Ruckus Morales:||: D1 :||: FIN
Jun 1, 2015 20:04:02 GMT -5
Post by grim. on Jun 1, 2015 20:04:02 GMT -5
Male| Nineteen| District One
Code: Odair
FC: Joey Graceffa
Since the day of my arrival I was expected to kill. To rip a human limb from limb, until I would be claimed the victor. I was a vial of poison, waiting to be released into the world. A fiery of bullets aimed at the heart of the innocent, but that wasn't me. I wasn't a killer...I wasn't my sister. She had heart, she had strength, hell without her I wouldn't be standing here, because I would have taken my life many years before. Her strength gave me the courage to live life how it was meant to be lived. She has sacrificed so much for me to be weak, she was my excuse to cower...like I have since my first meaningless breathe. Without her, I was lost, without her...I was nothing. She was the beginning to my end, she was the final word on the page before the last. Her fragile skin made mine look rustic and dry. Her pristine blue eyes, laughed in the face of mine, consumed in a fury of gray. Her lips were a lollipop pink, curving to that outright ridiculous smirk she carried so often. I was a joke, how could I compare to a beauty of that magnitude? My hair was a dishwasher blonde, crowded with the prosthetic sprays I use to keep it standing. My eyes where a gray-blue, mimicking that of a murky river bed. My chin a strip of stubble, cascading along the sides of my face, and underneath my nostrils.
My body was rather bulky, and awkwardly weighted. I stood at the height of five feet eight inches, height was the one thing I had Rhyme beat at. Though I took little pride in beating her in anything. There was little to nothing that made me happier then her snarky smile plastered a crossed her face. That gritty grin of hers seemed to find a soft spot in my stomach. Her arrogant cockiness found a way to charm me, maybe it was years of growing together, or just my immunizes to her cruel words. My lengthy build, and decent sized muscles, were do to the years of training that had been shoved down my throat. I spent enough time in the gym to make an image of myself. I had jagged collar bones, hunched shoulders, and a firm stomach. Not that I was complaining, being in shape was never a bad thing, I just wish I could spend more time with mother. Her angelic voice and mass amount of crafts that she possessed, made for company that I enjoyed more then the harsh shrills and beatings that occurred from father. He was a man that believed a literal strong grip, was how to handle a child. Sometimes I wished he would leave me be, I wasn't going to volunteer. I could never survive that arena. But at least I can admit this to myself, not like many of the past children that were pressured into that arena. Rhyme, she could survive, she had the drive to become a victor, she had the skill, and brute force. I hated to leave that large of a burden on her shoulder, but I was weak, just as fate decided from the placement in mothers womb.
---
I was rather pitiful when it came to expressing emotions. I seemed to always be a blank canvas. The only person i felt comfortable opening up to was Rhyme, though it most likely ended in me becoming the butt end of a joke. I didn't feel the same connection to either of our parents. Sure I spent hours in our mothers room, listening to stories of her childhood. She always said I was a lot like her, though I couldn't walk with that amount of grace, and beauty. I was a rather impressive social character at my mothers parties. She flailed me about like some kind of trophy. Most of the other adults longed for a child as "flawless" as myself. Though it was all just a scam, I was a walking doll, only putting on an act to feel loved. I hurt inside, because I was hated by father, and I wasn't truly like mother, like I pretended to be. I wanted nothing more then my sisters acceptance, I wanted her to give me her warmth. Like she use to when we were just a set of rugrats. I missed her cuddling me to sleep when mother and father fought. I missed being able to sleep in her bed, her small hand stroking the tops of my shoulder blades, until my eyes release into a flutter of slumber. Age has mad her so tough, so thick headed, but I know that's what needs to happen to survive this world, and soon I will have to change too. I cant be the twin that was left behind, it was time for me to prove myself.
I was a boy of many words, I was always so afraid of hurting my social partner. This caused me to overthink every word I spoke, making me seem "slow". I was rather intelligent, I just was over cautious. Sometimes I hated myself for caring so much about others emotions, or even their opinions. It caused me to be self conscious. I was so afraid to express every aspect of myself, because judgment was my one true enemy. Judgment was a word that I wish could be dispelled from our world. It was a fowl thing to think about, truly hateful. I spent so much time hiding behind the strength of my sister, thought I was deprived of gaining my own. There wasn't a single battle I fought for myself. Whenever father found himself really disliking me, I had no strength to stop it, it was Rhyme who saved my ass every time. She came up with some kind of bullshit excuse to get me out of his hail of fire. Most of the time resulting in him over working her, she was his pride and joy, and I envied her for that. Our fathers training could be brutal, and many nights I found myself crying, knowing what I had done to her the day before. Knowing that her body would ache because of me being to weak to fucking take a stand. I was to much of an insect to even muster up the courage to say..."I'm sorry".
I enjoyed basking myself in the silence around me. It wasn't something that was easy to understand, but I found comfort in loneliness. I know, the weakling feels safest when he is alone. It didn't make sense, I found myself fumbling through open fields. Laying for hours in a secreted corner. Mother found ways to keep me occupied, having me read a book she believed would further my intelligence, or helping her redesign our living room. I of course put on an act to express a nonexistent care for what she wanted me to have an opinion on. I simply would rather daze off into some scene, losing my ability to think, to feel. Emotions never seemed to be on my side, they spat at my feet, thrashing at my core. I hated to feel, but I was simply human, feelings just happen to come with the package. I tried little to care when it came to most uncomfortable situations, but i of course cared more then I expressed. I hated the gaze of anthers eyes. I assumed the worst, never letting a pair of eyes make me feel at ease. I couldn't even stand the beating eyes of my sister watching my movement. She was a fantastic dancer, I only wished I could leap with a caliber as high as hers. I hated the fact that my younger sister Rhythm seemed to watch my habits. Wanting to mimic that of her older brother. It made my throat feel as if I had swallowed a branding iron. I felt like any of my influences could effect her in a negative way. I wasn't made to be an image to follow, there wasn't much I had to pass on.
---
My past was something that I fought with since the moment I came out silent. I wasn't normal, most newborns scream...but I hadn't. My mother thought I was dead, so did the doctors. It wasn't until they saw the movement of my infant chest, and the opening of my eyes, that they realized I was living. I guess you could say I had a weird taste for pleasing those around me. I never wanted to be thought of as a disappointment. I wanted to be everything I was capable of being, there was no room for question. I was raised up to be the second best, I always would be. But over years I became okay with this. I was never going to be able to do what Rhyme could do. But I had my own strengths, mother fancied me, Rhythme seemed to like me also. I of course was as close to Rhyme as I could be, I didn't get along with father, but was it my fault? He neglected me from the day I took my first breathe. I wasn't big enough, I wasn't strong enough...I wasn't good enough. He pushed me hard, harder then anybody else. But eventually he gave up hope, and Rhyme became his pride and joy. He loved her like nobody else, his love was "tough" to say the least, but at least she won him over, something I would never be able to do. At least now he was capable of leaving me be, I had done refused enough. He no longer had any love for me, but maybe it was better this way?
Our house was rather large, I mean we are rich. My father brings in money out the ass, letting out petite mother live her simple life of glamorous living. She was practically a Capitol resident. Sometimes she got on my nerves, she was never able to see the world for what it was. children die every year, and yet she lives in a happy bliss. It was unacceptable, and that was the own fowl trait I saw in my mother. My sister and I always were on decent terms, we got in fights sometimes, but it became few and far between with age. We grew into loving each other on a deeper level, though I know a powerful bond was always there. She was my shelter, though she was only a few moments older, she always acted like the older sibling, I tasked her with something I wish I never had. I was I could have been there for her as much as she was for me. I wish I could of lightened her burden, instead of only making it worse. My life would soon stumble into a burning hell if I lost her. But she would be home...she would have to be.
That bastard President Snow took her from me. Her fighting soul forced into that arena. I had promised years before I would never volunteer, not like father wanted. But she didn't even get the chance to volunteer, she was forced. But I know her capabilities, I know her fighting spirit is going to make for a hell of a show. All that mattered in these next few weeks, was her safety. I wanted her home, I wouldn't be able to take care of our family. I couldn't fend off dad, I cant protect Rhythm, and mother will always be stuck in her own world. There was no chance for our families survival without her. She was our family, she was what made us a family. We were all too different to be able to connect like we do, but she makes it work. Why must the world rip her away from me so young? I thought we had years together, I thought I would have the courage to apologize. But I couldn't, just like I never have been able to. I simply was a waste of space, useless, meaning I had no use. Without her here, I mines well end the pain I cause to others. Rhythm was like her sister, she would survive. Me...I wouldn't...Rhyme, please don't leave me...not yet.
