cosmo midnight [ helios v. horses ] day 4

[Deleted]

I wander in darkness, my face molding into this damn blanket - none of this makes sense. Gravity, blankets, Lucas, sinless murders; I've spent this long trying to make it all mold to my world but I'm starting to realize I'm clay for them, and I always have been. No food, no water, it's catching up to me and it's hard to even feel angry or anything more than desperate, than tired of walking through the dark. 

That whole Eszter thing, trying to think of how she'd do this, how to survive these situations in a way that makes sense through both worlds - I slept through the after noon. Hungry and stained and whatever digging in my tongue, just one day. If I can survive today I can make it back to them- I can make this okay, I can see Lucas again and die okay, die in a way that fits my world. 

Lying makes sense at this point. 

[ wip wip i have to get ready for prom and wanna get this started sorry skipping to the good parts ] 

-extreme arena survivorlist helios comes out 
-no more crying, gotta check the wind for direction
-sleeps through the day, walks to the mansion at night
-really wants to cry but big girls don't cry

I'm coming, Percy.

We never really had soft days together, she had her own tough kid way of dealing with issues and I sat alone in gardens. She wouldn't come to church with me and I never blamed her- she's just a kid, I'd tell Father White. That's a name I haven't heard in a while, ha. I wonder if he's condemned me yet- I wonder if Calypso has forgotten me yet. 

Percy wouldn't like it here, I don't think, the same way my eye drags trying to walk through the rose garden, staying clear of the rows and bushes - they may be dangerous. The whole spiel with the garden of eden, Ripred could send a snake to bite me in the ass if I die by that then this whole suffering thing wouldn't even be worth it. 

But still I walk, torso on my back, my face masked through early morning wind, the smell of rose blinding me; I wish I could love it here. Just one more gentle day -- that'd be nice. Percy wouldn't make sense of this place either and I'd hold her hand as we'd walk, when she was small I'd carry her to reapings; that's wild right? That one of my fondest memories is the snake that killed both her and me? 

But there isn't time to question, time to think; survival comes in the answers.

[ firestorm ]

[helios throws axes at buzzing objects;]
MLIG7AGO1-3

200+10000

[hits horse #1; shallow cut - 3.5]1-3�200+10000

[L△LIA]

[attr="class","CricketContainer"]

[attr="class","CricketTitle"]

I’m going blind from this sweet sweet craving
I keep on hoping we'll eat cake by the ocean

[attr="class","CricketContent"]

My Little Cake Emberstatt had been having a rough couple of days. After hiding out in a small, cave-like rabbit hole yesterday with a rather... confusing (confusing???)... deceptive (it's hard to sort out how he feels, really...)... enigmatic (!!!) pony stuck in the same sorry situation... he??? She... was there, hiding out together, and then gone. Everything was butterflies and then —

Then all of the cake was gone. Fuck that.

It had been left out on a windowsill to cool, as if it were meant for him! And of course the cake was meant for Cake! It was destiny! He had the tramp stamp to prove it. Except when he awoke there was nothing left. He was alone and the cake was a lie and so he resorted to rummaging around in the wreckage that trailed out of the mansion, with the dumpster divers. Heathens.

[newclass=".CricketContainer"]width:450px; height:450px; background-position:center; background-repeat: no-repeat; padding:20px;[/newclass]
[newclass=".CricketTitle"]font-size:10px; text-transform:uppercase; margin-right:65px; margin-bottom:1px; [/newclass]
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[My Little Dumpster Diver won't let anyone steal his trash]

7hRiPMSQknife

[Shallow Cut on Forehead — 4.5 damage]

[My Little Cake Emberstatt won't let anyone steal his cake]

knife

[Miss]

knife�knife

[Deleted]

Cannon fodder, ricocheting in a deaf boy's ears -- I shudder. I was supposed to be stronger than this; weaker than this? I can't really tell, how would dying willingly change my morals? It's hard to question in the dark, a buzzing noise, glittering lights through the blanket like star dust.

Maybe it's Percy- 

That's stupid

I know, I know. 

Pretty lights, enchanting and I don't feel so bad if this is how I go out; roses, cosmos lights, stained glass dragon wings and maybe it's not as bad as I think it is. No water, no allies, no food, I'll just die but it can't be worse than that, right? 

And I'm talking to myself a lot these days- today. Everything runs together to the point of one day being twenty four, twenty four tributes turning into fifty two; everything bends and distorts in a way I cannot process past deaf eyes, deaf heart past that of myself and I've been talking to myself a lot recently. 

They caress my cheeks and maybe they aren't as gorgeous as I believe, wings fluttering against my skin as I hear one swim past me, hear one hit the armor on my forehead, tied to my skin under the blanket; we should just bleed together these things. Fits like a crown in my flesh, god no I'm losing it- think like Eszter, breathe like Eszter, bleed like everything-

"Percy-?"

My hand reaching to the air before I catch myself; it's hard not to fall in love with pixie lights, with cosmo sunlight. Y'know you can make a compass out of a knife? Figured that out, stab it in the ground and tick tick tock the shadow points uhh, one way- right? If you know the time at least you know your way to wherever you're going, but I have no knives.

I have no eyes. 

Shit the second catches by my ear, location on my tongue- where do I want to be where do I need to be, where is Eszter and Iris and Elettra and ElvainaandBrookeandScarlett and Lucas and Percy.

Maybe this is where I want to be, buried in roses and cosmos and love in my cheeks, my face hot in sunlight, maybe dying here wouldn't be too bad but I've got places to be, Eszter needs me, right- right yeah, Iris wanted something god what was it I'll just have to ask her later. Gotta sell that thing to Elettra, she never smiled much but I understand the whole sister thing right Percy- ha- I grip my brief case, rosaries in my hand hand hand ha.

Pixie lights - "I'm headed on somewhere that isn't quite here, you know."

[ firestorm ]

[helios throws axes at buzzing objects;]
AsAqYDFL1-3

200+10000

[hits horse # ]

[accuracy]
200+10000

1-3�200+10000�200+10000

[L△LIA]

[attr="class","CricketContainer1"]

[attr="class","CricketTitle1"]

I’m going blind from this sweet sweet craving
I keep on hoping we'll eat cake by the ocean

[attr="class","CricketContent1"]

At first My LIttle Dumpster Diver thought there wasn't much to be found in the trash today, except disappointment. No cookies! No pie! No cake! Woe, what is a life without baked goods...

Except then — suddenly! — a human appeared from nowhere. Of course nowhere must still be somewhere or else it wouldn't be anywhere at all and everything must have come from something or all that is would be all that isn't and... Deep breath. Mmm. The sweet, reassuring scent of trash filled his nose and brought calm to his mind. The precious pony had two loves in this world and one of them was discovering discarded treasure. The other was —

Human! CuDDLE ME NOW I'M SO FUCKING CUTEEEEEEEEE~ ThIS iS wHaT I WAs BoRn FOrrRrRRRRrrRRRRRR!!!!!1!!! LOVE ME!!!"

And so, with the kind of enthusiasm that can only be managed by the most shamelessly cute creatures in existence (and he definitely is, no isn't or nowhere about it), My Little Dumpster Diver tried to hug his newfound human's face — with both his blades and his best intentions.

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[My Little Dumpster Diver JUST WANTS TO BE YOUR BFF4EVA]

vfDfp9Vcknife

[Miss]

[My Little Cake Emberstatt JUST WANTS TO LOVE YOUUUUUUUU~]

knife

[Miss]

knife�knife

[Deleted]

Trouble on my tongue, I can't quite pinpoint it past a gut reaction; I'm terrified of not feeling terrified. Something profound - ha - haha, I hold my tongue in my hand, no blood just skin, how can I be terrified of a feeling? I'm not scared of being happy- or am I, oh no I may be. My head spins on a loose axle, the world under barefeet a callous of somethings, something something I can't really put my hand on it but it's under me and I'm up here regardless some place dizzier. 

If that's possible. 

They buzz around me, fairies, pixie lights, tiny things I told stories about to the church kids, bright faced and happy and yellow and Helios, the sun, Percy used to love me. I don't know if she loved me before she died, y'know? She hugged me, kicked and screamed and I bled out in that room before she died and one light swings around my arm, like a coax. 

Coated in liquor, blind and off balance, I throw- what was I using? Oh dear this is awkward, ha, uh, I throw it and fall over, the world in vertigo and lights, "sorry, sorry," I'm not normally like this, you see, Eszter I've had quite a mighty fine hard rough time out here, this is crazy. It's so insane, blanket on my head, dehydration in my blood stream like a goddamn curse and lord I may as well kneel over now if I thought I would figure any of this out. 

Lord have mercy cause Percy and I sure do need it.

[ firestorm ]

[helios throws axes at buzzing objects;]
bZRqsJR41-3


[hits horse # ]

200+10000
[attack]

 1-3�200+10000

[L△LIA]

[attr="class","CricketContainer2"]

[attr="class","CricketTitle2"]

I’m going blind from this sweet sweet craving
I keep on hoping we'll eat cake by the ocean

[attr="class","CricketContent2"]

One does not simply have a cake tramp stamp. There is a series of events that leads to it: cake, more cake, so much binge eating of cake to the point that the mind is clouded and memory becomes hazy and the next morning comes and... rolling over, back sore and uncomfortable, there is no way of knowing what occurred except for a tattoo that will remember. Forever.

My Little Cake Emberstatt has grown fond of his tramp stamp. It feels natural. It belongs. He is the tramp stamp and his tramp stamp is him: Cake. Food is the most wonderful. However, nothing else around him seems to be cake. There is only wreckage and the soon-to-be-wreckage of a wandering tribute that seems to be failing to cuddle with another rocking horsefly, except they're doing it wrong. Don't they know? That's not how you cuddle.

This is how you cuddle!

[newclass=".CricketContainer2"]width:450px; height:450px; background-position:center; background-repeat: no-repeat; padding:20px;[/newclass]
[newclass=".CricketTitle2"]font-size:10px; text-transform:uppercase; margin-right:65px; margin-bottom:1px; [/newclass]
[newclass=".CricketContent2"]width:300px; height:0px; overflow:hidden; opacity:0.7; font-size:10px; text-align:justify; padding:1px 10px 0px 10px; -webkit-transition-duration:1s; transition-duration:1s; -moz-transition-duration:1s; [/newclass]
[newclass=".CricketContainer2:hover .CricketContent2"]height:250px; overflow:auto; padding:10px; text-align:justify; -webkit-transition-duration:1s;transition-duration:1s; -moz-transition-duration:1s; [/newclass]

[My Little Cake Emberstatt JUST WANTS TO LOVE YOUUUUUUUU~]

oqhxogt4knife

[Deep Gash on Left Thigh — 8.0 damage]

knife

[Deleted]

[AHHHH WIP I GOTTA GO SHOPPING]

[ firestorm ]

[helios throws axes at buzzing objects;]
|WJmjz|D1-2


[hits ;]

200+10000
[ x ]

1-2�200+10000