What you Don't See // Cato

[charade]

KATELYN PERSIMMON

It was surreal, being back in the arena.  A hovercraft ride instead of a tube. 

It was aggravating.

Rage-Inducing.

Melancholy.

Forever ago and yesterday.

It was clean. Pristine. Silent.

The cornucopia was empty but she could still remember how it looked when it was full.

No blood. But she could smell it.

No noise, but she could hear it.

She looked at the placards scattered on the ground in front of the Cornucopia, monuments to the fallen marking where they fell. Hedvig Fabre. The career girl she’d been afraid of in the training center, back when she was still capable of being afraid of people. Cut to pieces by the frantic tributes around her. Levi Izar-Krane. Her district partner. A boy she had wrongfully associated with a relative, head spilt open by Lexi because he’d gotten too close and he hadn’t been one of them.

Here she had killed Dillon Hartman.

“I didn’t mean to.” She said quietly, more to herself than to Harbinger.
“I felt something graze my knee and swung out of reflex.” The redhead thrashed in the snow beneath her, missing limbs and bleeding from more wounds than Katelyn could count. "Sometimes I wonder if she was just trying to pull herself up from the slush. She was more than half dead at that point.” There was one other placard by the Cornucopia that she forced herself to look at. She pointed at it. When she turned to her fellow victor a deep sadness was evident in her eyes. Velocity Rush.

“You know, she, City that is, was going through withdrawal during the brief time I knew her. Most of what she said didn’t make a ton of sense.” The ruthless blonde from one drew her fist back and then City was on the ground, a skull fracture forming an odd depression in her head. “I’m pretty sure she just wanted some friends though.” There was one other placard by the cornucopia, and she dismounted from her horse to view it better. She stood by it with her hands folded and mouthed a small prayer for a lost soul.

She was battered, bleeding. Dying. Down to her last throwing axe and barely had the strength to hurl it. But it was enough. Lord have mercy it was enough. CRACK. Katelyn winced in spite of herself. Chaske Parks vambraces had taken a hit for her in the finale but they hadn’t done anything for him. He had lost his mind before losing his life. But in the end he’d been the same as all of them. A poor confused kid caught up in things too big for him. Nobody deserves to die alone.

Katelyn drew her lips together tightly, internally cursing Charles Tinselton and his stupid show. He was crossing a line, making her do this, sticking her in the hell she had survived for drama. At least she could spare Harbinger a walk through the tribute statue garden.

Her arena held phantoms for only her. That other damnable tourist attraction held too many ghosts. She wondered ruefully if Iona and Weaver had already been added to it. Her steed nickered softly and she rubbed its mane. At least they didn’t have to walk through her memories. Katelyn stared at Harbinger and noted his uncomfortableness. Well. It could have been worse. Like a one on one hot tub date.

Katelyn could only imagine the outfit that would have entailed and the look on Navya’s face to see the two of them so close and wearing so little. But beyond that, Harbinger looked scared. She figured this was dredging up memories for him, though at least his arena had lacked snow. And this one lacked a fallen sibling for him as well. If this unsettled him, she was glad she had spared him from seeing Crusader and Iain in stone effigy.

The cold was slightly uncomfortable, but not unbearable. Though she wished she wasn’t wearing stockings. Sometimes, the Capitol was anything but practical. Most of the time, actually. She sighed, and locked eyes with Harbinger. “I have my reasons for doing this show.” She stated offhand. Most of them are back home. One’s in the Capitol. One’s right here.” She hoped he got her meaning and shoved away the thoughts of how outsiders might interpret that statement.

“It’s tougher than I expected.” She said, scrunching her face up in thought. “There’s so many things to consider. So much I can’t account for. “Katelyn shook her head. "I sent two people home yesterday. One I’m not sure deserved it.” The problem with some of the contestants was not immediately being able to determine whether they were government plants, hiding their own agenda, genuinely being real, pandering to the cameras or just trying to pander to her. And if they were being real, would they put themselves in a position where being in a relationship with her would only give the Capitol more leverage to make her do what they want?

Katelyn suddenly felt very, very cold, having realized that whenever she did enter a relationship, the Capitol could come for them. Hurt them to hurt her. Or worse, turn them and use them to hurt her. And then of course, Charles constant little hints about what the more…preferable outcomes would be at the rose ceremonies. The show was a lot more insidious than the viewers at home might have thought. But she quashed the thoughts and looked to the horizon, and another area of the arena, one she'd seen her first games day.

“I hope you’re doing alright Harb. This is only the first of many stops.”

"It breaks my heart, all these stories,
brings me to tears all this grief;
And I feel so fucking helpless
when I can't be your relief."

table coding (c) ghosty

[Cato]

Harbinger Rhodes Twenty | Male | District Eleven

I was dumbfounded when Kate picked me to go on the one on one date, but now that I realize where we're going, I can't be upset. I remember how angry I was at her and Kirito after I exited the games. I thought they forgot about me. That they didn't care for me. But now, two games later, I realize they did care. And now here I am being forced by the Capitol to do this silly show with her. Kate is family to me. She's my sister. We have this bond that many cant understand, but I'll never love her like I love Navya. I sit in silence as we journey through the snowy arena. It's not cold like I imagined it those four years ago. I remember watching it. I remember being upset when Levi fell in the bloodbath because district eleven had such terrible luck. My brother came close, but close enough isn't good enough in the games. You either win and leave with your life, or you die. That's it. That's all there is. But being here just days after Weaver and Iona died is a terrible feeling. I've failed them. I failed Carrita and Iain, and now I'm failing my wife.

Placards are spread across the space in front of the cornucopia signifying where the tributes fell in the bloodbath, and I listen as Kate talks. I'm unsure of what to say, or even how to talk to her right now. This moment shouldn't be publicized like they're making it now. Kate deserves so much better than this, yet here she is trying to please the Capitol. Kate had friends in the game just like I did. Velocity Rush. The first death of the games. All anyone ever wants is to survive. Dillon. Levi. Hedvig. I thought careers were strong and brave, but even the strongest can fall. Hedvig died far too soon as did the rest, but her district partner is one I'll never forget. Mason Hammerfell scared me, and I'm so glad I never had to fight him. He's the type I've always told my family to be aware of at all times. Maybe Weaver or Crusader would've stood a chance against him, but I'll never know now because they're both gone, and I feel like it's all my fault.

"I have my reasons for doing this show. Most of them are back home. One's in the Capitol. One's right here."

Her parents. Navya. My family. Kirito's family. Kirito. Me. I knew coming into this the day my brother died that the Capitol forced her into it. It was wrong of them, but here we are. I know why she picked me today. I know she picked me because I've survived a hell like she did only mine wasn't made of snow and ice, but I still feel like I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't step foot into something that belongs to her. I sigh softly praying Navya understands, but I had to do this because I can't risk losing her or anyone else in my family. They're my entire life. I've lost two - I can't afford to lose another. I'll do whatever I have to do in order to keep them alive. I find myself relaxing, but I keep my demeanor as one trying to state I don't belong here. I don't want to be here. I want to be alone so I can mourn the loss of my brother. I want to find somewhere to curl up into a ball and sob as loud as I possibly can. And this is just making it worse. So many people have died to the stupid games. So many families changed forever. There's so much I want to undo that I can't. And I realize that Kate is just like me doing anything she can to keep those she loves safe. I pat the horse's back, and my heart drops realizing I'm going to see it all. Every single bit of the arena. And all I can do is nod my head until a few hushed words exit my mouth with a sigh.

"I'm ok, and I hope you are too, Kate. I hope you are too."

Victor of the 71st Hunger Games

[googlefont="Nothing You Could Do:400"]

[charade]

KATELYN PERSIMMON

The Ice pillars were just as foreboding as she’d remembered, even with a buffet style restaurant nestled in the shadows of the colossi. She ignored the tourists snapping pictures and was grateful at least that Charles had security tell people not to interrupt the filming. The placards were untouched though, beyond the rim of the feast eager capitolites were having. With one at the foot of a pillar instead of on top of it. Mason Hammerfell. Alexis Rhondal. Wyatt Manderson. Pixie Ruined. Of the four, the only one she had talked to was the brutish career from two.

For what’s it worth Kate, I can’t kill someone like you. You’re too good of a person to die. Mason had been a self-admitted monster, desiring to kill, willing to die for a paltry glory, for the honor of his district. She remembered the guilt she felt when the cannons for him and the boy from four had fired. When she had realized she had outlasted all the careers. That she might actually have a chance. I’m sorry for what your district turned you into, she said as she walked away. They didn’t stay by the pillars long, and Katelyn was silent throughout it, giving Harbinger knowing looks on occasion.

It wasn’t until they headed into the Snowy Hills that she had something to say. She hadn’t been present for these deaths, but she’d seen where they’d happened in the recap video. Thanks Magus. She dismounted and motioned for Harbinger to do the same walking past the monuments that denoted where Zeki Webb and Kolton Enim had been savaged by a grouping of tributes, including her allies. Who are these two, Lexi? New friends? Friends didn’t leave friends behind. They didn’t kill them either. No decision had torn her heart more than to leave Marchello defenseless in the snow while he slept.

It was better than killing him outright but it still hurt.

“He protected us. Always ready to go. Do what needed to be done. Kept us warm at night. If I had had a brother growing up, I imagine he would have been like Marc.” She was huddled in the snow with Lexi, crying her eyes out when his face appeared in the sky.She felt warm tears on her face and wiped them away with two fingers. I don’t think I could stomach having to kill either of you. As fate would have it, she didn’t have to. Margaret killed them both one day apart, and in the same area.

It wasn’t a far walk, but Katelyn would have walked as far as she needed to. Lexi had been her rock. Her constant. The young nurse from six had kept her alive, bandaged her wounds, taken care of her. Selflessly. Get away from her! The joy she’d felt in finding her in the clearing. The horror when Prism Nixton had taken her leg and her hand in exchange for his life. The despair upon leaving her in snow like Marc. Seeing her face in the sky the night after and knowing it was Margaret who had taken her. Feeling the bottom drop out of her soul when she realized she was alone.

The small spark of hope that she could survive one more fight. Just one more.

“I owe my life to Ellexias Verisity.”She stated matter of factly.

“I wouldn’t have made it as far as I did if not for her. She gave me the strength to keep going. Her selflessness in taking care of me and Marc…” she nodded to herself. “I admired her. Told myself if I made it home I wouldn’t waste my life. I’d spend it helping others.” She turned to face Harbinger. “The people you meet leave a mark on you. They did. And I can’t find it in me to give up, but I know when discretion is called for.” He had said before they left the Corncopia that he was alright. That he hoped she was too. She felt she was.

Tear stained eyes notwithstanding, what happened happened, and she had long since made her peace with that. Harbinger helped her back on to the horse after they walked back, easy enough given their height difference. “Watch your hands, bro.” she said with a smirk as she got seated, trying to lighten the atmosphere and pandering to the camera.

“Wouldn’t want people to get ideas.”

"It breaks my heart, all these stories,
brings me to tears all this grief;
And I feel so fucking helpless
when I can't be your relief."

table coding (c) ghosty

[Cato]

Harbinger Rhodes Twenty | Male | District Eleven

The feelings stand still when she gets off the horse and stares at the placard. Chaske Parks. I remember him. A violent, cruel man, but in all reality all he wanted was to prove he wasn't worthless. I thought he was going to kill Kate. I thought he was going to succeed because he was doing so much better than her, but it seemed like the people watching loved her more and kept giving her what she needed to survive. It was a long fight that went on forever. Blow for blow. Until she finally killed him. I'm glad Kate survived because I don't think I'd be alive without her. Kate was a bloody mess, and maybe it was wrong of me to cheer, but I'm glad she won. I'm glad she came home. It gave my family a second chance. District eleven had hope. For three years we did the unthinkable. But now it doesn't seem like much because Snow hates us, and we're doomed to fail on every game from here on out.

We move on and we're standing in front of the ice pillars. Chaske climbed them while his allies gathered around. And I remember him trying to do something to Mason, and the huge, scary career tried to break his arm. I wondered how he got the score of an eleven. I wondered what he did to please the gamemakers. But it wasn't enough because brute strength won't keep you alive. It was a huge feast. People dying left and right. Kate somehow survived it all. She did what twenty-three others wanted. I remain silent unsure of what to say because it's like I'm being forced to live this all over with her. I can't think straight because all I can see is my brothers dying over and over again. Why did I have to live and they die? It's a question I've asked myself many times since Weaver died in the games. What makes the twenty-three other's different than us? Why were we the lucky ones to survive? None of them wanted to die, but they had no option, and Kate helped kill people. She's a murder just like I am. Just like all the other victors. I feel myself start to break when she talks about Ellexias. They were friends, and Kate left her behind in the snow. I killed my own friend. I owe my life to Chloë, and I repaid her by killing her. I'll never forget seeing her face in the sky. I'll never forget the way I attacked her.

But I had to in order to survive, and Kate had to do the same. Otherwise we wouldn't be here waltzing through the 69th arena putting on a dumb show for the Capitol. I help her back onto the horse, and being taller than she is didn't help me much because my hand accidentally grazes her thigh. My cheeks start to burn red, and I try to keep them hidden. But her words only bring more embarrassment to me. I didn't mean to, and now all Panem is going to think the wrong thing. I can't let that happen to Navya. I'd never hurt her. I'd never do anything to her, and I wish I could wrap my arms around her and my daughter. I wish I could cry into her warm embrace. This is far too soon for me to be out here knowing I have funerals to attend. Plans to make. "Wouldn't want people to get ideas." Her words bounce through my skull, and I'm not sure what to say, so I offer a grumbled apology. "Sorry." Because it's better than nothing, and I just want this to go away.

Victor of the 71st Hunger Games

[googlefont="Nothing You Could Do:400"]

[charade]

KATELYN PERSIMMON

They journeyed through the Igloos, whispers on the wind and souls in the snowflakes. You’ll get what’s coming to you, ten. He was on fire, howling wordlessly as the flames refused to be put out. She was begging Lexi to end it, just end it and Jeff collapsed in the snow too. They had taken Daphne from the boys only a few days before. Other names flitted through her mind. Mystic. Gaia. Tributes who hadn’t been anything more to her than faces in the sky, names to be etched in stone, in time.

They reached the Ice Castle and Katelyn stopped to remember little Bree Fawn, victim of the sabretooth tiger she had killed on the third day. There was light coming from the windows of the building, casting a warm glow at odds with the landscape. It was night, and the silence was broken only by the dinging of silver parachutes and Marchello was trying to befriend City’s strange district partner Elverum. Lexi sat in the throne and she knelt before her like the knights of centuries past. Katelyn stopped and looked at the marker in front of her.

The last marker.

Enjoy your time living in a world of dead men walking, Katelyn Persimmon. Margaret Dubois. “You had a heart. Covered in stone and wrapped in ice for most of your life maybe, but you had one.” She said to no one. To everyone. Katelyn blew out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in and stretched, placing her hands on her head. Wandering the worst eight days of her life in a few short hours was strange. Being able to see the cameras was strange. Having Harbinger by her side was strange. It was all strange and it wasn’t over yet. There was still a rose ceremony to attend, and a rose that could potentially go to Harbinger. But she didn’t think she’d have to.

Perhaps the Capitol would be satisfied that he had made it past the first day, and she knew had needed to check on him. Maybe it was because of the show, but he seemed to handling Weaver’s death fairly well. She hoped Kirito could look after him once he wasn’t on the show. He started to help her onto her horse for the second time, but it didn’t go so well. Katelyn yelped in surprise as the whole saddle slid off, momentum carrying her backwards, she twisted, trying to catch herself, but failed and knocked Harbinger down instead.

The two of them hit the snow with a dull thump. Katelyn landed on top of him, and didn’t move for a minute, momentarily disorientated. Then she realized she was draped along him, head nestled on his solid as an oak chest, one leg entangled between his. She rose as gracefully as she could, bracing her hands on his torso to get herself to a sitting position, her cheeks scarlet with embarrassment and the notion that she’d essentially just felt him up. Worse, she had kinda liked it, and that horrified her.

“I-uh, sorry.” She squeaked, hastily getting to her feet and brushing snow off of her clothing. Charles beamed at her from several feet away, making an untying motion and pointing at her saddle. She would have yelled at him if her face hadn’t felt so hot. This was the last thing she needed. Katelyn coughed into her hand and bit her lip. “Thank... thank you, for this." she mustered. “I made my peace with this place a year or two ago, but I didn’t think I’d be setting foot in it again.“ Her face said please ignore what just happened; her hands too, as she fidgeted.

Truth be told, she might have found Harbinger good looking once, before he was a victor, before he was married, before she became such good friends with Navya. Before she knew how infuriating he could be. But it seemed there was still a small animal attraction she had been ignoring and she cursed her body for betraying her.

"It breaks my heart, all these stories,
brings me to tears all this grief;
And I feel so fucking helpless
when I can't be your relief."

table coding (c) ghosty

[Cato]

Harbinger Rhodes Twenty | Male | District Eleven

It's strange being here. I don't want to be here, but I had no choice. A soft sigh escapes my lips as we move through the arena from place to place. I look around taking in it all remembering what I saw on the screen. One alliance steam rolled the girl from nine and the tiny volunteer from twelve. Why anyone would volunteer for something like this is beyond my wildest imagination. I didn't volunteer, and I wouldn't volunteer because I never wanted this to happen. I was fine living my own life. Kate's words ring through my mind, and I just let her talk. I've met people who don't have much of a heart, but every person deserves a chance. Beretta was creepy, yet I decided to stay at her side for as long as possible. She deserved a chance. It hurt when she died because I actually cared for her, Kitty and Chloe. I miss them all. I hope I never have to do this. I never want to relive the games I walked through because I live them every night.

I take a deep breath before trying to help Kate back onto the horse once more. Katelyn yelps, and the world starts to move fast. I try to keep her standing, yet she's falling, and I'm falling with her. My prosthetic twists and slips out of place, and I'm lying on the ground with Kate lying on top of me. Time ceases to exist as I try to push her off me because I didn't want this to happen. She's a friend, and I'm afraid the Capitol will get the wrong idea. I'm afraid of what Navya will think, but I hope she knows I'm doing this to protect her. She apologizes, and I'm left speechless. I don't want anything to do with this place right now. My hands ball into fist, and my jaw clenches tightly as she forced herself into a seated position. That's when my eyes catch the movements by the stupid host. My cheeks burn red. My heart pounds rapidly inside my chest. Most would think I'm nervous, and that I'm liking this, but in reality I'm slowly plotting how to kill this man for doing what he did.

"Uh. Kate?" I grunt as I push myself away. My hands fidget with my leg trying to push the piece of metal and plastic back into place. I care for Kate. She's a good friend, and I love her as a friend. I hate that they're trying to make it so much more than this. I hate that they are trying to ruin my relationship with my wife. I love her to the end of the world and back. I wanted to see her more than anything when I was trapped in the games. I just hope this doesn't ruin my friendship with Kate. A heavy sigh leaves my chest as I draw my knees to my chest. I'm at a loss of words. I just want this over. I want to retreat to my own place. I almost want to beg her to send me home, but I know that's probably not allowed. I rest my chin on my knees and I stare at the different places of the games before dropping my gaze to the ground. "Was it hard? To make peace?" I ask with a shrug of my shoulders. I want to know the answer for myself more than anything because I would love for the nightmares to leave.

Victor of the 71st Hunger Games

[googlefont="Nothing You Could Do:400"]

[charade]

KATELYN PERSIMMON

She’d knocked his false leg loose.

There weren’t many moments that made her want to dry up and blow away like a leaf on the wind, but this was one of them. She half reached towards him before drawing her hand back and curling her fingers down. He had it under control. Katelyn lounged by him, leaning on her hip and steadying herself with one hand, her legs on top of each other. Harbinger pulled his knees up and asked her a question. “Was it hard? To make peace?” She looked at the entrance to the ice castle and replayed her final fight again in her mind. The moments of respite she’d had inside the halls.

She glanced down at her chest and thought about the names etched in her skin. She carried their memory but she didn’t carry their ghosts. Sure, revisiting these scenes was difficult, but it didn’t break her. Nothing close to it. Peace of mind was a hard thing to come by for many people, victor or not. The past clung to people like sweat after a nightmare. She thought about the victors she had met. Talked to. Befriended. Or stayed away from. Redemption couldn’t be found at the bottom of a bottle. Forgiveness was not in a lover’s bed. All the food in the world would never fill that void. Anger needed direction. Life needed purpose. Everyone was searching for something.

Wanted, needed to feel whole again. If they ever did in the first place. Katelyn? Katelyn knew who she was. What she had done. What she had to do. She was Katelyn Persimmon and she was made to help. Offer comfort. The smallest flames burned brighter the more darkness they were surrounded by.
“I forgave myself.” She said at last. “When I met Kirito for the first time, I…I knew I had to help him. He was different then, that first train ride.” She smiled in spite of herself. “He was so optimistic. Kind. I couldn’t let that light be snuffed out. The arena changed him, but I believe he'll heal with time." And Oasis, she added mentally.

Katelyn shook her head slowly, getting herself into a more comfortable position. “So I made my peace with what I had done. What I had survived. Because you can’t help the dead, and you can’t help the living if can’t help yourself.” Two successes before the Capitol stepped in to rig things said she was right.“Do you think I could have helped the way I did if I had been drowning my sorrows in whiskey or spent my time chasing one night stands? Broken people can’t fix anything if they themselves are still in pieces.”

She looked down at her hands; they’d been covered in blood once. Maybe they still were. “I didn’t see the point in ignoring the pain. Or trying to dull it. The past doesn't change and I’d still be the same person in the morning, no matter how I tried to forget what I went through.” And she was thankful every day that Kirito coming home had steered her away from the edge of that slope. Katelyn blew out a sigh and put her hands on her knees.“So I threw myself into it. If I had to be a mentor, then I was going to be the best goddam mentor I could. ” She turned to look at him.

“That meant letting go, and trying to use my past to help someone else’s future. It was only as hard as I chose to make it.” It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but she felt it was better than the alternative. She couldn't let the twenty-three lives lost in her arena have died so she could waste her life. It would have been insulting to their memory. All of them, Velocity through Margaret had deserved better. Katelyn was just one young woman who had lived where they had not.  

“One person can make a difference. But they have to willing not to give up.”

Katelyn looked over at Charles and noted that he seemed nervous again. But also a little misty eyed. She wondered if any of her words had an effect on him. Maybe he’d think twice the next time; As if things weren’t awkward enough without him trying to contrive something. She supposed she would have considered it a cute scene if he wasn’t married, falling into each other and landing on the snow, giggling and rolling down an embankment together – but that wasn’t her story.

Harbinger was many things, but he wasn’t her happy ending. He was her brother in arms. She cared about him, thought he was good-looking too, but that was as far as she was willing to take that train of thought.

This was her stop.

She sighed, and helped him to his feet, wiping some melting snow off of his back. One of the aides approached with a platter and she took the flower off of it.

Katelyn twisted the rose’s stem over in her hand and gazed at it.

Then she put it behind her back.

“I’m…glad I was able to share this you.”She said softly. “But I think we both know this has gone on long enough.” She avoided looking at the cameras and nodded to Harbinger. “Give them my love when you get a chance. And an apology. I know this wasn’t easy on anyone.” One more contestant sent home. A weight off of her shoulders. If she could have, she’d have sent him home the first day.

At least she could correct that now.
 

"They said we'd never make it out alive,
But I broke the mold and I survived
Hate is a cancer;We are the problem
Love is the answer."

table coding (c) ghosty