i dreamed a dream | { tobias/lenox } jb blitz

[Azalea]

lenox lachance

Three years ago, I fell–inexplicably, completely and totally.

Three moments ago, I felt the same, only worse. Lined up, ready for slaughter, Seven’s brothers and sisters waited for the names to be read, for their lives to be deemed safe and for a stranger to be pulled from the square. It wasn’t like that for me; we were aligned, like stars, heads down and eyes pinpointed on the ground. I heard a voice, a whisper but I didn’t think anything of it.

And all of a sudden, the stars began to fall. A scramble to my right, I eyed the source of the commotion.

"Wrong!" The voice shouted, my stomach sank, my eyes widened and I felt like my knees were about to give – I knew the source, blood boiling at the boy that is my brother.

Tobias volunteered.

Tobias volunteered and is going to leave me, just like how it happened before. It isn’t like there was a goal to be accomplished, it isn’t like death is something to boast about, something to be proud of. I still feel like diving beneath the covers of my bed and crying myself to sleep as I drop into a spiral of decline.

Tobias’ hands are tied and he can’t catch me when I fall.

I step foot in the Justice Building but there is no such thing. There is no justice in taking someone who deserves the life ahead of them. Broken bones and broken noses are no prize, it’s only pain. It’s the type of pain that ripples from the arena through the Capitol, from the Capitol to Seven. I stand alone, mother watching over but never interfering. I suppose that I should be used to the aftershock that comes with having a brother with a death wish, but my heart’s fault line shifts and shakes. Ruptured, ugly, it is broken, again.

And I know that I should be optimistic for Tobias’ sake, but I can’t get my hopes up when they have so far to fall. I used to dream in colour but the fallout has washed everything with black and white. He’ll come back just like how it happened before; I’ll try to bury my head in the sand as he is laid to rest on a bed of roses, as he drowns in Seven’s disappointment and floats to the surface only to be swallowed by petty love songs, reassurances and lullabies.

I look at him and I see him slipping already. I’m beginning to think that loving a LaChance is like holding the sun and hoping I don’t get burnt.

But even knowing that, I can’t help myself. I pull him close and hug him, holding him tighter than I’ve ever held him before.

"Why did you do it?" I sigh, I don’t know how much more my heart can take. "I'm begging you, please come home."

{ table: zoë }

but the tigers come at night
with their voices soft as thunder

[dars]

"Breathe, dear boy."

Jacquelyn held my left hand. An armed peacekeeper held my right.

"You hold yourself together, now; your family is coming to say goodbye, yes?"

Boys with fire in their lungs knew not to speak— knew never to risk letting the flames clawing at their throats, scorching their tongues escape. They would let it build and burn and consume, just as Tobias would. And then, all at once: Supernova. Anyone close enough would suffer the consequences.

He decided to save it for a rainy day that would soon come as they closed him into a room. It looked recently cleaned, but it also looked like it was only cleaned roughly once per year. He fought the urge to scoff. Only care when the cameras light up, he guessed.

When the doors opened first, he expected Farley, or maybe his parents, but when he saw Lenox close the door behind herself, he felt a strange sort of pride. Once upon a time, she wouldn't have ever been brave enough to face something like this.

"I'm begging you," she said, soft: broken. "Please come home."

His arms wrapped around her, fingers tangling themselves in her hair while his chin rested on top of her head. Pull away, looked her in the eyes.

"If I don't, you better stay strong. Do you hear me?" His hands found her shoulders, and though he was whispering, there was a clear urgency in his voice. He hoped she listened to his every word.

"If I die, you better not die with me. Got it?"

[Azalea]

lenox lachance

He comforts me in his arms, worries effortlessly fade away and the weight that comes with the uncertainty that is now attached to his life dissipates. His chin rests on my head and he's so warm, so soft and I don't know if I ever want to let go.

But we pull apart, his eyes meeting with mine and the family ties are tied even tighter than before. 

"If I don't, you better stay strong. Do you hear me?" His hands are on my shoulders, his words are an instruction. I have to make sure that I follow them, for all I know, the peacekeepers could take him away right now and they could be his last words to me if things go sour in the arena.

I nod, sniffing, staring with starry-eyes at the prospect of him coming home in one piece, more alive than ever before. It would be perfect, beautiful, but these games have a habit of turning tributes into tragedies, and when Tobias talks again, everything is thrown into the perspective I need to adopt.

"If I die, you better not die with me. Got it?" 

"Got it." I tell him. I won't let weakness take away the parts of myself I have grown to love. If death comes, I'll be ready, I'll think back to this moment and about how Tobias would want me to regain my composure, keep my head up and be the girl he knew and loved.

"Promise me that you will try, don't give up before it has even begun." I want him to do well, I want him to do great things and do everything that Reese couldn't do. Paper skin and glass bones, I want Tobias' to be iron and lead. Skin thicker than armour, I need knives and swords to do no damage at all.

I need him to live, I want him to live.

"Show them the hero that I know, worm your way into their hearts. Shout, scream, your spirit is a source of great strength so use it. I don't want this to break you, I want it to make you."

I speak as if my words are running out. Time ticks on, the Capitol calls but I swear, I won't let it break the both of us.

{ table: zoë }

but the tigers come at night
with their voices soft as thunder