Gone Numb {Zagreus's Funeral}

[kap]

So what if I'm crazier than crazy?
So what if I'm sicker than sick?
So what if I'm out of control?
Maybe that's what I like about it

I didn’t want to see about half of the people who had showed up at the funeral that morning. There was no doubt in my mind that many of them didn’t care that Zagreus was dead, including but not limited to his own parents. Yet, there they were, still attending the funeral. That morning, before I had to make my way there, I got dressed in all black, as people often did for funerals. My dress was form fitting, my shoes were simple flats and I wore a choker with a small white pearl on it. That was the only thing I was wearing that wasn’t entirely black.

When it came to funerals, they were really a new thing for me. I’d never been to one before. I’d never had someone that I’d known die before, though. Zagreus was the first, and hopefully the last on that list. I didn’t want to go and see his dead body lying in a casket. I wasn’t ready for that. I’d felt enough rage when he died. I felt rage where many would feel sadness. When he was killed, I punched his father in the face and screamed at his mother. They didn’t care that he was dead, and they deserved to be punished for it. I didn’t want to see them at the funeral, but I did.

Lorenzo and Charlotte had shown up, and I would do everything that was in my power to avoid speaking a single word to them. Unfortunately, it seemed like I didn’t have very much power, as Lorenzo was the first one there to speak to me, and I couldn’t just stay silent. I was terrible at trying to ignore people. His nose was still clearly broken from when I punched him in the face, which was at least somewhat satisfying to me. Regardless, that didn’t stop his words from flowing in my direction. I raised an eyebrow at him and crossed my arms when he spoke.

“Destriianatos,” he said. He was one of the few people to actually call me by my full first name. Normally, everyone just called me Destrii. “I know how difficult this is for you. I know you were close with him. I’m sorry for your loss.” Before he could continue on, I snapped at him.

“My loss?” I said, my voice raised and accusatory. “It’s not just my loss. He was your son, for Ripred’s sake!” I didn’t stop there, though. “You clearly don’t even care that he’s gone. How shitty of a father can you be to not even care?” I demanded of him. He went quiet after that, shifting his gaze to look down at his feet. It was almost as if he felt guilty, but I couldn’t tell for sure. I highly doubted that that man ever felt guilt in his entire life. He was cruel, and that wasn’t going to change just because he was scolded by me. Then, after a moment or two, my terrible uncle looked back up at me.

“You can’t force me to care for him,” he said in a harsh whisper, as if trying to make it so no one else could hear him but me. Then, he returned his voice to a regular volume. “You can’t punish me for how I feel.” After he said this, he turned on his heel and walked away from me. The funeral session was to officially start soon, and I knew I needed to get myself to chill out. I wanted to tell him that I would’ve broken more than his nose, had his wife not been around, but I knew that would just make the conversation keep going, and admittedly, I was glad it was over with.

I walked over to where Zagreus’s casket was. It was open, revealing his dead, motionless body. Having been cleaned up but still clearly injured, I didn’t want to see him in that state. I knew I needed to do something, though. I couldn’t just leave his body there without saying anything. This was going to be the last time I’d see him.

“Zagreus,” I started, my voice in a lowered tone from how I’d been speaking to Lorenzo. “You didn’t deserve this.” I paused a moment before continuing. “I just hope that you’re more at peace than you were in the world of the living. C’rizz says he can talk to you… I hope he’s right. I just can’t let you leave yet…” Tears were starting to well in my eyes but I stopped them from falling. “I punched your wretched father in the face for you. I want you to know that. I broke his nose when I did, too.” One of the tears escaped. I didn’t want anyone here to see me cry, but it was too late. Everyone was so used to me turning my sadness into anger, but that’s not what was happening as I said my last words to Zagreus.

“I’ll make sure your parents get what they deserve,” I said in a whisper. “I love you, cousin.” I stood there for a few more moments, looking at his lifeless body before I turned away from it and walked back over to where the rest of his family and friends were.

Thank you, Thundy! <3

[googlefont="Oswald"][googlefont="Allura"][googlefont="Abel"]

LORENZO MOON

District Eight

I’ve been told that parents usually feel sadness, perhaps even despair, when their children die. I don’t feel that way about the death of my son, Zagreus, though. He was reaped for the Hunger Games, and was meant to fight. He was meant to come home a victor, but he failed. I knew I couldn’t tell the others at his funeral this, though. If they all knew how little I cared, they’d target me with negative words, I was sure. The only one aside from my wife, Charlotte, who knew that I wasn’t affected by Zagreus’s death was one of my nieces, Destriianatos.

I knew I needed to speak kindly to her if I thought I was capable of doing so. After Zagreus’s death, she came to my home and hit me in the face with one powerful punch, managing to break my nose in the process. Unfortunately, if anyone questioned the very obviously broken nose I had, I’d have to come up with an excuse, as no one would believe that it was my niece who caused it. She wasn’t seen as extremely sweet or anything like that, but she wasn’t seen as someone who could break her uncle’s bones because she was angry.

Then again, I’m not even sure if her breaking my nose was intentional. I just know that she wanted to hurt me when she punched me, and she was successful in doing so. I was wearing a gray suit that day while almost everyone else, including Destriianatos, wore completely black attire. It was a color of mourning, but I wasn’t mourning. I was here because I was under obligation to be. If I didn’t show up to my own son’s funeral, it certainly wouldn’t look good for the Moon family name.

I had a brief yet not very satisfactory conversation with Destriianatos that made me frustrated, but I knew I had to walk away from it. Now was not the time for major conflict to occur. Funerals were meant to be a time for sadness and remembering the one who had passed on. I remembered Zagreus, yes. It didn’t mean I felt sadness, though. I wanted to forget him, if I were at all capable of doing so. I tried to avoid any sort of conversation that involved him, usually, but I knew that this would be next to impossible to do at his funeral.

I’d also realized that saying I was sorry for someone else’s loss, as I had said to Destriianatos, wasn’t the best way to go about things. It was supposed to be my loss, too. The only problem was, it didn’t feel like a loss to me. There was really not much of a difference in my life with the boy gone. If anything, it was a relief. I felt one thing that no one should really feel when their child dies.

I felt bliss.

SWANSKI

[kap]

D eath wasn’t something that was easy for anyone to handle, really. Although, for Jamie, it was much more difficult than it was for most people. The autistic boy often expressed his emotions more outwardly than others, breaking down into tears or going into a rage when he was upset. Sometimes, he’d even blame things on himself. That’s what he did with Zagreus. The two had been very close friends for quite some time. As soon as Zagreus was reaped, though, Jamie started to blame himself for not taking his place. Jamie felt that it was his fault, and that he should have died instead. Getting ready for a funeral wasn’t the most ideal thing for Jamie to be doing that morning. His parents would continually try to assure him that none of it was his fault, but he didn’t believe them. He truly believed, with every fiber of his body, that Zagreus was dead because of him. His best friend was dead because he hadn’t taken his place in the arena instead. That’s what he thought, and there was no way to shake that idea from his mind. The boy didn’t own nice, black clothing, which seemed to be what almost everyone else was likely going to be wearing. That’s why he decided he’d wear Zagreus’s favorite color: purple. He put on a light purple colored, button up shirt as well as a black tie. His slacks were black, and his shoes were as well. He expected that he’d be a bit different than everyone else because his shirt was a different color, but he knew it was what would have made Zagreus happy. Besides, did anyone even really own a black, button up shirt? He doubted it. Not everyone followed the unspoken ‘rules’ of funeral attire anyway. Arriving at the funeral, his cousin, Caitir was by his side. She was the only person that could really comfort him in such a situation, especially since Caitir was one of Zagreus’s close friends, too. They looked around at everyone who was present when they arrived, and Jamie’s heart started pounding. He didn’t know any of these people. He didn’t even know which ones were Zagreus’s parents. Jamie felt like a terrible friend for not recognizing what he assumed were Zagreus’s family members and other friends. The first thing that Jamie heard while he was at the funeral was some bickering between an older man and a girl who looked to be about his own age. From the conversation, he gathered that the girl’s name was Destriianatos and the man was Zagreus’s father. Jamie stayed out of the conversation, as it seemed like it was getting quite tense. Therefore, he and Caitir decided that they’d try their best to keep to themselves. Sitting in a chair, Jamie started taking rather shaky breaths. It didn’t take long before he started sobbing loudly, and Caitir tried her best to comfort him, but to no avail. He asked Caitir to leave him alone, which she did, and he remained sitting there, tears falling down his face. “I could have saved him. I could have died instead. I shouldn’t be here,” he was saying. He wasn’t loud with his words, but he wasn’t muttering them, either. Surely people could hear what he was saying, but he didn’t care. Caitir had gone over to talk to someone else, leaving Jamie there alone. He didn’t know how to get himself to stop crying, and he’d surely never stop blaming himself for what had happened to Zagreus Moon. JAMIE BOWMAN 582 words Zagreus's Funeral Notes: N/A

♛

[Sleepy Fluttershy]

Tamsin Moon

She had no idea what she would see at her cousin's funeral. She wasn't even sure she should be there. Compared to those who were close to Zagreus, she knew nothing about him. But all the family had to go, so Tammy put on her black dress and went to say goodbye to a person she barely knew. 

She had never seen a funeral before that day, but she still knew it wasn't going to be something nice and cheerful. However, what she saw after arriving there was worse than anything she had expected.

Her uncle and her sister were having an intense conversation not far from where she was standing. It was weird. Tammy couldn't think of anything that could make those two have a disagreement at this funeral. Destrii was rather close to Zagreus, as far as the girl knew, and his father... Well, he was his father, of course, he had to be affected by his son's death, why would he start arguing next to Zagreus's casket?

Some boy was sobbing beside her - probably one of her cousin's close friends. Tammy felt guilty for not being there for Zagreus when she still could be. She could never manage a conversation which was longer than a few sentences when she saw Zagreus. Maybe because she always had something to do. Naturally, she was being her usual self, not paying attention to her own family.

Looking at Zagreus's body was too hard for her. Tammy couldn't believe that those quiet and motionless remains of a human were everything left from her cousin. She didn't want to think that the handsome face with strong features had been turned into that corpse.

She couldn't help but remember one of her biggest wishes for a second.

Is it really worth it? He is gone and it still feels like nothing has changed. 

For just a few seconds she was almost ready to give up the mad idea of volunteering. But it had been her dream for too long, it couldn't just vanish into thin air.

Thinking about myself again... How selfish. What else can I do here though?

There was nothing she could have done. He was gone. Murdered. Fallen. Whatever they called it, he was not coming back. She could only remember and admire his courage and handsomeness. She could blame herself for not really noticing it before. And think that anyone from her family could end up at the same place... Including her, with her selfish personality and good looks.

[kap]

D ressing in all black wasn’t usually what Caitir liked to wear, even when it came to funerals. Unfortunately, her mother insisted that she do so, so she slipped on a black dress and black shoes before she left to go pick up Jamie. Jamie was her cousin, and both of them were very close with Zagreus before he died. They’d even consider themselves the best friends he had outside of his family. Heck, they might have even been better friends than his family, judging by how abusive his mother and father were. Caitir hated Zagreus’s parents with a passion. The thought of being beat by your family was unbearable for her. She’d always had such a good home life. Unfortunately, Zagreus wasn’t the only one she knew that grew up with a shitty family. Plenty of her friends had experienced that. Even Jamie experienced it for a while, until he was taken in by a different family. The girl had no desire to encounter Charlotte and Lorenzo Moon at the funeral. She knew they’d be there, as it was their son’s funeral. Therefore, this just meant she had to try her best to avoid the two of them. Besides, she didn’t know what kind of reaction they’d had to to their son’s death. She didn’t know if they were sad, angry, indifferent… it could be anything. When Caitir was walking to Jamie’s house to go get him for the funeral, the sun was just coming up. It was a morning funeral, meaning that Caitir had to leave extra early to get Jamie and still get there on time. With a relatively blank expression on her face, Caitir knocked in the door. When Jamie answered, she gave a weak smile, trying to be reassuring that everything would be okay. It was difficult, though, as both she and her dear cousin knew that it would never be okay again. “Good to see you, Jamie,” she told her cousin, trying to brighten the mood, even though it would be next to impossible to do so. “We should head over so we’re not late.” Jamie nodded in response and came outside. He was wearing black slacks, black shoes and a black tie, but his shirt was a lavender color. Both he and Caitir knew why he’d selected that particular shirt. It was Zagreus’s favorite color. Caitir wished she’d thought of wearing that color. Perhaps with such a reason, she would have been able to convince her parents to let her. It was too late for that, though, so they had to get going. “Zagreus will love the shirt you chose,” Caitir said, trying to make things a bit more cheery. “He won’t,” Jamie said flatly. “He’s dead.” Caitir went silent in response to this. There was really nothing to say that would make the situation better, because Jamie wasn’t wrong. Zagreus Moon was dead. There was no changing that. Upon arriving at the funeral, Jamie and Caitir ended up overhearing an argument between Zagreus’s father, Lorenzo and one of Zagreus’s cousins, Destrii. Trying their best to avoid it, the two of them went to sit down. It got to the point, however, where Jamie was sobbing and wanted to be left alone because he was so upset. Therefore, Caitir let him be and wandered off for a little while. Caitir was already rather out of place. Most of the people there were of the Moon family, meaning that about ninety-five percent of them, if not more, had dark hair. With her blonde hair, Caitir definitely stuck out like a sore thumb. This was starting to make her heart race. She got anxious when being the odd one out. She hated not fitting in. Now, she just had to hope that no one said anything about her seeming out of place. She did belong there, after all. Perhaps she even belonged there more than some of Zagreus’s family members. After all, she did treat him better than his parents had. Deciding that the best thing to do in order to blend in would be to strike up conversation with family members of Zagreus, that’s exactly what she did. She didn’t recognize many of them, as there were very few that her dear friend Zagreus ever really mentioned, but she decided that she’d go by her memory and see if she could recognize anyone. Wandering about for a little bit, she encountered a boy who looked to be the same age or perhaps a bit younger than Zagreus had been when he died. Caitir recognized him from the photographs of family members that he cared about that Zagreus kept in a box under his bed. If she remembered correctly, this boy was one of his cousins. She had to think quite a bit in order to try to remember what his name was. Caren? she thought. No, that wasn’t normally a boy’s name. C’rin? No… C’rizz, I think it was. She had to hope she was right. Approaching the boy, she spoke to him kindly with a weak smile on her face. ”You’re C’rizz, right? One of Zagreus’s cousins, if I remember correctly?” she asked him. ”I’m Caitir. I was one of his best friends. I knew him really well, so it’s really hard to let him go, you know?” She paused for a moment before speaking again. ”Were you close with him?” CAITIR BOWMAN 907 words Zagreus's Funeral Notes: N/A

♛

[mat]

c’rizz moon -- district eight

The decomposition of flesh and bone does not forced one to say goodbye. Death is not the end game. Physical death may be a fact of science, but I believe that the presence of one’s spirit never truly drifts away. It is with us when we wake in the morning and rest in the evening. It is by our side when the sun shines, when the clouds drop frost and flakes, and when the thunder roars and rain pours. It’s here when we laugh, scream, or cry. Death is not a forever ordeal, for if we die and go to whatever afterlife there is beyond Earth, aren’t we just a part of new life?
For that reason, when I dress in all black for Zagreus Moon’s funeral, I hold no intention to cry.
Mother, Father, Bazima, Ayfai, and I travel together is some sort of unified group to where the celebration of Zagreus Moon’s life is to be held. Joshua Arnett’s funeral was the only one I’d been to prior, and back then, I did cry. I cried because I lost my best friend, and perhaps the only person who looked at the world with eyes like mine. I imagined a gunshot through the back of his neck was the end of the road for him. But when I approached his casket with tears filling my eyelids to the brim, I saw him at such a tranquil peace. If death was as horrible and tragic as people told me, then why did he appear happy? Tears drifted away and instead I smiled. He was happy in the afterlife, and Joshua still is.
I know because I talk to him almost everyday with four mahogany candles that help him to know I’m calling.
I can talk to his spirit, even if people laugh and say talking to ghosts is a myth. I can do it.
Because of that, I will not mourn Zagreus Moon, for like Joshua, I still talk to him every day.
The feeling of togetherness I get as my mother wraps her arms around my own is disgusting, and the tears and constant sniffles that I hear every other second is almost unfathomable. If she and they would just listen to what I believe instead of drowning out my every word and calling my thoughts wrong, maybe everyone would be able to gain their composure more quickly.
I feel nothing out of the ordinary walking into the funeral. Uncle Lorenzo and cousin Destrii fighting, several people crying and feeling out of place, and a casket open wide, reaching out so wherever Zagreus was at the present moment, he could see. Judging, however, by the anger and emotion that possessed the room, I needed to look no further than the present location itself.
I pull away from my clutching mother and instead walk on my own accord. With each step I take, the mournful attitude only seems to escalate.
”Zagreus,” I mutter, ”they don’t understand. They are mourning you, but they should be smiling that you’ve moved on out of a place of darkness.” I approach his casket, ready to look down at his physical death, but someone beats me to it. I turn back, and whisper more, ”Don’t worry, my dear friend, I will be the celebrant you deserve.”

✤

[Unitato15]

I remember watching my Zaggy running on my tv screen. I remember his crazy eyebrows fluttering in the wind as he slashy slashed at the monsters in his way. I definitely remember the look of not so happy-ness that painted his face after losing his friends. That squeaky girl, the nerdy one, the other nerdy one. He might of died before one a those I don't really remember that part very well haha. When my crazy eyebrows bestie closed his eyes for the final time I screamed and punched my mom. She didn't even really yell at me though because I think she felt bad for me and also I mostly missed actually hitting her.

Anyways, I'm not happy. Zaggy was supposed to slaughter and then come home so he could give me money and I could finally eat his dead ladybug. It looked so yummy in that jar as he laid bleeding on the ground. His blood reminded me of ants. Ants that carry away fun times. I hate them.

I remember leaving my house, the stupid haired man having already shut up about Zaggy, and slamming my face against the ants on the ground wishing they'd take me away like Zaggy. I'll never have another friend like Zaggers and that ant will never have legs again. Haha. HAHa. HAHAHAHAHhahahahaHahaHAHAHA.


The day that Zaggers let me kick things and then take a ride on his back, was the day that I felt like a million geese. Like no matter how annoying I was, with my super noisy honking, there would still be a lot of me. Like I couldn't lose. But, apparently I'm not a goose and Zaggy's not a goose and even the loudest of honkers go silent in the end.

The black fabric of my dress feels like ant legs against my skin as people stand to talk about my giant eyebrow monster. About Zagreus. I may be twelve and I may be insane but I do feel pain. And the more I think the more the stupid darkness of this stupid place and my stupid dress feel like pain. Like the time a bee bit my chubby lil face. But worse. Because this bee bit me everywhere.
I walk up to Zaggy's death box and put my hand on the glass. Maybe I'm not supposed to I don't know but no one seems to notice so it's probably okay. I look into the box and I see his eyes. They look like marbles from my marble collection, I think, as a tear falls from my eye. He used to look at me with those marbles. He used to ask me questions and smile and say "Hey Curls" while looking at me with those lil balls of seeing. That'll never happen again. Never NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER.

I fall to the ground as I scream and I scream, kicking my legs with all of my kicktastic might. Then I see my momma run to me with a not so good face on her head hole. She picks me up an tells me to behave in that screamy pointy way she does. I decide to just plop down next to the death box, cross my appendages and then do my scowly pout face. I know I'm my heart that Zags would be proud.

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