you don't wanna be high like me} {Astrid v Nell Day 7

[Loony]

"SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LET THE COLORS FLY,

WE'RE COLORBLIND FROM THE BLACK AND WHITE."

Nell Locke, what have you done to yourself?

Her heartbeat races like a jackhammer as she stares into the stars. The warmth radiating from the bodies on her right and left feel like hellfire as she tries to close her eyes. Her stomach churns and her brow sweats as she struggles to remain grounded. She used to think that she was empty because morals had been drained from her as drugs filled the empty space. She thought that, because of who she was and what she did, no one would ever bother with her again. She never thought that she would be loved. Never thought it would come to this.

K i l l e r

Knuckles white, lips stained red, eyes blue and bloodshot.

She grips the knife firmly. She trusted these people. Trusts.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight.

Eight left. No more, no less.

She knows what happens when there is only eight left. Killing, murder, slaughter. She knows what to expect. She won’t allow this. Not her. Not the girl who came into these games ready to kill, murder, slaughter, others for her own well being. Not the girl who so firmly believes in self preservation above others.

But she can’t bring herself to leave these people. Why?

The anthem displays what she already suspects.

Noelia Tribideaux, District 10. Dead.
Iain Miristomia. District 11. Dead.
Nell Locke. Alive. But is she really?

The facts were painful. Seven deaths were coming, exponential decay was unavoidable. Whether she likes it or not, three will be from her small group of misfits. She won’t be there for them. She won’t allow it.

She sits up, ignoring the spinning world from her withdrawal, and grabs her bag. She yanks the yellow and blue straps, long stained brown and red, onto her shoulders and pushes herself to her feet.

She won’t let it be so.

She’s halfway out the clearing when she realizes she isn’t alone.

His eyes are staring right at her, his massive form huddled against the wet night.

Sully.

Her district partner. The one who infinities ago smiled at her on the train as they headed towards this destructive hell. What pain they had faced together since then. Near deaths, murder and supportive smiles paved the road they had travelled together. Now here they stood, the fork stood before them and they both saw it coming.

She made her way to his side, and sat down carefully on the mud. She looked up to the stars, not ready to stare at the sun that sat next to her.

”Nell, do you know what ohana means?"

She pauses at the bizarre word, and glances at the boy for a moment, “No, I don’t.”

"Ohana means family, Nell. Family means nobody gets left behind," she looks at the ground, not worthy of the stars above. He is right, she shouldn’t be so selfish and ditch them like an unwanted dog. But she knows where they are.

“Family for me is two drunks and a whole lot of bruises. At least… it used to be…” she looked into his large eyes as tears stream down her’s, “Now it’s you, Sully. It’s you guys. Here. In this shitty hell. This is family for me.”

She sniffles at the ground. She can’t be weak now, not now. She wipes her nose and eyes and forces herself to look at him. “But I can't do this anymore. I can't stay here with you, because I can't let this wonderful, crazy, maniacal family tear me apart."

"But- that's the thing. A family is a group of people, no matter who they are or what they look like are always connected. They're always there, deep inside of you,” his voice is low, failing to hide the emotion that ran through it. Nell was never good with the emotions of others, her own were enough to deal with, but now here she was comforting a boy a full head taller than her.

"They're always in your scars, because they're the ones that heal them up."

She closed her eyes, wanting to block out everything he was saying, wanting to run away from everything. But that’s not possible.

She let out a breathy laugh, "Damn it Sully, you can't make it easy for me, can you?"
She takes a deep, wobbly breathe, "I'm leaving... but I'll still be there for you. Don't you ever forget that, ever."

She looks at him as he makes the smallest of nods of acceptance, "Until death we part, we are destined to the same life."

This was it for the duo from five. Their final goodbyes. She turns to the stars, as if there was a solution to it all written among them. She puts her frail arm around him,

"Goodbye, Sully."

She rises and begins to walk away, afraid to let him see the tears that ran down her face.

His voice is but a whisper that drifts in the humid air, but his final words to her broke her spirit. She pauses for a moment.

(Goodbyes are final, Nell)

She hikes up her bag, wipes the droplets of despair from her eyes and begins to walk. She does not look back, because she knows, if she does, she would see his eyes, their bodies, their love and find herself running back for them. She pulls out Eggie, the gift from a girl with too much suffering inside. She hopes to never again see Astrid or Sully. Faces on the sky.

They will become memories. They will become her history. They will be her home.

She wanders throughout the night, her steps feel smaller without Sully or Atticus to guide her. She is now alone.

L o s t

But she is used to being lost. Before the games, she was lost in a reverie of drug induced dreams and painful need for a hit. Before her drug addiction, she was lost in a world of mourning for her brother and strikes from her parents. Before her brother’s death, she was found in his arms and his smile. And before today, she was found in the friendship with Astrid, Sully and Atticus.

But now she is lost once again.

Her steps are slow. one. two. Three. One two three. one … two… three. One…. two….. The thick mud grows upon her boots, and she finds herself pulling on plants to help her move along through the arena.

The good thing about drugs is that they aren’t always the worst thing to happen to you. A quick hit of heroin, and Nell would be racing through the arena like a bat out of hell. Instead she finds herself puking into a bird’s nest and praying no one is nearby.

She travels through the night.

One. Two. One. Two.

Killer. Murderer. Killer. Murderer.

The eyes of Basil Anatola will never leave her. But she doesn’t want them to. She doesn’t want to block out the reality just yet, because if she pretends she’s innocent. Masquarades the darkness that is within her, and acts as though she is an innocent, she won’t survive the next few days.

Suddenly, the world spins, and she is on the floor.

Is this death?

But she awakens behind bars.

Her blue eyes open to the muck and shit. Her head pounds like she’s coming down from a high and her body feels weak. Whatever they gassed her with knocked her out cold. She stumbles to her feet, stomach sick. She looks for an exit along the bars, hoping this is just something to run from.

Then she spots the body.

Nonononononononononono. No. No! NO!

She won’t. She can’t. She won’t.

The girl who called her an angel. The girl whose blue eyes light up a room. The girl whose mind is a maze and heart is an open field. The girl who loved rocks, and the color of Nell’s eyes. The girl who was completely innocent and completely perfect.

Astrid Shaw.

“No! I won’t!” she screams the words, waking the girl in the process, “We were fucking allies you pricks! Bring me that psychopath or that bitch from three! FUCK! GIVE ME ATTICUS! NOT HER!”

But nothing changes, the walls do not fall, the lock is not undone. She is still in this cage, instructions clear.

Kill.

She looks at the girl from 2. She put her back on the wall, tears streaming down her face, head clenched in her hands. Her mind races struggling to find a solutoin, and for a moment her hand moves towards a knife. But then she sees the rock, her rock on the ground next to her bag, and her hand went slack.

“I ca-can’t…” her breaths were shallow as she struggled to suck air, “Astrid…”

She won’t kill this girl. She will be selfless, for once in her goddamn life she will be selfless. She doesn’t have to be selfish.


”Just kill me, Astrid. Please… just kill me.”

That’s right Nell, make a killer out of her.

[Nell does not attack because of feels]

CREDIT TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER AKA я𝑜𝓈𝑒

[ali]

"DO WE FORGET THE WAY DIAMOND SHATTERS LIGHT?

A SIGHT FOR WEARY EYES, THE COLOURS OF THE TWILIGHT RISE."

Astrid remained quiet, her lips sealed into a thin line, after the talk with Nell. Her mind weighed heavy with the words that had been interchanged, even now- as the sun set leaving the arena cast in a long orange glow- her mind was a flurry of hundreds upon hundreds of thoughts. Thoughts of outcomes, thoughts of Nell Locke’s face appearing in the sky, thoughts of words that were left unsaid; when she scrunched her eyes tight she could see the thoughts, feel them rattling inside her skull as they increased in number with increasing velocity and loudness that left her head screaming.

Her eyes still welled with tears as the two sat- side by side- watching the fire of the cornucopia slowly burn out. The tree was like a flickering candle which had run out of wick to burn, once engulfed in great golden flames which crackled and flicked towards the sky was now only a light with soft embers of once a great force. The tree still glowed, in a ghostly orange light which filled the sky. From within its belly, Astrid could still hear the fire raging on as ash toppled from the sky like freshly fallen snow, twisting and turning as the ash particles fell from the cloud which rose high into the atmosphere before trailing off into the distance.

Glancing to her side, the light of the burning tree caught the curve of Nell’s face. Her pale skin, matted with sweat, dried blood, dirt, seemed even paler in this light. She wasn’t quite sure how it was possible, but Nell Locke shone gold in the fading embers of the once great cornucopia, despite the enclosing darkness. And so Astrid took this moment, before the embers faded into oblivion and their world would be plunged into darkness, to observe her as if this would be the last time she would see that face.

Little did Nell Locke know, was that Astrid Shaw planned for this to be the last time for the girl to see her face. The voices, the days passing, the counting down of those already out, was becoming too much for the blonde; it was only a matter of time before the fires inside her couldn't be controlled and the demons within her would win and she’d hurt them. All of them. Nell, Sol, Atticus. Astrid couldn't let that happen. She had wondered what these people gave her, the emotion that welled inside her heart each time she heard Sol’s voice, saw Atticus’s smile or heard Nell’s laugh. However she no longer wondered. She knew. They gave her life, purpose, they gave her home that she had never once felt before. They gave her a sense of belonging, something her home in two had never offered and she loved every single one of them.

She loved Atticus like the little brother she wished she’d only had. She revelled in his silence and enjoyed his company. She enjoyed watching him tie his shoes, untie them and tie them again. She hoped maybe one day he’d show her to tie her own shoes- for him, she’d wear shoes, even if it were just for a day. His small smile lit up her day, it was meek and shy but Astrid did not care. Atticus was that little brother and she couldn’t lose him.

She loved Sol Shim like the big brother she had only dreamed of. The stories which he told her, they were the best. She never really understood them sometimes, their context was far too observed and strange for her mind to grasp but that did not matter to Astrid Shaw. She only cared that his tales made her feel excited, made her gasp in anticipation and giggle with joy when the time called for it or not, she wasn’t good at sad. Sol Shim may have been a monster, but he was a protector. He was just trying to protect their little family and for that, she couldn’t hurt him.

Then there was Nell Locke. Astrid wasn’t sure where to place her. She was like a mother, in all sense, she was there to protect Astrid from harms way just as mothers were supposed too. She had yelled at people for hurting her, she had told her to be quiet when it was dangerous to be loud and there were countless upon countless examples of why- by all definitions- Nell Locke should have been the mother that Astrid had never been privileged to have but she was so much more.

Nell Locke wasn’t just a single definition. The blonde couldn’t put her finger on it, she wasn’t quite sure what the emotion was that caused her stomach to flutter when Nell smiled, the emotion which made Astrid smile uncontrollably when Nell laughed- though rarely; but it was that very emotion, the very one she felt as she gazed upon the girl’s face in the diminishing light, that meant she had to leave. Astrid wasn’t sure, whether she could live with herself if she had to hurt Nell Locke. The other people, the creatures she had hurt had always been different.

Or Nell Locke was different from them.

Eventually, Nell’s face faded away into black as the flames finally died, plunging her world into darkness. Tears welled in Astrid’s eyes as she thought of what she was going to do in the dead of the night, once she was sure they were all asleep. The voices were advising her against it, they were angry, they were furious that she was considering walking away into the darkness to hopefully never see them again; the last thing she wanted was to see Sol, or Atticus’s or Nell’s faces doused in silver against the stars. She’d rather die first.

Maybe the girl from 3 can stab me through the heart..that’d be quick...wouldn’t it?

The girl kept this thought at the forefront of her mind as she laid down beside Atticus and Nell, closing her eyes with the full intention of pretending to sleep for as long as she could before- in the light of the silver moon- she would disappear. Like a ghost she would walk into the abyss and never return to see her friends, her little dysfunctional family. If all went according to plan, they would see her face in the sky the following night and think “hey remember that girl from District 2? She was great”.

She scrunched her eyes tighter, and then she opened them again hoping that the rest had fallen asleep but there was no rest. The world was spinning and her head was ringing but Astrid could not see anyone else and a soft light filtered through a thick fog which clung to the ground and wrapped around her body like a quilt. The blonde’s brow furrowed. Did I fall...asleep? she asked herself half asleep, eyes drooped half closed, as she stared ahead at the light of the dawn.

“No! I won’t!” Yelled and all too familar voice.

Astrid’s stomach sunk. Jolting up, the blonde realized that there was something wrong. Something horribly wrong. The girl gasped as the shouting continued, her eyes darting this way and that way at the world around her. Like a little bird, she was trapped inside of a cage; a cage which towered above her and encircled her with no way out. Her heart thudded inside her chest, as her petrified gaze slowly fell onto the person she was entrapped with.

“...Nell?” She whispered, tears welling in her eyes.

This is it.

“What’s going on…” The blonde asked in desperation even though she thought she knew. This must be punishment. They had spent too long together, become too close and now Ripred was punishing them by locking them inside a cage to either starve to death or...or…the blonde shook her head vigorously, jumping to her feet and running at the cage screaming in pure rage. NO! NO!. Her small fists grasped the bars and shook them, as she screamed at the top of her very lungs but no one would hear this bird's song. No one was coming to help.

“Astrid…” Nell’s sob caught Astrid’s attention and finally she let her gaze fall, still, on her friend. Nell Locke had her head grasped in her hands but her arms dropped to her side, going slack, as the angels gaze fell on Eggie. Astrid followed the gaze for a moment before returning to her angel. Something in her stomach twisted in anticipation of what was coming next.

“..yes” Astrid spoke as small and meekly as a little mouse.

”Just kill me, Astrid. Please… just kill me.”

Astrid’s eyes shut tightly, letting out a strangled sob. The world began to spin as the fire, the demons, inside her began to engulf her; her head filled with the cackling laughter of voices, the flutter of thoughts span to the ground like paper planes that had lost their momentum. She swayed, catching herself on the edge of the cage as Nell Locke’s words resonated through her. Why me? You wanted to play this game Astrid. This is how you play I wanted to play, but I never wanted it to end…

“I never wanted it to end like this…” The blonde found herself, thinking outloud with her eyes scrunched tightly shut with Nell Locke’s words resonated through her skull.

Just Kill Me.

Letting out a shaky breath, the blonde inhaled sharply and kept it there as if that would be her last. Her gaze returned to Nell one last time as she knelt down to pick up her spear. Other people’s blood coated its silver blade, the sun caught the ruby red edge of it as the blonde grasped the spear in her hands until her knuckles turned white. Closing her eyes, she looked to the sky and prayed. Please. She asked- asked anyone- as she plunged the weapon at the girl she held so close.

[Astrid Shaw attacks Nell Locke]
twFp0OtMspear
[damage]

table by Briar

spear

[Loony]

"SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LET THE COLORS FLY,

WE'RE COLORBLIND FROM THE BLACK AND WHITE."

Her eyes are shut to the world.

‘Darkness is a relaxant,’ she decided, as she continued to wait for death.

The girl from two was just as tortured as Nell; her ragged breaths mixed with sobs and fear. Nell stared at her as she picked up her spear. It had never been her intention to hurt her, but she had. She was making this girl do something that she would never do. The girl grips up the spear, and Nell closes her eyes as she walks towards her.

She doesn’t want to see Death coming.

He’s already here.

The spear rips through her leg, drawing blood and regret. She squeals in pain, and looks at the girl from two with fear. She is going to do it. Astrid will kill her.

Nell is still for a moment. When stressed, Nell, like many others, closes her eyes and counts to three. But she is not stressed, she is afraid. So she does not count to three. Instead, she lists everything that she wished she could change.

She wished she could change her name. She wished she could change her hair color. She wished she could change her parents. She wished she could stop being addicted to heroin. She wished she had never met Astrid Shaw. She wished her name had never been chosen. She wished she was stronger. She wished she had never accepted death.

There was only one thing on that list she could reasonably do, and it would require taking back her promises. Taking back everything she had ever said to the girl in front of her.

She would have to attack Astrid.

Attack the girl she learned to protect like a child.

But why not?

Who was Nell Locke to be a moral goddess? She was not ready to die. She wanted to die in an alley with a needle in her arm, not at the hands of a girl she met only a few weeks ago.

Fuck this.

She was selfish, but so was fucking everyone else. It’s human nature to want to protect oneself. There is a reason, because humans are selfish creatures, and Nell, despite what some hallucinations told her, is human.

She would be selfish. She would not change. She never wanted these games to change her.

Killer.

Yes she is. She’s killed before, and she’ll kill again.

Nell Locke is a spineless, good-for-nothing, selfish, manipulative, piece of shit.

But she’s only human.

She rises to her feet, now standing eye to eye to the girl she had once promised to never harm. Astrid Shaw is human to, with flaws and dreams and hopes.

“Sorry, Astrid. I’m going to fail you once again.”

She lunged with tears in her eyes.

How could you be so pathetic, Nell Locke?

like this

[Attacks Astrid]
BfZte1sZthrowing knife
[9102 -- Miss (knife lost) -- 0.0 damage]

ACCURACY DAY 7:
throwing knife
[9030 -- Knife deep in Thigh -- 8.5 damage]

CREDIT TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER AKA я𝑜𝓈𝑒

throwing knife�throwing knife

[ali]

"DO WE FORGET THE WAY DIAMOND SHATTERS LIGHT?

A SIGHT FOR WEARY EYES, THE COLOURS OF THE TWILIGHT RISE."

Astrid had never liked the colour red. It was far too close to the colour pink, another colour which she hated with a passion. She'd never suited the colour red, the colour of blood which pumped through her veins, it made her look like a clown; it made her look like a clown. As Astrid's spear sliced through the other girls leg, she decided that red didn't suit Nell Locke either.

The girl whimpered as she saw the blood trickle from the gash she'd caused, watching it run down the pale skin of Nell Locke's leg and into the dirt beneath their feet. It pooled there for a moment before soaking into the earth, like it was feeding a wilted flower.

What have I done Astrid Shaw whispered to herself as she watched Nell Locke rise to her feet. You did what was neccisary.  Yet the girl couldn't see it that way. She did not see how hurting the girl she cared so much for was paramount to her survival. In this moment, she was blinded from the path of survival by her adorement for Nell.

"Nell?" the blue eyed girl questioned, her eyes filling with tears as her brow furrowed, her gaze on the knife which fit snuggly into the other girls hand "what are you doing ...?"

“Sorry, Astrid. I’m going to fail you once again.”

Before Astrid could even think of a response, her thoughts a flurrying mess inside her mind, she felt her skin on her leg part at the touch of Nell Locke's knife. She screamed because this time, unlike the others, she felt pain; but rather than the pain radiating from the gash on her leg, the pain radiated from her chest.

Betrayal.

"Stop!" Astrid yelled, anger filling her face, scowling in displeasure at Nell Locke's words "Stop Saying That!"

Please.

And- as if she weren't in control anymore- suddenly she plunged her spear towards the girl.

[Astrid Shaw attacks Nell Locke]
e90y8Lf4spear
[3032 -- Block -- 0.0 damage]

table by Briar

spear

[Loony]

"SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LET THE COLORS FLY,

WE'RE COLORBLIND FROM THE BLACK AND WHITE."

Nell knows she is selfish. She knows she is a murderer; she knows that, to some, she is evil. But she didn’t know that was ruthless, that she would hurt a girl she loved for another moment of life, and neither did Astrid.

"Stop! Stop Saying That!" the girl’s face boiled with anger at Nell’s assertion that she is a failure. Anger at the truth.

It was true, because here she stood, battling the one girl she had vowed to never fight. She knew it was pathetic, but so was she. Wasn’t it pathetic for her to stick needles in her arm to avoid her pain? Wasn’t it pathetic for her to kill because she wanted to survive? Wasn’t it pathetic for her to slash a blind person along the head? Wasn’t it pathetic that always knew she would kill Astrid under the right circumstances?

Wasn’t she pathetic?

She laughed at herself, a true laugh at her weasly life.

It was coming to a bitter end, her fantasy of being an angel to another. Astrid Shaw no longer viewed her as perfection. But she still viewed the girl from 2 s a perfect balance of innocent and violence.

This was the end of fantasies and dreams.

This was the collapsing of everything pure in this arena.

She could feel it within her as she blocked Astrid’s thrust. Her family was being torn apart, and she knew that it was coming. She always knew it was coming, but she had forced herself to believe that it would last forever.

“Astrid…” the tears began once again as she stared into the girl’s eyes, “I’m not going to die for you, Astrid. I want to… but I can’t… I won’t. I’m so sorry.”

Are you really sorry, Nell? Because you aren’t acting like it

shut up

[Attacks Astrid]
|sGp27oRthrowing knife
[9123 -- Deep Gash on Hand -- 7.5 damage]

CREDIT TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER AKA я𝑜𝓈𝑒

throwing knife

[ali]

"DO WE FORGET THE WAY DIAMOND SHATTERS LIGHT?

A SIGHT FOR WEARY EYES, THE COLOURS OF THE TWILIGHT RISE."

The shattering sound of metal against metal rang through Astrid's ears, the horrific sound making her hiss in displeasure. Her spear was jutted to the side and she stumbled, scowling at the block she'd recieved from the other girl. Though secretly she was grateful, grateful that she had missed. That she hadn't drawm anymore of Nell Locke's blood.

She was grateful that Nell Locke was killing her. Putting her down like a lame beast that didn't deserve to live anymore; a slow painful death. At least a death would rid her of her sins. Rid her of all the hurt that she felt in her heart, the hurt she hadn't the capacity to feel so had put it away, locked it up so that she never had to feel again.

But Nell Locke had broken that lock and thrown away the key, now Astrid felt everything. She felt the anger, first and foremost. It coarsed through her veins, a raging fire that even with her emotions locked away- blocked out- anger was the hardest to subdue. Sadness was something else that lingered inside her. Sadness was an emotion she scarecely understood but it caused the tears to well in her eyes and her heart to feel heavy.

For that, Astrid felt hatred.

Towards Nell Locke?

Perhaps.

“I’m not going to die for you, Astrid. I want to… but I can’t… I won’t. I’m so sorry.”

Astrid Shaw paused, blinking. Does she mean it? No. Shut up. No. You have no say in whether she is sorry or not. You can't make that decision. You're right, but can you?

"Why?" she asked, simply, her hands shaking as she repositioned her spear. The blonde stared into Nell Locke's gaze, wanting to continue, wanting to speak but the words wouldn't come to her lips.

I'd die for you

[Astrid Shaw attacks Nell Locke]
6KMABIZPspear
[3003 -- Deep Gash on Right Forearm -- 8.0 damage]

table by Briar

spear

[Loony]

"SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LET THE COLORS FLY,

WE'RE COLORBLIND FROM THE BLACK AND WHITE."

“Why?”

The word broke her. The innocent eyes stared back at her in confusion and hurt. Why are you doing this to me, Nell, why are you so fucking selfish? She wanted to scream at her, curse her out and tell her to fuck off, stab her in the throat to shut her up. But this was Astrid.

Astrid deserved an answer.

She learned how to steal when she was 17. Drug money made the world go round, and she was spinning out of control. Wells dry, pockets and stomach empty, need strong and desire stronger. She was ready to hit rock bottom. But along came a stranger, his stride long and proud, eyes downcast as he strode through the dark alleyways. He was probably a john soliciting young girls, but she wasn’t a whore. Instead, she bumped into him and slender hands took fat bills. Then she ran. She ran.

She would kill Astrid because she knows that stealing damns you. And to steal a life is sure to damn her to something much worse than jail time.

She learned to be selfish when she was 14. Her brother belong to her and to her alone. His death was her pain, and no one else’s. She took all the pain that her parents should have felt, she took the pain that his nonexistant friends should feel. She took it all, and kept it for herself. From his death she learned that if she did not take what she wants, the world would rip it away. She knew to never again let something slip from her grasp.

She would kill Astrid because she knows that selfishness saves you. And Astrid is not selfish.

This life is hers.

She won’t let it be taken away.

This weasly, drug-filled, frail, life is hers.

She will never let it go.

Never

Her grip tightened upon her knife, a single tear ran down her cheek. It hurt to hurt Astrid. But it would hurt more to go down without a fight. She couldn’t accept Death now, not when she had spent so much time working to avoid him.

“I won’t die for you because I’m not an angel, Astrid. I’m not going to pretend anymore. I’m not…” she paused, gasping to regain her breath, “I can’t be your angel.”

You were never an angel.

You are a demon.

[Attacks Astrid]
xGVbp9WSknife
[result]

CREDIT TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER AKA я𝑜𝓈𝑒

knife

[ali]

"DO WE FORGET THE WAY DIAMOND SHATTERS LIGHT?

A SIGHT FOR WEARY EYES, THE COLOURS OF THE TWILIGHT RISE."

“I won’t die for you because I’m not an angel, Astrid. I’m not going to pretend anymore. I’m not…" Nell paused to take a breath "I can’t be your angel.”

Nell Locke's answer left Astrid with the taste of bile in her mouth. For a moment, the blonde wanted the words to be false, to be the lie that struck her heart with such force that for a moment she was sure that her heart had stopped beating; but that moment quickly passed within a second of the words tumbling from the girls lips.

Nell Locke had lied to her. Astrid's body shook with this revelation, as if the message had been delivered by Ripred himself and now her body flowed with celestial power, her hands tightening round the spear so tightly that the wooden handle left splinters in her palms and the undersides of her fingers.

The girls jaw clenched as she lost control of the beasts inside her. If there was anything that fueled the demon more, it was rage. Anger fuled the creature that dwelled deep inside Astrid, it fuelled her like air fuelled a flame; one spit of anger set her whole world alight and despite her doing her best to douse the flames that had ignited, she had lost her handle on it.

The lie was the match that egnited the storm of fuel deep inside Astrid and now there was no stopping it until it burnt itself dry or Astrid burnt dry first. Her body burst in rage, her eyes widening and a viscous scowl forming on her face as she stared at the liar in her mist.

Yet tears still fell, despite the fire that raged on inside her

"YOU LIED?! YOU LIED?!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, roaring the words out as if she were a wild cat trapped in this cage instead of the girl from 2. "WHERE ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID YESTERDAY A LIE TOO?!"

Please...please say no please say you were just playing pretend....

You don't really think that...do you Astrid?

[Astrid Shaw attacks Nell Locke]
H67AKl5sspear
[3039 -- Shallow Cut on Back -- 4.0 damage]

table by Briar

spear

[Loony]

"SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LET THE COLORS FLY,

WE'RE COLORBLIND FROM THE BLACK AND WHITE."

She had never intended to become something to the others.

She didn’t ask for their approval or acceptance. She was only with them because they came to her. She didn’t go to the roof that night to meet a crazy person. She didn’t volunteer because she wanted to meet Sully. She didn’t ask for Atticus to stay behind and gather the wealth.

She didn’t want them.

She didn’t want to become close to other people. To learn to care after years of numbness. It wasn’t her plan to hurt others… emotionally at least. She just wanted to survive, and surviving meant relying on others. But she hadn’t expected this bond to form.

She hadn’t expected it to hurt so much to hurt another.

She doesn’t expect Astrid’s words to cut so deep, "YOU LIED?! YOU LIED?!”

(Of course I lied, Astrid. I would lie a million times to avoid hurting you.)

"WHERE ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID YESTERDAY A LIE TOO?!"

She thought back to the conversation, reassuring the girl that everything was fine, promising her the world. Nell felt the tears run as she thought back to times where everything was good, where the world still made sense. But she was stuck in a time where she lashed out at the only good person in her life. Trapped in a personalized hell.

Why couldn’t she go back to a time when she was just a murderer,

and not a fiend.

“No… no-not all of it!” her voice was quiet, desperate to bring the girl down from her rage. (A crazed loon is not a fun loon)

“Astrid, please! It wasn’t all a lie! You’re perfect, Astrid. That was true! You’re perfect... but, I’m not.” she needed her to listen to her; hear the final plea of a girl whose life was wasted. Nell could feel the tides shifting, Astrid’s rage giving her the upper hand. This fight was her last… and she wouldn’t mind it ending here.

End me before I 
f
    a
        l
            l    


(You're already falling Nell.)   

“I’m flawed.”

damn right you are

[Attacks Astrid]
_Vs1aSvfknife
[result]

CREDIT TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER AKA я𝑜𝓈𝑒

knife

[ali]

"DO WE FORGET THE WAY DIAMOND SHATTERS LIGHT?

A SIGHT FOR WEARY EYES, THE COLOURS OF THE TWILIGHT RISE."

Astrid's spear slice through Nell Locke's skin, drawn a thin red line on her back. Her eyes fixed on the red which began to seep from the shallow, merely a graze, cut on her friends skin. She wanted to be happy that she'd drawn blood. She wanted to be happy because Nell Locke was a liar, but she wasn't.

To see blood seeping from Nell Locke's skin was yet another strike against Astrid Shaw's heart. Each graze, each cut, each wound she inflicted on the lying girl was another heart beat skipped, another moment where her stomach sunk deeper and her eyes welled with tears. Despite the rage that filled Astrid's face, nothing more hurt than knowing that her next move could spell the end for Nell.

Except, for the canon fire which rang through the arena. Astrid paused, drawing her gaze from the girl, a gasp on her lips, the blonde turned away in the direction of the noise, back towards where the charred remains of the cornucopia still stood. Sol..Atticus she thought to herself as the rememnats of the sound faded out of existence. She didn't know if it was them, but it felt as if something inside her had broken.

She felt as if she had lost someone.

Her gaze returned to Nell, who was begging her to understand that not all that she had said was a lie “Astrid, please! It wasn’t all a lie! You’re perfect, Astrid. That was true! You’re perfect... but, I’m not.”

The girls words caused Astrid's heart to ache and the rage to partially drain from her face. Sadness and regret took over but the anger still lingered. She desperately wanted to believe her friend was telling the truth but she could not see how she was perfect and how Nell Locke was flawed.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?! How do I know?!" the girl from two sobbed, gripping her spear tightly in her hands "You are not flawed to me Nell!"

She paused and then plunged her spear, just to the left of the girl. Leaving nothing but a breeze on her skin.

I am not perfect

I am just broken

[Astrid Shaw attacks Nell Locke]
rsBWdKeFspear
[3071 -- Miss -- 0.0 damage]

table by Briar

spear

[Loony]

"SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LET THE COLORS FLY,

WE'RE COLORBLIND FROM THE BLACK AND WHITE."

Her knife traces nothing but the wind, as she stumbles forward.

She missed Astrid by quite a lot actually, and she felt shame burning in her cheeks from her actions. She couldn’t even end it quickly, couldn’t do anything right. Nell was a loser, plain and simple. The word perfectly summarized Nell’s life. Loser in school, loser at home, loser on the streets, loser in the arena.

Success just wasn’t for her.

Her pathetic attempts to hurt Astrid were evidence of her failures, and yet, the girl from two continued to question why she called herself flawed. Astrid’s look of confusion melted her heart, but her words told her everything she needed to know.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?! How do I know?!"

Her questions were accusatory, suggesting that she was lying by being so brutally honest. But it wouldn’t change the fact that they were exchanging blows to the heart. It was killing them both to attack, both missing due to sobs and tears. It was a sad display of sad hearts, and they both knew it.

“You are not flawed to me Nell!"

Disillusioned.

The perfect word for Astrid Shaw. She was under the impression that Nell had a halo and wings clipped on, yet did not stutter when Nell’s knife was implanted deep in her thigh.

She had misestimated the wackiness that occurred inside Astrid’s head. It was more than a light fog, but a severe thunderstorm of misdirection and illogic. She was trapped inside a world that must seems completely upside down. But for the past week it has been Nell’s job to ensure that Astrid knew what was going on, and she can’t stop now.

“I’m telling the truth because I’m attacking you right now. I’m telling the truth because I want you to die so I can live. I’m telling the truth because it hurts me too much to let you live a lie. I’m telling the truth because I want what is best for you. And I’m flawed because I need what is best for me.”

With tears in her eyes, Nell Locke lunged for her own good.

[Attacks Astrid]
0T2RIiA4throwing knife
[9069 -- Shallow Cut on Back -- 4.0 damage]

CREDIT TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER AKA я𝑜𝓈𝑒

throwing knife

[ali]

"DO WE FORGET THE WAY DIAMOND SHATTERS LIGHT?

A SIGHT FOR WEARY EYES, THE COLOURS OF THE TWILIGHT RISE."

Her whole body shook against the weight of the situation. Nell Locke's spear slashing at her back, bringing forth a cut that barely touched the surface of her skin. Astrid should've winced, it stung as the fresh wound made contact with the fresh, swampy air but she didn't. Astrid Shaw didn't even make a sound.

Her eyes kept steady, her gaze locked on Nell Locke's own eyes, bluer than the sky, as she spewed out an answer for her; but Astrid wasn't listening. The world was noisy, the light around her scalding and Nell Locke sounded like she was speaking in some foreign tongue. The blonde tried her best to capture the words but all she could hear was:

Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

The girl let out a sob, shivering as she took in a long breath. The words wouldn't go in, the real words, the voices were laughing at her and telling her that they had been right all along. She shouldn't have trusted anyone, but deep down in her heart she knew that without Sol, Atticus...Nell, that she'd of lost the game a long time ago.

This didn't stop the anger that bubbles inside her.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND NELL! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND - MY ONLY FRIEND- BUT YOU'RE JUST BEING SELFISH!"

She drove the spear towards Nell-

Kill her

- then she stopped.

I can't...

[Astrid Shaw attacks Nell Locke]
J_J0C7xFspear
[damage]

table by Briar

spear

[Loony]

"SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LET THE COLORS FLY,

WE'RE COLORBLIND FROM THE BLACK AND WHITE."

filler bc i can

[Attacks Astrid]
v33U6K_fthrowing knife
[9078 -- Knife Deep in Stomack -- 9.0 damage]

CREDIT TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER AKA я𝑜𝓈𝑒

throwing knife

[ali]

"DO WE FORGET THE WAY DIAMOND SHATTERS LIGHT?

A SIGHT FOR WEARY EYES, THE COLOURS OF THE TWILIGHT RISE."

As Nell Locke's knife drove into her stomach, Astrid realized that she was going to lose. It was the truth, something that was now so foregin to her that she forgot the truth of many things. She had forgotten the truth that she was mad, she had believed Nell Locke to be an Angel, she had believed many falses over the last week.

But winning had not been one of them.

Instinctively, Astrid's hand clutched at her stomach, feeling the pulsating blood which erupted from within her body. The liquid slipped through her fingers, running down the rest of her stomach and soaking into the fabric of her shorts. She whimpered, tears welling in her eyes and falling down her cheeks.

"Please..." she whispered

Don't beg now Astrid. But I have to. No you don't. Yes I do, I have to try, I have to beg or I am going to lose and I won't be winning this stupid game! You are weak Astrid Shaw I know

"Please Nell..please don't do this...." She shouted over the brisk wind which rattled its way through the bars of the cage. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she lunged again, plunging her spear at the girl in almost desperation that she'd either miss or she'd end this game. Deep down, she hoped that Nell would drive her knife through her heart, ending the pain that dwelled there like a sleeping beast.

I don't want to lose...not to you

[Astrid Shaw attacks Nell Locke]
m_CalJ90spear
[3135 -- Miss -- 0.0 damage]

table by Briar

spear

[Loony]

"SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LET THE COLORS FLY,

WE'RE COLORBLIND FROM THE BLACK AND WHITE."

She left a streak of red along Astrid’s back.

Yes, that was exactly what she was doing. Stabbing her in the back.

She was performing the worst kind of mutiny, but it wasn’t her fault. She tried to tell herself that it wasn’t her choice to kill, Astrid. The fucking Gamemakers were the one’s controlling everything; every movement she made was because of their hands carefully pulling on strings. But she was only lying to herself, lying through her teeth like she had to Astrid all these days.

She was making a charade out of it, trying to pass the blame in her head. But it wasn’t possible, because her hands were stained with the blood either way, and Astrid herself would not let Nell get away with this unharmed.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND NELL! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND - MY ONLY FRIEND- BUT YOU'RE JUST BEING SELFISH!"

(I am was your friend, Astrid. But I’ve always been selfish.)

Astrid’s words are sharper than the spear point that cuts the air near Nell’s head. They bit into her heart and tear it apart like a mutt. But even the Gamemakers couldn’t make a hurt this potent, because she can see the betrayal in Astrid’s eyes, and still launches another knife into her gut.

She won’t stop. It has to end now. This entires shit storm of emotion… this hot pain boiling in her chest. The utter despair that pours down her cheeks is evident enough of how deep this toil is upon her. But she can’t find it in herself to lie down.

She lasted too long under the watch of death to do it in an smelly swamp for a girl she didn’t know.

"Please… Please Nell..please don't do this...."

The girl’s pleas drift away into the wind, but stuck to Nell like glue. She stares at the girl from 2 through watery eyes, her blonde hair whipping through the air as if it is a halo… perhaps it is.

The girl from two is an angel.

But there was nothing that said that good conquered evil in this arena.

“I’m selfish…” she sobbed as she wound up her arm, “I’m so sorry, Astrid. But this is who I’ve always been.”

Please forgive me

[Attacks Astrid]
25BRE8zEthrowing knife
[result]

CREDIT TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER AKA я𝑜𝓈𝑒

throwing knife