twins screech, their hairlines both full of sweat and their feet bare. Little Penny has a scratch on her knee, though the smile on her face tells me she doesn't seem to mind, and Francesca is wearing some very poorly aligned lipstick. "Hey, guys," I chuckle as they start to pull at my pants and ask all sorts of questions - Why was there a lump on my head? Why had I shaved my caterpillar? (Five year old for mustache.) Did I like Francesca's make-up? Did I see Penny's scratch? Could I pick them up?

"Okay, okay, story time!"

They both squeak with excitement and shoot off back towards the steps leading up to the orphanage where they lived. I sling my pack off my shoulder, unzip the biggest pocket, and pull out my newest gift for them. It was a book of fairy-tales, complete with very elaborately painted pictures. I sit down on the steps and Penny immediately settles herself in my lap while Francesca peeks over my shoulder. "Alright, ready?"

They both nod their heads in unison, Penny offering to turn the pages for me. She flips open the cover for me and I start.

"Once upon a time..."

[k!ah]

A shriek, one filled with a raw happiness and the chuckle of a grown man makes me freeze in my path, my eyes widening slightly at the sight of a man with two children. The kids wore no shoes and where covered in dirt. Their clothes were nothing but rags but the smiles they wore on their faces, the way that their eyes lit up made me believe that even though they had nothing they were still happy. The thought makes me smile and I watch as they guys slips pull back into a smile, as he speaks to them with a kindness that I had not expected. 

He walks over to the steps of a building, the girl following him eagerly. I watch as he unzips his bag, his hands snaking in pulling out what looked like to be a book. I tilt my head to the side, my curiosity sparked. What was this boy doing? Most people tended to ignore those who couldn't fend for themselves. Most people would look past, not even allowing themselves to glance in the direction of ones who needed help the most...

and I guess this is what I had come to expect from almost everyone, so watching, as this guy sits with these two girls who had nothing, made my heart skip a beat. He opens the book in his lap, one of the young girls slipping onto his lap, her smile wide, her eyes filled with happiness. 

Slowly, I find myself drawn to him, my footsteps changing direction, my eyes glue to him and the girls. Soon I am close enough to hear, his voice warm, making me feel like he has wrapped my insides in a blanket. Then I stop, shaking my head- What the hell was I even doing? Shaking my head I turn around, but as I turn my foot gets caught in between the cracks on the pavement causing me to squeal out loud before crashing to the ground, my body hitting it hard. I moan slightly, the kin on my knee burning from the contact with the cement. 

Then I m that I wasn't alone and my cheeks flush the color of blood, my eyes trained on the ground as I quickly pick myself up, my arms hugging my body tightly. Wow, now this was embarrassing.

[arx!!]

Nolan Paquette-Casovnik

District 6 - Seventeen - Reject reality & smile instead.

Another flipped page and both of the girls are pointing to the princess on the page. "I wish I had a crown like that!" And although they are smiling and giggling, their young minds still believing that everything that is wished for can be attained, I feel a little sad at their outbursts. I wasn't about to ruin their dreams by telling them this was all just a story, that princesses didn't exist--- "It's like a Victor's crown." ---but I didn't want them striving to be a pawn in that Game when they got older either.

"You don't need crowns to be princesses," I say, looking at each of them in turn. They don't look convinced, but I don't have time to elaborate for them before my train of thought is directed towards a screech.

My head shoots up, my eyes meeting a girl sprawled on the ground, groaning in pain, quickly picking herself off the ground. "Are you alright?" I call, lifting Penny off of my lap and handing her the book as I trot over to her, instinctively checking for any scrapes or blood, clearly a habit I've picked up from watching these kids so often.

She keeps her head towards the ground, her eyes averted from me. She looks familiar to me - like maybe we've crossed paths a few times before, never really noticing one another - but I can't be too sure. I see a lot of people and glance at a lot of faces in a day. Though she certainly doesn't look homeless. (Note to self: Don't say that out loud it would not sound like a compliment.) Paying her a compliment sure would be nice, but since my first silent attempt at a compliment sounded horrible even in my head, I guess I could just help her embarrassment subside.

"You know, if it makes you feel better, I've probably tripped on that crack about 50 different times." I say, smiling and shaking my head at my plunders. I was a klutz in the greatest sense of the word. But that was something she didn't need to know and probably didn't care to hear. No one in this place - except maybe the naive and hopeful children who spirits hadn't been broken (and idiots who refuse to give up on the world, like me) - really cared about anyone else but themselves. Everyone here knows not to trust anyone.

"I'm Nolan," I say, extending my hand to her. "Clearly the neighborhood drug dealer," I finish, nodding in the direction of the twins who were waiting patiently for my return.

[k!ah]

"Are you alight?" His voice is kind, the type of kindness that doesn't exist all to much in this world. This world was a cruel place. A place that brought pain and suffering... but yet, this guys, and a handful of other could subdued the cruelness and make it into something a little more beautiful. His voice breaks through my thoughts and I look up to see him smiling down at me, his lips pulled back making his handsome face ever something like a painting, "You know, if it makes you feel better, I've probably tripped on that crack about 50 different times."His words make my body shake slightly, laughter slipping past my lips. He was different. Different from Lachlan. Lachlan was kind and he was charming and he was al so charming in a cheeky way, where as this guy was charming in his own way.

Lachlan. His name brings a smile to my lips as my embarrassment fades. For so long my smile had been hidden, Lachlan had been the one to unlock it, now just thinking of him was all it took or me to really smile.  don't think he really understood how much I cared for him- maybe that was because I have never told him? Or maybe that was because I he was still such a stranger in a way, that I was to scared o tell him, what if it scared him or if it was creepy or if he didn't even remotly feel the same way? 

Sighing I trun my attention back to the boy in front of me just as he extends a hand between us, "I'm Nolan." I roll his name over my tongue, whispering it quietly to myself. It was a nice name, it almost felt like a that ended with a smile. "Clearly the neighborhood drug dealer," he nods towards to the two waiting kids and I laugh again, smiling at the boy- at Nolan. "Clearly.

I'm Odessa, the neighbourhood clown," I smile as turn my head slightly towards the crack behind us, "here all week." I turn back to him my face turning slightly more serious as I look past him my attention directed at the children, "What were you reading to them?" I ask, my eyes meeting his dancing with question.

arx!! omg sorry this is so late <33333

[arx!!]

Nolan Paquette-Casovnik

District 6 - Seventeen - Reject reality & smile instead.

"Clearly," she says, smiling and laughter ensuing - something dreadfully hard to find in the grown population here. In fact, until just this instant, I had nearly forgotten what a peer's laughter sounded like. It's nice. Nice to know I can still make strangers smile and nice to hear the laughter of someone older than the age of 5. I smile. Nice.

"I'm Odessa, the neighbourhood clown," she says, looking back at the crack behind her. I can't help but chuckle. How long has it been since I had an actual conversation with someone my age? I've taken to befriending children for so long now that this conversation, this interaction, almost feels foreign. "Here all week."

When she looks back up, looking past me, her face grows more serious. Or maybe deep puzzlement? I've only ever seen that same look on my mother's face when she can't quite place one of her memories.

"What were you reading to them?"

I blink in astonishment at the question, as though it were as difficult as a math problem. No one has ever wondered what I read to the kids and even if they did I know they would scowl and say I'm filling their minds with impossible dreams. "Well, uh," What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to justify what I am doing? (A grown man reading a princess book to two little orphan girls?) Don't say that, even if it's true.

"I'm, it's just some princess story," I reply, shrugging and looking over my shoulder at the girls who are pointing at the pages, flipping through them slowly. I have to smile. They are so eager - for knowledge, for adventure, for answers. They live in a world where everything bad happens, anything that could go wrong, will, and their they are with smiles on their faces and a sparkle in their eyes.

I can't imagine wanting to live without having that in my life.

"They love it."

{ooc: Don't ask me why I insist on reviving dead threads omg}