blue haze | {siberia/mercy} blitz

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

like a fever it grips me
like a lover it holds
scared of getting older
scared of dying alone

They called it free time because, in Mercy's world, a person like her had to ask permission first. Chapped thumbs ran themselves raw against the cuffs of her sweater, blonde hair pinned back in its typical neat fashion. She still didn't understand how she could look so old and so youthful at the same time because of something as simple as a pixie haircut, but she made it a point to look as young as possible. This was why her sweater was accompanied with a pleated miniskirt, some tights, and combat boots.

Fashion hadn't ever been her strong suit, so she followed her own rules as far as it was concerned.

Hell, following her own rules in general probably wasn't the best idea. After all, the apartment door she was locking behind her was only her home because she had followed her own rules. The fact that her door practically always stayed locked, for fear than one of her neighbors might have sneaked in and taken a dagger to her throat was because she had ignored the voice in her head that told her to turn away all those years ago.

Autumn was quickly darkening into winter, pink cheeks and dry lips, teary eyes as far as Mercy's could see. She huffed out as a test, felt a childish sort of satisfaction when a small cloud of fog puffed into the air in front of her.

She focused on the gentle click of her boots on gravel until it became cement. Whoever was tailing her probably figured she was going to try again to see her parents. In truth, she just wanted a piece of the world she had grown up in, where people could hide behind the privacy of their security fences, or swim in the pools in their back yards, or host neighborhood barbecues. Normal life. Listing those things felt so foreign that Mercy worried she would never feel normal again.

She chose a bench to sit on, and watched as afternoon made its quick transition to evening, and strings of lights began to flash in the park across the street.

Not many reasons to, but she smiled.

and I'm carried on the back of a wave of gloom
I'm told I'll see the shore again soon
I'm in a blue haze