castle of glass {rave | train blitz}

[d9 kristof parks {ems}]

I ' M   F A L L I N G   A P A R T

KRAYGON  TRUUS

LEAVE ME HERE FOREVER IN THE DARK.

Dark eyes follow the trees as the train speeds by. Leaves fall, scurrying against the ground as a gentle breeze floats by. Squirrels run and play. Rabbits hop around. Birds fly freely in the sky. It's almost a peaceful sight, and yet it's completely far from it.

Sometimes I dream of hopeful nights, but they're nothing more than a dream. Something I yearn for. Something that will only happen in a world where the dead rise and walk.

Perhaps it's the world I've always dreamed of.

A heavy sigh leaves my chest, and I lean back into the chair. I haven't said a word since leaving the district. I haven't looked for help and advice from those supposed to give it - why should I? Why should I seek advice when I know I'm the one they're going to want to die.

I have nothing to say anyway.

Besides, with a Lowe standing in my way, I have no chance of ever coming home alive. They're going to care for her before they care for me.

I'm just another outsider locked away from the rest of the world.

I can only think of Ma and Pa sitting at home with the curtains closed. I can almost hear Evelyn waddling around behind me as we head from the house to the barn to feed the animals. It's a tradition that has only been stopped a couple times. Yet I'm so far away, unable to do anything. I can't help her like I've done before.

My mind is racing really fast and nothing makes sense.

I promised I would try, but right now I honestly don't care if I live or die.

table by elegant

[Deleted]

M E N T    L O W E

I'm supposed to feel alone.

Right, self absorbed and it's selfish to want to die, they keep making my life their own. Kieran and Saffron and my father and I put my own name into my hands, reaping myself -- they can't stop me, not this time. Emberly and Myara died on different terms, but at least I can get a shit ending my own way, but it's nice to know that they care. Just shoot for top eight, make them proud, keep up the family name- great. 

I close the door behind me, Kieran drunk and I feel worse off than before; we don't get real mentors, we get a rich kid. Even worse, an inlaw, I don't hold my breath -- good thing I don't have high hopes. Hopefully hopeless, Emberly had three victors on her side and still died; I won't make it past two days and I can't tell if that's better or worse. Before me, worse for him, I don't look Truus in the eyes. We both know we're dying, just how long it takes and I try not to feel bitter, empty. 

scared,

Knees pulled to my chest, drowsy eyes after the first few hours of train ride, Truus and Lowe on one train and he must hate being a last name as much as I do. It's selfish to have somebody here with me, half of me wishes we could switch places -- I don't want them here, he's gotta be more lonely than me. If I die first he gets to make twenty third, that's a fair trade right? And I don't want to hate him, there's no point if I'm only here to kill myself anyways, 
"do you still miss her?" 

I've never been charismatic, but at least he's somebody I can relate to. Maybe I'm selfish for thinking that.

[d9 kristof parks {ems}]

I ' M   F A L L I N G   A P A R T

KRAYGON  TRUUS

LEAVE ME HERE FOREVER IN THE DARK.

Such a beautiful world exists outside the districts, and it's a shame I can only see it now.

District Ten is a shade of gray blocking out any chance of the sun shining through. Sometimes a single ray breaks through, but it's never enough to brighten the day. Hopeless nights have turned into this hopeless reality that I'm living now. The people are the true monsters hiding inside my dreams.

I'm only beginning to see it all now.

A door closes, and I don't even move. Nobody can help make a difference in the world when it's all built on shards of glass. Broken dreams become broken realities stuffed together with hope;

Hope doesn't exist anymore.

I've always been alone in life, but it's only now that I feel completely alone. Locked away on a train with people that don't care. I'm tired of the same lies over and over - "We'll try to help you out in whatever way possible."

I want the truth because the truth will set me free.

For a moment, I look away from the window long enough to see her seated in a chair. Staring is awkward, so I quickly look away returning to the fictional world setting outside;

"Do you still miss her?"

The world stops, and my heart skips a beat.

An entire life time has flown by since I last saw her face smiling back at me, and yet I'm still alive, heart beating, lungs expanding. She was always so happy;

Happiness only exists in dreams.

"Yes."

I've grown used to living with the pain, but it's times like this that it creeps up on me as I watch her die over and over again.

"Every second of every single day."

A heavy sigh leaves my chest; "I wish I could say it gets easier, but it doesn't."

table by elegant