Turn me over (I'm done) [End of Jordan]

[kousei ♚]

I

DARK

Something is coming now...

The steel licks at me constantly, lashing out at every bit of flesh there is and attacking me at every weakness, every mistake, every time my guard is let down. I'm so numb, so numb I feel almost alone, it's just me and my oldest frenemy the steel of weapons. Jeff's standing beside me, in the exact same mess but he doesn't feel there, somewhere in the back of my mind I know he's sort of there but he isn't, it's just me and steel. But I shouldn't feel so alone Mantel where are you? He should be here, fighting with me and not suddenly disappearing when the going gets tough.

So where is he?

Rage and frustration bubbles within me like a hot volcano about to burst out a flurry of red hot emotions. I tried to take it out on them, I'm trying to take it out on them but everything was against me from the start. Since when was this world so red? When did it go from pure, cold white to this warm red? As if someone's taken my blood and dipped the world in the blood of another Scoff. Since when did my legs turn against me and refuse to keep me standing straight? I feel myself lurch to the side but I stick out Mantel to the ground to keep me upright. Since when did Marchello throw two axes at me at once? Since when did his friends have two axes? Everything's double vision, I can't tell if one of them's fake or real. Since when was everyone against me?

Has he abandoned me? Mantel was here, he was here just a second ago, and he knew I was trying. For a second my younger brother must've been proud of me, he must have because I had my resolve. Is he gone? Without him I feel my resolve evaporate quicker than water in a volcano. My screams of killing have slowly, but noticeable died down and even I can feel that each of my movements are nothing but forced shadows of what they were on the first day and the second day. Instead of defiant yells my voice has been reduced to shallow grunts, nothing but a failed copy of what I was. I know it and everyone around me must know it. I'm a shell. In less than a day I went from proud thunder to baby claps.

To think on day two I was above these people, Marchello was on the edge of death but I couldn't finish him, Katelyn barely got away with her life and they just about managed to snag themselves a narrow escape. Look at me now. Before I know it the snow will be my only companion. Oh how I can see it now and almost laugh. The Gamemakers preparing my details and face to shine with their fake stars tonight, how I'll just be another star to add to their collection. "N-no." I don't want to sleep with the stars, I want to live to be eighteen, twenty, fourty, eighty. I want to kiss a girl, maybe even have kids of my own and tell them stories of their uncle Mantel, show them how to live life.

Hah!

I manage to take a glance around, my reapers stand before me. Marchello holds hot death in his hands, the fire viciously cackle and lashes at anything it can get his hands on, Katelyn's blade doesn't look like it's nearly had it's fair share of Scoff flesh and blood. I manage to catch a glimpse of Jeff, he looks like a living zombie, a former empty shell of his former self. The ginger locks and curls that could keep us all going even when things looked tough.

Hah!

It was all an illusion, all a hopeless dream.

This is the reality.

The next voice is a thunder clap to my ears; loud but impossible to understand. Just something about balls and just what I get. But my ears are pounding to hard to hear, my blood is running from my wounds too fast for me to try and comprehend... And I'm too numb to care. "Wh-what?" Is all I manage to croak before I see a flash of bright orange and the thunder bounces throughout my ears again. Hot, shot pain flashes through my ear and I roar. I roar like a wounded lion, every cut, graze, bash, bruise I took is ready to open up and explode all kinds of flurries of gore and blood. Suddenly my skin goes from numb cold to searing red hot.

All I hear is the cackling of the all too familiar sound of fire from one of the reapers that have come for me.

And for a split second, beneath my wounded roar, I'm relieved because the iron smell of my blood has left my nostrils... But then it's replaced with the even more familiar sound of burning meat.

Oh...

And then my wounded roar quickly turns into a blood-curdling scream of agony.

[kousei ♚]

II

LIGHT

Something is coming now...

They call out to me, everywhere all around and they won't stop.

'Jordan Scoff-Reye!'

'What's your problem ten?'

'Do you remember when Mantel throw up on my shoes?'

'You can't protect anyone from the games.

'Leave me the fuck alone'

Fuck you.'

And they go on and on and on and they don't stop. They won't stop and they refuse to stop. And I hate that. "Please stop, please stop, please stop, please stop." I never thought I'd find myself pleading to anything or anyone, let alone something I can't even see. But it doesn't listen, it intends to keep mocking me till the end of my days it seems because they continue on.

'Fucking little brat.'

As they continue on I find myself surrounded by white that's not snow. I find myself surrounded by a pure white, a white that's not stained with crimson from other kids, a white that can't possible have mutts, or weapons, or poison laced within it, I white that's truly pure, a white that I should be able to trust. And yet the white makes me feel uneasy, in the arena all I ever saw was white, white and more white. And then I slowly saw that white become laced with all kinds of red, red that I spilled in my quest for blood. My destructive quest for vengeance. I never want to see white again, it's a mockery, a killer colour, a reminder.

The white light envelopes me but I'm not smiling. I'm disappointed. I should be relieved, to escape from that nightmare, to finally be gone and be somewhere quiet, peaceful and so pure. But I lost. I lost to him... I know right? I lost to them. I told myself I'd avenge Levi and Riot. I told myself that over and over, I became obsessed with it, took it to an extreme. It knawed at me, inside at out. I think to an extent it was almost as bad at Mantel's death. The self-blame, the anger, the sadness, it was all the same and at some points even worse. And then the need to kill someone, anyone that may or may not have been involved.

And I failed.

I wanted to be Jordan the avenger, Jordan Scoff; the one who kept his brother's memory alive, Jordan Scoff; the one who brought the killers of his friends a brutal end, Jordan Scoff; the boy who lived. But now I'm just fried food and I know it. I know what that axe was, I felt it catch onto my hair and then quickly spread onto my clothes. It's eating my alive quicker than my thirst for vengeance.

I try to push those thoughts out of my mind.

Maybe I'll get to see Mantel again...

Or...

Or...

I'll just be a memory.

And what to memories do?

They fade.

Disappear, into nothing.

What a fucking scary thought, the thought of being nothing when I was once something. The very thing I was could just be eaten up by that fire. The very being I was could just be snuffed out. Snuffed out by Marchello fucking Donner.

No more of this 'I can see Mantel again.' None of that mushy bullshit. This white means nothing, this purity is just an illusion.

I'm a memory now and I'm going to do what memories do.

D...D...D...Disappear...

[kousei ♚]

III

DARK

Something is coming now...

Reality's cruel, hard hands find me and then I'm surrounded by the flames. The oscillations find me, vibrating around the whole world.

'Jordan Scoff-Reye!'

'What's your problem ten?'

'Do you remember when Mantel throw up on my shoes?'

'You can't protect anyone from the games.

'Leave me the fuck alone'

Fuck you.'

I open my mouth but all that comes out is another blood curdling scream. It burns at my throat so much it feels like it's going to bleed but I can't stop, it's the only thing distracting me from my own cooking flesh. I find myself calling out to the one person that seems like he can even do anything. "JEFF! JEFF! JEFF! JEFF! HELP ME! JEEEEF! JE-" I choke on my next words and and reduced to coughing and spluttering and then even more screaming.

The world is spinning and I can't tell if that's because I've fallen down or because the flames have evaporated all the moisture from my eyes. I think it's the latter because despite the literally melting from my body my spear is still held tight in my knuckle leaning against the snowy terrain; I'm up right but my vision is spinning. That and it's rimmed by flaming hot red and orange. Please stop, please stop, please stop.

And through all my screaming and the torturous voices one line gets to me, one line finds that one sweet spot through the wall of agony and screeching, it goes through all my pleads and chocking on my own saliva and screams.

'You'll get what's coming to you ten.

I want to fucking cry, I want to sob and yell even more than I already am. It's pure agony, even more agony that the hungry flames feasting on my flesh, even more agony than the constant screaming that's scarring my throat. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me... I used to tell Mantel that all the time when I'd find him sobbing after someone called him twig boy. I'm a dirty fucking liar. But her words hit and they hit hard. They hit so hard the world stops spinning and instead it turns on it's side completely and I hit the floor with another loud thunderclap.

I stop hearing ringing, instead of fading away it outright stops. And instead it's replaced with the second thing I've been hearing all day. Thunderclaps that bruise my ears. Every screech, scream, yell, is another thunderclap banging on my ears. It hurts so much, it's so fucking torturous, instead of cackling my own screams bang on my head harder than a frying pan. And it won't stop.

"P-please! Is all I manage to scream out but even that causes another thunderclap to slash against my eardrums and brain. Before I felt so numb, only steel was my company but now life's added more friends to the fray. The smell of my own cooking flesh, the thunderclaps of my yells, the harsh cackling of the fire and the voices that poke at my frying figure in mockery.

My shattered scream slowly turns into a constant flow of uneven coughing and wheezing that won't stop, and even now each cough, sputter, wheez triggers another hard thunderclap in my brain, each one louder than the last until it drowns out the sound of the cackling fire. It causes my head to feel ready split open and rot, my brains ready to join the fiery carnage. I barely manage to lift up a flaming ruined arm and even that sends hot shards of pain jolting up and down my arm at such an intense level my screams return and with another BANG! I allow it to drop into the melting snow.

All I'm seeing are hot whips of orange lashing out greedily at my flesh and anything that dares mess with it's food. Fire food, that's all I am. And I must be great food because the flaming monsters even appear to be fighting with each other for a bit of red or blackened flesh here and there... And just the very sight of my flesh sends me into another screaming frenzy that causes an even louder, fresher wave of thunder claps to clash in my head.

Each clash is a new form of agony in my head. And each form of agony is another reason for my mouth to open and every in particular or scream. I don't even know what I'm begging for, what's the Capitol going to do? Conjure up a bucket of water and throw it on me?

Hah!

Maybe I'm begging for a quick release, someone to bury their hatchet in my skull and end it all.

Hah!

Or maybe I'm begging for a rewind, a second chance at life...

Hah!

I cough once and I feel a metallic warmness on my tongue and I allow it to dribble from my mouth and I'm surprised to find red has begun to dribble from my throat, into my mouth and onto the melting snow. My throat... I begin coughing even more, not just from the suffocating of my melting flesh but also from my eternity of screaming that's caused more and more red to dribble from my mouth onto the snow.

Torture forever...

I begin coughing and coughing even more and before I know more blood it dribbling down my chin. "P-please, please, h-help..." Is all my shattered voice can get out and before I know it I'm chocking. More and more coughing draws more and more blood from my shattered voice. I instinctively move a flaming hand to my flaming throat but it send a fresh wave of pain which prompts another half-scream which only begins to choke me even more.

The torture drags on... and on.... and on....

And it doesn't stop, pain in different forms begin to slowly destroy me cell by cell.

Forever is what I earned...

The flames...

The choking...

The blood...

The thunder...

You'll get what's coming to you ten.

"Please!"

Is all I manage to call out before my vision goes from spinning, to fuzzy, and slowly to dark.

My choking wears on and on and on.

I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breath!!!

In one last desperate attempt I lift up one hand towards the my enemy in front of me, reaching out to them in vain and a loud, choking rattle goes through my throat and out of my lips before everything drops.

The thunder, the choking, the cackling, the burning, everything just stops...

Forever ends...

[kousei ♚]

IV

LIGHT

Does it almost feel like nothing's changed at all?

I'm breathless, weightless, careless.

I'm not cautious about the white light like I was before, I'm not shying away from it like the sword I encountered in the training centre. I don't care what it is; a weapon, pain, an entrance to hell... I've been through it all. I don't care what this is cos it can't be any worse than that, I've been through hell, the worst of the worst and no one can take that away from me. I look down at my self and breathe a sigh of relief; there's no flames. My skin is perfectly fine, I don't even have the gashes. I raise a hand to the side of my head, my ear's still there perfectly fine, nothing gone. I raise a hand to my throat and it's perfectly fine, perfect in tact, nothing broken. I clear my throat; There's no blood. And I'm standing perfectly fine on two legs, I'm whole, I'm actually whole and fine.

I sigh and chuckle out of relief.

There's no thunder, no voices... Just... nothing.

Is this what my forever is? Just nothing? Here I stand, surrounded by white and quiet.

And once again I'm disappointed.

"I lost to him, him of all people."

And to think, I had the audacity to beg to him.

"No pride, no decency, no self respect..."

But why do I care?

What's the worst they can do? Piss on my ashes?

Hah!

But I'm gone, no more District Ten, no more arena, no more snow, no more axes, no more spear, no more Jeff, Riot, Levi, Quartz... None of that.

It's just... me.

So is this what I'll be? Nothing but a memory after all.

I... I don't know how I feel about that. The thought of becoming nothing, the thought of fading into forever, the thought of dying and never coming back, the only thought of me will be in some giant book of Hunger Games. Jordan Scoff-Reye, the one who could've been... What could I have been? The avenger? The killer? The brother? The boy who lived? So many things, so many things I could've been had I just had the quickness, the reactions, the common sense to move out of that way of that flaming axe. "Fuck." Is all I mutter to myself, the opportunities I let go; I'll never live to see eighteen, twenty, forty, eighty, I'll never fuck a girl, or have kids or anything of that sort.

I'll just fade into forever.

And I still don't know how I feel about that...

I mean surely it has to be better than what I went through in the arena right?

Right.

And yet I feel so disappointed, I feel like a cow that's only been half milked, or how my boss used to feel when I'd only give him half a bucket. I'm not angry, just disappointed. There'll never be change, but I would've been so different, life would've been so different. No more depressed Dad (Dad! Oh please let him be okay), no more fighting with other street rat kids, no more starving, no more milking cows for half the day. Would that have been good? A good different?

I could've had it all, if I'd just given them the blood they wanted. That's all I ever owed them... Blood. It seemed so simple, some blood for all the riches I could ever hope for.

I let out another sigh as I examine myself properly. I'm clean as a newborn babe, flesh is unscathed, not a single pimple or scar, I'm in a pure white robe, purer than the snow; nothing even close to stain on it. It's super baggy however, lighter than air in fact. After a few glimpses around I inhale deeply. Scentless, no smell. I don't know what I expected; anything's better than the smell of my burning flesh I s'ppose. It's neither hot or cold, it feels like nothing actually. Is this my forever? Just nothing?

I let out another deflating sigh.

I guess I'm just... nothing A memory.

I slowly turn...

And I'm met with two huge golden doors. No decorations, nothing fancy, just two huge doors. Is... is this real? I move to touch it but the doors swing open instead with two loud creaks, leading into a huge white corridor that stretches on seemingly forever.

"W-will I see Mantel again?!" I call out to nothing, half expecting a response, but instead of a reply I'm met with the echo of my own question, it lingers and lingers in the air... forever unanswered. I inhale... then exhale, fully knowing fully what I'm facing. And for some reason I'm not afraid of it, for some reason I'm not shying away because it's what I wanted all along. The answer to my question. Am I a memory ready to fade into forever? Or maybe I'm... something else.

The living can have their forever.

I'll just have mine.

With Mantel pictured in my mind, I close my eyes and walk into the unknown...

My forever begins.

(Total Wordcount: 3240)

[kousei ♚]

Credits

rook and cass: Being completely fair and impartial GM's. You were patient with me and my questions although I wasn't the most patient tribute at times.

sbeeg, k!ah, Tom, jess: It was quite weird how our little group formed but I don't regret one second of it. Although I seemed really frustrated at times it certainly wasn't at you four! You are the greatest allies one could hope for and any one that allies with you is lucky to have you. I really enjoyed bouncing ideas in our group chat on how we could develop our chars! Thank you so much!

Noah Vau - D2 (Cato): What can I say man, one of my closest friends on the site. Every sing;e games you have been super supportive and helpful of me. I hope we keep getting reaped into the same games because just the thought of having a trib in the same games as you is a very exciting prospect! Thank you for being a good and understanding friend.

Knuckles: Another close friend who has been very supportive of through all of our games together. Thank you for always being there even though when we aren't in the same alliance you are still great to talk to!

✨ zozo.: You really tied these games together for me. The Saffron + Jordan thread, the support, these wonderful tables. These games would've been an entirely different experience if it weren't for you so thank you so much!

gamemaker kelsier: The table and graphics you made for Jordan were very nice! It was nice to see there was someone who cared enough to actually put time nd effort into them. I owe you so much and thank you!

Baby Wessex d9b [earthling]: What can I say... Best IC mentor ever...

ghosty: It was an honour being your district partner these games! Bree was an interesting character and I am sorry she couldn't go further!

Sorry if I missed anyone out. It's super late here so I won't remember everyone but your contributions are greatly appreciated!