Battlecry
May 21, 2017 14:11:15 GMT -5
Post by Cato on May 21, 2017 14:11:15 GMT -5
Harbinger Rhodes Twenty-Two | Male | District Eleven |
It's the finale. Four remain, and I'm standing near a screen pacing back and forth. Just like the game I survived. Four fighting when only one will survive. I hate it, but Tamron is alive. He's breathing, and I don't know if he's capable of living. They're targeting him. They're trying to kill him. After all that I've watched him go through, I'm terrified he's not going to make it out alive. I just want to see him again. Hold him. Hug him. Tell him how much he means to me. That I'm sorry for how I acted when he volunteered despite me still not understanding it. I never wanted this. I never asked for this. I didn't ask for my name to be called four years ago. I never asked to kill people. I never asked to win, and yet I'm standing here with my eyes locked on the screen praying another brother doesn't die.
He survived the bloodbath, the mutts day two, the stampede, along with many other fights, now I'm wondering if he can survive again. He's a fighter, a helper, and I know he can do it. He has to do it. He has to come home alive. I need him. He did this to himself, and I don't want him to die. I didn't want Weaver to die, but Weaver didn't volunteer. He was chosen. Like me. Like Crusader. Both are dead, both died a death they didn't deserve, and here I am alive. It should've been them. I carry them with me every single day along with the lives of the twenty-three that perished in the game I survived, and the tributes I've failed to bring home. I can't do that now. Tamron is different though, and I need him to win, to survive. I can't lose another. I've lost so much, and I've gained so much, but the losses are weighing me down.
My chest is tight, and it feels like I can't breath, but I draw my knees to my chest, locking my eyes on the tv in the district eleven lounge. It looks bad, and I know the moment his arm falls from his body that he's in trouble. But I don't focus on that. I lost my leg, and I went on to win when all hope was lost. I closed my eyes expecting to die, and I drove the poled weapon through Daria's eye. I had given up, but Crusader carried me through. And I know Crusader and Weaver are with Tamron right now. They have to be because I can't jump through the tv to save him. I lost him the moment he volunteered, but I can't just leave him behind. He's my brother, and I love him which is why I got so upset when he volunteered.
"Come on, Tam." I mutter silently bringing a bottle of water closer to my lips. "You can do this." I try willing him to go further, but I know it's not enough. Fate called his name. He can only survive for so long, and I hope he can match me. "I need you." My voice is shaking, and I want to scream, and I can't give up despite wanting to. I can't turn to the liquor bottle setting beside me just yet. I'll give him something, he just has to survive. It sucks being outside not being able to do anything. I'm a helpless fool. I was stupid to think I could change it.
He falls, and I'm on my feet, the bottle of water falls from my hand splashing against the floor. Water covers my shoes, the floor everything, but it doesn't matter. "Tamron! Get up!" I'm shouting, begging, pleading with all that I have. "Please get up!" But he doesn't move. My heart is sinking as the life leaves his. I've watched two brothers die, and now I'm watching another one die. "No, no, no, no. Tamron! Please!" His body is lifeless, and the cannon sounds. All the times I spent with him as a child flash before my eyes. I failed just like I failed everyone before.
A shaky hand wraps around the liquor bottle, and it flies from my hands shattering against the wall. Shards of glass fly everywhere. "I told you I couldn't save you." My voice is quiet, and I drop to my knees. Violent screams fill the air as I force them off my tongue. My hands pound against the ground. My heart shatters like the glass I threw. He volunteered for this, and I'll never understand why, but someone is going to pay.
I'm screaming, shouting at the top of my lung as my heart rips in two. Everything I had once worked for is crashing down before my very eyes. Red spots flickering about. It feels like something is sitting on my chest. I can't breath, and yet the screams aren't dying. My throat is on fire. Why do I get to live while everyone I love and care for dies? I do know that someone will pay. Someone will make this right even if I have to do this myself. My brother is dead, and I'm starting to feel like this is entirely my fault.
