broken keys [Azaleah]

[d6a georgie cham 🍓🐢 frankel]

TOMAS FACIOLI 

'Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But managing anger can be a problem for many people who find it difficult to keep their anger under control.'

It can be a very healthy, what is emotion without anger? Raging out at the people you hate, trashing various objects, the victims of unleashed anger.


'breathe slowly' 


Just this morning the piano was the victim of anger. A lovely tune of a classic, it was all running smoothly, until the ending. I can never get it right, but I have to try and try and try. But I tried and I tried and I tried again, yet failed to succeed. The keys took a great bashing. Mother was not impressed and told me to breath. Inhaling the oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide, breathing helped calm me, but it didn’t help me get the notes right.


'get creative to get on top of your emotions '


Suggesting I go out and get some fresh air, mother hurried me out of the front door; I collected a book on my way out. Stepping into the outside world, summer had taken over Panem. Summer was a brilliant time of the year, people were out and having fun. Most of all, everyone seemed happy. Smiles on their sun caught faces, how such things as simple as the weather can raise people’s spirits. I needed to find somewhere to read this book, where I can catch the sun, I was beginning to look like a milk bottle myself.

I found a great spot where I am on, on a grass verge, the sun is directly in front of me. I can still see the text on the pages and the sun is still getting my face. Stretching out on the grass, I’d dive into the book.


'talk about how you feel'


'Noticing Signs of Anger and Controlling It' A lot of teenagers are angry nowadays. Most likely hormones and all the shit they have to go through mixed into it. How can a sexually frustrated 17 year old boy, find the time to worry about money, their family and getting reaped for the games? There was obviously going to be some problems. Anxiety and depression are the most common, many that have had relatives in the game suffer the most. They’ve dreams, flashbacks, nightmares of their loved ones deaths. That is where I come in. I am the listener, I give them advice.

I used to give them pills but my mother stopped it…supposedly it was illegal. People need help; they need someone to pour out all their emotions. A human being can’t keep silent, or they’ll crack.

Tickling my back, the grass is not comfortable, a few bugs crawl across my pages…great. Sitting up, I’d crawl across the grass to a tree, sitting my back up against the trunk. District 6 is unusually quiet at this hour, late afternoon; everyone is still locked up in the university working. Trying to crack a magnificent scientific breakthrough. Sitting in a laboratory, pouring chemicals all day does not suite me. Humans have to be outside, not locked in a four walled box. Even though I spend most of my time at home, I do grow quite bored.

A human cannot be bored, or they will go insane. They'll begin to talk to themselves , do really weird bizarre things. Humans need human contact; otherwise they will become a ‘hermit.’ A hermit someone who hides from the world, likely  deficient in vitamin D too. A hermit lifestyle is not good for the human body or mind.

Closing the book, I’d observe the people walking around the district. A middle aged man hurrying in a grey lab coat, piles of paper in his hand. He is probably stressed, stressed to get whatever is done on that paper. A young woman with infants at her feet, most likely a single parent, has a lot of work on her plate. People watching helps stimulate the mind, it helps me pick up on different characteristics, that’s how I am able to help so many people, I learn how humans work. All humans are different, so I have to learn about them all, every single trait.

Humans are a very different species; we’ve emotions which no others have. Some emotions better than others, although every single one has its purpose.

Picking at the grass, I’d close my eyes, pointing my face to the sun. Allowing it’s rays to attack my skin, I’d try to take a nap.

D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]

[D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]]

 annemie

The beauty of taking a walk is breathtaking. Wherever you pace about, there's always something with a howling, pounding allure which leaves you speechless. A delicate flower piercing through the thick air or the general buzz of a district, face after face - tension released from their expression as they move past you.

I think it's beautiful.

It's been a while since I enthused myself with the outdoors. She had become ill and was taking up too much of my time as of late. My mother was the one to go out and create the remedies whilst I was left to keep her company. It wasn't my cup of tea, to say the least. She's old and decrepit, time has taken it's toll on her once supple skin and stable mind. It's like it's all collapsing in on her. Again.

My feet begin to hurt. I guess this is why I haven't been out much, because once I start-- I don't stop until it hurts. Nature is amazing and wonderful, but can cause difficulty too. I step with no shoes on so I cannot blame it on the manufacturing of them... so, it must be the dusty ground.

I stop in my stride to look down at it. Brown and dry, cracking under the pressure that the summer sun is bringing.

A child bumps into my hip, I feel startled a little as they turn to stare up to me with large, bright eyes. I hear the murmur of his mother behind me, before I'm tapped by her hand and instantly turn to face her.

"He's a rascal, this one. Excuse us."

I nod my head all robotic-y.

Eventually, I exhale a brief moment of laughter as to break the awkwardness. I'm not to say anything as it wasn't my fault her kid bumped into me. I look at her for a few moments - silence sweeping over us - before she begins to head off. I notice she throws a look over her shoulder at me. Right.

I continue along the path, my eyes pinpointed on the blue sky above. Summer is definitely my favourite season. Watching the trees mature and flourish in its duration is an exceptional thing to watch. The little tree across the way from our home has started to grow. It's only been there for a couple months but a sprout has finally emerged from it's bed of soil.

I can't wait to climb it.

My hand automatically moves to shade my eyes from the sun. It's beaming down with no mercy. Summer: perhaps it isn't my favourite season after all. I suppose the heat does allow a fruitful and heavy harvest in the lower districts, and as long as that is able to happen, I'm happy.

I huff in the heat, looking down from the sky. A boy sat on the grass verge catches my eye and I'm drawn to him. There's a book next to him and his hand are touching, feeling the grass which he's sat on.

Why would he want to sleep?

Like a magnetic attraction, my feet carry me over to him. In a blink, I find myself standing over him. I create a gloomy shadow over his face and body and perform an over-dramatic sigh in hopes of catching his attention.

A few seconds pass and I'm having no luck.

I kneel down beside him, taking a quick glance of the book beside him. 'Noticing Signs of Anger and Controlling It', it reads. I begin to ponder upon the idea that he's got something wrong with him. Mentally? Psychologically? Physically? Anger can take a form in someone in those different ways. Does he struggle with that?

Is he reading it for him or someone else?

So many questions piling up like paperwork in my mind. The only way I'll find an answer to any one of them is to pluck up the courage to raise my voice and interfere with him.

"If you need anger management, I'm sure there's classes for it."

I fold my arms and watch his face as my words trickle from the tip of my tongue. I hope that they weren't too sharp.

[d6a georgie cham 🍓🐢 frankel]

TOMAS FACIOLI

Drifting off into thinking land, I’d run over what the book said. “Everyone has a physical reaction to anger, be aware of what your body is telling you, and take steps to calm yourself down.” Words I could use on him, of course I would quote the author of the book. My new patient is Jamie, a boy I went to school with. His problem is controlling his anger but he has no clue where it is all coming from and neither do I. I’ve helped people with anger problems before but not like Jamie’s. Literally there is no trigger to where all this burst of anger is coming from. He’s told me his background, home life; I just can’t figure it out… The book say’s the causes could be stress but Jamie tells me he has nothing to stress about. It could be the environment around him however Jamie says his environment is ‘swell.’ Or maybe it could be genetic; his parents may have anger issues. Whenever I bring up this cause, he begins to stir his words. It must be his parents, but he won’t admit it, I can’t help him if he doesn’t tell me. Returning back to Earth, I’d look above at the tree above me. A bird, a black one, I have no clue on the species is on a branch above. Jumping from branch to branch, with what looks like a worm in its mouth. It seems like it may have a nest up there, not exactly the best place for a small bird’s nest, half on a branch and half off. It is too far up the tree for me to climb it, I am not like one of those District 7 monkeys and the birds have to just be another thing I cannot help. Closing my eyes again, I’d imagine being a bird. Flying around, catching food, roosting up in a nest in a high tree. Of course I’d be a big bird of prey, not a pansy little bird like the one on the tree. I’d be able to fly anywhere; different District’s…maybe even beyond the ocean. I’d be able to meet a lot of different people if I flew, see lots of different things, it would be such a simple easy life. However I couldn’t imagine a human having bird wings and I wouldn’t really want feathers. "If you need anger management, I'm sure there's classes for it." Opening my eyes, I’d be met with a blonde girl stood over the top of me. Taking the book in my hands, I’d sit up straight, keeping the book close to my body. ”Oh no it’s not for me, I am just reading it for someone else…” Why does she chare anyway? Does she need my help as well? She may have anger management problems herself; she might help me with Jamie’s problem. Or she might just be a nosy girl, coming over to bother me. Sliding up against the trunk of the tree, I’d raise to my feet, still having the book close. ” Oh do you go to classes?” I know a lot of people who have classes for their problems but they never get results. They don’t tend to give one on one sessions, like I do.

D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]

[D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]]

 annemie

In  the moment between silence and shatter, the general air of the ever-moving district behind us entangles my body. I causes me to smirk a little - my lips curling to one side of my face uncontrollably. I like it. It's one of those feeling which makes you feel young, it makes you feel at home. 

And with recent events, it seems you never know how long you'll stay home for.

The boy takes a minute or two to open his eyes, and when he does I'm greeted by a slight confusion.

"Oh no it’s not for me, I am just reading it for someone else…”


He moves, his hand pulling himself up from the previous lying position, his fingers pressing the book against his chest. My head tilts as I rise up through the air from my kneeling position. I'm met by a gust of wind which dances with my split ends as it moves, the shades of dirty blonde flying out before my eyes.

It slows and I eye the boy again. It's not for me. He says, I am just reading it for someone else. One of my earlier guesses was indeed correct. I'd assume someone with severe problems with aggression would be isolated from friends and family in a tall grey room, their head lolling around in the clouds before their eyes.

I quickly blink as the boy slides his way towards the tree behind him. He places his hand on the grass and moves to stand on his feet. He's tall - or at least taller than me, and I immediately feel vulnerable as her towers over me. It seems that the tables have turned, almost. I see it as a way of asserting one's self.

"Oh, do you go to classes?"

"No."

It escaped. Not a lie, however. Part of me takes offence from the question. Do I come across as a person who needs classes? I'm mad just like the rest of us; fallen down the rabbit hole and hit our heads on the way down. The only thing that draws us apart is the level of madness. Anger management seems to be a more minor form - the people that I feel sympathy for are the severe ones. More problems around every corner until they pile up and---

--topple.

"Why do you read the book for someone else? Surely they can do it themselves, no? Independence is success."

I assume he's referring to people with the problems. In my opinion, it'd be better they read the book so they can shape themselves to become a better person. Being taught how to do you "correctly" seems odd and warped. Exploring and discovering yourself is a treacherous journey, but it is one we all have to endure.

Some come sooner rather than later.

My mind takes a moment to reflect on my earlier statement and it gives me a shudder. Too rude, perhaps? I'm unsure. 

"I'm Annemie. Ann-em-ie."

Ann-em-ie. It's a startling number of people who pronounce my name wrong when we're introduced. It isn't pronounced Anne-mie. Ann-em-ie. Like a sea anemone, sea annemie.

I take a step back and look up to him. A hand moves onto my hip and I exhale a silent sigh as I watch a cloud obscure the sun from our district. From the corner of my eye, it looks a colossal event, but as my pupil follows the ball of puff against the azure skies, it's all too normal and familiar.

Familiar: the moment between silence and noise. This time, I can squeeze the feeling between my  fingertips. It feels thicker than before, more meat on the bones to cover the vital organs. 

Will he respond with a performance: dancing around the truth, or will there be a distinct sincerity in his words which will peel away the flesh and skin, bones breaking to expose the reality of it all.

I want him to make me understand, make me learn.

[d6a georgie cham 🍓🐢 frankel]

TOMAS FACIOLI

"No." I must have offended her, why would I ask such a question? Tomas you know not to jump in with questions like that. You must let someone come to you slowly, not throw them into the deep end. People are different; they’ll pour out all the problems at once or take their time. I’ve learnt people have to think things through in their head, before they ask help. They think they may be looked at as weak, there is nothing weak with having problems and we are all humans. We have the most problems out of all the species, one of the faults of being intelligent. "Why do you read the book for someone else? Surely they can do it themselves, no? Independence is success." Independence is a great attribute to a human, working their own way through life, but we need to be a team. We’re really herd animals, we’ve families, live in big communities. Rarely on occasion is anyone a lone; the lonely ones are the broken ones, the ones without help. Humans thrive for human contact, working as a ‘team’ as they call it. There are alliances in the games for a reason, tributes likely to die, yet helping each other get through the games the best they can. Really teamwork is the key to success. All those minds working on one project, with different ideas, goals can me met easily. Yes humans argue, but arguing is good for our health. It helps burn out all the negative aggressive energy. Sometimes people actually say intelligent things in arguments; points can come out of an argument which can help a project. Humans have their own views and opinions, arguing help us share them. ”Yes Independence can be success, but people need help once in a while. Yes we may fall down in life and can get up ourselves. But from time to time, we may need a helping hand to get onto our feet again. “ I had read that quote in a book somewhere, a psychiatrist from this very district. The book was about helping one another. We all need help, especially in this world. During the reaping, during the games. Even if somebody knows a tribute in the games, they may need help themselves. They could be losing a loved one, they will need somebody to talk to about it. "I'm Annemie. Ann-em-ie." Ann-em-ie Ann-em-ie Ann-em-ie, I’d run other the pronunciation of her name in my head, I’ve never heard of such a name before. Although most names in the districts were very intriguing. ”Oh, I’m just Tomas.” Just Tomas, nothing special about my name although most of the time people spelt it wrong. Two M’s, a H, there are a few variables of my name. It was my surname people were tricky with Facioli…Fas-ee-O-Lee. Usually pronounced Fac-ee-o-lie. Spelling it was also a big issue too. Lowering the book from my chest, I’d flip through the pages. There was something in here about how we need help, maybe I could tell the girl, give her some knowledge. I enjoyed sharing my knowledge; it was another way of helping people, let them understand each other’s problems. The page would catch my eye, it was explaining about how sometimes people with anger problems, give up on themselves. ”Here,” I’d point down to the quote on the page as I move the book closer to Annemie. ” Some days those big goals just seem impossible. On those days when you most want to give up, you need to lean on your peers the most. They believe in you—probably more than you belief in yourself.” I’d read it out a loud for her, hoping she understand the quote, I’d wait to explain it.

[D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]]

 annemie

Independence. 

A word, a noun, but what does it mean?

To me, it's being free from restraint. No metaphorical chains holding you back - you are gifted with the ability to smash through the metal loops and etch your story onto the path behind you. Independence is you showing the world who you are, and that you don't need someone else to do it for you.

"Yes Independence can be success, but people need help once in a while. Yes we may fall down in life and can get up ourselves. But from time to time, we may need a helping hand to get onto our feet again."

I exhale a slight sigh, a hand moving to my head to run through my hair. I disagree with him completely and will make him aware of that; for sure. But, I have no plans to argue. Not the awareness or the time, not the patience or stamina. Words are to heal, not harm.

I admit that people need help every once in a while, but piggybacking onto someone else whilst they are forced to deal with issues that are merely your own seems morally wrong to me. They are yours, and are yours for a reason.

You have them to overcome and grow.

My mind can only comprehend the use and using of another in once situation: The Hunger Games. Allies - they are there to cover your back and the whole point of them is selfish. You have them to spread the damage over two people, three or four. It balances and manages-- and to me, it's the only world in which I can see the dependence being okay.

Because in that arena, it's a matter of life and death. And you have to play.

My thoughts are interrupted.

"Oh, I’m just Tomas."

"I see."

Tomas. That's simple. I was that my name was simpler, but then I begin to ponder upon whether that did happen, and whether I'd want a more complex name. I don't feel as if there is a middle path or fence to sit on with this dilemma, so I'm going to dismiss it from my head.

But Tomas. Come to think of it, his face is sculpted like a Tomas. His face has a secretive maturity about it, his looks maintaining a brief moment in which you are pierced by his killer eyes. But there's a different side, a softer side. I can tell.

The book lowers itself within his grasp, his eyes following the pages as they flick quickly before him. All I can see is a blur of an off-white shade with specks of jet black ink. Perhaps it's different for him.

I notice a change in his expression, the tension relieving itself from his muscles, as if he's content once again. 

"Here,"

My gaze is instructed by a point of his finger to look at the page. 

"Some days those big goals just seem impossible. On those days when you most want to give up, you need to lean on your peers the most. They believe in you—probably more than you belief in yourself."

But having independence is what adds coal to the engine. It gives you confidence and acceptance of yourself and comfort in your own skin. It gifts the pleasure of high self-esteem. The quote is subjective and open the world of opinion, I hope he realises.

"And who's to teach that person to believe in themselves?"

I lower myself down onto the grass to sit beside him. The various textures of the bark on the tree on my back makes me smile. It feels relaxing yet vivacious, providing me with a new found glint in my eye.

"They've to grow from their own obstacles, not be spoon-fed how to live. Don't you agree?"

My speech ends with a closed question. It's superficial; black and white and his reply can be one of two words.

Yes----

or no.

A road with two paths, one north and one south. The pronunciation of the two words is simple. Just like his name: Tomas.

Maybe there is an advantage to having a facile name, you're blank with everything and give an answer straight to the point. His previous response to my introduction wasn't schematic. 

But once you start to peel back the layers, you expose what's deeper.

And what's deeper has more sense and soul.

[d6a georgie cham 🍓🐢 frankel]

TOMAS FACIOLI

"And who's to teach that person to believe in themselves?" Closing the book, I’d follow her down onto the grass. Thinking about her question, I’d try to string together a theoretical answer. Anyone can help someone else believe in themselves, words of wisdom from a stranger, could turn somebodies life around. You just have to trust in their words and if they don’t help you succeed, you try again. We can only guide other people, not tell them what to do. It’s their choice what they do in their life, if they want to get into a rut, they can. But if they need help getting out of that rut, they can always get a hand, no matter what they’ve done. Even a sadistic criminal can get help from someone, we all have our own faults and we can fix them if we want too. ”They've to grow from their own obstacles, not be spoon-fed how to live. Don't you agree?" She was sharing her opinions, which is great, it is what humans do. She may be going against what I am saying but I don’t mind, people are entitled to their own thoughts. Yes people dislike having strings on their life, I am not necessarily saying that we’ve to control people’s lives, just help then when they fall through a hole. People react to things differently; to someone an obstacle could just be one step, others it could be a huge hurdle. ”I kind of agree. You don’t necessarily have to teach someone to believe in themselves, just motivate them, they will choose to follow it or not.” I’d enter my explaining mode, not really bothering if she cares for my words but she wouldn’t be asking all these questions if she didn’t. “People are very different, that is what makes us stand out from one and other. Sometimes humans chose not to grow emotionally and become empty. We need help from others to fill in that emptiness.” Taking a deep breath, I’d continue. ”This world isn’t a fairy tale, it is terrible, full death, hate, betrayal. It’s a dark place and we need each other to get through it.” I don’t want to control people’s lives; I just want to help them make it better. I am not demanding they do what I advise them to do, if they want to mess up their lives they can. I am not dictating their lives; I am just being their guardian. I am not the type of person to get mad at someone if they disagree with me but I will fight my case. I don’t intend for her to believe what I do but I am not giving up on what I believe. Resting my head on the tree trunk, I’d let the sun get to my face, relaxing slightly. Inhaling and exhaling, calming my body down, I was become quite hot in this heat. If she wanted a controlled argument, I’d be happy to go ahead and do it.

[Sorry if it is short and lacking. I'm just struggling to write today.]

[D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]]

 annemie

The book closes with a sharp snap.

I watch as the pages morph together before my eyes, changing into one thick block of ivory as the cover meets the blurb. It's a relatively long book, once which would make you read it for hours upon end, but it's not dictionary length. Not even close.

"I kind of agree. You don’t necessarily have to teach someone to believe in themselves, just motivate them, they will choose to follow it or not."

I don't understand the difference between teaching and motivating. I admit, a teacher is a person is employed deliberately to do one thing: teach you. But a motivator isn't a job, and doesn't seem to be a plausible hobby either. Teachers can be motivating. What's the big deal?

"People are very different, that is what makes us stand out from one and other. Sometimes humans chose not to grow emotionally and become empty. We need help from others to fill in that emptiness."


I don't understand. Why would a person choose to not grow emotionally? Emotion is what makes you intricate and complex, it makes you evolve your traits and make you who you are and want to be. Filling the 'emptiness' with someone else sounds like a downgrade. 

Emotions of your own are important to everything you do.

And you can do everything without a person.

I hear him take a breath.

"This world isn’t a fairy tale, it is terrible, full death, hate, betrayal. It’s a dark place and we need each other to get through it."

I hiss.

"So I'm aware."

What I'm unaware of, however, is what he takes me for. I am a girl, a person with a brain. I utilise it to work, and improve myself. Heck knows that the world isn't a fairytale, there's no escaping from the deadly sins which they try to blind us is.

All there is, in every corner and nook: is truth. Something I'm more than familiar with, something I've learned to love and warm to. 

"We don't need each other to struggle through life. Reliance would only leave a person broken when they leave. You can't run from what's suffocating you from every angle."

I glance to him as he relaxes against the tree. I arch a sarcastic brow and flaunt a smile which curves to the right. I'm a believer in the truth and I'll fight with my onslaught of words for it.

My eyes narrow and I look up to the sun. It's rising faster in the sky, burning away the grey clouds which were once in it's way. Summer is flashes itself upon us and waves goodbye to spring.

The noises beyond the grass verge is getting louder as noon dawns upon us. The aura of activity dies however, and it's replaced by something more casual and normal. Gone are the screaming babies and whining children - now, a fresh air of mature conversations and firm families.

I look back to Tomas though, and realise I can't say the same for my own current situation.

I exhale and sense a dragon breathing flames, fire burning under my feet.

[d6a georgie cham 🍓🐢 frankel]

TOMAS FACIOLI

Placing the great brick of a book besides me, while I sit up and remove my jacket. A maroon zippered jacket, I had no idea why I put it on this morning, especially under this summer sun. Removing it, I’d scrunch it up into a ball and place it on top of my book. Beneath my jacket, I wore a grey plain tee-shirt. My body felt relieved, as some air got to the bare skin of my arms. I just wish I wore shorts today, as I could feel my legs shouting out for the rays of the sun. ”So I'm aware." I could tell she wouldn’t give up her beliefs and nor would I. It is what I’ve been doing all my life, I wasn’t going to change for a stranger. "We don't need each other to struggle through life. Reliance would only leave a person broken when they leave. You can't run from what's suffocating you from every angle." All the words which enter my head are just repeats of what I have said earlier, my brain feels like mush and I can’t concentrate. Maybe it’s the heat? I can a feel a slight ache entering my temple. Or maybe because I’ve never debated this topic before? Running around my cranium, I could feel the pain setting in. Maybe I am dehydrated or maybe I have caught sun stroke. However I am not feeling dizzy or weak, it is just my brain is dis-functioning. I can’t conjure up anything to say. Rubbing my head slightly, I’d try to calm myself, maybe I need more shade…. I’m under a tree, I have plenty of shade. ”I like to listen to people talk about their emotions, sometimes they just need someone to talk too.” I’ve said that before to her, I am sure of it. I know for one I would not be good at debates but I know I am not; I am just a listener occasionally an advisor. Obviously this girl is against that and I must fight what I believe but my brain is not allowing it. I feel embarrassed, annoyed, quite disappointed that I am unable to say anything intelligent to defend myself. ”Would you be able to cope in this world alone? With nobody to talk too? Have contact with?” Throwing a rally of questions at Annemie, I try to get to the bottom of why she disagrees I should help people. Maybe she has problems of her own, something may have happened where she wants to be alone, I could help. I could be her listener, her adviser. Feeling my body calm down , the headache had subsided slightly, so I rest my head back onto the trunk of the tree.