bell. d4. || fin.

[gamemaker sloane ♕ kaяi ♕]

bell hailsham }}
district four
seventeen
queen bee
a bitch
career
zhenya katava

[gamemaker sloane ♕ kaяi ♕]

I was born a queen.

From the moment I took my first breath, my had to know mother I was destined to be something amazing. To rule, to lead. At least, that is what I tell myself, during the dark hours of the night when sleep will not fall upon my heavy eyes. When I lay restless, wondering what exactly I am here in this world for. I never knew my mother. She gave me up when I was just a baby, left me on a doorstep, hoping that someone would be willing enough to take me in, to do something with the crying baby, waiting for a crown to be placed upon her head.

She must have been scared of the power that I held in my hands.

But from that doorstep I was put on a boat, only two weeks old, taken to an island that would be the only place I knew of as home. They said that I was perfect, they must have been able to spot royalty a mile away. My home, my kingdom. It almost became a prison. Trapped, spending star filled nights sitting at the water's edge wondering what lays on the land that was just a short boat ride away. What was there. Who was there. All I was ever certain of was that there was happiness on the other side-

more than could ever be found here. 

When I was younger I spent days and nights wondering what she was like. If she was beautiful. What features of her face found their way onto mine. Was it my bright green eyes, or my hair that matched the color of the night sky? If she commanded respect the same way that I do. If she missed me. But most importantly, why she let me be taken to this forsaken place, why she would keep such beauty hidden from most eyes of the world. Someone who has such poise, such grace, such potential.

I am a queen.

But can a mother truly give up anything other than a monster?

[gamemaker sloane ♕ kaяi ♕]

It is a palace within a prison.

And I am the reigning queen.

They are wrapped around my finger, each one tightly held, their secrets upon my gentle lips. Threatening to spill if they ever dare cross me. I walk down the hallway, heels clicking as I go, and there heads bow in respect, eyes gazing down in respect. And probably fear. They don't dare to cross me, their precious life in our palace prison would be destroyed. It may sound viscous, but here in the kingdom of Hailsham it is a dog eat dog world. One wrong step and everything you worked so hard for crumbles to the floor around. 

But are you even truly a ruler if your people don't fear you?

They tell me I have no heart.

I do. It is just frozen cold. Laced with ice of the thousand secrets it holds. Others treacheries turn you treacherous yourself. You can not know some of the things I know and not be frozen solid. I can not rule with a beating heart, because feelings only get in the way of greatness.

They are kind to us here. I tell myself that's why mother sent me here, of all places. They give us extravagant meals and make sure that we are in the best health, no illness ever seems to befall upon us. We trained with the best, preparing just like the other children of the District, but in more secrecy. Our skills were hidden, not that mine needed much hiding. I'm a much better fit and sitting and looking pretty, with a little bit of bossing around thrown in.

If I do say so myself.

A palace, protection from those who would try and wrong me, people who feared me. It all seemed to good to be true.

That's because it was.

It wasn't too many years ago when they told us the truth. They decided we were old enough, ready to accept it. But I was not. We were here to die. Our only purpose in this world was to sacrifice our bodies, to give up all that we worked for. I was like one of the queens from the old stories, the ones who were turned on by their people and made a spectacle in death for their wrong doings. Except, I have done nothing wrong. She couldn't have known, I refuse to believe it. The walls of my kingdom were crashing down around me, slowly being burned to the ground.  But I stood their, face unwavered, and nodded before walking off.

A queen never falters, even when faced with death.

[gamemaker sloane ♕ kaяi ♕]

I became more ruthless.

If they thought I was a bitch before, they probably saw me as a monster now. I have no limits to what I will do to try and survive, even if it is only for one extra year. Anything can happen, maybe even a plan of escape, I've heard of queens doing that before. What I did not ever hear of was a queen just sitting down and accepting her fate.

And neither will I.

Bribes, blackmail, and charm. That's how I would survive. I had no shame bribing my teachers to give me better grades, after all, they do decide who's worthy enough for extra time. A little bat of the eyelashes never hurt anyone either, they were already wrapped around my finger, now it was time to go for the killing blow. I'd blackmail my fellow classmates, homework and test answers, throwing fights to improve my rankings. I could tell they wanted to escape, refuse, but I knew too much. And disobeying me would only destroy the little bit of life they had even more. Before I was disliked.

But now I am feared.

They cower in the hall, refusing to look into my eyes when we speak, afraid that I will be able to reach into their soul and destroy them without saying a word. Except for the few that dare and try to oppose me, they will feel my wrath soon. And I can promise you it will not be swift.

Everyone except Beck, he seems unphased by my name and even more unphased my presence. He is not scared, he is not afraid. He is just Beck. And maybe that is why I like him, why we can spend time together and I don't feel a need to manipulate him. He is not a risk to my crown, he is someone who just doesn't care. Someone who sees me as me. Many nights well spent climbing out of his window and on to the rooftop. Lost in a drunken stupor counting the night stars, my head resting on his leg, an empty bottle of whiskey at our feet. Nights of being normal, nights where I can take off the crown.

Maybe that is what it feels like to have someone. Maybe that is what it is like to have a friend.

Each night I find myself in my room, standing in front of my mirror, wiping off the red lipstick, and taking off the crown that lies crooked on my head by the end of the day. With my door finally closed I can finally let go of the facade. And sometimes, just sometimes, let the tears roll silently down my cheeks.

It is lonely at the top

But even if I am to die, I know that my name will be whispered down the halls for generations to come, just like they are now.

I am a queen.

And I will not be forgotten.

[gamemaker sloane ♕ kaяi ♕]

uhh done i think??

[shrimp]

accepted!