Open Scars n' Barbed Wire [Riordan/Diorite]

[Kingston Cesaire D3A [Tom]]

r i o r d a n   e i n f a l l e n

When his mother had told him that he would be the perfect son one day, he had believed her. When Tempus put their faith into him, he thought that the boy that once lived in the dark room could finally become the perfect person that he wanted to achieve. Perfection was always pressured to him, mentally since his time being trapped in a room. Fists pounding at the door as tears fill his face. Whispers of it's for his own good filling his ears with scars. Every night, they stay upon his body like an open wound. Barbwire wrapped around his skin, tearing pieces of flesh, one by one. Each sharp point, another failure that he had done. Each sharp point with a story of horrible truths. Regret lies in his conscious everywhere he goes, but he was fine. He was always fine.

He had to believe he was.

The rooftop felt comforting. He didn't know whether it was the fact that the entire world was sprawled out in front of him or that he felt like he could be alone with his dreams in his mind. Scars opened within his head as he overthinks every single thing that he has ever done or will do. The violins play behind him. The curtains pull forward. The sewing needle moves softly down the curtain. Everyone in his dreams were dead. Lips sewn shut. Song quelled from the blood rising to a throat. Violins silenced as eyes lose the life in them. The ring on his finger feels heavier than it had ever been. A breath escapes his throat as he looks over to a woman. Pretty, almost as much as Jequirity. A one sprawled on the sleeve of her outfit. Instantly, he can recognize her as the girl from the fray family. Small differences and similarities to Justice.

"So, what brings a Fray to the roof?"

He was fine.

[Gryphon]

I just...

I just want to breathe.

That's the main reason why I volunteered, right? To save myself from my own ocean that would fill my lungs with pity?

Look out for myself, prove my worth, keep them from

starving?

So why is it that I'm still struggling to breathe here?

(No matter what you do, you will never be good enough for them--)

Pressure, now I feel it. There's still so much to worry about, every thought compressing even more air within my being, inside my temples.

(What if it doesn't take long for you to fail? What if you die early?)

Trembling hands staring at a dummy upclose with a dagger in my possession, my breaths begin to quake alongside them.

(What if you're sacrificing yourself for nothing? What if harm still comes their way somehow?)

I can't I can't I can't I can't please--

(You're talking to others your age who are going to die in a matter of days.)

STOP--

The metal scrapes against the others with a short but irritating squeal as I hurl it back onto the table and dart away from the room. I need to go to the rooftop, I need to breathe.

I wrap my arms around myself as quick, shallow breaths overtake me, I am a volcano and smoke is already rolling out but I'm trying not to

explode once again.

I slowly step out as I'm greeted by greenery, a glittering sky and a lit-up city. Inhales, exhales, they slow, and I begin to relax as I move towards the ledge, eyes tracing a path across the blue.

Instead of with my siblings and using it as some way to have a good time, I'm now watching the stars by myself--wondering about everything I've done up to this point, and when my last day here will be marked.

Quivering fingertips move up against the ledge close to the top, knowing the force field which resides right above it. I close my eyes and my lungs stretch out one more time.

Soon, I'll be another star for them to point out in the darkness.

("Take it the hell back, Diorite,")

I'm sorry.

"So, what brings a Fray to the roof?"

Eyes pop back open and I turn my head to find another one of the numerous faces I'll be seeing this year, we'll and they'll all be seeing this year. I see him wear a six, one of the many who stepped up for his district alongside four and seven. Dark-haired, his name as I take a bit to remember what it was.

Riordan Einfallen.

A start of a soft, breathy laugh but cut short, I look away to the pavement beneath our feet and a smile from the depths of the waters surrounding us moves across my face.

"I'm just trying not to erupt, or drown."

But with a longing string of whites from cheek to cheek, the latter isn't far from being likely.

I have to keep trying nonetheless.

"Hoping to wake up to a world I know I'll never see, live, or live to see."

[ table made by rave <333 ]

[Kingston Cesaire D3A [Tom]]

r i o r d a n   e i n f a l l e n

The hum of the busy city below echoes in his ears. People who work just like he does. People who pay for things just like he has. They were similar, but different. Everything he knew about the capitolites was shattered. Evil or good? Smart or dumb? He's learned so much. If anything told him that they had the capacity to be both evil or good. Cricket Antoinette was a perfect example of it. Born of the Districts. Despicable for praising the murder of fifty or so people who had a life somewhere. Though, they volunteered for the chance to die or somehow survive. Red cheeks and broken hearts lie within him.

Air. It's what every human needs to live. A force to keep the body running like a machine. Fragile and strong. Soon enough, weapons would plunge through his exterior, breaking bones, bruising skin, and damaging the soul. He needed to breathe. Not think about the reality around him. Reality of everyone that loved him being dead or vanishing like a nonexisting entity. The voice in his head screaming at him.

You're alone Rio. Always have been.

Alone and breaking down. Dreams of a fantasy that could hold him up. If only he was stronger to save Jequirity Eckhart. If only he could prove to her how much she had meant to him, sooner rather than later. He's had his heart broken so much and all he needed was air to live now. All he wanted was death. To feel the weapon that strikes him down and be reunited with a person he wished to see. Would he be able to see her? Or would selfishness take him down to a hell where he can burn for eternity. Chains wrapped around him and holding him as the devil's snake-like tongue strikes his cheek.

"I'm just trying not to erupt, or drown."

He wants to smile. Let the friendliness fall from his skin. That was impossible. Heart shattered, body fragile, and mind lost for a long time. Feeling the same as the Fray who lingers around the area he was in. A deep breath fills his lungs as the oxygen is pumped throughout his body. Hearts upon their sleeves, they were both similar and different. Only experiences and names lay between them that were different. Emotions were possibly the same. After all, Pillar and Scout Fray had fallen just like the Eckharts had before. His hands go into the pockets at his side. She speaks once more, something in her voice reminding him of the fantasy he dreams of.

"Hoping to wake up to a world I know I'll never see, live, or live to see."

An agreement hum flows from his body like the waves of water that he's splashed upon his face time and time again. The smell of alcohol whiffs it's way to his nose as he decides against picking up the wine glass that lays on the ground. This was his hide away from everyone. A place to remember and forget. A place where only fantasies live, through the city that was sentencing him to death. It had been his choice in the end, but it still didn't feel like he had a choice. A silent hum flows from his lips as he speaks to the Fray girl.

"Sounds like we're on the same page. I've been trying to stay afloat for a long time."

A smile pulls at his lips as he sighs again.

"Nothing seems to work for me at least."

No one will remember you, Riordan.

"We can talk about it if you want?"

[Gryphon]

Stuck.

A girl stuck between two worlds, a dreamer's mind trapped in a body owned and weighed down by the callous force of reality.

She thinks she sees flowers, but they're really

knives.

She thinks she hears birds chirping as they soar through pure air from quiet tree to inanimate tree, but they're truly

the voices of her parents bouncing all over the sides of her skull.

She thinks she sees the universe twinkling at her in every moment, but sincerely it's the glittering of

Justice's tears as the Peacekeepers hold him back--

No, no, no, no, please no PLEASE--

Quickly they evolve into voices, conflicting feelings expressed and they argue over them and over who gets to rule a falling kingdom of satisfaction for them to rebuild from the ground up.

(I just want to DROWN--)

(But you wouldn't have said a thing at the reaping if you did, now would you?)

What am I supposed to do?

(I want to GO BACK TO THE FLOWERS--)

(To keep making that world of yours which will never exist?)

How am I supposed to feel?

(I've made a MISTAKE--)

(It's too late to take it back! You either do this for your family and everyone in your District, or you die like a COWARD, Diorite Fray.)

What...

What have I done?

"Sounds like we're on the same page. I've been trying to stay afloat for a long time."

The smile leaves me, only a look of regret worn upon a gloomy sky as I keep speaking to Riordan.

"It certainly isn't easy."

"Nothing seems to work for me at least."

"But it isn't supposed to be--we have to find the answer for ourselves, reality isn't one to offer life jackets or a helping hand."

"We can talk about it if you want?"

I return to the stars, and it feels like they're shining a little duller than they did before.

"What left you out for dead in the wickedly ironic ocean of life, Riordan Einfallen?"

[ table made by rave <333 ]

[Kingston Cesaire D3A [Tom]]

r i o r d a n   e i n f a l l e n

Fields of purple flowers, waving to him in his dreams.

A memory of their deaths within his mind. Bones buried under the dirt of the loved and lost. Scars reopened by such meaningless words that sang across the dark air. Tickling the stars above. He was born of stardust, bright and shining, but eventually dulling to nothing. Only the memory of the star stuck within the minds of its neighbors. The pride of knowing people will remember someone doesn't fit into him. His memory will live in an adopted brother who hated his guts, Casovniks who had their own problems to deal with, and his parents who couldn't bother seeing him without gagging in disgust.

An opera house would stand in the fields, colors of the earth and the heavens shining upon it's walls.

Drowning. He's been drowning since he was younger. Drowning under a current of responsibilities and sorrows. Loved and lost. He's seen too many people fall out of his hand that he's tired of it all. He's pushed show hard, but he's so tired of every single push with nothing else to gain. Only heartaches that leave his chest feeling wide open. Barbed wires cutting him open for anyone to see. Cuts so jagged that telling where they were was impossible. He's drowning under a sea of selfishness as the current takes him farther and farther away from where air used to be. Hand reaching for the sky, but no one to pull his out. Except for Diorite Fray, a woman who seemed to know how life was. Tortuous and full of unexplainable broken dreams that never truly existed.

A show was happening within the opera house. Ran by Riordan Einfallen and Jequirity Eckhart.

The violins play once again as he hears the words flowing from Diorite's lips. She's fierce and yet looks so vulnerable to everything. It's like he wants to see her shatter, find what's on the inside, but you can't shatter something that is meant to be beautiful. They were teetering on the edge of a tightrope that never truly had a bottom. If they were to fall, they'd fall hard until something crashed. The words echoes in the air, adding something in him to break and feel vulnerable to her. He wanted to tell her everything he could. Everything about himself or anyone, but he couldn't. Not until the words ended.

"It certainly isn't easy."

It never got easier.

"But it isn't supposed to be--we have to find the answer for ourselves, reality isn't one to offer life jackets or a helping hand."

The words spoke of the truth. Life never gave him life jackets or a helping hand, only a chain to sink further under. Lungs breathe in air as she shines in the moonlight. Gorgeous and yet terrifying. A woman who probably could crush him in seconds, but if she was to, his wishes would become true and he could stop drowning in the sea of sorrows that was his life. The last question rips his heart out and breaks the little walls he has left.

"What left you out for dead in the wickedly ironic ocean of life, Riordan Einfallen?"

His response is quick, just as the dreams of fields of purple and red vanish again, only to be brought back to the blood and fire that tears the opera house and field apart.

"Love. Death. Dreams. I've lost so much. You've lost so much. I only wanted everyone else to be better, even if it meant throwing my own life away, but I was selfish then. I couldn't save her. I was too weak to do anything, Diorite."

His gaze moves to a rock on the roof, avoiding looking her in the eyes. He wasn't strong enough for Jequirity. He wasn't strong enough to try and save her. He was too weak to do anything, but watch as she perished in a fight. Tears threaten to pull at his eyes, but he wipes an arm at his face to avoid the tears. His voice is calm and steady, yet broken and fragile.

"I don't want to be weak anymore. I'm tired of it. I've pushed myself to try and live for the ones I've lost, but it gets to you. Day after day of nothing but silence that seems to eat you whole. Graves that stare at you with hollow eyes of their memories. I'm done with being weak, Diorite."

Silence from his body as he sighs in a relief that he never truly felt before. Letting go of the emotions felt like the perfect solution to the problem, but it only added to his stress. He wanted an escape. He wanted to hide away from everything and rot for no one could care about Riordan Einfallen. A man who had nothing to his name. His words came out again, but now steady and confident.

"They're dead. My friends and my lovers. There's nothing for me at home. Sometimes.... Sometimes I wish I was dead with them, so I didn't have to feel so alone in the world anymore."

[Gryphon]

It's like those stories of pirates to treasure, they open the chest and quickly become bedecked with gems, coins, pearls, and diamonds.

Riordan Einfallen could very well be the stormy skies themself where his assessments lie; he grants me permission to step into his universe, a peek into them and I see it. There's fog, there's rain, there's hurt and there's

pain.

He is not far off from me, we live in the same belt of planets moving in permanent motion around the superstar sun.

I close my eyes and another smile of sorrow glows with the stars as I search for the valuables buried underneath his earth. He is quick to respond to my question, and so I know I've already discovered them.

He trusts me with his words, he trusts me with his treasure but I don't help myself to sparkling riches because that isn't what they are.

They're feelings meant to be examined, related to, and after numerous pages of red X's put at ease.

"Love. Death. Dreams. I've lost so much. You've lost so much. I only wanted everyone else to be better, even if it meant throwing my own life away, but I was selfish then. I couldn't save her. I was too weak to do anything, Diorite."

Being weak is not uncommon, being weak is not unusual, and being weak should not be damned. Why else do we build ourselves dreams that eventually grow into its own world?

Though mine is completely made of them, making dreams and reality black and white, his is the gray in-between as these two levels of to-be become one for him and smother him inside and out.

"I don't want to be weak anymore. I'm tired of it. I've pushed myself to try and live for the ones I've lost, but it gets to you. Day after day of nothing but silence that seems to eat you whole. Graves that stare at you with hollow eyes of their memories. I'm done with being weak, Diorite."

His voice doesn't match his mind, but like our earth they still possess cracks of emotion--it isn't all smooth.

Despite a waterfall gushing out from his insides, he still doesn't understand that being weak is part of who we are, it is inescapable. We can run from it all we want, but we can never hide.

It's always following, searching, and waiting.

A thoughtful man, but yet still rather naive despite shadows making up his entire essence.

"They're dead. My friends and my lovers. There's nothing for me at home. Sometimes.... Sometimes I wish I was dead with them, so I didn't have to feel so alone in the world anymore."

I laugh.

I've found a diamond that sprinkles light in my eyes and radiates like the heavens.

He is drowning as well, but unlike me he's begging to be saved.

I don't need saving. I am who I am meant to be and these are the consequences I must face for that. Although living with them proves a very great difficulty, I can still share my own suffering with others to help them, to make them feel understood.

To make them not feel alone anymore.

I turn to look at the dark-haired man, the glittering dumps in my gaze both contrasting and complimenting the sad smile.

"It is unwise to want to escape the inexorable, Riordan Einfallen, for we will always be weak. You must instead find ways past this weakness when it persistently pops up in your path of thoughts again and again, because it will never give in to mercy.

Life, a cruel mistress. We will never get what we want most at the end of the day. However..."

I laugh some more and black pours from my cheeks as I go to fully face him, before quick steps are made and I pull him out from his own sea of unhappiness and into a soft hug. My voice slightly trembles like the earthquakes of my body,

"However, I promise you..."

but I finish speaking what he needs to hear.

"...you are not alone."

[ table made by rave <333 ]