You're a needle in the hay {Wheeler fam thread}

[Sleepy Fluttershy]

Leticia Wheeler

"...Just a number, not a name..."

When my family comes in to say goodbye, I can’t look them in the eye. I have just betrayed them. Only a few seconds ago we were happy and could go home together. And now I can only feel guilty for doing what I have done. My heart is beating fast and I am almost crying. Dammit! How have I become so sensitive?!

Someone's arms wrap around me. It is Aileen and she is sobbing loudly, and that makes me feel even more miserable. Why did I say those two words? I don't really know.

“You will come back, won't you? Please, try to return!”

But I know that I can't say what is going to happen in a few days. I can’t promise anything and I don’t want to lie to my own sister, so I just keep silent and hug Aileen back, kissing her on the forehead. Damn! I shouldn’t have left them! Dammit!

I raise my head and see Luke’s eyes staring right into my soul, piercing it with a sour look, which is full of judgement and pain. I am so sorry! Dammit! I am sorry! What else can I say? Don’t be mad at me now, please! I can’t survive thinking of this stare of yours! Just stop it!
But he is not stopping.
“Why, Tix?”
I can’t say anything. I can’t explain it. I have nothing to say. But please forgive me! We are a family, aren’t we? He is still waiting for a response.
“I am sorry! I really am! But I had to do it! Luke, just trust me, I had to, okay?”
He won’t stop staring... And mom is just standing there, saying nothing. I am sorry about being such a disappointment! Suddenly she makes a few steps in my direction and hugs me and Aileen. A huge tear is running down her cheek. I can’t stand it! I would normally yell at them and run away to never let them know I am crying, but today is different. I can’t pretend to be tough and cold. Not now. Not with them.

Aileen takes something out of her pocket and puts it in my hand. A bracelet made of rusty paperclips shaped like roses. I know my sister hates searching the junk for things, but she couldn’t have found the clips without doing that. Or maybe she didn’t do it herself? No, I don’t think anyone would do that, even for the sake of my sister’s happiness. How come I never realized how much she loves me?
“This is a gift for your birthday... Please try to come back to us.”
I can’t even promise that. What have I done to them and to myself?! Dammit!
A Peacekeeper comes in.
“It’s time!”
I hug Aileen one last time.
“I am sorry about being such a jerk, sis! I really love you! Please, take care of them! Stay safe, okay?”
We let go of each other and the door closes behind the only three people in this world who have always been standing by my side.

"You signed and sealed it,
And now you've got to deal with it"