Say You Will // Colgate + Cordelia

[Sunrise Rainier D2 // [Thundy]]

______________________

I been getting used to waking up with you
I been getting used to waking up here

The world seems all topsy-turvy in the lights, but I don’t mind. I’m steadied by the feeling of Cor’s hand wrapped in mine as we make our way across the floor of the Capitol’s lavish Top Eight party, meandering to the people we recognize and occasionally accepting congratulations from well-wishers who are happy to see District Nine really in the running this time.

I say thank you, but I don’t have much control over my tributes. After seven years, all I’ve learned about mentoring is that bringing back a tribute is a lot like winning the lottery, and I’ve never been the lucky sort. Plus, it’s all up to Atlas White now. So I allow these strangers to shake my hand and give me congratulations, and more than anything I’m just happy that they’re so enamored with Cordelia beside me that we can share the attention between us. Truly, she’s the glamorous one who can hold a room’s gaze. If people look at me it’s because I tower over the party like a giant, but when they look at her –

When they look at her, they are in awe.

I don’t have to see her with fresh eyes to be in awe of her; if it were the first time I saw her or the thousandth, I would need to take pause and gather my bearings with the world again. Tonight – and every night – she looks dazzling, this time with an emerald dress that drifts into a lighter color, and her hair’s tickling just above her collarbone. She’s lovely in every sense of the word.

(I’m never the lucky sort, but she found me. She found me, so maybe I’m lucky after all.)

It’s not the first time I’ve thought it, and it won’t be the last, but tonight with our public presence and the current circumstances I’m more aware of it than ever. It’s not often we go to big parties and let the world see us together, and tonight they’re enthralled by us. I personally think it’s because Cor looks so damn lovely, and I want to tell her so.

”Nobody can take their eyes off of you,” I whisper into her ear as we drift away from another group of well-wishers. It’s unnerving, having so many eyes on us, but tonight I want Cordelia to be center-stage. In comparison I look average-at-best in my dark fitted suit, and I’m trying to hide my discomfort with the idea that these people were the same who enjoyed watching me fight in the 66th. These smiles don’t sit well with me, but with Cor at my side it’s easier to remember that not all Capitol citizens revel in violence and blood.

Despite everything, the one thing I’m most worried about tonight is a small box sitting in my pocket. It’s one of the gifts my mother asked me to give Cor right before I left for the train, and I’m lucky I looked through all the stuff before handing it off.

(Mom’s always scheming with things like this, but she loves Cordelia too, so I suppose I can’t blame her for not warning me.)

Needless to say, I got the hint.

[Kire]

Cordelia Iraen Eaglebrooke

Since Colgate and I had started dating I had been invited to a few of the parties and get-togethers that he took part in as a victor. This, however, was the first time I had ever been to something so lavish - or preposterous. In celebration of the top eight tributes of the seventy-third Games, Colgate had been invited to a party. Leon Krigel, the District four victor, was also there due to both of his district's tributes having made it that far. Opal Earnest, Peridot Myler, and Topaz Miles had all been invited as well, though I had yet to see them. Perhaps the crowd of Capitolite supporters and patrons were continually separating us by chance. Silently, I was glad to have my space from Leon - something about the man made me shiver.

Colgate's warm hand in my own kept a fire lit in me, though, and I drew on him to keep myself steady throughout the night. Though I was all smiles and friendly chat, I couldn't help but feel grim and disgusted at the event that had brought us all here. Yes, one of the two children reaped from District nine was still alive, but the other wasn't. As well, look at the state of the boy. He had already had to kill muttations and other children in order to make it this far, what other horrible things would he be forced to do to survive longer?

I sneak a glance at Colgate's face, trying to remember the stony quality I had seen in it so many times. He had withdrawn from the world in order to win, whether as a means to protect himself or others I didn't know. Now, though, he was finally learning to let me in. I squeezed his hand a drew a little closer to him. As much as he supported me, I knew that I had to support him as well. I had been privileged to only watch the Games and never be involved in them, Colgate had been affected far more than most people. Between going through the Sixty-Sixth Games himself, and then later having his sister reaped and killed in the Seventy-First Games, I had only been glad that I could have been his shoulder to lean on during that time.

If you didn't know him, maybe you might think his smile is genuine. You might believe that his thank yous are in earnest and that he really appreciates the well wishes of those who deem themselves important enough to give them. I, however, see the frown that tries to drag down the corners of his mouth, feel the way his hand grips mine like he never wants to let me go. We are in a balancing act, he and I, if one of us were to fall we would both go down. Even so, tonight we were in perfect harmony. My dress, while not a beacon of flashing rhinestones or sequins, was elegant in its own way and went with his simple dress in a complimentary but not overriding manner. His height caught glances as much as his face and name, though there were a number of eyes on me as well.

With my free hand I waved delicately at a couple older male sponsors sitting at a table who had been watching me for a number of minutes now. One looked away, trying to feign boredom, while the other smiled and nodded to me. Colgate leans down like a bending tree, roots straining to hold itself upright as his lips draw level with my ear. "Nobody can take their eyes off of you." His steady movements steer me away from the number of people we had just abated with smiles and polite speech. I smile at him, a genuine one that always comes to me when I see him, be it after a week or after a minute. I can see when he looks at me that the smile becomes more natural and the tension in his shoulders eases some. We are here together, and when we look at each other we know that without saying.

"Nobody can keep looking, it's not Nobody that I dressed for." I stand on tiptoes and barely manage to kiss his cheek. I'm sure somewhere I see a camera flash, but there's nothing new to the story. After three years, all the magazines can do is ask a single question: when? In truth, I haven't been asking that question. Despite the pressure from everyone everywhere - including a few not-so-subtle hints from Mrs. O'Leary - I was content to let it be Colgate's decision. He knew I wasn't going anywhere, and I knew he wasn't either.

The Capitol, so focused on the idea of ceremonies and material things, missed the entire point of a relationship. Love wasn't about getting married, getting access to each other's things, giving each other gifts, having children. Those things were accents to what love really was. Love is being able to rely on the other person to accept you for who you were, to be there to hold you up when you were about to crash down, to enjoy life with you. I had all those things in Colgate. If he wanted to expand the definition of our love he would do it on his own time. I would wait forever for him, even if he told me not to.

I flash a smile toward a young woman who glances at me only briefly before her gaze slides to Colgate. "I'm not the only one attracting attention." I try to catch his eye so I can wink at him. We have both learned by now that being in the spotlight means that there will be many people who take an interest in one or the both of us. By now I had grown accustomed to the twinge of protective jealousy that comes when another woman - or man - looks at him because I know he must feel it too.

I know he won't leave me for someone else because he doesn't smile at them the way he does at me. His laugh with them is forced, as mine is. We are now so at ease with each other that trying to deal with anyone else is an uphill struggle. No, Colgate will never leave me, just as I will never leave him.

We walk on to brave more of this party, together.

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[Sunrise Rainier D2 // [Thundy]]

______________________

I been getting used to waking up with you
I been getting used to waking up here

”Nobody can keep looking, it's not Nobody that I dressed for,” Cor says, standing on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. Her tone – and her somewhat awkward attempt at kissing me, what with the height – make me laugh, and that’s when I see a few sly cameras pointed in our direction. I wonder if they can see how in love with her I am. I wonder if that’s even something that you can capture. On any other day I might be annoyed that the cameras are constantly trained on me and the ones that I love, but today I revel in the Capitol’s gaze and make sure to keep my chin up. I want them to see what I am about to do, if I could just.. find the right moment.

I don’t want the cameras to see me falter. Today I want to be brave. The best that I can do right now is to smile and try to act like I’m not nervous – and oh, I’m nervous – so I let Cor keep me steady. I hope she doesn’t notice the sudden stiffness in my posture or the way I check my pocket every so often to make sure I haven’t lost the box. I hope she’s so preoccupied with schmoozing the other party guests that she ignores how odd I probably seem. Maybe she’ll attribute it to a discomfort with parties or worry about my tribute. I would hate to spoil the surprise just by acting like a total idiot.

“I’m not the only one attracting attention,” Cor notes, and I follow her gaze to a woman who’s watching me idly. Then Cor winks – God, I love her – and I throw my head back and laugh, feeling a little bit like a kid.

”It seems like we’re both catching everyone’s eye,” I grin, squeezing her hand. ”But, you know, they’re only looking at me because I’m so tall. It’s like – “ I motion with my hand ” – staring at an awkward mountain. But you… “ I trail off, leaning to whisper in her ear.

”You’re a living work of art, and they know it. They can’t take their eyes off of you because it would be a mistake to look away.”

And it’s true. It’s truer than anything I’ve ever known. I just don’t know how to put things in words, and I think she’s making me better at it. When you spend your days enthralled by someone like her, you’ve gotta learn to speak in a different way. If you’re going to talk about someone so beautiful, someone who makes you happier than you’ve ever been, you have to find the words to match.

I’ve thought for a long time about the words to say. I’ve written out notes and thrown them away, scribbled through books and gone over it a hundred times in my head, but –

”Cordelia,” I blurt.

I didn’t mean to say that.

Ohhhh god.

Now she’s going to pay attention to what I’m about to say, now she’s going to wait for me to say something, but –

Notes and scribbles and thoughts don’t mean anything when you’re really, really bad at words. And nervous. And awkward.

And desperately in love.

[Kire]

Cordelia Iraen Eaglebrooke

His laugh is as real and genuine as the smile on his face as I wink at him. We work off of each other like two parts in a machine, seamless and made for one another. The little fidgets that we both make are hid by the other, discomforts smoothed over by the confidence we each have in each other. Even as I remember the faces of those who had died for the Games to reach this point - small flashes of the small girl's face in a terrible before-and-after fashion coming to mind as I eat food similar to what had been on the train and in the training center - I am holding myself in the present by clinging to Colgate's warm hand in mine.

Perhaps his hand was over-warm and somewhat sweaty, but that could have been my own too. Maybe he was shifty, but I was restless as well. Neither of us were much for celebrating the deaths of children, but that was the face we had to put on for the Capitol. Having grown up here, I had much more experience at doing this than Colgate did, and yet under such close scrutiny as we were undergoing here I wondered if my mask would hold up. At this masquerade party, the only one who couldn't hide his features from me was the man I held the hand of. Looking up into his face, I knew I could read him as well as he could read me.

If I wasn't mistaken, though, I could swear he was more nervous than he usually was at events like this. He laughs again, the mirth flaring in his face once more and even reaching his eyes. There is nothing wrong, then, nothing he hadn't had the chance to tell me of. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't hide when something was troubling him. Thankfully, he usually didn't try to - not anymore at least. After I had ridden through the white waters of Hannah's death, paired with Colgate in what seemed to be nothing more than an old rubber tube, we knew we could rely on each other to really be there when we needed them.

"It seems like we’re both catching everyone’s eye," He grins at me, whitened and straightened teeth flashing like he had pearls in his mouth. The stylists had done their number on him, forcing him into procedures to make him "more handsome", "more camera worthy". I hoped he knew that they didn't make me love him any more, that my adoration for him wasn't in his image but in his heart and the rock solid presence he had.

His hand closes tighter around mine for a moment. "But, you know, they’re only looking at me because I’m so tall. It’s like –" he flicks his hand in no particular direction, almost like a dismissal "– staring at an awkward mountain. But you..." I watch him fumble for a word, or a phrase, anything that might explain to me what it's like from his side. I know his weakness in expressing himself, and I know that with my help he's been improving slowly. Each time, I can see that he's having more ease telling me how he feels - or maybe I'm just getting better and better at reading him.

"You’re a living work of art, and they know it. They can’t take their eyes off of you because it would be a mistake to look away." Normally I would laugh if someone exaggerated a compliment about me, tell them they were wrong and that I was simply Cordelia and perhaps I looked like and older version of the pretty young District four that had died in the Sixty-Seventh Games. I didn't laugh now, though, and not simply for the sake of the cameras. The nervousness I had sensed in Colgate was rising now, something I picked up on but couldn't quite nail down. I glimpsed a few cameras turning to focus on us, and put it down to his hatred for being the center of attention like this.

There's this wonderful and yet awkward moment of silence and I try to catch the breath that fluttered out of my lungs on butterfly wings. Colgate, never quite the master of words, had been so honest in that moment that I could have never prepared for it. Gently, the oxygen butterfly perched on my lips again.

"Cordelia," he says, rushed and vulnerable. That one word, my name, leaves me feeling as if both of us were suddenly stripped naked before all of these cameras. I feel exposed, I feel electrified, I don't feel ashamed.

He's staring at me with eyes that are suddenly much larger than normal. Something in his face makes him looked spooked, like a deer that had heard a twig snap. Soothingly, I raise a hand to rub his upper arm. "Colgate," my voice is soft with just the touch of a question raising the end of his name.

I don't say anything more, knowing that he needs to say things in his own time. So instead, I stand there, my free hand tracing the ridges of his back as I press the hand I'm holding against my side. He can lean on me, perhaps not physically but with as much emotional weight as he needs to in order to say what he feels he must say. I don't want to ever rush him.

I draw my hand away from his back for only a moment as I reach up and tap the spot just beneath my chin, raising my head up slightly.

Chin up, as he always says.

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