this house don't feel like ( home ) // fallon oneshot

[Stare]

mama, come here
approach, appear
daddy, i’m alone
'cause this house don’t feel like home

Fallon had sat in her room for what felt like hours before she'd finally gathered enough courage to ask for a few sheets of paper and a pen. An Avox had presented them to her silently, eyes glued to the floor. Fallon wasn't sure why, but she'd had the strangest urge to hug the girl, or ask her to stay. She didn't, the Avox left, and Fallon was left alone with her blank sheets of paper.

Tears stained the paper before she even had a chance to start writing on it. Frustrated, she brushed them away, biting her lower lip until it bled. Why was she crying? It was ridiculous.

Slowly, carefully, she began to write.

Dear Mama.

-

"Why did she do it?"

For the first time in a long while, Ms. Payne looked completely uncomposed. Her wide-brimmed hat was crooked, her makeup was sloppy and uneven, and her blouse was wrinkled, as if she'd slept in it and hadn't bothered to change when she woke up.

Kathryn, in contrast, was just a bit too neat. Her hair was raked away from her face severely, with not a hair out of place in her bun. Her clothes were overly bright, her face overly pale. She had circles under her eyes. "I don't know."

"You need to know." Ms. Payne's voice trembled a bit. "You knew what was wrong with her. Why didn't you see this coming?"

Kathryn's hand passed over her face briefly. "No one could have seen this coming, Ms. Payne."

-

Fallon paused, swallowed down a few more tears, and glared at the blank page. It was a simple letter. She wasn't even sure it could be sent, but at this rate she would never find out.

She sucked in a shaky breath.

I hope you're well. Tell everyone that I say hi and I miss them.

She paused and forced her forehead to relax out of its frown. It was silly to get so worked up over a simple goodbye. If they had come to the Justice Center and started crying and hugging her, maybe it would have been different. But they hadn't.

Why didn't they?

-

"You said people like her could be violent. You never told me she would actually want - "

"Fallon wasn't like those cases I mentioned," Kathryn cut Ms. Payne off, looking out the window. The sun was shining brightly. "I don't know why she volunteered, but it wasn't because she craves violence. She's a very confused young girl."

"There's a difference between confused and volunteering," Ms. Payne pressed, her voice rising in pitch. She waved her hands about her head. "Did her - her hallucinations tell her to do this?"

"Ms. Payne, keep your voice down." Kathryn's tone become suddenly firm, eyes narrowing slightly. "Forgive me for saying so, but I'm beginning to think you don't understand your daughter at all."

-

I'm sorry we didn't get to say goodbye. I'm sure the Peacekeepers wouldn't have appreciated having so many people in the building at once, anyway.

Fallon's hand was shaking. She didn't want to write the next part. It would make it far too real. She knew what they other tributes thought about her. They assumed she was too busy worrying about the statue-ghosts to realize what would happen if they survived and made it into the Arena. They thought she was too oblivious to realize that she might be living her final days.

She wasn't.

I'm also sorry that I set a bad example. I know I'm supposed to be the oldest, but I forget sometimes. I never feel like the oldest. I'm going to try my hardest to come home, but there are a lot of other tributes that are stronger and better prepared than I am. They have very big names.

If I don't make it back, tell everybody they can take whatever they want from my room.

-

"Your daughter rarely interacted with the things she saw," Kathryn said, fingers clutched tightly in her lap. "How could you possibly think she has violent tendencies because of them?"

"You said - "

"What I said and what you should have seen in your daughter are two completely different things." All sense of professionalism was dropped. Kathryn actually looked angry. "Fallon thought her monsters were going to kill her and she still refused to fight back. Her mental state has nothing to do with violence. It has to do with her emotions and how she copes with them."

"Why did she leave, then?" Ms. Payne didn't look desperate or angry anymore. Instead, she had tears in her eyes.

Kathryn had little sympathy. "Maybe she was tired of living in a place where no one bothered to try understanding her."

-

I never meant to hurt you. I love you, Mama.

- Fallon

---

OOC/PSA: The really big point in this post that I wanted to clarify is that Fallon's schizophrenia does not manifest itself in the form of violence. Fallon's hallucinations are projections of her emotions as a way of coping with them. Obviously she will become violent in the Games, but I really want to emphasize that that violence will be for survival and doesn't have anything to do with her schizophrenia.

Thanks, dears and darlings! Can't wait to write with you all more <3