To violence we fall. {pogue}

[grim.]

P A L A D I N   H A L E

"There was a time, when I was alone. Nowhere to go, and no place to call home. My only friend was the man on the moon, and even sometimes he would go away too."

    Destruction all around me, the scent of blood and salt, waft through the air. When I had heard of the events that are taking place in district four, I was quick to jump on the opportunity. I had heard rumors of the endless beaches, and harsh scent of raw fish. But I was only met with the falling tears of children, and the blood stained sand, merely a crumbled image of what I had been told. 

    I had come here because during Saxton's final days, she spent so much time on the beach. She found friendship with the girl from District Six. I watched as they glanced upon the tide. I believe her words were "How often do we get to watch the ocean play tag with the shore". Or something along those lines. It was so cynical how the ocean seemed to toy with me. There was no cheerful games of tag, only the eery image of children's lifeless bodies among the beach, and the shrills of families that are no longer. 

    This was all too much, too much death, too much destruction. What if they come for me. WHAT IF THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME. Sure, I killed the little girl, but I had too there was no other option. Jack, JACK FUCKING I'M SCARED. Help me dammit, DONT LET ME DIE HERE. How am I going to get home to my family? I have sinned I'm unworthy of life. These games have ruined me. I killed an innocent girl. How will my family ever forgive me? I ran away from everyone. I was never good enough for anyone. I'M JUST AS BROKEN AS EVERY OTHER CHILD IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN ARENA. 

    I feel my knees collapse below me. I drive my palms into the burning sand. Where is everybody? I start to shuffle my arms around viciously. WHERE IS JACK?!? WHERE IS LEO!?! WHERE IS HANNAH!?! Why am I all alone? Who are these people surrounding me? I feel rivers of snake slither down my cheeks. I watch as my knuckles begin to bleed due to my thrashing. I wasn't safe here I needed to run, there was no other option. "JACK, JACK WHERE ARE YOU?!?." I stand from my position scaling the ground around me. I watch as all these faces circle around me. I watch as these sinful beings trap me. "Jack we cant stay here! MEET ME AT THE ROCKS PEAK AT SUNRISE! WE WILL GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE JACK!" My eyes are wide, my head felt as if it had lifted from my shoulders. I wasn't safe, they were after me, they were after us. 

"Then one night as I closed my eyes, I saw a shadow flying high. She came to be with the sweetest smile, told me she wanted to talk for a while."

district five . eighteen .table by Arx <3

[pogue]

AVERY

welcome to your life
there's no turning back
even while we sleep
we will find you

Here's the thing: 

I broke him.

They never taught me about power in the Peacekeeper Academy. They never engrained the feeling of blood laced underneath your fingernails, the sounds of cracking bones and snapping dignities, a man collapsing onto the ground beneath you, spit and blood spilling onto the whites of your boots as he attempts to pull himself up again.

I was never taught to drive boot into gut, to lean down and stare deep into the eyes of a dying, collapsed man. Intertwine fingers into his hair, yank his head back until whimpers escape from his throat, watch the fear flash through his eyes.

"Get up." 

They never told me how many seconds I should stand and watch a man struggle and fail to bring himself together, how many moments I should let my eyes rest on the broken bits of bread that are littered around him, filthy and soggy from the drizzle of rain that's overtaken the district. 

I was never told how to handle the gut-wrenching feeling of my stomach dropping when a man looks deep into your eyes, forcing out every last breath, and throws whispers into the breeze.

"I was just trying to feed my-" 

I wonder what it felt like slipping into darkness, cracked head hitting the pavement. 

Last I heard he was rotting in jail, feeling the forgotten crumbs of a stolen loaf of bread roll between his fingertips. 

---

I can feel the death hanging in the air, blood and sulfur dancing in the breeze, crumbled buildings accompanied by a symphony of crashing waves. I'd read tales of this place when I was younger, reading outside of our home, the scattered light of a falling sun my only guide. I'd read of canals and singing ferryman, of exotic fish and happy citizens, set sails blowing in the wind, ocean waves reflecting the sunlight into a show of rainbow flashes and bursts. 

This was nothing of the sort. 

I stand in the wreckage of what used to be a home, feeling the crunch of splintered wood and rusty pipes beneath my feet. Every step I take I'm reminded of broken homes and shattered dreams, tracing the outlines of a decimated neighborhood, wrapping my hands around a lifeless teddy bear, feeling the sopping fur fall to my touch. 

My first day here I found the body of a boy, laid to rest in the coffin of a toppled brick structure. The left side of his face was completely unrecognizable, bloody and beaten and bruised and lifeless. 

I can still feel the weight of his body in my arms, I can still picture the way his eyes looked like black holes.

His mother collapsed when she saw him, screaming of the injustice. Her tears landed on the ends of my boots, next to the bloody spots of a beaten bread thief. 

It's not the District that's broken, it's the citizens. I brush my fingertips against the cool metal of my holstered pistol, letting the tingling feeling of  cooled flesh wash over me for a brief moment. I was assigned here out of pity for a food supply, not pity for the people. 

Keeping the peace became minuscule when there had been no peace in the first place. 

I hear shouting amidst the shadows of an alleyway, throwing a glance at the side street as I stop, focusing my gaze into the alley. Inside, a kid wanders aimlessly, spouting nonsense into the already chaotic winds in the air.

My hand reaches for my gun.

I swear I feel the cold hands of a lifeless boy instead. 

Every step feels like I'm walking on the broken breaths of a mother who has lost everything she never had, lifeless, weightless. Mental breaks weren't uncommon during this whole thing. I couldn't blame people for giving up.

Wordlessly, I reach for his shoulder.

"Hey, Kid. Snap out of it." 

acting on your best behavior
turn your back on mother nature
everybody wants to
rule the world