falling inside the black {marree/kaplan}

[Knuckles]

[googlefont="Vast Shadow:400"]

Typhoon

And just like that they're gone.

Everything swirls around as I exit through the crowd looking for Tempest and Blizzard. Eyes darting every direction because I'm unsure of where to look, but right now it doesn't matter if I find them or not. After being abandon, I don't care if anyone comes to find me. Living by myself is something I've always looked forward to doing - now isn't the time. Tempest and Blizzard are going to need me. But what can a broken eighteen year old do in a mess like this? How can I hold it all together when the world is slowly falling apart around me.

My life is built on trust, and once that trust is broken there's no getting it back. Even if one of them make it back alive, nothing will fix the bridge. Never again with the beams hold it high and strong. Never again will the concrete complete it. Trust is trust, and it is gone.

I don't know what they were thinking, but as I make my way home I stay focused on on thing. Making sure the other two are okay. It's about putting other people before myself, and that's what's needed right now. Pushing my emotions away so others may have a life that I don't deserve. Somehow I'll find a way to make them smile, but right now it's impossible because I can't even smile myself. When my life was in shambles, they found me, and they brought me in. They swore nobody would be left behind, yet when they had the chance the two heathens ran away from it all.

Screw them.

Each step brings a new reality, and I'm fighting against the tears trying to fall down my face, but they aren't tears of sorrow. Being an angry crier pisses me off even more, and now that I am alone and away from the mess I allow them to fall. It's better to feel the emotions, yet my blood boils rapidly inside my veins. The red spots never leave, they're only there growing larger and larger. Scanning the area, my body fails me. All the pent of anger erupts past my lips infiltrating the silence with a blood curdling scream.

Hatred is something I've tried to stay away from, and while I don't exactly hate them, the thought is there. Nails dig into the palm of my hands. Blood slowly drips on the ground. It's nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Yet my mind is racing with all the possibilities. They sentenced themselves to die. Why should I care? Why should I care if the two idiots want to die?

I do care, I don't want them to die.

But let them die if that's their desire.

The door swings open, hinges creaking, and I'm standing alone inside the house looking around trying to find something to snap me back into the reality of the world. Many volunteered, and I'm sure many aren't feeling this way, but I am my own person. Nobody will stand in my way. The door slams behind me, and I swear it's going to break from the weight of the world. Yet it's still fully intact - thank god. Shaking hands wrap around a glass sitting on the table - "Forget it!" I scream as loudly as possible before smashing the innocent glass against the floor. Shards fly everywhere, and I don't even care anymore. It's a simple reminder of my life of someone I'll never be.

[kap]

B L I Z Z A R D  O ' H A N A

851 words

~

Witnessing the terrible happenings of this year's reaping volunteering was one of the worst experiences of my life. I'd always been scared of the reaping. I'd always been terrified of the Hunger Games. Though, my anxiety and nerves could have killed me with how I felt this time. When Lightning volunteered, I tried to keep myself calm. He could come back. He could win, and our whole family would be back together again.

Then Chaos volunteered. That was when I broke down. Our family would never be in one piece after these Games. Yes, one of them had the chance of returning to us. A very small chance at that, but still a chance. There was absolutely no possible way, however, for them both to come back. By joining Lightning on that stage, Chaos tore our family apart. Although, I didn't want to blame this whole disaster on Chaos. It was Lighning's fault, too. Had he never volunteered himself, Chaos never would have felt the need to do the same. She could have been safe, and he could have been safe, but they sacrificed themselves, and I was guaranteed to lose at least one of my O'Hana siblings.

I was the one that took the situation with tears. Typhoon was the one that too the situation with rage, and I had no idea how Tempest would end up doing to cope with it all. Though, Chaos told me I had to be there for her. She would break without me. She'd shatter, losing her sister like that. I couldn't let that happen. I had to stay strong to keep Tempest strong, even if I didn't think I could manage it. After I had said what were likely my final goodbyes to Chaos, I spoke with Lightning for the same reason, with tears flowing from my eyes, just as they had been when Chaos and I spoke with one another in that small room with the velvet furniture.

After I left the Justice Building having said my goodbyes, I waited for Tempest and Typhoon. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down before they arrived. My tears had stopped by the time they showed up, but it was still obvious by looking at my face that I had been crying my eyes out only moments before. We walked home in silence. This was something we rarely ever did, as normally, we were very social with one another. At least, Chaos, Lightning and I were. Perhaps it wasn't just the fact that they had volunteered that made us so quiet. It could have been silent if they had just had to make a stop at a local shop and had us walk home to meet them there. This was a different kind of silence, though. This was the silence that everyone dreaded.

Dead silence; silence that occurred when you knew that someone you loved was going to wind up dead.

When we got into the house, Typhoon finally burst. I was actually somewhat surprised that Typhoon was the first one. They were usually calm and collected, and not one to act out, but I knew why they did. Anger was their version of my tears. Typhoon swiped an empty glass to the floor with a scream of rage. Then, the glass shattered, just like any hope I may have had for our family that was slowly falling apart. Now, I knew we were far past broken. There was nothing we could do to get ourselves back together, even if one of them came home.

I could no longer hold back my tears when I saw my sibling's rage. That was when I realized I was starting to feel the same way. I wasn't just upset anymore. I wasn't just distressed. I was angry. Perhaps I wasn't as angry as Typhoon, but I still was starting to feel the frustration build up. I clenched my fists, as well as my jaw, and felt like I wanted to pull at my hair. Though, I stopped myself. I needed to be in control. Lightning and Chaos wouldn't want me to break down like this. If they knew that I was starting to lose control, I knew that it would effect them.

I couldn't hold everything in, though. I went into the kitchen, opened one of the food cupboards, and took out an apple. I started digging my nails into it, rather than eating it, as I needed something to take out my anger on without hurting anyone. Unfortunately, my frustration got to the point that I threw the apple to the floor, stomping on it with my foot to crush it into mush.

Luckily, this had gotten out my rage, for the most part. Then, I collapsed to the floor, breaking down in tears. Then, I shouted out one last thing before I realized I had exerted too much energy into my rage and distress.

"I don't know what the Hell to do anymore!"

Then the room started to spin, and I something happened that I couldn't stop. I blacked out, my body too weak to take any more emotional or physical stress.

is home really home anymore?

► kaigra ◄

[*]

Lamentations of the heart never hurt so bad

Absolute chaos ruled her life. In the fact that she had lost two family members already, she gained two more and then two went missing again. Her heart has shattered over and over to the point that when her sister decided that she was to be selfish and go on to protect their younger brother, she forgot about the one that she had shared a womb with. The person that they had spent every moment since forming, no longer cared about. She had grown closer to their brother and thus their bond was stronger than what they had. It was so obvious that if she had been a better sister, more like her, then maybe she would have been someone to stay for. Volunteering himself, Lightning knew what he was doing. He did it first and thus knew what he was putting himself into.

Tempest felt her heart shatter the moment Chaos rang out true amongst the crowd. When she had wrapped her arms around her twin, she knew that bond had been severed. What kind of sister does that? What kind of person would torture their family like that?

Yet, she walked home feeling completely and absolutely lost in her mind that she no longer felt anything at all.

Nothing...

Her lips never broke apart the entire walk once she met up with the two family members that now share her last name. She was forever more the head of the household, in some sense. She was the last orginal O'Hana - but she wouldn't desert her family. She couldn't leave them alone now. Blizzy was broken already. That much she could tell. Her face was sodden with tear stains although she didn't look like she was. Her eyes were red around the rims where pools had collected when she met with Chaos and Lightning.

Ty, on the other hand, was handling it better than she had imagined. They was the one that liked to keep their emotions together. That tough, hard exterior was going to be the saving grave for Tempest in order to keep her from losing it all.

Only, she just lost it all. It was just not sinking in yet that she knew she'd never see her sister again, nor her dearest brother. Lightning was gone - her fun loving brother who was just as crazy as he was cool. She would never hear his voice again. She would never go swimming with him again. She wouldn't ever get to offer him up for first aid guinea pig for her studies.

Tears welled up when the house came into view. Blizzy and Ty had already taken a few more steps further ahead of her and a sense of dread came over her. "I don't want to go in..." She mumbled as she looked to see the other two had already went in, sans the door jerking open with a loud crack and the hinges threatening to escape the door frame. Fear jolted her to make her way inside just as the door was profusely slammed a moment later.

"Ty..." She tried to say, knowing that they were evidently hurting just as much as she was. However, the way they decided to show it made her fear the reaction. Uneasily, Tempest tried to reach out to them, but there was nothing she could do. "...I'm. Sorry. Typh..."

Crushing hearts all around the O'Hana household began to set each one into a series of unfortunate events. My words never reached her though. She took one glance at a vulnerable peice of O'Hana property and before there was anything that could be done to stop it, she watched in slow motion as the fragile glass was thrown to the ground with such force that it exploded. Tempest flinched, half expecting to be in the path of the disaster. Only, pieces flew across the floor - shards littering the floor. It was destroyed.

Just like the family.

"Typhoon! Please... we are... all... hurting. I'M HURTING, TOO but..." The words felt like studders coming out of Tempests mouth as she immediately dropped to collect the shards in her hand, scooping up the fine crystal to keep someone from stepping on it or cutting themselves. "tell her, Blizzy. We are all..."

Tempest's vision saunters to where she had last seen her other sister, and no sooner did she look for her wearabouts, did a thud draw her attention to the next room. "Blizzy? Where did you go?"

Glass was thrown back to the floor, dusting off the shards that bit into her hand. Her heart stammered out of control when she entered the pantry entrance seeing the brittle Blizzard no longer consious. "Blizzy...! Wake up. This is no time for jokes."

Tempest fell to her knees beside the girl, laying a hand on her side. "Please wake up?" Her hands went to the girl's shoulders, shaking vigorously now. Tempest held onto hope for a moment before screaming out for help. "TYPHOON!"

"BLIZZY, WAKE UP... Can you hear me?" She asked even though her sister's body didn't budge. "Oh my ripred... I can't do this. Blizzy... please. PLEASE..." Tempest begged as fear rattled her body and her voice cracked under the pressure. "TYPHOON. BLIZZY WON'T WAKE UP..."

TEMPEST  O'HANA

Sometimes our heads slip beneath the sea, and sometimes there's no way to breathe

[Knuckles]

[googlefont="Vast Shadow:400"]

Typhoon

Anger clouds my view. Red spots flash in every direction, heat radiating from my cheeks. What is the point of making promises when they're only broken later? It didn't make sense, and now my eyes lock on the shards scattered across the floor. The muffled sound of Tempest's voice tries to penetrate my ears, but nothing would allow it. Roars grow louder and louder, and I'm not even sure what else to do. We're all hurting. I've told them before that rage is my sorrow, yet nobody seems to understand that anymore. My hands ball into fists before relaxing. It's a constant pattern. A storm blows inside, winds howling through my veins as water pools in the corner of my eyes. Every heartbeat is a cry for mercy as my lungs try to expand to compensate for the fury raging through me. Each breath becomes quicker and quicker, my hands shake at my side as I'm looking for my next item. They must feel my pain.

"I don't know what the hell to do anymore!"

Time freezes for just a moment as I turn in every direction trying to make sense of everything that's happening. In slow motion Blizz falls to the ground, collapsing into the black. She feel into a sea of mercy while I'm still standing awake and alive without any problems.

This is just a dream.

But it's not because Tempest's panicked voice reaches through the storm pulling at my heart. My eyes land on the unconscious Blizzard. Tempest is crying for help, and I don't know what to do. For a moment I'm standing still trying to take it all in kicking shards out of my way. Somewhere deep inside I'm hoping that I didn't hurt her because that is the last thing I wanted, and I'll never forgive myself for it. But what's the point in forgiving yourself when you can't forgive those around?

This is all Lightning and Chaos' fault.

They caused the storm blowing through the house. A tsunami struck the district before, and now its seeking vengeance on us.

Tempest continues calling out, and I'm slowly fading away. Anger quickly turning into sorrow, and worry. My hands are tight, and my jaw is clenched. What can I do?

"TYPHOON. BLIZZY WON'T WAKE UP..."

Everything stops.

A rope wraps around my throat slowly suffocating the life out of me. Nothing makes sense right now. One moment everything was fine, and then the chaotic storm raged through tearing apart the three of us standing inside the house. I drop to my knees as tears of anger roll down the side of my face. We're a family whether we like it or not, and we have to stick together now that Chaos and Lightning ran away. They're not even here to deal with the problems they caused - they're both cowards.

I place a gentle hand on Blizzard's shoulder before shaking her gently.

"Blizz, you gotta wake up!" My voice cracks as the fire inside slowly dies down. "BLIZZARD!" I shout once more. All my hopes and sorrows come crashing down. Helping people has been my way of life for as long as I can possibly remember, and now look at what I've done.

I've already lost two people today, I can't afford to lose another.

550 words

[kap]

B L I Z Z A R D  O ' H A N A

598 words

~

The pain that should have been present when I hit the hardwood floor as I passed out just wasn’t there. When I awoke, I had no idea how long I’d been unconscious for. What I was desperately hoping for right then was that it hadn’t been too long. I knew that my remaining siblings were just as frustrated and upset as I was about Chaos and Lightning leaving, so I didn’t want to have made it worse. My eyes opened very slowly as I heard Typhoon’s voice speaking to me- no, shouting. I sat up slowly, rubbing my head, which would definitely end up with a bump on it from hitting the floor.

“Ty…” I muttered, “Tempest… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Everything is just way too overwhelming right now.”

I tried to explain to them why I’d passed out, but it was difficult to know what to say. In the past, I had passed out from extreme stress or anxiety, so I knew that was why it had happened this time. I certainly wasn’t calm after what had happened, and that had to be what did it to me. I looked from Typhoon to Tempest. Neither of them were in a good state of mind, I could tell. Of course, I wasn’t either. After all, I had just blacked out on the floor of our home, and likely terrified my siblings into thinking I’d died or something.

“Sometimes when I get really stressed or upset, I pass out. I just... “ I was short of breath, so I paused for a moment. “I just wish I could make everything better.”

It was hard for me right then, both physically and emotionally. I was having trouble breathing and my chest felt light it was tightening up, constricting me. I hated that feeling, and it came with my anxiety all too often. Trying to take a deep breath, I knew I needed to focus on something else. Though, it was damn near impossible to think of anything but what was going on right then. The thought of losing two of my newfound family members was terrifying. Some may think it would have been worse for Tempest and Ty, as they’d been part of the family longer, but I didn’t think so. I was almost positive I was taking it just as hard as they were.

Now that I was sitting up straight, I was able to get my bearings better. Yes, I was home. Luckily, I’d made it home before a fit of stress and rage launched me into unconsciousness. I tried to get myself into a standing position, but it was too difficult, and I sat back down on the floor again.

“I think I need to rest. It’s all just too much to handle right now,” I informed them. I was sure that my face had to be extremely pale just then, as it usually was when I didn’t feel well. Taking another deep breath, I tried to relax the best that I could in the moment. Although, it was much more difficult that I had expected. It was just too much, and I couldn’t get the thought of my siblings’ potential demise out of my head.

Leaning against the wall, I tried to think of other things. It was impossible. I’d never forget Chaos and Lightning, even in a situation where forgetting your family may be a good thing. Even if it was against the O’Hana motto, I knew I had to forget about them, just for a little bit, but I couldn’t.

Forgetting wasn’t allowed, nor was it possible.

is home really home anymore?

► kaigra ◄