looking in a mirror { nina x rafe }

[k!ah]

n i n a h a r t

My shift was ending. My mentor had told me that it was okay to leave, that I could go home- but my mind was buzzing. Buzzing with the events of today and I could not shake the feeling that I was not done yet, thats there was still something- someone waiting for me. So instead of leaving I take another walk around the ward. It was the emergency ward, it was uncommon for trainees nurses such as myself to be posted in the emergency ward, but they could see my potential and the nurses and doctors trusted me and my enthusiasm. It was a privilege never the less a privileged that I would not lose due to some silly mistake, due to some nagging that wouldn't die. 

My shoes click on the ground as my eyes peak into the rooms of sleeping patients. I listen to their breathing, which ranged from fast and shallow to deep and slow. I listened to the moans and groans but also the giggles and laughs from those who slept and the whole atmosphere made my lips peel back into a smile. Everything about the hospital I loved. I loved the mayhem I loved the peace and I loved the gratitude. I loved helping I loved doing all I can and I loved saving lives. if only I could save them all. 

The thought makes my smile fade, but I couldn't save them all. A few always managed to slip through my fingers. Sighing I turn to leave, my feet carrying me away from my ward and deeper into the hospital. I walk past the maternity ward and I smile, the maternity ward was always one of my favourites, it was a blessing to have the chance to work there and one day, in the future, I might get the chance. I might get the chance to be one of those few people who can say that they have delivered new life into this world. 

Smiling I keep walking, walking until I come to a halt. I am no longer in the main part of the hospital, but the part that is out of the way, the long term patient section. I tilt my head to the side slightly because I had no idea why my feet had brought me here, but with a shrug I walk into the quiet wing, my hands holding into the strap of my bag tightly. This place was one of the more mysterious places to me, here the people were sad and broken and it hurt my heart to see them like that, to see all of them like this. Did anyone deserve to be like that? to be so broken that they had to live in a hospital?

I stop outside a door marked with the name 'Rafael'. The name was unfamiliar to me, my fingers reaching out they run along it, feeling it as I roll the name over my tongue. 

Before I know it my fingers are rapping against the door quietly. When I realise what I have done my hand goes to my mouth in surprise because I had had no intentions of waking him up, or even speaking to any of the patients. I almost curse to myself because what if I have woken him up? what if I have disturbed him and make him angry or annoyed? What was I even supposed to tell him when -if- he opened the door? I didn't know him, he didn't know me? What had I even been thinking- I hand't been thinking. My body had moved without waning. Hopefully I haven't done something that I would soon grow to regret. 

Tom