Helena Tracy | District Five {FIN}

[kap]

The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief,
but the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love

H E L E N A   T R A C Y
Mother of Ella Tracy
Thirty-Eight Years Old

Those boys who tried their hardest to protect my daughter mean the world to me, almost as much as Ella herself did. Bruce, Tobias and Zagreus fought alongside her and mourned her when she fell to the blade of the girl named Josephine. They hadn't known her very long, yet still they cared enough about her that they didn't want to let her death be in vain. Bruce even struck down one of Josephine's allies as he, Tobias and Zagreus fled the scene. That boy wouldn't let her death go without fighting back, and I appreciated that. Unfortunately, all three of Ella's dear allies are now deceased as the 77th Games come to a close.

Ella didn't deserve to go into the Hunger Games, nor did she deserve to be killed, especially in such a graphic and ruthless way for all to see. She was my only child- my beloved daughter. I would have died in her place if I could have, but there was nothing that I could do to protect or save her. My husband and I are so torn now that she's gone that we hardly know what to do without her. Many people in our lives said she was strange or deranged before she was reaped, yet now those same people say that they're sorry for our loss. It's hard to tell who is being genuine these days, now that she's gone. It's as if their only goal is not to upset us.

As a child, I was lucky enough not to ever know someone who went into the Games. My parents were wealthy enough that I didn't need tesserae, so that certainly helped keep me safe from the Capitol's wrath. I grew up as an only child, and I suppose you could say I was 'spoiled' up until the day my parents passed away when I was twenty-two. I moved in with my then-fiance, now-husband when that happened, and we've lived together ever since. A couple years later, we brought our daughter, Ella, into the world.

When I was young, before their deaths, my parents were very protective of me. I was very respectful towards them, and I remain a respectful woman to this day. Yes, I will do what I need to in order to get what I want, but I won't break the laws or the general ethical code that I follow. I'm a very determined individual. As someone who never likes to give up, I could often be considered a bit too much of a perfectionist, which seems to be a flaw of mine. Regardless of this, I still am rather well-liked by those around me.

I don't boast about the money that I have. Even though I'm able to afford nice, expensive clothes, it doesn't mean that I'm trying to push it in anyone else's faces. My long, dark hair is always kept looking nice, too. I have a very slim figured, and I'm relatively tall. I believe that many of my features were passed down to my daughter, such as the sharp features of my face, as well as my pale skin. I don't think that my appearance is the most important thing about me, though, no matter how much I'm proud of how I look. 

My husband often compliments me on my looks. Many people think that I'm pretty, and I truly appreciate that. It makes me feel good to hear things like that said to me. Sometimes, I think that, perhaps the reason I receive such compliments is because of the confident way I hold myself. My dark eyes will look at the rest of me in the mirror and I can see why people compliment me, yes, but I'm not over-confident about my looks. I'm much more confident in my personality and my ability to convince people to do what needs to be done.

There is the occasional person who will tell me that I'm much too capable of getting people to do what I want. I'm deceptive, they're tell me. Although, I don't like to believe it. Again, I like to think I'm a respectful person. Perhaps I am a respectful person, but only to those who deserve my respect. I, of course, deserve respect in return. I don't want the fake respect that I've been getting from people after Ella's death, either. I want it to be genuine.

In the end, I'd say that my life mostly revolves around myself and my family. I try not to pay too much attention to others. Unfortunately, that's become increasingly more difficult without Ella in our lives. I fear the day that her funeral will occur, as people will see the weak side of me. I don't like being seen as weak, but I won't hide it in my final moments with my precious daughter. I'll miss her forever, and nothing can change that.

[kap]

Done!

[shrimp]

<//3 <3 accepted