a roses thorns cuts deep { clio/jett } kou

[k!ah]

“

YOU'RE GONNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT.

Clio Burke

TAG

WORD COUNT

···

She presses her fingers into the dirt, her head tipping back, her year streaked face glowing under the harsh light of the moon. Her eyes close and fresh tears begin to well, like small drops of dew at the corner of her eyes. She says nothing as they run down her face, falling into oblivion never to be seen again as the earth swallows them up, hiding the evidence of her grief. The words 'please forgive me,' still dance at the edge of her lips, her mind growing hazy as she tried to force herself to forget. Forget the way her plants were strewn all around her, broke beyond repair, forget the way her friends body had hit the earth, falling for the last time. Forget the way her fingers bleed from the thorns of roses. Forget the way her Hannah whispered her name for the last time."... Clio . . . . I'm coming home..."

And it was at that moment when a sob ripped through her body, filling the night air as she howled in pain. She didn't want her to come home, not like this. She wanted her to come home with a beating heart, she wanted to be able to hold her, to whisper her name into her ear and cry as she promised to never let her go again... and she also knew that it selfish, so very selfish of her to want all this. She knew the horrors that the girl would have had to gone through to come come again the way that she desired and maybe, just maybe once the clouds had cleared she would be grateful for the fact that she was not coming home. Grateful for the fact that it was all ver for her, the nightmares, the blood, the guilt, the sin. All of it. 

But for now the clouds rolled in, a storm brewing inside her, uncontrollable, wild. 

Opening her eyes she would once again take in the state of her garden. A place which had once been so dear to her was now ruins, destroyed, her own hands their undoing. How would Hannah ever forgive her? How would Clio ever forgive herself? She had poured her heart, her should her tears her blood and sweat into creating this little safe place. Hell she had lost a finger to it, dedicating so much of herself into it, knowing that it was more than just a garden and also a symbol, a symbol that even when times seem so dark they're would always be hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. 

A tunnel that now seemed like never ending darkness. 

Desperatly the girl reaches for one of he many broken plants, her fingers pulling dirt aside as she helplessly pushes its broken roots into the earth, hoping that they would somehow reconnect. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that her attempts were ample, but she couldnt' stop herself, she couldn't stop the way her throat begun to close up on itself in panic, she couldn't stop the way she fought for breath which seemed to far from reach. 

"I can fix this." is all she can say as she gasps for breath, her fingers still working the earth with desperate attempts to rekindle life. 

[kousei ♚]

JETTHAWK

When you were young
You lost on everyone
Then you closed your eyes
And said your goodbyes

"Go home Jett, you're done."

Those words are a knife, cutting right through me like I'm softer than butter. I can't reply, or respond, or protest. The words 'why' never even leave my lips, all I can do is nod. The shop is deafly quiet, all of the equipment is already hung and strung up, hanging for another day for the Capitol to steal them. Like they stole him, ripped him right from our arms. I nod in acceptance. "See you tomorrow then." I say, bowing my head as the boss nods and turns, walking away and leaving me. Whenever he does that it can only mean 'get out of my shop.' I take a quick glance at the clock, seeing that it;s nearly midnight and yet I'm nowhere near ready to throw in the towel. Still, I can't say anything, I'm a spineless worm, I don't speak my mind - only go with the flow.

I sigh and walk out of the shop, effectively being told I wasn't needed any more. The moment I step out a thousand screams build up in my chest, reaching up my throat and desperate to erupt. But they stay that way, nothing but a dream and a distant memory. Just like him, remains in the far distance a this point. Thousands of miles away like my screams, like my voice. That's where he remains and that's where he'll always be. I stick my hands in my pockets and look at the ground, slowly taking the agonising steps along the pitch black road.

Bloody coward.

I can't go home, because going home means turning on that television and turning on the television means seeing him. Ever since the bloodbath I've been running, looking for every excuse under the sun to not be at home and stare at that damn screen. Luckily, there was always work, I was always finding reasons to be at the shop until inconceivable times. Spending hours locking up, checking stock, beating metal, being sleep depraved was better than the pure thought of turning on that television screen and watching the Hawk fly.

And fall.

I'm a bloody coward because I don't have the courage to be optimistic and pray to whoever's out there for him to stay in the air. The moment I saw his shin snap with a horrible crunch I started running from that television and I couldn't look back. Repeats, memories, de ja vu what a fucking bitch all came back. Jabber losing his arm and having his jaw smashed in, storm having his arm severed and made a cripple, and now Taurus being left a cripple to fend for himself. The same damn pattern and it ends the same. I'm repelled from my house but attracted to my work, I can't step in that door and turn on that television. I just can't.

Blood coward.

I have to go somewhere that's not home. I'm aimlessly wandering down the road with my hands stuffed in my pockets and my gaze fixed on the road. Where am I going? I don't care, as long as it ain't home I don't care. Anywhere away from that damn television screen is good enough for me.

Bloody coward.

The ground goes from black to green, hard to soft, concrete to grass. Just where the hell am I?

The sounds, sobs, cries, sounds of agony. Am I crying? I instinctively put my hand up to my face but there's no tears, just rough skin and facial hair. So if it ain't coming from me then it has to be coming from... I finally look up to find I'm being faced by a reflection of my life. Carnage.

I see all sorts of mess, torn up petals, strewn grass, kicked mud everywhere. And the source of the agony. But I can only see it's back, I can't tell anything about this beacon of pure agony I set before me, kneeling in the carnage of this once wonderful place, nothing but a distant memory in all the mess. Just like a certain cripple I know.

"I can fix this." I hear and I can't help but raise an eyebrow. This is a ruined mess, nothing can be fixed. But more importantly, upon realising that it's a female my jaw instantly clenches and my fists in my pockets begin to tighten and my eyebrow drops. Typical Jett, scared of the opposite sex.

Bloody coward.

I don't say anything, or even call out. The words are stuck in my throat, a million miles away like Taurus is. "Ahem." All I do is clear my throat loudly to catch her attention.

Bloody Coward.

[k!ah]

“

YOU'RE GONNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT.

Clio Burke

17

district nine

···

"I can fix this."

Hannah's smile flashes behind her eyes.

"I can fix this."

Hannah's face covered in blood, deathly pale, follows.

"I-I-I cant f-fix this," her desperate please go unanswered, her fingers coming to a standstill, her eyes staring at the dirt. She was pathetic. All of this was pathetic. But she was defiantly the worse. The worst because she knew that she couldn't fix this, not with trembling fingers, not with a shaking heart. It was gone, her garden, just like Hannah were no longer coming home. 

I cant fix this. 

I cant fix this.

Its broken, just like Hannah, just like Clio's soul.

B r o k e n. 

"Ahem," the girl freezes, her heart skipping a beat. Was there someone behind her Someone here in her garden, in the ruins of what used to be her pride and joy. The sound echoes through her mind, bouncing off the walls until it consumes her, being the only sound that she could hear, the only thing that she could focus on. She felt like she was losing a grip on herself, her hands trembling even harder into the dirt before she whirled around with all the energy she had. Some where in the back of her mind she had begun to convince herself that she was just imagining it, that if there really had been someone behind her that maybe they would have done more than just clearing their throat. So when her eyes came face to face with another human begin she almost screams, her throat closing around the sound of horror as she scrambles backwards in the dirt. 

Her heart hammers wildly in her chest, her eyes growing ever so wide as she took in the figure before her. It was a man, a boy who could barely be older than her... but unlike many of the other boys his face lacked the youth that most shone. Maybe it was just his facial hair, or maybe it was because of the darkness that seemed to taunt his eyes, or the bag a few shades to dark under his eyes that made him seem so much older. 

"W-what are you- who are y-you- why," She stammers over her words, her lips trembling with fear, with surprise as she tries to find the right words to construct a coherent sentence. But she only fails, jumping all over the place in a feeble attempt to justify the reason to why he was here, why he was in her garden, why he only stared at her, why he stood in the shadows of fear, of hurt of death. 

"This is my place, this was here place, you-you cant- go- what are you- she wouldn't want you here." Her head shaking desperately her fingers once again bury themselves in the dirt, trying to find comfort in the familiar feel, as it slide over her skin, buried itself under her nails. But she felt nothing, she felt like the dirt was foreign around her fingers and she almost wanted to cry as she remembered the very first time she had found this place. But she doesn't, her tear- dirt- streaked face staring up at the boy. "Who are you- what do you want?" 

[kousei ♚]

JETTHAWK

When you were young
You lost on everyone
Then you closed your eyes
And said your goodbyes

It's a symphony of tragedy and disaster and I'm stuck there just observing it awkwardly. My mouth is drier than a desert and I'm sweating, my heart is smashing against my ribcage like a drum. Breathe in, and out. Slowly, slow and steady wins the race. That's what I was always told, but I don't know what the hell to do with this travesty. I alerted her to my presence but it feels like an age when she finally turns around and acknowledges me. I feel her gaze burning a huge hole through my soul and I can't help but recoil slightly at her.

She looks about my age, and yet her facial features and blurred and marred with grief. What must have been a pretty face is buried under piles and piles of grief and sorrow. Yet I'm not afraid, just slightly uncomfortable. If anything, I take a step forwards once the initial recoil passes. Just looking at her is like looking into a mirror for my own feelings. I never cried when any of my family went into the games to die, not once. And yet I was a wreck on the inside, the urge to make everything I saw a reflection of this garden was very real. No tears may have flown down my face but the struggle manifested itself in a completely different way.

Come to think of it do I seem to be in any better shape?

I'm not an emotional wreckage, I don't have tears stained on my face, I'm not surrounded by demolished beauty but I certainly can't look all that good. Lack of sleep is just written on my forehead. Bags hang under my eyes, I'm as white as a ghost and my hair has been turning into a crows nest slowly but surely. I'm not an emotional wreck but I sure as hell am a physical one. Even on my hands (which I've always been so proud of) it's begun to show with an increasing amount of scars riddling them from work 'accidents'.

"W-what are you- who are y-you- why," She's stuttering, her words almost incomprehensible, just a bunch of grief ridden verbal garbage flowing out of her mouth. I don't even know how to respond, I just keep staring, the words not even able to form in my brain properly, if I tried to talk they'd just be a reflection of her words. It's a sad mental block, the only thing I can do is just let the shadows wrap around me, thinking that they'd take me away from this awkward situation.

"This is my place, this was here place, you-you cant- go- what are you- she wouldn't want you here." She continues, her head shaking and she buries her hands in the dirt. "Er, well, erm." Is all I manage to say, to be honest confusion just riddles my brain. I can't think of anything to say, at risk of her getting angry and attacking me or something. Maybe if I just slowly back away I can-

"Who are you- what do you want?"

The direct question stops be dead in my tracks, like a brick wall, hard and straight to the point. She's directly addressing me, there will be no getting out of this one. No just chuckling nervously and getting out of this one. I can't run, not like home. Just answer the question, ain't nothing hard about that. I'm overcomplicating it, just need to answer, she's just a person who's very upset. That's an understatement, she's a beacon of grief, a symbol of despair, the centre of carnage.

I gulp.

Bloody coward.

"I-I'm Jett, Jett Hawk," I answer as loud as possible, trying to show what little confidence I have in myself in this situation. "I just came here by accident I swear." I answer, biting my lip and holding my hands up, as if it'll clear myself of any responsibility. I don't know what's making me more nervous, that fact that she's a girl or that she looks like she's had some kind of emotional breakdown. Probably the former, bloody coward.

"I'm just looking for a place to escape." I add nervously. As if that will make any damn difference.

[k!ah]

“

YOU'RE GONNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT.

Clio Burke

17

district nine

···

"Clio? Clio what are you doing?" her voice is so small, her tiny fingers linking with Clios as she stepped from the shadows and into the light. Clio hadnt seen her follow her, she never did take notice of anything else when it came to her garden. So it hit her by surprise to see the small girl step from the pushes, her eyes dancing with mischief. She looked so much like their mother, with eyes as bright at the sky. Most people told her this and Clio would just smile cause sometimes she forgot, forgot what her mothers eyes looked like, what her voice sounded like. Her mother wasn't dead... no she was very much alive she was just not here. Never here. 

"Lilly! Did you follow me?" Her face  foreign anger as she walks up to the small girl, crouching before her she clasped her hands with her, her eyes lighting up at the thought of sharing the secrets of the garden with her little sister. "What am I doing, well I am gardening of course. Would you look at this place," Her voice is filled with the excitement of a child being shown new toys or having the luxury of a piece of candy. Clios garden was her candy.  

Taking her sisters hand she stand up tall, she point over to the plants in the corner, the first ones she planted. They were the tallest now, and their was three of them, all of them blossoming with gorgeous flowers, colours so bright that she was sure that if she places them against a sheet of black that they would almost glow. 

"You see, over there? Those are the first ones I planted. I planted three of them. One for you. One for your brother. And one for me. They are the proof that no matter what- storm of sunshine- that we will always be together. Always."

Her sisters eyes grow wide, and she clasps Clio's hand tighter, dragging her over to the threes plants. "They are so pretty. Will they really be here forever? Like us?"

"Always."

For a second she forgets that the boy is even standing there, her eyes desperately searching the corner of her garden. They search desperatly until they fall onto the three plants. All of them stood tall, bathed in the light of the moon, unharmed by her destruction. The girl felt like her heart had stopped as she stared at the flowers, the flowers which meant so much to her. 

Always.

"I-I'm Jett, Jett Hawk,"

Hawk.

The name stuck out to her and suddenly her eyes are no longer dancing over the flowers but glues to him, her brows knitting into a frown as she tried to pin point the name through the ruins of her mind. Hawk. Hawk. Hawk- where had she heard that name before, she was so sure that she knew it because it was like a throne in her side. Hawk-

Taurus.

Taurus Hawk. District nine male tribute. 

Suddenly the fear, the discomfort, hostility all begins to fade. Usually, in situations like this, she would be lost for wards. But as she climbs to her feet, her body swiftly moved over to the boy where she stands before him for just a few moments before folding him to her arms. She wraps them around him, hoping that he would not recoil, hoping that he would accept her even though she was a complete stranger, one covered in dirt and broke. 

"I am sorry. I am so sorry." She whispers into his ear as she held him tightly, praying that he would understand, hoping that he would draw comfort from the embrace of another. 

[kousei ♚]

JETTHAWK

When you were young
You lost on everyone
Then you closed your eyes
And said your goodbyes

Why do I care?

Why do I care so much?

I've cared all my life, I've always cared about everyone who shared even a drop of Hawk blood, whether or not they had the name Hawk. Storm, Jabber. They were always there, then they weren't there. I cared about Taurus, he was always there, now he isn't here. He's a cripple, limping somewhere in that bog of an arena. I care, I care in my own way, somewhere deep down I've always cared with very fibre in my being I cared and cared and cared. And they're all going, going, going, gone. Just the thought of it makes my bottom lip tremble.

There's a tense moment of silence, the silence is deafening, no noise at all. The moment is tense, no words are spoken after my little explanation. I'm just stood there, looking eyes with her, holding my hands up, as if I'm abolishing myself of any blame. No wait, I didn't even do nothing wrong! Or did I? I'm an intruder here, stumbling upon this broken palace of grief because I wasn't looking where I was going. I'm just stood there, my gaze not dropping and being as frozen as a statue. I can't say anything, or do anything, just standing there as she looks like she's thinking on something, or processing something.

Does she even care? Does she know how much I cared?

Does she even know anything about me? The only thing I told her was my name, how I got here, that's it. I'd expect her to be like everyone else - to look at me with disgust, contempt, judgement. Give me something. I want her to say something, the silence is making me break a sweat, making my knees feel like buckling under the pressure of her silence. I'd expect her to do something: get angry, scream at me, spit at me, scream at me to get out - something, anything. We're just standing here like two statues in a deadlock.

And then movement.

My arms drop at the same time as her gaze drop and she begins to walk towards me. I don't move, I don't turn and run, I don't even lift my arms to defend myself. I just stand there like a petrified kitten as she walks towards me.

Closer.

And closer.

And closer.

I get a better look at her when I'm just out of her reach. Cascading brown hair on her head, illuminated by the moonlight she stepped into. Her eyes stricken with some kind of grief, I see the tears desperately clinging to her eyelashes. Her clothes are a ragged mess, brown clings to her clothes - clearly showing she's a dirty mess, everything rugged and stained, tainted and impure. The words don't even leave my mouth, the words hanging off the edge of my tongue but clinging to stay in like the tears on her face. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

She's right there, touching me, staining me, drawing me closer and closer.

Into an embrace.

"I am sorry. I am so sorry." Her words dance around into my ear, playing in my mind as if relaxing me; they turn me from tense, alert and frigid to calm, confused and loose. She doesn't say anything more, doesn't explain why she's apologising but she can only be apologising for two things.

1. Being so aggressive towards me literally less than a minute ago.

2. She's being like everyone else.

I've been hearing that word everywhere I go. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Does that word even have any more meaning? Sorry, we just throw that around now? I was sick of it, I was sick of hearing that damn s-word.

Until now.

I can't put my finger on why it's different from everyone else, especially why it's different when a stranger says it. My arms move on their own, they slide up and wrap around so I'm hugging her back. There's no tears from me, no sobs, just words.

"Thank you." I whisper into her ear. See, now there's a word that hasn't lost it's meaning at all.

I don't break away, just keeping in that embrace as I ask a question of my own.

"What's your name?"

[k!ah]

“

YOU'RE GONNA CARRY THAT WEIGHT.

Clio Burke

17

district nine

···

"Clio, are mum and dad going to come home soon? Its been longer than usual... Clio do they care about us? do they love us? Did I do something wrong, is that why their never around? Clio... if so, I am sorry. I am sorry I drove them from home." His voice is so small, his eyes glazed with tears as she kneels down beside her brother, her arms pulling him into a hug she hold him tightly as he cried, running a hand through his hair calming him she speaks. 

"Lawson, hey, look at me." She pulls him away just enough so that her eyes meet his, her lips pulling back into a small smile. "lawson mum and dad love you so much," (was she lying to him? could they even give two shit about us?) "They love you so much, okay. You have done nothing wrong, nothing at all, okay? So never, never apologize for them not being here. Never okay." (they should be the ones apologizing to us. To Clio.)

'Clio, thank you, I love you so much."

"Thank you." the words slip through the air, finding her ears and she smiles. Despite everything, despite her grief, the mess that she was in, that her mind was in the girl managed to smile. She hadn't realized it till now but she too needed this. She too needed to feel the contact of another human being, someone who she didnt know, frankly who didn't care about- but if she hand't of cared, she wouldnt have appologised. She did care, despite how much she told herself she didn't- she did. She couldn't help it, it was who she was, even if most of the time she couldn't show it. 

"Whats your name?"

He doesn't pull away from her embrace as he speaks and she doesn't want him too. She didn't want him to let go for a while, she felt like if her let go now she would crash, crash into tiny pieces and that she would be truly lost- she feared she wouldn't be able to find her way back. 

"Clio."

She speaks softly, her voice barely a whisper, but her lips were so close to his ears that she knew he would hear, she knew that it wold make it to him. 

"Hey, I know we have just meet, and this isnt usually like me... but can we stay like this, just like this for a little while? I know you owe me nothing... but I would really... I would really appreciate it."