Drowning in doubts {AJ}

[Sleepy Fluttershy]

Rubia Lennox

Perfect. Just perfect. Rubia sighed and opened her eyes. She had never wanted to stay in bed so much before. But this was the day after the day of her total and absolute defeat. She was ruined. Zeph was happy. Rubia couldn't believe that she actually lost something. She had always been the winner. The overachiever. The perfect example for the younger generation (which means her younger sister). And in a twinkling of an eye it was all gone, like a cloud of smoke above the fireplace. Rubia grunted in disappointment and pulled a blanket over her head, trying desperately to fall asleep again, but she couldn't. Finally she gave up trying to sleep and threw the useless piece of cloth on the floor.

Rubia sat on her bed for a while, figuring out what she was about to do now. She had to find a job, a purpose in life and a way to put her little sister back into her place. And all this had to be done in one day. It was an impossible mission, but she knew that she couldn't afford to ruin her whole life after her election turned out to be useless. Well, maybe she was not meant to be a mayor. Who cares? Politicians are always bitchy people with tons of money, no love towards others and a huge ego. She used to fit into that description. The election changed her though. Rubia found out that there are so many problems in her district, which she hasn't even heard about. She had to talk to many people and realized that life was actually not as simple as she had imagined it. And after she understood this, she lost the election. Why? She couldn't get it. And she didn't care anymore. Being a bitch always worked for her. She decided to throw away the thoughts of a concerned citizen and start living her own life.

Rubia put both her legs on the floor and got up slowly. She knew that she had to do something, think of something, but she had no idea where to start. And then it dawned on her. Where do all people go when they are in some big trouble? That's right, they go to a bar and drink. The only problem was that Rubia didn't like drinking and getting drunk. So the only option for her was to go and take a walk by the ocean. She put on a pretty blue dress and took her bag. After that she put some lipstick on her lips and threw a quick glance at herself in the huge mirror in a golden frame. Perfect as always. Now she only had to sneak out of the house without drawing attention to herself.

The girl made a few careful steps down the stairs. No one seemed to notice her. It looked like everyone had gone out that morning. Even Zeph wasn't there with her sarcastic jokes, teasing and ironic grinning. Rubia could actually walk outside without being noticed. That cheered her up a little. No one was there to make her feel miserable and make things worse.

When she finally reached her destination, she felt that her confusion and depression were melting away really quickly. She always loved the water - the way it moved seemed almost magical, the sound of it reminded her of the wonderful sunny days when she was learning to swim as a little girl. She came closer to the water, sat down on the sandy beach and started staring thoughtfully into the waves, trying to come up with a solution to all her problems.

[AJ]

It was a weakness to care for another. Weakness that would seep its way into your skin and float through your bloodstream until it ultimately brought you to your knees. Scorpius was proud to say that this weakness would never be something to phase him. He would smile and gush over the politics of his district and the prospect of becoming a victor, but in reality, he knew better than to fall too deep under the spell of others around him. He knew to keep his nose buried in the various books he had been gifted over the years to try his hand at deception and cultivate the ultimate lie of being someone another could love.

In the end, betrayal would be the final look to wash over his lover’s face when it came time to let them go. The reality being he would be the one to drive a dagger in their heart to break them to their core.

Lids opened slowly to a world that did not deserve him. No one truly deserved Scorpius. Feet pattered through the house as the workers hired to serve them seemed to be scattering at the sign of his awakening. No one tested him in the morning until he had at least a few moments of reflection that pushed him to be more civil than he was raised to be. He was a boy that found clenched fist and bloody knuckles more soothing than the clean collared shirts and beads of sweat on one's brow after a good workout. He was the cruel elite that was trained to be a killer but forced to live among society as a tamed beast.

“Scorpius!”

( a name that fell from the lips of a damned woman )

His mother was useless now as she had never been good enough to volunteer and become a saint for her district. His father was even worse as he was too weak-willed to know his own strength. Scorpius, however, fed off their weakness so easily that many could mistake him as the head of the household. He was far superior in strength and would strike down anyone that tried to push against him.

A quick decision to play nice led him down the staircase where his mother sat at the formal dining area with a few different books laid out in front of her. She seemed keen on talking more this morning that previously, which meant that she was eager to hear his opinion of the current games. Her moods swaying too much for his taste, which led to a quick snatch of toast from the middle of the table and a reluctant kiss on her head.

“Too busy for small talk. Perhaps father can try his hand at it?”

Dark eyes shooting across the room to a man that seemed to get his fill being a burden than a father.

One glance sent him out the front door and towards the shore with hands buried deep within his pockets. His smile finding its place on his lips easily, preparing for conversation with anyone that needed to find him appealing. He was the damned youth that would play into the hands of anyone willing and eat them from the inside out when the time came. His smile was his lure, but it was the teeth behind it that truly hooked those in.

His usual spot already taken by a girl lost in her own problems to care if she intruded on a space claimed by another. Small sparks of anger playing behind his gaze before shaking it away and falling down beside her. His hands digging behind him into the sand until he allowed his head to roll towards her.

“What could possibly bring you here?”

[Sleepy Fluttershy]

Rubia had always been afraid of drowning... Scared of helplessness... Terrified by her own insecurity...

There was no solution. No way to make her a winner. If she couldn't be a winner, she couldn't be herself anymore. Who was Rubia Lennox now? How was she going to live? There was no choice for her, no solution. For a few minutes the girl was silently staring into the water, thoughtless, motionless... 

She remembered how she was still a little girl and one of her brothers carried her into the water on her shoulders. Rubia thought it was funny until he let go of her and stood there laughing while she was doing her best not to drown. He meant it as a joke, perhaps. But since that moment jokes were over for her. She could still see that day in her nightmares sometimes and feel her father's hands on her cheeks after crawling out of the water onto the hot sand. She did it all by herself... She learned to swim the hard way... There was nobody she could ever trust again. There was only her precious self and her grudge.

She learned that the only way to survive was to ignore everything else and struggle until she felt the ground under her feet. She reached all her goals by drowning others. The girl's wicked lies got her brothers punished thousands of times. Nobody in the family seemed to trust them after what they had done. No one except for Zeph. And Rubia did her best to make sure her sister would go down, following her elder siblings. Rubia Lennox thought she knew how to stay above the water... But she didn't.

Rubia closed her eyes, trying to concentrate. She had always been a dictator, a bitch, a liar. Now, with her kingdom gone, she was nothing. Yes, nothing. That is exactly what she had become. And there was nothing that could restore her from the ashes. She wasn't a phoenix and her days as a princess were over.

Her hands grabbed the sand beside her... There was no sand. Nothing to hold on to. She was back in the ocean, screaming for help, being slammed by the waves.

“What could possibly bring you here?”

A voice. A stranger's voice. Judging by the voice, the stranger is a guy. What would a guy want from a ruined girl?

She didn't want to have faith in any other person... She didn't want that merry heartless laughter to emerge from her past once more. She was not going to let that happen.

Fresh wind blowing in the pretty face... Wavy red hair bathing in the sunlight... Blue shades dancing in the depths of the girl's big grey eyes... Why would Rubia Lennox need anyone else? Why would anyone else need Rubia Lennox? Her cold voice? Her beauty? Her rotten memories?

"I have a feeling that you don't really care. Shut up and leave me."

She was always meant to swim the ocean alone... Maybe one day she would feel the sand again.