carry on {merlin/teddy}
Apr 10, 2015 4:26:59 GMT -5
Post by maverick hale 🌧️ d5 [nyte] on Apr 10, 2015 4:26:59 GMT -5
M E R L I N
Golden claws tear their way through a blood red backdrop, turning the black sky blue as dawn breaks across District Nine. I never got out of the habit of watching them, the sunrises, the scary uncertainty that was another day. Never got out of the habit of sleeping with one eye open, body poised to run from monsters with knives and feral beasts. Even with a warm bed to sleep in, curled under layers of covers, I cannot stop watching, cannot stop the fear curling off my breath with every exhale. I'm not running anymore, not in the physical sense at least, but sometimes it feels like I'm everywhere at once and I can't remember where I'm even supposed to be.
My head's stuck too deep into the clouds, I think. I'm always thinking and dreaming and somewhere other than where my feet lay. It's so much easier than being present. Than living the nightmares I formed with pen and paper.
I didn't know that someone could be so cruel, really. Never doubted the kind man with the contract and I was so delirious with thirst and hunger at the time that I couldn't turn down the offer. And he seemed so, so nice. And all I had to do was dance. He promised that was all I had to do.
But he didn't tell me that they'd be watching. Beasts with hungry eyes and foul breath. Ones that tried to grab at my ankles as my body flowed to music that filled the whole of the room, that beat within my chest in place of my heart because I could not feel it over the noise. He didn't tell me that they would order my shirt off my body and pants off my hips. He didn't tell me just how awful dancing could be.
That's what I think of as I watch the sunrise. I think of the money in my pocket and how it got there. Of the kind boy sleeping inside the house that the steps I sit upon belong to. And of his mother who lets me stay. I think of how tired I am, but of how unwilling I am to sleep. I think of so many things that by the time I realize I should go back inside the sun has fully risen.
Calcifer's awake when I re-enter, hair still mussed with sleep so I'm hoping that he didn't notice just how many hours I sat outside, staring at nothing. Because I didn't want him thinking I'm weird or strange because I wanted him to like me. (I want to be liked and loved and wanted but in none of the ways that I am.) He regards me in that same, lazy way, telling me that we have the day off and that we're going to see the Seraphims.
The Seraphims, he'd told me about them. I've never formally met them but I already like them because of how happy they make Cal.
Cal deserves so much more happiness than he has.
I tangle my fingers in the hem of his shirt during our journey, for as long as I lived on the streets they still scare me. My eyes are cast downward, watching our feet trace worn paths as we walk and I barely even noticed as we make our way onto a wooden porch and through a door.
The Seraphim's house smells of family. Of home cooked meals and birthdays. (I've never had one.) I can see dishes being washed and floors being sweeped, I can see a family gathered around the table talking and laughing. The Seraphim's house smells of happiness.
One of them is there when we arrive but I can't bring myself to look at him. I can feel eyes upon the back of my neck and my throat closes up just the tiniest bit because I was never good with strangers. They made me feel small and scared and I hate feeling that way. I stay behind Cal, clutching his shirt for as long as he will allow me.
(Which ends up not being very long.)
"Hey Merlin," He drawls in a way that only Calcifer can, "find Teddy. He's sad but you'll make him better." I look up at him confused because I wasn't anything special. I wasn't a medicine or a doctor or anything but a homeless boy dressed in an oversized sweater and tight jeans.
But I've come to learn that Cal is always right, even when he isn't, so I nod and smile and watch him disappear with Teva.
There's not a Teddy in sight as I look around. The sudden silence takes me by surprise and I cannot help a chill that runs down my spine. Even during lonesome nights, there was always the bustle of Nine's nightlife, utter silence is rare. Rare and terrifying.
I scan the whole of the room, walking around carefully and biting my tongue to keep from childishly calling out Teddy's name. (I'm not a kid anymore, such luxuries are not an option.) And I don't think I would have found him, had I not almost tripped over the boy. He was on the ground and i was only looking at the clouds. Managing to stop just before running into him, I look at the small, huddled thing with interest. His eyes droop, looking at nothing in particular and I wonder if he's even noticed my presence. I don't think he has, as he's too busy sitting behind the couch and looking sad.
Carefully, I crouch in front of him, balancing on the balls of my feet, trying not to move too fast. He reminds me of a deer or a rabbit, frightened and small. Not really sure what to do with himself and so he does nothing.
Or maybe that's just me.
"Uh, Teddy right?" my voice is faint, almost nothing more than a slight breeze, "I'm... uh I'm Merlin and I was uh... I... Are you okay?" It's hard not to laugh at the stupid question because I don't think I've ever met anyone who was more obviously not.