:| One + One is not Two |: {Ani}

[ᕙʕ•ᴥ•ʔᕗ]

For the first time since Wes and I moved into this house, I had cleaned all of the rooms. I didn’t do a very good job—years of having my mother clean up after me and then Wes had severely impacted my skills in cleaning—but it looked presentable and that was all that mattered. After all, I was going to see Fawn for the first time since the holidays and not having seen her in a while, I was starting to forget what she looked like. While my memory was astounding—I could tell you the string of numbers that had formed Fawn since the day she was born—my ability to process images, for lack of a better word, sucked.

But seeing how she looked like wasn’t the only reason I was so excited to see her. I was excited to hear about any updates with the family that I rarely saw now what with work and all. Furthermore, it was always nice to hang out with my siblings, especially since I didn’t have to see them for most of the day now. Her warning about visiting the house was a little spontaneously, her having told me only the day before—good thing too, or she would have approached an empty house—and it was too late for me to convince Wes and Florida to stay as well. They already had their plans, as Wes was nice enough to stress to me, and while they would miss seeing Florida’s aunt, changing plans was not an option.

Knowing Wes, I knew that was considered a fair argument for him and I didn’t press on, but that didn’t stop me from clearing my schedule that day for my sister. It didn’t take long for me to clean the house, considering I was terrible at it, so I spent most of the time pacing around. What if she has something she needs to tell me? What if something serious is going on? Or what if she’s going to get married and she’s coming here to tell me? Any of those options were possible considering the size of our family and the length of the relationship she was in. It didn’t matter, though, as I saw her walking towards the house and raced outside to greet her.

I waited at the door, not wanting to seem too eager, but the smile on my face betrayed me as I saw my little sister walk down the street. Yes, the numbers were starting to align and it almost seemed silly how I couldn’t bring up an image of her with my mind when it was so obvious what she looked like. And yet—something was different.

The corners of my smile started falling before I pushed them back up with my facial muscles. It was something to talk about later: later, because I wanted to catch up with Fawn first; talk about, because there was something she needed to tell me. Oh sure, I could have let the subject go, but there was something different enough about her numbers and I didn’t like where they were floating. Floating numbers were something else to deal with as I waved them aside with my hand as she came up toward the house. Giving her a large hug, I said, “It’s really good to see you, Fawn. C’mon, let’s go inside the house.” Squeezing her hand, I brought her through the door.

STELLAR JAY | JAY FAMILY PLOT | PLAY BY: TOM HUGHES

[Sage]

It’s said that if you pay attention enough to your body, it will tell you when something changes. Lately, I have noticed a few changes that have taken place within myself, my chest has grown larger, my skin has cleared and I’ve been getting awfully sick lately, not from a flu but just nausea that refuses to subside. The other thing I have noticed is that my time of the month has not come for two months now and that scares the hell out of me because there are only two possible explanations for that. The first is I am sick which I am not, I am healthier than I have been in years which leaves only one explanation which scares me more than the games do; I’m expecting a child. It terrifies me because I don’t know if I could handle bringing a child into the world with the constant threat of the capitol hanging over their heads until they reach the age of nineteen.

It’s been almost half a year since I moved in with Jason Whitlock, my boyfriend for the last year or so and since then, I’ve eaten better than I did when I was living at home and my health physically, mentally and emotionally have improved drastically and I believe it is because I no longer live in the house where two people from my family used to live before the Capitol and their wretched games snatched them away from us. The road to healing from that, especially for me, has been a long one, one I am not proud of because of how weak I allowed myself to become and how broken I became.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror, checking myself before I head out to Stellars place. I wanted to confirm with him that I am indeed pregnant as I believe I am. I have changed a lot over the past years since I broke and put myself back together. I don’t think I would have been able to recover as I have had Jace not been there to support me. He watched as I broke down when Jabber died and then when I shattered when Storm died, he watched as I put the pieces back together and stitched the wounds as best as I could. My honey blonde hair has grown quite long, almost halfway down my back now and my eyes have regained some of their softness that used to be in them before things fell apart. I aught to cut my hair but Jace seems to like it this way, most days it has to be pinned back into a neat bun for work but today, as I have the day off, I leave it out, running a brush through it. My bangs certainly need a trim as they’re annoying, getting in my eyes when they fall out of bun at work, perhaps I’ll get them cut on my next day off.

Since moving in, I have been trying different recipes, as a gift Mama gave me a copy of the family recipe book and so I have been making things from it for Jace and me to try. Most of them have turned out well although a few of them I still haven’t quite figured out yet. So far, I think my favorite to make is Mamas famous stew that she used to make for my siblings and me when we were younger, though she hasn’t made it in a while. I should invite everyone over for dinner sometime.

I decide upon a simple pair of jeans and a long sweater, nothing fancy because I’m just going over to Stells house, and get changed, slipping the fabric over my body before my delicate hands rest upon my stomach gingerly. It’s frightening to think that there could be a life growing within me, someone who will depend on Jason and me to care for them and to look after them. Am I ready for that kind of commitment? The question swirls through my mind as I finish getting ready to go.

The air outside is crisp and cool, autumn has come at last to district nine, bringing with it what I can only guess is the harvest in the districts that provide food for the Capitol, in nine it just means it’s almost time for the winter jackets to come out of the closet. I like this time of year, the time when the leaves change color and fall to the ground, making piles that I remember playing in with Red and Violet and Mist and Storm and Mick when we were small. I remember Papa raking up the leaves into piles and jumping in them, my laughter and my siblings’ laughter ringing in the autumn air as we threw leaves at each other without a care in the world. I miss those days, we were so young and carefree and now, sometimes it feels as if the weight of the world is pressed upon our shoulders.

The walk to Stells house is a short one, considering that Jace doesn’t live too far away from where my older brother lives, it takes maybe ten minutes to get there and before I can even knock, Stellar is outside, pulling me into a hug and saying something about how it’s good to see me again and to come inside. “It’s good to see you too Stell. I’m glad I was able to come over today it feels like it’s been so long since the family Ratmas party.” I shed my coat as he leads me inside and slip off my runners, wondering if Flowwy and Wess are out for the day, most likely they had something they couldn’t get out of.

[ᕙʕ•ᴥ•ʔᕗ]

I chuckled at the thought of the holiday party where I had last seen my little sister. The family parties were always a riot--and there were certainly enough people there to create a riot. But it was always in good fun and now that we had moved on from the past, it was easier to smile and laugh again. We celebrated the new additions to our family, whether they were pesky boyfriends or a child or another cousin. Holidays were starting to become festive again and I smiled at the thought of the food fights that would erupt or the wrestling over presents when the big day came.

Yet no matter how hard I tried to keep the conversation light and happy, my eyes could not avoid the glaring number circling my sister’s body. I probably would have missed it if it weren’t for the fact that I was the second oldest in a family of eight children. My hands reached for Fawn’s jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack as if I had never neglected it, but my eyes continued to linger. I'm so weird. I'm probably creeping her out. Yeah, I’m definitely weirding her out. I had no idea how to ask so I brought it up just like I did with any question.

“So Fawn--,” I turned to face my sister and looked into her eyes--blue, that’s right. We all have blue eyes--staring deep into it as if I could detect a lie. “Is there something you might want to tell me about?” My own eyes flickered to her belly which I was certain would start showing within a month; it was definitely no food baby. I raised one of my eyebrows, waiting for an explanation and more importantly, how she was going to explain it to the family. I knew she and Jason were not married--it would have been rude of her to not invite me to the wedding--so I was certain that they were getting warm and cozy before they were in their marriage bed. A part of me didn’t care, it was just the way life worked. Yet another part of me was furious with my sister’s boyfriend for getting my sister pregnant. I knew I couldn’t always protect her, and certainly not in this aspect, but I still felt the need to punch Jason the next time I saw his face. I kept my cool in front of Fawn, though, trying to play it off in a joking manner.

STELLAR JAY | JAY FAMILY PLOT | PLAY BY: TOM HUGHES