the past cant haunt me [gilly/bella]

[pearl mcclain d4 [ryan]]

I couldn’t believe that this was all going too fast. The dining hall became chaotic quickly and from the looks of it, the tributes all seemed like they were all comfortable showing their faces to each other. When I first walked into this place, most of the people here seemed just want to look out for themselves, but I watched as that quickly changed. Some people started flocking together like birds. Some people tried to keep their wits about them and sit strategically next to someone. And then some people just sat alone because that was easier.

That was me. I liked sitting alone because I wanted to see who might have wanted to come up to me and talk. It was a ploy that I knew could blow up in my face, simply because no one could have come up to me. However, there was always someone who would come over. No doubt about it, in my mind. As much as the people here wanted to be strong, most of them still clung to their old lives. I couldn’t lie, I did too. I clung to it as much as I could, but here, I needed to make friends. Allies. People that I could possibly trust with my life. I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me from that, and if I made an enemy or two on my way, then that is what I did. I would learn to deal with it as I went along. That was the only way I could go forward with my trail and tribulation.

That, or I needed to learn to let things go.

But letting go was always the hardest thing to do when you had so much to hold onto. I tried to not think about the kids back home, but the locket I held around my neck was the constant reminder that I promised I would try everything to come home. However, I knew that everything wasn’t going to be enough. I was going to have to try everything and then some, which would be easier if I knew what then some was going to be. It probably involved killing a couple people in my way, but I didn’t know. I could only act in the arena when the situation came up. Now I just had to figure out who I could trust here. And who I could leave to the wolves.

I did see that there were two rather young girls here both of them looked like they were the same age as Marley, and I couldn’t fathom that being a reality. Most of the time when kids went into the games, they were picked off first just because of their age. Last games, the boy from three put up a fight, but since he killed a career, he made himself a target the next day. I was still shocked at that rematch. The game makers were cruel.

My thoughts though were on the two girls that were here. I couldn’t imagine Marley here right now, because this was a place that wasn’t designed for her. She probably wouldn’t have lasted that long, and I would have hated to see her parish at the hands of someone that was raised to do this. It was the hardest part to watch. Which is why I was happy that she wasn’t here. I was though.

While looking down at my tray, I heard a clunk across the table I was alone at and I looked up to see one of the twelve year olds that I was just thinking about. Sitting right across from me. I couldn’t believe it at this point. However, I didn’t know what to say exactly, so I took a drink from the lemon juice I had grabbed from earlier and waited for someone to break the ice. I knew that she probably would before I did.

Most children didn’t understand what this place was.

Or wanted too, to be frank.

[Deleted]

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Gillian Imberline

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Gilly—

When you woke up this morning, they asked you (capitolites, trainers, the like), what have you learned since getting here? And you were annoyed because, stirring up your oatmeal and chewing on things called ‘poptarts’ with gooey chocolate and vanilla centers, you had to answer questions they probably already knew the answer to. How not to die. That’s what you told them, which was true—only in except that you didn’t really know what you were doing. You see, the other boys and girls were big enough and strong enough that holding a sword wasn’t so much a joke; they could talk about how they felt without second guesses (what would a little girl like you know about anything?).

So what? So you weren’t like most of the others—or rather, you hadn’t come across someone like yourself. You had spent last night doodling in your little journal, thinking about how you were a pirate queen that would one day sail the unknown sea, until at last dreams had washed across your eyelids. But you didn’t know the best way to set a trap, or fancy footwork, and so on—just that the games were rapidly approaching, and you’d probably just try your best not to die in the bloodbath. And maybe not thinking about how messed up everything was could be to your benefit.

You didn’t want to cry anymore.

It didn’t do any good filling your heart with doubt. The boys and girls around you wanted a crown, to survive, to stand on top of everyone else. You just wanted to play pretend, to be able to wake the next morning (and maybe hold a boy’s hand, too). So you gave up on any doubt of winning a crown just as soon as you entered the training center. Maybe it was foolish, maybe it was a true strategy. But you, Gilly, focused more on the moment, how you felt, who you saw, what you could experience before the inevitable.

Your tray was piled high with different types of cakes—chocolate, red velvet, Victoria Sponge—so much so you had to peer to the side to find a spot that wasn’t taken up by big bodied tributes. There was a girl sitting alone, one with curly hair and concerned eyes (you called them ‘mom eyes’). A lower districter like yourself, you figured either you had everything or nothing in common, and that was enough to set your tray down at her table.

“You want to try some of my cakes?” You said, all smiles. “They just give you as much as you want here. I don’t think they realize that I’ll keep asking until they don’t have any left.” You took the red velvet in your hand, icing and all. “Ith shuch a crathy thing!” You swallowed.

“I bet it’s not like where you’re from huh?” You wiped your elbow across your face. “Did you ever think that you’d be here? I never did…”

⚜

[pearl mcclain d4 [ryan]]

As I ate a piece of broccoli, my mind kept going to places that I hadn’t thought about in years. I thought about my parents and how much they missed since they died. Marley was growing into her own, and every time I looked at her, I couldn’t help but think about mom. I missed them. A lot. I missed the life we had before we found the orphanage. I missed spending time with my mother, who would spend time showing me how to cook. Anything. My father used to show me how to make different types of knots in ropes so when the animals tried escaping. It all evaporated that night the fire happened. I prayed for days after. All I wanted was a chance to at least tell them goodbye, however, the grim reaper had other plans for them. They took them from me, and I could never forgive them.

However, I could feel the presence of the grim reaper as well. However, I think they are playing the long game. There are moments where the area around my neck feels tight, and then there are moments where I only feel a slight chill down my spine. Whenever I feel uncomfortable, I caress the locket around my neck. I feel as long as I have this locket with me, I will always have my family with me, regardless of the fact that they physically couldn’t be here. It put my mind at ease, which was the only thing I needed right now. Peace of mind.

I wondered how the others were feeling, as the capitol was always going to be a daunting place. Sitting here, in this dining hall of people that were about to become enemies, we still found a way to become friends. Even though I hated to think about how much death revolved around my life, one thing that death couldn’t deny, was that we were resourceful people. We stuck together even in the worst situations, and while this one in particular involved the slaughtering of twenty-three innocents, there was still something pure about this. Something wholesome.

And then my attention snapped back into reality to realize that there was a young girl sitting right in front of me. I couldn’t believe it, mostly because she looked like she wasn’t much older than Marley. I couldn’t believe how they could rip someone like her away from her family before she even had a chance to properly mature. However, maybe I was also getting mad because in this girl, all I saw was my sister. Someone young, who thought the world was nothing but a good place. Who didn’t see this place for what it really was. Someone who looked at the world in technicolor glasses. I thought it was just a little too sad for my taste. However, she did look happy, and who was I to sit here and shatter her hopes and dreams. I knew that she probably wouldn’t make it too far here, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t.

The odds were just stacked against her. In the cruelest of ways.

She started speaking to me, with a handful of cake. I couldn’t help but smile. The words coming out of her mouth were truly pure in nature. I wondered if she realized where she was and what was in store for her here? I thought about if I ever met her in the arena what would I do? Would I strike or let her go? I didn’t know. We hadn’t gotten that far yet. ”No thank you little one.” I said to her with a smile, trying to figure out what I should say next. She went on about how she enjoyed the fact that she could get whatever she wanted here, I would enjoy that too, if I were her age. I sighed. ”This place is vastly different from my home in ten, that is for sure.” I said to her honestly. The pound was an unique place that had plenty of charm. The Capitol however was a shiny piece of plastic that I personally wasn’t a fan of. ”I hoped I would never be here. If I am being honest.” I said to her, rubbing my arm, trying to think of anything else to talk about then being here. ”Can I ask how old you are?” My hand moved to my locket before rubbing it incessantly. I had no clue what this week or training would hold for us, but I hoped that this one could at least live the way she wanted to for however short we are here for.

I hoped all of them would.

[Deleted]

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Gillian Imberline

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This place is vastly different from my home in ten, that is for sure. You liked the way that she spoke, like water coming out of a spout. Everything flowed so well and you didn't even pause to think about how you weren't quite sure of what vastly meant, other than the world was different than however ten was. You'd only heard stories about the other districts, and that ten was where all the farm animals were. It would've been nice to have any animals at all back where you were from, but tiny apartments and sweatshops didn't breed animal lovers. This didn't stop you from wishing your baby bunny stuffed animal wasn't real, though.

I hoped I would never be here. Your stomach turned. You'd asked a stupid question, and of course it had been stupid-no one wanted to be here, getting ready for something that might have meant the end to everything. You always asked questions that didn't need answering-you would have to be smarter about what you said. These boys and girls weren't from district eight, didn't know your way of thinking, your spirit. And you didn't need to poke and prod about how they felt, especially when you weren't quite sure of what you felt in your own heart. You looked down at the ground then, not wanting to meet her eyes with yours.

Can I ask how old you are?

"Oh, I'm twelve years old, I just turned twelve last month!" Well-there was one thing that never failed to get you to talk, and that was talking about yourself. "I know I don't look it because my dad always says that I look smaller than I am but I'm twelve years old-I mean I guess I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, would I? Duh." You shrug your shoulders and rolled your eyes. There wasn't a reason to think too deeply about why you were here. After all, it was the way of the world. They put names into a bowl, they picked yours out. Sometimes folks would throw themselves in (for glory, or to save someone, or because they were silly). But there was no changing the past, or what happened.

Now all that was left was to deal with it, and to go on living just as long as you could. Not that you believed that there was a chance you were going to come back to district eight with a crown. You had tried to imagine it-a crown on your head and loads of screaming fans-but it just simply wouldn't come. Because you knew and had known since you placed a finger in that book at the reaping, this was a death sentence. And all at once you felt sad again, the little pinch in your heart and the heat on your chin. The world wasn't fair, and you were here, and your family was so very far away.

"I'm Gilly." You say, voice soft as could be. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

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