given the chance | {kieran/paige}

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

and i know times like these
you just take it slow
fall asleep in the pillows
she got my heart in a choke hold
and there she goes

Amber eyes, warm in the same way hard candy was. Nostalgic. At least to him. He squeezed her hand as he leaned in to kiss her, right leg swinging over her, casting a shadow from the fairy lighters.

Rewind ten seconds.

They were sitting on the edge, dipping toes in the water, daring themselves to be brave again. This is it, Kieran thought, grateful it was with Paige. Grateful anything was with. Just Grateful.

Rewind.

The door to Kieran's room was slammed shut. He made sure to lock it behind him, as his belt buckle was undone and his shirt was pulled off. His hands ran the length of Paige, resting on her thighs for a moment before he lifted her into the air and-

Rewind.

His father was washing dishes in the kitchen as Kieran held the door open and waved Paige inside from the porch. He held up a finger to silence her when she laughed, pulling her to the other side of the kitchen door frame before kissing her for the first time. Her hand in his, the pair climbed the stairs to his room as quickly and quietly as possible.

And now- fast forward.

Those amber eyes glared into his. Warm. Nostalgic. Exactly as they were in his dreams. No, that wasn't true. No dream could have ever been as perfect as this, as real. There, he could feel her breath. He could feel her fingernails tracing his forearms. He could smell her perfume, taste her lips against his. Still, he glanced at her fingers to make sure there weren't any extra, and it confirmed exactly what he thought.

It was real.

She was real, and he would never stop loving her.

Just tonight between them, and he knew tomorrow would bring on a bitter goodbye, a farewell from the train station, and she would kiss him just before the doors closed, and he would watch her through the window for as long as he could, until they blacked out or he did.

But tonight was all there was. Him and her and his bed and the single rose sitting in his window sill for the next time she crawled into his room. Smiling against her lips for only a moment longer, his lips lingering just past the point of love, and he pulled back.

Kieran looked down at her with a careful expression, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and-

"Are you sure?"

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

did she run away? i don't know
if she ran away
if she ran away, come back home
just come home

Hushed laughter and kissing in the shadows, they make their way to a quieter place with cautious steps, but all Paige can hear is the steady drumming of her heart in her chest. The wind of her breath and the thunder of Kieran's sighs reach a crescendo; and they're a night sky in that moment. A storm against a violet canvas, stardust falling with the rain in brilliant streaks of red. This might be the apocalypse, but she's content with enduring the end of the world if he's by her side.

For years, she thought she would always rage alone. A hurricane of a girl who couldn't help but to sweep up all who dared to stand in her path — but she's since learned that there are kinder disasters to be. Even after the wildfire consumes it, the forest always finds a way of coming back. Damnation is not eternal. And for all of her flaws, her lover peels back her skin and shows her what truly matters within her bones. He never calls her perfect, just real, and that's what means the most to her.

They're a tsunami when they come together. All water and devastation — and then a silent flood when all is finished. Seeping into all the cracks that they've left behind. Flowers don't grow because of them, but neither do briar thickets, and there's a certain kind of beauty in that simplicity. Better nothing than a horrible something. It's okay for earth to just be earth; dirt stretching for miles without any signs of life. A wasteland. The kind of place where she would have once called her home.

But when Kieran closes the door behind them and ushers her to his bed, unbuckling his belt and removing his shirt, Paige swears that she's a meadow. In full bloom and with birds singing in the branches of her limbs. His hands trace the lines of her body, and his eyes never once leave hers. He opens her up, petals unfurling without hesitance, and she doesn't dare stop him — doesn't push him away and show her thorns. She's never had a love like this, but that's okay. This is all she needs.

She wants to be soft tonight. For the both of them. He's not truly her first, but he's the one that counts. The one she wants to last. He tastes like autumn, all red leaves and cinnamon. His lips are warm, soft like it's the first time she's ever kissed them, and she doesn't deserve him. She never will. But he makes her feel like she does; kisses the veins lining her wrists and tells her that she's perfect. And regardless of how often she turns away with flushed cheeks, she's slowly starting to believe him.

"I'm ready," she exhales, mouth hovering over his throat and her teeth on full display. She presses her lips to his skin like he's made of ambrosia; she makes a deal with a higher being like she's Pandora and she can't help but to be reckless. It's in her nature. "I'm not afraid, Kieran. Nothing else matters. Nothing ever will." And she laughs, warm and airy — like they're just two wild, carefree teens falling in love. But damn if she hasn't already fallen. Years ago. And it's the one thing she doesn't regret.

"It's just us right now.
Just me and you.
I've never been more sure."

---

Head resting on his lap, she can't mask her smile. "That was amazing," she gushes, twisting her torso to adjust her position and lying on her back. She stares up at him, reaching out a hand to caress his cheek. She wishes in that moment that she had creative talents at her disposal; that she could be an artist always ready to sketch the beautiful things that cross her path. Her walls would be covered with portraits of Kieran if that were the case. She wouldn't mind, but curse her hands. Damn them for shaking so much. "I wish I could paint you. You're so handsome. Do you know how attractive you are?"

She lifts herself up to sit beside him, but she doesn't move away. She keeps her arms around him, head nuzzling the dip of his collarbone. Ginger curls spill over his shoulders, legs wrapping around his waist, and she clings to him without shame. How she had been lucky enough to find him, she'll never know, but she's grateful for that camping trip. For the abandoned house and the monster on the prowl. For all the trains riding away and the things that they've lost as a whole. Mourning isn't so bad when he's there. It's getting easier to share her feelings. She doesn't want tomorrow to come.

"I'll miss you.
But I'm proud of you, too.
My sexy mentor-boyfriend, right?"

i got a fear, oh, in my blood
she was carried up into the clouds, high above
if you bled, i'll bleed the same
if you're scared, i'm on my way

[dars]

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

i'm flyin' high like a bird
but my fluttering wings can't
keep you from pulling me down
i can't stop thinking about you

There was a first time for everything.

First time to sneak out, streetlights on and doors locked, parents washing dishes while their children bathed for school. And two shadowed figures, climbing out of the window of suburbia and disappearing into the night, hand-in-hand.

First time to be kissed. Really kissed. Under willow trees, in the rain, with fear clawing at the mud they left in their wake- fear that turned to adrenaline, and adrenaline that turned into bravery.

First time to love someone. Truly love them, anyhow- Purely love them. The kind of love people read about in books. The kind of love that was thought to exist alongside dragons and fables. But it did exist. It existed at train stations and midnights. It existed in abandoned houses and behind closed doors. And it existed with the girl next door, and Kieran knew how much of a cliche that was.

He just didn't give a fuck.

Ha.

"I'm ready,"
Voice like honey.

He steeled his nerves, looking for something- anything to keep him calm, and all he could come up with was:

There is a first time for everything.

Steadying himself onto his elbows, he allowed his lips to trail her collarbone, up to her neck, her jaw, her cheek, her lips. Soft. Feather like. One nervours breath. He allowed himself that much, and then—

——————

He laid on his back, hair a mess, fluttering feeling in his chest. A relief had washed over him, an insecurity burned at the stake of Paige's smile. He had grown up in a world full of beasts and horrible creatures that needed to be conquered, and they were scary. It was scary to know there was a fight coming. But the thing about that?

It was worse not knowing.

And that was what Paige was. She showed up softly in the night, with her gorgeous eyes and that red hair, and he hadn't ever seen her as a monster. Still didn't. He had not yet realized that dragons were dragons, fire on the breath and armored skin. She had slain him time and time again. She had slowly wrapped the whole of Kieran around her little finger, and she wore him like a most precious piece of jewelry, and to be honest, he loved every moment of it.

"That was amazing," she said with a smirk, and he bit his bottom lip.

Agreed.

She wrapped her legs around him, her hands clutching his in a sort of trance he hadn't ever been in before. Invincible. Untouchable. So fucking powerful, yet so completely vulnerable at the same time. He pulled her hand up to his lips.

"I wish I could paint you. You're so handsome. Do you know how attractive you are?"

He scoffed and scrunched his nose, stifling a laugh as he ran a hand through his hair.

"I've been meaning to talk about getting you some glasses, actually," he joked. Exhale, and the weight of the world had been lifted off of his shoulders. He felt free, like he could go anywhere and do anything— be anything, so long as he knew Paige was there for him to reach out and hold on to when things went sideways.

His finger traced her hairline, twirled a strand with his eyes locked onto hers.

"I'll miss you. But I'm proud of you, too." He had almost- almost forgotten. He allowed his eyes to stray from her for a moment, just to glance at the clock above his desk. Just ten hours from now, and he would tell her goodbye again as he wandered into a the world he had been born in. Ten more hours, and he stopped being Kieran, and started being Kieran Emberstatt again.

"My sexy mentor-boyfriend, right?" She said the words in a way that sounded like she was presenting him to a crowd of people, so he made it a point to scoff. He leaned his forehead into hers, chuckling.

"And my beautiful, amazing girlfriend."

A moment of silence, and he decided to break the tension that was building before either of them tried for a round two. He sat on the edge of the bed, pulling his clothes back on. Once fully dressed, he stood and turned to her with a crooked grin on his face.

"So, tell me," he chatted. He prepared for her to throw a pillow at him, or maybe even push him.

"How does it feel to officially be a cougar?"

i'm tryin' not to forget my words
cause when i'm around you
i tend to keep changing my mind
promise myself not to slip into old habits

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

i could take you there
if you'll let me see
why you are the one
and you, the one for me

Her fingers on his lips, his hand running through her hair — and together, she doesn't know what they are. Not a storm, surely, but they're nothing peaceful. It's a loud static, but you have to strain to hear it. The kind of silence that follows the end of the world. Nothing gentle, but nothing that hurts; and it's perfect. He's perfect. She remembers having always looked for extremes when going from lover to lover. Someone who gave her too much love, or someone who threatened to push her off the edge and not pick up her pieces. Kieran's the perfect balance. Loving, but not overwhelming. Forceful, but not without reason. If he breaks her, it's to find something beneath the glass. And he never leaves her to rebuild herself alone.

His nose scrunches at her words, a scoff following, and not even that's enough to take away from his beauty. It just proves that he's real — a mess of curved smiles and mischievous eyes. A tangible thing that won't leave her. At least not for good; not until ten hours from now. But she distracts herself, moving her hand away from his mouth and slapping the side of his head with it. "Can't you just accept a compliment for once?" she pouts, but she's not able to stop the chuckle that comes next. She's never considered herself a good actress. "Now there's the joke of the year. Kieran Emberstatt pretending he's not the finest piece of meat on the market."

A strand of her hair is twirled around his finger, and it has to be spoken. As much as it hurts her; as much as Kieran probably wants to pretend that they'll have another full day together. Their annual separation closes in. The only thing that could ever keep them apart. And even then, she still ponders the thought of chasing after the train each time it speeds away from the station. But he always comes back. Only a handful of people in her life do. At least he's one of the exceptions. He cranes his neck to glance at the clock above his desk, and she doesn't blame him for not being able to meet her gaze as the realisation hits. It's difficult for her to swallow, too. But she'll always have the easier side of their tragedies.

"My sexy mentor-boyfriend, right?"

There's nothing they can't endure. Because that's what a real romance is. It shouldn't be easy. They're not going to have every moment to share together, but they make what they have count — and that's all that matters to her. Better one night to remember than a thousand to forget. His forehead rests against hers, and that familiar scoff sends a rush of hot air across her face. He smells like winter; fresh mints and the spice of pines. When the world becomes suffocating, she can breathe Kieran. He'll always be able to resuscitate her. "And my beautiful, amazing girlfriend," he counters, and she moves her head away from his to rest on his shoulder. She wants to laugh, or to snort, but there's only a blush.

He breaks the quiet that surrounds them by gently moving away from her and rising to his feet, pulling on his clothes and making her suddenly aware of how bare she is. She grabs his covers and wraps them around herself. She doesn't want to go home yet. But she can't say that he doesn't have a point. It's not like they should waste the night by being physical. As much as they both might want to. It won't stop tomorrow from coming. It won't stall the train. Might as well say what they can before miles are placed between them. He turns to her with a crooked grin, and she braces herself for what's to come. Ripred forbid he miss the chance to poke fun — and she'll never deny him the right to be young. To be free.

"So, tell me,"
and before he can finish,
there's a pillow in her hands.
"How does it feel to officially be a cougar?"

She throws it at his face with a sharp groan. She falls back on his bed, hands covering her face and a splay of red curls around her. "Seriously?!" she retorts, but there's no venom to it. She's giggling before she can stop herself. "I can't believe this. You fucking asshole." She moves to lie on her side, outstretching her arms. "Come here. Before I have to go." And she waits until he comes closer to turn away, leaving the skin of her back to face him. "I might be a cougar, but you're still the big spoon. That won't change, no matter how much older I am." She peeks over her shoulder, smirking. She closes her eyes, waiting for his embrace to shelter her. To distract her.

"Hold me for a little while.
That's all I want. Just be here with me."

time is wasting up
i’m not losing sleep
don’t just stand and stare
come on and bare your teeth

[dars]