Like a Train on a Track // [Kire]

[Sunrise Rainier D2 // [Thundy]]

______________________

I tried to control my shaking
With just one sound

Another year, another victor, and I am no longer relevant to the Capitol. Kirito Miristioma is the victor of this year's Quell, and now all that's left for me to do is take the trip back to District Nine to a host of disappointed viewers, people who have unwittingly entrusted me with the responsibility of bringing our tributes home. I've failed again and again, and I am reminded of that loss when my District escort shakes her head as I board the train for home, feeling an unnamed weight pressing on my shoulders.

The routine of it all is meaningless. Going home seems pointless, but staying in the Capitol is no better, and not for the first time I feel like happiness is a world away - somewhere kinder, safer, and more filled with love. All I have to look forward to is a quiet winter and a rainy spring spent curled up in bed or trying to make the most out of my days by keeping busy, but what is there to do in District Nine but work and drink and wander around?

I don't work anymore - I don't have to. The only reason I started working so young was so I could help feed my family and keep us afloat, and now I get paid just for existing, just for having won, and my family doesn't want for anything. The worst part is I don't even know if they're even happy, because sometimes they tiptoe around me like I'm a bomb about to go off any second, and sometimes being at home feels just plain awkward.

Sometimes it's not, though. Sometimes we go back to the way we used to be, and I get to being more natural and open, but every year it's hard to adjust for a few weeks once I get back from the Capitol.

(It's not so easy to pretend that I didn't do awful things, and my family knows it.)

Pessimistic as it sounds, I don't feel like I've got a whole lot to look forward to, but I board the train anyway because I have to. This is my life, all wrapped up and decided for me, and I'm on a train home. Sleek metal and fancy silverware abound here - all of the Capitol fineries I never needed - and my only solace is the fact that my stylist dressed me up with a comfy sweater before she sent me away. I end up stuffing my hands into the sleeves and curling up in an armchair by the window, staring out at the Capitol skyline.

I try to pretend like I don't care, but thoughts of Cordelia Eaglebrooke flit through my mind, little glimpses of the past that I try to push away. The night I spent with her  a week ago made me happy, but there's only so much happiness to be had from something so fleeting, and I'm not sure I'll ever see her again. She'll go off and live whatever life she leads here in the Capitol, and I'll go back to District Nine, alone and weary as ever.

Terrifying has morphed a little bit into painful, but it's best not to think about her at all. Instead I focus my attention on the train window, overlooking this tiny piece of the world, wondering at the skyscrapers and the houses and the people that live different lives than my own.

[Kire]

Cordelia Iraen Eaglebrooke
The lights are on, but you're not home
Your mind is not your own

I have been counting down to this day without consciously trying to. As this moment came closer and closer I felt more and more tense, as many people did. When Kirito was crowned they all lost their tension and subsided into excited chatter and collection of bets. My shoulders were still taught, my hands always cramping, and my back was still stiff. I hadn't been waiting for the moment when we would learn who the new victor was, no.

I had been crossing off the days in my mind until Colgate O'Leary left the Capitol.

Today was that day, all the trains were lined up to be sent off back to the victor's homes. Katelyn and her protege were being monitored by cameras almost as if they would disappear without the constant attention. If I were them, I would want to disappear. Having the face of a dead girl was hard, having that dead girl have been the second place tribute in the Games three years ago was harder, but at least the cameras let me be.

I was wearing a cotton jacket with a hood, keeping my hair covered and my face in shadow. No one looked at me. I moved easily through the crowd to the lonely District nine train. There were no cameras here, no journalists, not even any fans that had managed to get by security. There was only me. I smiled, thinking about the look on Colgate's face when he would see me. If he were to only have one visitor, well it may as well be me.

We had left each other that morning in the inn, had hardly said a word as we parted. I knew we both thought we would never see each other again and that would have been true if I weren't here right now. Normally I wouldn't have cared, I would have simply let the boy ride away. Now, though, with Colgate.. I had to see him again.

There's a guard stationed outside of the main train doors. I flip off my hood - sure that no one else was around - and quickly run my fingers through my hair to see that it wasn't standing up. The guard eyed me, and I looked coolly back. As I approached I saw him straighten and get really self-important. The moment I tried to step past him and onto the train he had extended his arm to block me. "Ma'am," he says, curt but not totally unfriendly, "I will ask that you do not board this train." I try to duck under his arm but he moves with me, continuing to block me. "Ma'am, I'm serious. I can not allow you to get on this train. You can see Colgate O'Leary when he next comes to the Capitol."

He didn't understand that no, really I couldn't. I couldn't wait that long. I had to at least say goodbye, or see you soon, or something. I couldn't let him leave thinking that I didn't care if I saw him again or not because that wasn't true.

The guard may have a self-righteous nature to him but so do I. My back straightens, my nose raises, and my eyes narrow the slightest bit. "You will allow me to get on this train, and you will allow me to see Colgate," I take a deep breath, my eyes narrowing further, "and you WILL do it right now!" I feel a childish impulse to stamp my foot but keep myself still. My words have little effect on the guard, except to make him more indignant. It seemed I wouldn't get what I wanted with just words.

I'm moving before he knows what I'm doing and my hands collide with his chest. He stumbles backwards against the train, distracted and thrown off balance, while I slip inside the automatic doors. The air inside isn't much different, but there is something about it that almost seems fresher. Perhaps the filters are better than most of the buildings I'm used to - no expense spared for the tributes - or perhaps it is simply knowing that Colgate is here.

Behind me the doors blow open and the guard glares at me as he strides in. The bruise on his ego is visible from this distance, and I can't help but want to prod at it. "Alright, girl," he spits this as if it's an insult, and as if he's so much older than me - he might be in his late twenties, but no older - coming forward with an arm outstretched to grab me by the arm, "you gotta get off this train." Was that a slip in his well-bred speech? Perhaps this guard wasn't as posh as he pretended to be. I smiled at him as sweetly as I could. "I don't think I will." I've dodged out of his grab and moved to the far end of the cabin before he can steady himself for another attempt. This was why he wasn't a full peacekeeper, he was far too slow.

"You will. Now, on your own, or I will drag you out of here by the hair." He lunged for me again but fell short. Apparently he was bad at judging distances, too. "You do that and I will get my father to have you removed from the guard." My father, in comparison to most of the Capitolites, wasn't overly rich or powerful, but this guy didn't know that. There were enough brats around with important families that the threat would always get attention. Sure enough, he hesitated for a moment. I glared at him, trying to hold a threatening stance. He was about two inches shorter than me, a fact I'm sure he noticed, and in all honesty probably didn't weigh that much more than I did.

If it came to it, I might be able to take him in a fight.

This time when he lunged he managed to snag some of my jacket in a fist, stopping me short. "You're getting off this train." His voice was a little breathy, telling me that he really didn't get much exercise - it was a good thing we were having this little run around then - but at least he took advantage of the innumerable personal hygiene devices up for sale so his breath didn't stink. He shook his fist, by extension shaking me, and I gritted my teeth in the effort of holding myself steady.

"You will let go of me, right now." My voice was filled with overly deliberate patience, underlayed with enough ice to freeze a lake. He hesitated again, the impulse to obey a voice of authority struggling with his notion that I really shouldn't be on this train. The fight was ongoing, so I decided to help him pick the correct decision. "If you don't let go of me right now I will bring Colgate O'Leary in here and have him remove you from this train." My voice had dropped to just barely audible levels. The guard strained to hear me, leaning in close. I could feel his grip on my jacket slacken slightly, but then he adjusted his grip and grabbed my other arm with his free hand.

I was done with playing.

"Colgate bloody O'Leary," I shouted, startling the would-be bouncer, "get your ass in here and tell this idiot to get his hands off of me before I stab him." The guard was quite unsure now, but decided to continue to hold onto me. I didn't try to fight him, just eyed the surroundings for the nearest sharp object.

Somewhere, from another compartment, I hear someone coming. "Last chance," I mutter to the guard.

The idiot doesn't move.

"Suit yourself."

[Sunrise Rainier D2 // [Thundy]]

______________________

I tried to tame my nightmare
Line by line

The only worthwhile thing about this trip is the luxury it provides. The dining car has tables piled high with so much food that I wouldn't be able to eat it all even if I tried, the chairs are plush and comfortable, and - best of all - my bed is soft and welcoming. Rising from the chair, I plop down over the covers and pull a pillow snug against my face, willing myself to close my eyes and fall asleep to spend the trip gloriously unconscious.

And then I hear a ruckus from the next compartment over.

Grumbling, I slide lazily off of the bed and tiptoe to the door of my room, and in the hallway the words are more clear.

"You will let go of me, right now," I hear through the door, and I'm not sure if I should intervene or retreat to my room. I'm not big on interfering with the Capitol's authority, not when my family could be at risk, and I'm about to go back where I came from when I hear my name being called from the other compartment.

"Colgate bloody O'Leary," I hear, a woman's voice - no, Cordelia's voice - breaking through the hum of the train's engine. "Get your ass in here and tell this idiot to get his hands off of me before I stab him."

Taken aback, I slowly open the compartment door and slip through it, looking a little too much like I was just eavesdropping. I emerge into a scene of general confusion, because there's Cordelia, being held captive by a young guard who's holding her roughly by the arms. He's looking at me now, and so is she, and when I make eye contact with her I can feel my heart sieze in my chest, a rush of warmth spreading through heart and up to my face. Breaking into a smile - regardless of the situation, which seems fairly troublesome - my mind goes blank.

Like, really blank.

I don't know if it's surprise or happiness or what, but it takes me a good ten seconds of silence to actually comprehend that I've got to do something, because the guard isn't moving and Cordelia's not any less caught in his grasp.

A plan of action totally evades me. Should I be.. forceful? Kind? Mellow? Cordelia's presence messes up my thought process completely, and I end up approaching the guard and settling a hand on his shoulder, laughing nervously.

"It's no worry. Cordelia's just here to.. "

Why is she here? I pause, throwing her a quick questioning glance, "To say goodbye."

The word goodbye lingers on my tongue with regret and a little bit of sadness, and the guard looks hesitant, but he retreats from the compartment without another word. Me and Cordelia never really said goodbye on the morning after we met, but we didn't say much else either. I always assummed that.. that she didn't care after all, or (even worse) that she had just used me for the fame of it all. I've heard rumors floating around the Capitol since our night together, rumors about us, and I thought maybe.. maybe I never mattered in the first place. Maybe it was all a lie.

That smile falls from my face, and I stand there in awkward, horrified silence, running a nervous hand through my hair.

"I didn't think I'd ever get to see you again," I finally say, balling my hands up in my sweater anxiously. And I'm glad that she's here, I am, but if this is goodbye then I'm totally crappy at handling situations like this. I'm struck by how pretty she looks, but I can't get past the surprise of it all.

I never expected this.

"Why.. are you here?"

[Kire]

Cordelia Iraen Eaglebrooke
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another kiss is all it takes

The guard and I are standing there for a solid minute before anything happens. When Colgate finally does poke his head into the car I don't know whether to laugh or get frustrated. The guard's hands tighten on my arms, but I think that's due to a sudden case of nerves rather than an attempt to restrain me further. I watch as Colgate takes in the scene, his eyes flicking from the guard to me and then holding my gaze. The smile on his face is contagious and the urge to laugh bubbled up again but the grip on my arms kept me from giving in to it. Once again the urge faded as I saw the blank look in his eyes. Whatever he was thinking, if he even was, he wasn't quite in the moment.

I watched as things started to click, my mouth a line that wavered between a smile and a frown. Colgate comes closer, towering over both me and the guard. I feel the guard shrink behind me a little and sneer. Before I can tell him "I told you so" or any other such expression of contempt, however, Colgate is forcing out a laugh and clapping the guard on the shoulder. I'm rather unimpressed, but I supposed if there was a civil way of sorting this out that might be more appealing in the long run rather than injuring the stubborn oaf who still hadn't let go of me.

"It's no worry. Cordelia's just here to.. " He trails off, pausing for a breath as he looks me in the eye. I feel the shock of his eyes again but my feelings are tainted by the faint irritation that is itching up my fingers. "To say goodbye." My hands clench into fists and I'm not sure why because I had only come here with that very plan in mind. I was here to say goodbye to him and nothing more, even though more may come later - much later, a year later.

As the guard slowly releases me I glare at him and think of shoving him out of the train. I settle for simply imagining the action, my eyes boring into his back. In truth, I didn't think I was only irked by that idiot. Something more was bothering me, yet I still couldn't put a finger quite on it. Colgate and I are silent for a moment, both brooding over something, and I'm struggling to reason out why I am so ruffled.

I can see he's feeling awkward by the way he moves, though it's not exactly different from his usual self. Still, it's there and I see it. I relax my fists consciously, trying to let go of what's bugging me in the process. Better, but still not quite right. Colgate's hair is now sticking up in a couple places after he shoved a hand through it and I want to reach up to smooth it down. I'm held back by the thought that maybe he wouldn't want me to - and the fact that it was rather adorable, truth be told. "I didn't think I'd ever get to see you again, his voice might have shook, but I may just be hopeful. I wanted to throw myself at him, tell him I didn't want to leave. Slowly, I was beginning to piece together what was irritating me.

He's pushing his hands so deep into his sweater that I expect to see them burst through at any moment. "Why.. are you here?" I freeze, trying to sort out his tone and inflection on that. Did he not want me here after all? No, he sounded... surprised, and although a bit hesitant there was definitely a tone of.. hope. I sigh and relax, the last tension in my hands fading. With it, the barrier between me and the reason why I was tense in the first place finally comes to the front of my mind.

A year is a long time.

Too long.

Without warning I feel my chest start to compress and my eyes start to water. I can't cry. The thing was, I thought that maybe Colgate might be the only person I could cry in front of who wouldn't think lowly of me. That realization was what let the first tear slide down the side of my face. I silently traced its path with my mind, my eyes searching for his. "I..." I forced myself to take a deep breath, momentarily pushing my need to cry aside. "Damn it Colgate I want to go with you."

I look away for a moment, just long enough to wipe away the water from my eyes and cheek. A flash of shame flared within me for a moment, but when I looked back up and once again felt the jolt of looking into his eyes it was wiped away as easily as I had just wiped away my tears.

"Please."