Finley Durante // D9 // FIN
Mar 7, 2017 23:21:19 GMT -5
Post by Gryphon on Mar 7, 2017 23:21:19 GMT -5
. finley durante ♔ 17 ♔ district 9 .
"Finley, where are you going?""Out."
"But where? You always go 'out', why won't you tell us where?""Because it's not important. I'll be back soon, Mika, I always am.
Aren't I?"
"...Yeah...""Exactly, so it's okay--I'll be fine, you know the drill. I love you guys.
Don't worry about me."
I still worry about him.
The days that he would leave felt like months, years, centuries. It started all of a sudden, him making the room feel emptier than it really was without him in it. A foster home we struggled to come to know but became home nonetheless, it was no Victor's Village but we kids had each other and that was all that mattered.
He always seemed to have at least a little fun. He doesn't laugh a lot, he doesn't smile a lot, he doesn't even really talk to us a lot when we're all together on the wood floor in the shape of a circle sharing stories and playing games. When it's just between the two of us, however, he's like a book that's begging to be opened wide but yet he's still so aloof. Secretive. The book, page-by-page and including the cover, has been sealed shut by its maker himself.
You think that'd he be more of a friendly guy when you first saw him, with his porcelain skin and light eyes. His short hair is constantly fluffed up into a cute mess, he kind of has a babyface, and he's really skinny, I don't know but he's just always seemed like somebody you can share your entire life story with even with just one glance his way. I've always thought he was a person I could tell all my fears and hopes to without him judging me and making fun of me.
Now these assumptions are not entirely false, as he's never mocked or belittled me, but instead of me whispering to him my worries and desires it's him whispering them to me. He's older, I'm younger, so it should be the other way around, right? Why is it not the other way around, and why is he still so vague when he talks about himself? Why is he making being his friend difficult when he has me get to know him yet still not get to know him?
He knows I care about him, right? He knows that we all do, right? We love him like an older brother and they're always asking questions and making up stories about him going off elsewhere in the District and I don't want to hear it. I don't like to hear any of it. I want the truth and I want him to stop being so afraid of sharing his heart with us, I don't want to play this guessing game with him forever on whether or not he's actually a bad person, whether or not he's a criminal somehow, whether or not he actually does love and care about us like we do him.
He started disappearing more often for longer amounts of time awhile ago and it scares me, can't he just tell us what he's been up to?
He's going to tell us, right?
He's going to tell me, right?
He's not a bad person.
Right?
I throw my head back into the pillow, half-laugh and half-moan floating out from between my lips as our skin gets hot and sweaty against the sheets in the dark.
"Hh-haaaaahh--! Yo-you think we can...d-do this another time...?!"
He doesn't answer me, but I really don't give a shit because his bearded lips against my neck feels so good; the soft, deep chuckling from within his throat sounds so good; tonight's just been so fucking good and I don't want it to end.
I never want it to end.
I just wanna stay like this forever, keep doing this forever, keep feeling like this forever--I just want to run away from it all. Mika, the other kids, that shitty excuse of a foster home, being poor, not truly having a family, not bei--"How much farther are you willing to go, baby?"
I laugh some more, Ripred I just don't care and don't wanna care about anything anymore.
"As soon as you're satisfied...heh...that's good enough for me."
I can feel him smile and he kisses the spot again, I sigh in satisfaction.
I deserve this. I deserve to be happy for a change, don't I? Am I wrong?
Moving from foster home to foster home since I don't know how many goddamn years ago, not ever being wanted; I deserve to feel like this every once in awhile."You're gonna be here for awhile then--I'm not satisfied with just one
go."
"And that's a problem because...?"
We laugh and I feel tongue--pleasure, I move a hand over my soft features and arch my back, moving my pale complexion further into his touch.
I go looking for this, and it's not that fun trying to get past the hot faces of men's anger first before feeling their hunky asses up but it's totally worth it. I steal, I talk shit and get myself into fist fights somehow (and of course my scrawny ass is always gladly on the losing end), I'll even occasionally piss them off into having me sleep around some more by sleeping around. I then eventually get flirty and worm my way into a bargain to benefit the both of us and also Mika and the kids if possible. More food, more clothes, more anything to help us live life a little better in exchange for nights like these and helping these guys take care of some of their own work, dirty or not.
Whatever works for me, whatever works for all of us.
Whatever helps me take my mind off of not wanting to keep living by helping each other and myself keep living.
I hit the jackpot with this guy, a Peacekeeper who brought to my attention his taking notice of both me thieving around and sleeping around. He is gonna be one to remember, hopefully over and over and over and over again--"Are you...always really this much of a little slut...?"
"Why...? You want me to be your little sl--""I mean...you're cute and you know how to move your ass, baby...I
would've thought somebody would've picked you up for something of
more commitment by now though."
And this time it's me who doesn't answer because that's never going to happen.
I'm never going to let it happen.
Nobody wants me, and if I'm not wanted, then fine.
I'll make sure I'm never wanted outside the bedroom, and I do a good job of that already for how I get into them in the first place. I'll make sure not to tell anyone anything about me, I'll make sure not to ever sincerely spend my time and energy on people who wouldn't do the same, I'll make sure not to ever reveal Finley Durante to another pair of eyes.
Not even the kids. Not even Mika. None of them, none of them would and will understand what I've been through.
We continue on for the rest of the moon's time in the sky, but my excitement has died down some since the last thing he said.
This is always nice and all, but I'll never need anyone.(And that's a damn lie because all I want is to just love and be loved in return.)
