paradox \\ d6 train thread

[Tom]

☾

Breathe.

All he could tell his body to do was to breathe. Two kids chosen by a stranger to participate in a game of life or death. He's been in their shoes before, but it felt like a lifetime ago. Felt like a lifetime, but it was only a games ago. A time when Wendell Gordon cut off his leg that aches every few days. A time when Adelaide's fingers faintly touched his skin. A time when Chester's words used to make his heart melt. It was all gone and all that was left was Teddy Ursa, a broken man. A sigh escapes his throat as he brings the glass filled with wine up to lips and sips from it.

They were like him almost a year ago to that day. Guilt from the past rising up in their eyes from their past lives. Worries about what would become of them or their family growing in their chests. He can see himself in both of them, but they were different. All he could do was watch them carefully as he ignores their first glances. Worry already upon his heart as he knows that their in his hands. A guide for the souls that could be lost within another hellish arena. Or he could bring one of them home, but he knew that it was unlikely. Death always had eyes upon the living and could take them at anytime. He can remember the sounds of bones in his ears during the long fight with Emberly Lowe. All he could do was place the glass upon the table and speak.

"I'm not gonna lie to you."

Finger tapping lightly on the table as he leans back onto the table with ease as he looks at them. Innocence in their eyes, but they knew what they were in for. Horrors of the past could be upon their mind already, but no one could prepare them for the crimson fights that they would see. Lux's words still in his mind. She was right. He might not be able to handle it because he has a heart, but he'd try. He'd try to live a life with people who may die under his watch.

"You're likely to die. You'll face things that you could never imagine. You'll watch people you care about die in front of you. You will bleed."

Arms move to cross along his chest as he can feel his heartbeat out of his chest. Attachment would end up biting him in the back. He could only be like a friend to lean on and not a role model. There's things that he wished he could have done, but in the end, it was either him or the other person. Selfishness had gotten him home. They are with him in every step and word, but he's still afraid of what could happen to the tributes that will rely on him. All he's ever done was rely on everyone else. It was his time to take the weight that he was supposed to carry.

"But there's always a chance to survive, but it's no easy task."

Breathe.

"I'll help you where I can, but it's all up to you. The decisions you make will determine if you live or die."

Cuddled warmth and sorrow filled tears from the flash of memories.

A sip of wine and he gives them a small frown.

"It's either you or them."

[pup]

Too little time. A blur, a rush of color, the doors swinging open and taking her away.

She put on a brave face for Emily, mom didn't want to see her one last time. That was obvious. She promised Emily that I would come back, that she wouldn't be like Lukie, that she wouldn't disappear one day like him and leave the little girl to face mother all alone. She promised she would come back.

Her tears revealed she knew Serena was lying.

---

Pulled away from her sister, the broken girl collapsed onto the couch, burying her face into a pillow. They probably had cameras everywhere. They couldn't see her cry. She wouldn't let them know they had crushed another soul. She could imagine it now, the gamemakers she had seen on TV just a few hours earlier laughing at her, mocking her and the other faces of her enemies fellow tributes she would be meeting soon enough. She was just one more face, one more dead, one more nameless child lost in a world of their creation.

What seemed like an eternity later, they came for her again, the large wooden doors swinging open as men in white suits and darkened visors pull her to her feet. She shakes her arms, pushing them off her. She would not be lead away to her death like they lead her brother away to the Detention Center.

She wasn't special like him. She didn't even do something special to be taken away. She didn't beat up a peacekeeper or five like he did. She was not a rebel. The broken girl walking out of the room in silence was not a fighter. All she ever will be is the D6f, nameless, faceless, ageless.

---

In silence she stands next to the boy who had been brave, who had been a rebel, or at least committed a small act of rebellion. He had saved a life. She glances up at the boy, slender, tall. She then turns back to face the incoming train, her mind still slowly recusing itself from reality back into the swarm of thoughts attacking her.

---

They sit at a table, her face ashen, hands below the table twitching nervously. The girl won't put her hands on the table, she can't show them that she is afraid. No one can know.

He's famous. He's survived. He's supposed to help.

He talks.

He doesn't help.

"It's either you or them."

It's too close for comfort for the girl, she shivers gently. She had heard words like that before. Her brother had said 'us or them' back then. She had told him no, she begged him not too. He left. He beat up a few of the suited devils. They dragged him away. He left her alone with a little sister and a drunken mother.

She breaths in for what seems to be the first time since a stranger pulled her away.

There is never just one or the other. There is always another option. There has to be.

"If its really just us or them, help us," The girl says, trying sound more confident then she is, her voice shaking only a little bit as she reels from the events taking place.

"Or at least tell me what I should be doing when we get there,"

Her eyes are attentive, trapped on the man in front of her, only granting the boy next to her a small glance. Any chance of getting back home to Emily was a chance she needed to take. Her life was in luck's hands now.

[kousei ♚]

Ever feel like you can’t breathe
Does the water feel too deep
Lie awake 'cause you can’t sleep without it

There are sobs at the end of this white kingdom.

I never thought of passion as a catalyst for grief but the way her tears soaked into the clothes on my shoulder opened a new perspective on this supposed road to a new inheritance. Husband stolen by the hangman's noose and a son taken by the tragedy of his own impulse -- I never thought to think through the damage that could be dealt by my blood soaking the ground. I had sat in the Justice Building expecting one of two outcomes. One, a raging hurricane to splinter the door and a thousand questions to splinter my reasoning. Why? How could I be so selfish? It's a question I wouldn't have been able to answer while my fingers drummed across the surface of the windowsill in rhythm with my heart as my logical reasoning gathered dust beneath the sun.

The second outcome with nothing at all; no bitter storm to splinter the door and no thousand questions to splinter my reasoning. I never would've seen my mother one final time, she would've gathered her bearings and tallied my impulsive decisions as a form of betrayal and my possessions would have formed a charred shell in our backyard along with Father's.

I never expected to be met with something in the middle, the splintering of my door being caused not by a hurricane but a rainstorm. The only thing splintering my reasoning being the salted tears soaking the clothes on my shoulder. Five minutes we spent, five minutes with her arms clasped around my torso and her head buried in my shoulder and I could only bring myself to whisper "I'm sorry," as if that would make everything okay.

Sunburst and solar fares; it feels wrong when we're pried apart with nothing but the words 'I love you' on my lips and 'come home' on hers.

It's strange when I'm bundled onto this train, legends of locomitive playing like background noise in the front and centre of my mind. I don't speak to my district partner, no words can make relieve the weight from the gravity of the situation anyway. Instead I sit and stare, observing the wonders of Capitol craft and a victor's greed. I'm only shifted into focus when he walks in, the breaker of the gravestone that marked our district's legacy.

"I'm not gonna lie to you. You're likely to die. You'll face things that you could never imagine. You'll watch people you care about die in front of you. You will bleed."


I've only known what it's felt to bleed white since that trapdoor opened; memories, broken promises and all.

"But there's always a chance to survive, but it's no easy task. I'll help you where I can, but it's all up to you. The decisions you make will determine if you live or die."


I press my fingers to the back of my neck, daring to blink twice.

"It's either you or them."


Careers and broken souls -- looks like it's going to be me.

Serena speaks but I don't listen, rubbing the back of my neck harder and closing my eyes. I wonder what he'd say to his son now. I open my eyes and let me hands all into my lap.

"I've watched people who matter to me die before," I say matter-of-factly, sighing as I let myself sink into the chair. "I suppose I shouldn't be shocked by what you're telling me, I did ask for this after all."

He repeats a notation detailing concepts not unfamiliar to me, loss of blood, loss of love and loss of life. I suppose it was only a matter of time before the final horseman ran me down one last time.

Ever feel like you’re alone
When you’re lost but your already home
Lie awake 'cause you can’t dream without it

[ dars ]

[Tom]

☾

Break.

Mind screams at him to break and let himself remember the emotions of he felt on his train ride to the capitol, but nothing could make him remember how he felt. A low point in his entire games was being locked away in his room thinking about how many ways Basil or someone else would kill him. Then there's the words that he can hear coming from Serena's throat that reminds him of Raquel Izar. Confidence in her words like she knows what she wants from life and like she could make it out.

One of them could make it out, but he knew deep down that it'd be hard. It'd be the hardest thing that they would have to face in their life. Raquel's words of finding a reason to survive comes into his mind. The wounds that he had caused littered across her skin with crimson cuts that bleed life. The worry of him actually ending her life in her voice, but she didn't let it falter her confidence.

"If its really just us or them, help us,"

There's the shaky voice of worry that he had caught in Raquel's throat. Eyes glance to the wine glass that he had been sipping from as he avoids eye contact for a second. Help is what they needed, but how could he help them when he doesn't even know how to help himself. Emberly would have known what to tell them. Something about being okay to be selfish or advice on who to ally with. Teddy had gotten lucky with his own allies who he meet fully on Day one while stumbling through the forest where he met Ring. Someone was watching him back home since he didn't want to bring him back to his creators to possibly ask for him back. There's not much that he could tell them because replicating what he did wouldn't make them win.

They had to make their own path that hopefully led to success.

He could try though.

He could try to help them figure something out.

"Or at least tell me what I should be doing when we get there,"

Teddy wasn't a strong man. Chester had been stronger than him, physically and mentally. Chester had carried him after Wendell cut away the only strength away from him with pain. Holding on to Chester had been so easy, but in the end all he got were memories of a dead man. Titus breaking Chester with every hit and all Teddy had been doing was cutting Ree Fer apart. They had left one another, but he still couldn't help feeling like it was all his fault for leaving him.

Chester would have told them that there's nothing that they could do except swing with everything you got. Get up and fight with every dying breath, but he knew that wasn't solid advice. Lux had been something else from the rest of his fights. Words that still jumble in his head. She would have said to lose their hearts, just like she told him he needed to do. A sigh leaves his lips as soon as Ansel speaks about himself.

"I've watched people who matter to me die before,"

Eyes that lose their glimmer like he's seen before. Ma had died before his reaping, but all he could do was ignore the words and just take them as they were said. No pushing to solve the problems of a boy who might have to figure them out himself or never know what to do. Death wasn't pretty. Teddy never even gotten used to it even if he saw patients die. Death in the Hunger Games was different than any other type. Bloodier and wasteful deaths that still hide in his mind. Ree's crimson pooling with the rain. Emberly's eyes full of life losing their comforting glow. Lux's beautiful and yet deadly look fading away into nothing.

The boy speaks again with the words that Teddy would expect.

Volunteering for death like the tributes of the Seventy Fifth.

He would ask why Ansel volunteered, but prying wasn't what he did.

He preferred not to know as it wasn't his business.

Though, he felt for them both. Innocence lost at too young of an age. Too young to know what they are really getting themselves into. It was worse than he could have ever imagined.

"I suppose I shouldn't be shocked by what you're telling me, I did ask for this after all."

All he does is nod to Ansel as he leans against the table. Wine forgotten by his tongue as he processes what to say or do. There's a moment of silence that fills the train, but he doesn't smile anymore. He won't smile in front of two kids who might lose their lives. Seriousness needed to be taken into the matter, but he's terrified. Petrified by the fear of his advice actually messing them up overall, but he could provide them with information. As much information as he could give them. A sigh escapes his throat as he moves to sit back down letting them follow suit or stand there watching him.

"Learn. Watch what other tributes do. Learn from them. Make allies."

He doesn't know what he's saying. All of the training that he had ever did only made his chest ache from worry that he was going to be first dead. That was until he ran away from the bloodbath and ran into Chester, Rory, and Rhetoric in the forest. Allies by chance, but forever intertwined by the pain that they endured. Rhetoric's dead eyes. Rory's last breath. Chester's broken bones. Alive. He was alive, but it still ached like he lost a piece of himself in the Seventy Sixth. It didn't stop the worry in his chest that he couldn't help. The worry that he'd get two tribute from Six killed.

"Don't make enemies. They tend to take your limbs when you run into them."

Eyes glancing to his leg that was fake, but hidden by the slacks that he wears. The nice button up freshly pressed against his chest. Rough edges and crimson color, it holds him calmly as he grabs the wine glass taking a sip and thinking what he could tell them. A small smile at his lame comment about his own leg, but it falls soon after. All he does is sigh and let his hand push his hair back and out of his face.

"There's not much that I can tell you as really its up to you to learn skills."

A frown and a heart beat that slams against his chest as he can see his allies again.

Rhetoric's failure to use a gun.

Rory's failure to cut Wendell down.

Chester's broken bones cracking as they separate.

Hope was all he could have for Ansel and Serena in the games.

A hope for them to make it back.

"Just focus on trying to learn new skills and making allies. I'll try to focus on giving you any advice I can come up with."

Live or die, that's their fate.

He still doesn't know how he survived his own games. How was he supposed to tell two kids how to survive? The arenas change. Tributes change. New obstacles come. It was all on them, but he'd give his best to try and get them home, even if it meant never sleeping until the games were over. He'd still try his best. They deserved that much. A sigh leaves his throat as he sips from the glass again.

"Anything else that you both wanna know? I'll be honest, it would have been nice to have someone give me some direction when I was in your shoes. I'm here to answer anything that I can. Helpful or not, I'm here for you. I hope that's enough for you both."

Heartaches and wine make the pain fade.

Even if it was just for a moment.

Bend or break.

Helpful or not.

Teddy was there for them all.

Even as the wine begins to calm the worry in his head.