Fear cuts deeper than swords {inbetweeners}

[k!ah]

  


Pain tore threw me as Jordan helped me run, his arms were like a gift as I clung to him in efforts to keep my howls of pain to a minimum. I couldn't feel my leg, I mean how could I WHEN IT WAS NO LONGER ATTACHED TO ME KNEE. The thought makes tears well in my eyes, only causing them to sting intensely due to the frozen winds. But it wasn't only my bleeding stump that hurt, all of me hurt. I felt like I was on the stage of losing it, losing hold of my life if my light. I had been so sure that I would glow stronger than the rest, that I would not fall this very night but as I fled, as my own blood seeped into the snow I knew that I was so close, so close to letting go, so close to becoming a shooting star.

Silently I sob, shoving a hand into my mouth as Jordan puts me down, my eyes glued to the bleeding mess at the end of my left knee. It was not a clean slice, the pick axe the girl had used to hack it off leaving the bone ragged and skin torn and broken. “That bitch,” I manage to cry between sobs, “she hacked the damn thing off like a roast dinner. I’m going to make her pay for this.” My lower lip begins to tremble and I reach down, (the girl face flashing across my vision) grabbing a handful of snow before placing it on the edge of my wound. As soon as the two made contact the pain that surges through me is unbelievable. A cry escaped my lips and my whole body begins to tremble- but not from the cold. “It hurts so much, it hurts so much, i can’t, ugh make it stop,” I beg- but who am i begging? Jordan? I look up at him, my face contorted with pain. He would be able to do nothing. I look to Ryder next, somewhat surprised to see him because I had not seen him follow us out, my thoughts consumed by the pain in which raced through my body.

I shouldn't be complaining though, should I? At least I was alive… at least I was still breathing unlike…. unlike Levi. The thought only makes the pain worse and I look away from the two people in front of me. It was true that I had wanted to protect them, but in the end one of them had died- within only a few moments of living. “Levi didn't make it, did he?” I ask quietly, my eyes staring at the snow which was slowly turning the colour of scarlet.

But he wasn't the only one.

Another girl.

She hadn't made it.

I had made sure of it.

I close my eyes for a moment and there she is, her body falling to the ground as I removed my sword, Lex running at me, and my blade coming up to meet him.

I hadn't killed him, but I had killed her.

All of it was to much, I couldn't handle it and this time I couldn't distract myself with a petty joke so instead I sit quietly, silent sobs as I held my broken body, as my ass soaked up the snow leaving me freezing, broken and lost.

I had killed.

Actually killed.

All the debating with myself, all the inner wars had been for nothing when it came down to it, because in a few moment of begin tossed into this hell hole I had already managed to take away someone life.

Pull yourself together, Riot. This has only just begun, get you head in the game, I scold myself trying to push the images of the dead girl into the back of my mind, trying to rid myself of her memory. “The least she could have done is cut it off cleanly,” I hiss before placing another handful of ice against my gaping wound, causing my body to tremble eve harder. “Would have been the polite thing to do.”Polite thing, huh? Like killing that girl? My whole body shaking with hysterical laughter. who was I to talk?

Giving my head a firm shake I allow myself to be consumed in my pain, killing off the last of my insane giggles, forcing Hedvig to leave my mind, forcing myself to be lost in excruciating pain. Pain would be my escape- for now.

[kousei ♚]

[presto] d a m a g e 0 [/presto]

[presto] f i f t e e n [/presto]

[presto] d i s t r i c t t e n [/presto]

[presto] r u n b o y r u n [/presto]

[presto] t a b l e b y e l e g a n t [/presto]

[presto] J O R D A N   S C O F F - R E Y E I feel like I've done everything wrong since the moment I stepped off that pedestal. I attacked, maimed, grabbed items, did everything I saw the other kids do on the tiny television back at home. And it still wasn't enough. Riot's leg is evidence enough of that. And Levi's not here, let's not forget that. I didn't even check to see if he was okay, I just kept swinging my harpoon at anyone that got near with not a thought in the world for everyone else. It was only until I shook myself out of my robotic blood lust that I saw. The axe making it's home in Levi's skull, Riot's leg not even attached to her body any more. Helping her escape is the toughest thing I've ever had to do; heavy lifting hasn't ever been my kinda thing and now I have to lift Riot and my backpack full of stuff. As much as I hate to admit it she's heavier than any bucket load of milk I've had to carry and I just can't do it any more. But Riot's sobs, her sad pleas are spurring me on - just a little longer, not much longer, at least until she stops fucking crying. And I guess it's my own paranoia keeping me going as well - what if they're following us, what if we're not clear of tributes? What if she bleeds out? We finally come to a halt. It isn't long before her sobs become too much to bear. "Stop crying! They might be following us!" I snap. I don't care about being insensitive, after carrying her for ripred knows how long the last thing I need is every single tribute in the fucking arena coming here because she won't stop wailing. " “It hurts so much, it hurts so much, I can’t, ugh make it stop,” She begs before long. There's nothing I can do. I checked my bag and there's nothing even remotely medical in there, I didn't even have the common sense to pick up a bandage or something. “Levi didn't make it, did he?” She asks without even looking at me. And I never thought a simple question could hurt more than this. "No," I reply, my voice sounding as cold and solemn as the snow surrounding us. I don't want to say any more than that. My body's tired, from the lack of sleep and from trying to jog as fast as I can while carrying Riot; hell, it's a wonder I can even still carry my harpoon, my arms feel like they're damn ready to fall off into the snow. But I can't rest now, not while this arena's so arcane. Not while death in the form of tribute can still be hanging around in this arena. I don't sit down, I stand up tall and check my surroundings - looking to see if there's anything useful. It ain't long before I notice that there's light floating around. Like tiny balls of sun in the cold. They're little balls of light floating around like feathers in the breeze, just looking at them sends a shiver down my spine (hah, as if the rest of my body isn't already shivering all over) and I to be honest I don't think I wanna touch one. They're so arcane, just floating around and mocking me. They could easily just fly outta here, but I'm forever gonna be stuck here; they don't need to worry about an ally that is slowly bleeding out, they don't need to worry about instant death. And to make it worse their light looks so warm. Cruel mockery is what this is. What even are they? I don't think I want to know. But they're everywhere, surrounding me, trapping me. And I haven't got anywhere to go but hide under this stupidly thick snow. Mistake two, not paying attention to my allies. This snow is ridiculous, I can barely even move around properly, and to make it worse the snow is so freezing. Do they want us to drown in the snow or something? This area already makes me feel uneasy, uncomfortable - anything could be hiding in this snow and I wouldn't know anything about it. Anything could come out from under and... I push the grim thought out of my head, it's not helping the fact that Levi is dead and Riot's running out of legs to stand on. I guess that's what the concept arcane does to you, it makes you paranoid of your own shadow. Mistake number three, running into this strange place and putting everyone in danger. But I can fix that, just gotta try and lead everyone out and we'll all be fine. And then that could make up for mistake number two - no, nothing can make up for letting Levi die and Riot losing a leg. I'm completely fine, but Levi's dead. Riot was a career, a full on career and she lost her leg. How does that make sense. I begin staring back at the mystery lights. Are they judging me? Three mistakes and it hasn't even been a day - I wouldn't be surprised if he was judging me from his grave right now. I can just feel the danger lurking close - it's in the snow, it's far away, it's in these light things that float around in cold mockery. Just the very sight of it all instinctively makes my hand tighten hard around my harpoon. And he's watching me... “The least she could have done is cut it off cleanly, would have been the polite thing to do.” Riot's agony filled voice whips me out of my train of thought, it's a wake up call. So I move away from the arcane beings that surround me and back to my injured ally. I try my best to keep my teeth from chattering as I go towards her. "Let's see what I can do about this," I say as I begin to examine the ugly wound. I'll fix this: I'll lead us out of here, I'll avenge Levi and then I'll avenge Riot's leg. And the thought of that brings a hint of a smile despite my chattering teeth. [/presto]

[Jordan accepts Sunglasses from Riot]

[sbeeg]

The whole situation had yet to be completely realized by Jeff Ryder. His fingers, snug in their newly earned gloves, gripped his ice pick as if it was the last thing keeping him on this earth. Nerves filled every inch of his brain, and his left eyelid kept twitching. He hardly noticed Jordan struggling with the very loud, very heavy Riot. He kept a few paces behind, turning around in circles and surveying the area. It was flat and white, but his gut kept telling him enemies could pop out of the snow at each second. Any moment they could be dead.

Like Levi.

There Ryder was, ready to fight off more tributes for a few more scraps of fabric when he realized the fight was all but over. Three stood before him, and he was alone. Jordan and Riot had already started to limp away and it was only Jeff with a single pick ax to fight off the remaining kids. Instead he turned tale and let them keep whatever was strewed into the snow. Not before he saw the bodies dying the ground red. Levi's face was turned towards the sky, his eyes open and his lips already blue from the cold.

Ryder spent most of their hike trying to divert his eyes from Riot's stump. He had seen a lot of gross things in his time but nothing like that. Strips of skin still clung to what was left of her thigh and it was a while before she stopped leaving a trail of blood in the snow. Ryder tried to kick the droplets away to hide their tracks, but they'd probably find them by her whining anyway. Jordan was fed up, but Ryder only felt sick. Sick and cold. The wind cut right through the thin uniform they had been given. He was excited to have gloves, but what good are warm fingers and a frozen everything else?

Finally, the trio stopped and Jordan dropped Riot into the snow. She sobbed and sobbed, and Jordan snapped at her. Ryder, took a final glance around the area before kneeling beside the girl. She may have been raised a career but nothing could prepare a teenager for what had just happened. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he held her close to him. Ryder instantly felt a pang of guilt. When he had run from the bloodbath he had been cursing the tributes who had landed hits on him. A few gashes marred his skin, but they were nothing compared to Riot's injury. He spent so much time helping himself, he hadn't even thought about what condition his allies were in.

Jordan bent down to look at Riot's wound and Ryder had to turn away. There was no way in hell he was going to watch that kid poke at that frost bitten stump.

"Well, we got 3 and 3/4ths of us out," his lips twisted into a grimace as he realized it was completely too soon for such jokes. Ryder hoped that when he died, they made plenty of jokes. That's how he wanted to be remembered- laughter. He wasn't sure how Levi wanted to be remembered but he figured he'd try out everything. "And Riot, I'm sure you're still the heavyweight champion among us. Even with only five toes."

He huddled close to Riot, sharing his warmth with her. The Games were already so bloody. This would not be an easy time, nor would any of them earn a quick death. This environment was unrelenting- and the tributes probably worse.

He hoped someone out there was entertained by their misery.

[jess]

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[attr="class","quartztitle"]Quartz Caplin

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[attr="class","quartzlyric"]this is my kingdom come

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[attr="class","quartzword"]It’s impossible to describe how I am feeling right now – some sense of regret, confusion, and the feeling of being lost. I don’t know what I was thinking; seconds into the Games and I’d already spilled blood. I stare down at my fists, blood still smeared across them. The adrenaline has stopped pumping so madly, and now it’s just a light feeling in my head. I don’t know where Kolton and Zeki are. I saw Dillon die, I saw the girl from 11 finish her off. I haven’t seen Zeki since we were in the hovercraft, and the last time I saw Kolton he was standing in complete shock as I killed the girl from 8. Killed. I’ve killed someone, I’m a murderer. A murderer – I let that sink in as I run away from the cornucopia.
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Of course, it was bound to happen in these games. People run in, are killed or kill, or run away without having accomplished anything other than grabbing a few items. The ones who are killed die, of course, and the murderers either live with the guilt or get lost in a sea of confusion. I don’t know where my allies are, or if they even survived after when I last saw them. I hope they did. I hope Dillon is the only one who died.
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I run away, trying to put some space between myself and the other tributes. Especially the alliance of the girl who I killed – if they saw me kill her, I’d never be able to face them. Not without Kolton and Zeki by my side. I wonder if they’re safe, or if they’re fighting right now to live. I look up to the sky where the anthem will be played tonight. Please don’t do anything stupid. Please. I know them and I trust them but I don’t know what’s out there. Don’t be concerned for them, Quartz, you idiot, they probably think you’re a monster. I widen my eyes at the sudden realization.
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I have killed someone. Kolton has seen me kill someone, and that may have completely changed his perspective on me. Maybe I used to seem like the quiet, meek girl from One, but now I’m completely different. This is why they say the Games change people. I feel different, not like the girl I used to be, but like some side that’s never really been able to break through. It made appearances in past parts of my life, when I saw Jet being bullied, and I’d been filled with so much rage I would run straight towards the bullies from behind and knock them out. There is one thing about me a lot of people don’t know – when I get angry, I can be a lot stronger than I seem to be. Usually I can’t really hit people, because I don’t feel the need to or the fact that I’m not a very strong person. But when someone does something to a loved one of mine, things get personal.
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And so I run, away from the other tributes and down to the field. It’s a strange place, and I wonder why my heart has decided to take me here. That’s when I see them – three tributes in the distance, but too close. They’ll notice me. Fuck…it’s not any of my allies… I look behind me, but I don’t see Kolton or Zeki. I see snow-covered hills in the background and hope that they’re safe, wherever they are. I notice that one of the tributes in front of me is my district partner, and a girl who’s got a stump at the end of her leg. The bloodbath is pretty rough. Dillon was missing a lot of limbs when that girl finally ended her. I don’t know if they’re going to attack me, ambush me or if they’ve even noticed me.
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I turn to face them – they’re too close, goddamnit – and just pray to Ripred that whatever death they decide to give me, it’s fast.

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[attr="class","quartzooc"]OOC Notes:

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[k!ah]

  


My pleas slowly die as my body becomes numb, numb from the cold, numb from shock, numb from everything. I don't pay attention as Jordan leans down, as he examines my leg, I don't pay attention to him at all, my eyes staring at nothing. It had only been half a day and already I was lost, already I was hurting I was hungry... That day I had stepped forwards, that day I had volunteered to be tribute seems so long ago, like it happened months ago and not just a week or two ago. Had I made the wrong choice? Had I made the biggest mistake of my life choosing this, choosing this path? 

Hell yes.

Hell yes this was the wrong fucking choice, but there was no going back now. 

This was my life, my path, and soon it would lead to a dead end- maybe sooner than later.

Suddenly I feel someone beside me, quickly followed by arms wrapping themselves around my shoulders, instantly pulling me away from deep within my thoughts, my trance. Glancing to my side I see that it is Ryder. He kneels close to me, his arms supporting me in a way that no words could. No one has ever done that for me. No one has ever just comforted me with human contact before- not even my mother. My mother preferred to slap me across the face and tell me to stop. To grow up. She couldn't have cared less for me, in fact I was almost positive that she wouldn't have realised I had been gone fore almost two weeks now, she wouldn't realise for a few months, when I will be dead. 

"Well, we got 3 and 3/4ths of us out," The joke slips past his lips followed by a grimace and I flinch slightly before allow my lips to twist into something that mirrored his one. "To bad we cant round that up." I counter, looking at my hands, my eyes avoiding the stump which should of had a foot and shin connected to it. How was I supposed to move around? what about when and if the two people beside me were to die, how was I supposed to live? I guess I would have to die first, my body an armour to their flesh. At least I could be useful then.

"And Riot, I'm sure you're still the heavyweight champion among us. Even with only five toes." I smile at him, as he moves closer, his body pressed closed to mine. His body was warm making my body slowly thwart, the pain slowly returning, an intense throbbing which made me clench my teeth tightly. but i refused to cry. I would cry no more because I was stronger  than that. No more tears would fall down my cheeks..

"You bet I am," I say quietly before, before slowly allowing my eyes to- wait some one was other there!

Suddenly I am alert, my body tense, my fingers grabbing for the hilt of my sword. "Guys we aren't alone here. Looks like we have a rat on our tails," I hiss, trying- but failing, to get to my feet. 

[kousei ♚]

[presto] d a m a g e 0 [/presto]

[presto] f i f t e e n [/presto]

[presto] d i s t r i c t t e n [/presto]

[presto] r u n b o y r u n [/presto]

[presto] t a b l e b y e l e g a n t [/presto]

[presto] J O R D A N   S C O F F - R E Y E The very sight of the stump gives me a strong urge to gag and retch. I don't even want to start poking and prodding it, not because I don't to hurt Riot but because I don't want to upchuck my breakfast all over the snow. I won't be like Mantel, I won't spew my guts everywhere. Just the sight of it reminds me of the butcher that used to live near to me. Whenever dad would send me there I'd see all sorts of meaty surprises: veal, calf, beef, cow legs, cow feet, chickens. And this stump makes me remember them vividly, the bone sticking out, the crimson colour, the pale skin that almost matches the snow. Those never made me want to throw up - maybe it's the fact that this means more than just the displays of a crazy butcher. And it's not just the sight of the stump that worries me, it's the future that worries me. I remember the first aid trainer telling me that leg wounds were one of the worst injuries that a tribute could get in the arena. I learned a new word; mobility. It slows someone down to the point were they could be relying on their allies, if they're lucky that is. Now Riot's lost whatever little mobility she used to have; she won't be able to dodge swings as well, she won't be able to run away quick, she won't be able to climb, she'll need to rely on me and Jeff for all of that kinda stuff. She's gonna be so dependant on us. "This don't look good at all," I say, staring at the wound as it drips out more and more crimson like venom on a snake's fangs. And then a horrible thought crosses my mind. Maybe we should just ditch her. I mentally kick myself in the shin for thinking that - I may be ready to kill but I ain't a complete monster. "Well, we got 3 and 3/4ths of us out," Jeff says with a smile. The joke almost makes me grin, almost. I get that it's supposed to brighten the mood but it's way too soon. Jeff then goes to Riot and comforts her, keeping her warm. Yea, that's probably best, if I lost a leg I know I'd want some comforting that's for sure. "And Riot, I'm sure you're still the heavyweight champion among us. Even with only five toes." He adds, making me nod my head in agreement. Losing a leg doesn't change the fact Riot's probably been training for this kinda stuff since she could walk. Losing a leg doesn't change the fact that Riot's still more vicious than a cattle in a stampede. And losing a leg probably doesn't change the fact Riot could still probably take most people in a fight. She's far from useless, don't think about leaving her again. I sigh and lean a bit closer to the wound. "We just gotta keep ya rested up, then you'll be all fine and dandy!" I say in the most optimistic voice I can muster before half - heartedly chuckling to myself. I think at this point I'm trying to keep myself happy more than I am Riot. But if it keeps her optimistic all the better, brooding about her lost leg would just make her depressed and bring the agony back. She's lost a leg and there's nothing I can do to change that. And we've lost a man and there's nothing I can do to change that. And the very thought of that makes a dangerous volcanic rage circulate through my body that not even this arena can cool down. I'll find them, and I'll kill them all for doing this to us. I can't let this go unpunished, they can't do this to us and expect to get away with it. I'll hunt them down to the ends of this whole damn arena and then I'll - "Guys we aren't alone here. Looks like we have a rat on our tails," Riot hisses, trying to get up and grab her sword but failing. The realisation that someone is here makes hot, shot electric alertness shoot through my body, and before I know it my hand has wrapped itself around me spear and I've whirled around to the tribute Riot has noticed. And what if they've come to finish her off? No, I ain't having that, I don't care who it is, it could be Mason Hammerfell himself come to banish Riot to the grave; she won't die. I stand up straight and point my harpoon towards the intruder. There's only one person. Only one girl, but she's still carrying a weapon. I'm shooting daggers colder than the air that surrounds us at this girl tribute. Just another tribute that I'll butcher. I'm ready to strike, but then I remember Riot's still laying wounded behind me and suddenly I'm hesitant to lunge at this tribute and sink my spear into her stomach because it would mean I'm not there to keep anyone else from slitting her throat. I don't let my gaze fall from the lone tribute and I keep my harpoon pointed straight at her. "Drop everything you're carrying, turn around and walk away, or I will gut ya like a fish, ya hear?" My threat promise is as serious and cold as this snow I stand in. [/presto]