kingdom come | {kaige}

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

and the blood will dry
underneath my nails
and the wind will rise up
to fill my sails

He tasted freedom, and it felt like Kieran Emberstatt saw the world in color for the first time in his life. Life was technicolor, and his heart walked hand-in-hand with him, red like all the Lowes who shared her name. Paige Lowe had been his for four years now. Four. They said young love died, and perhaps it often did. Perhaps Kieran was lucky for Paige, and perhaps he had taken her for granted so far. As he looked down at their interlocked hands, he was aware that he might wake up the next day to see that her fingers no longer held on to his.

But the chances of that were slim, so he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it.

Eighteen years, and he was a survivor. Eighteen years and the reaping would never, ever dare to offer his name up again. He tasted freedom, and he saw the world in color for the first time— he could only look at her.

"Four years ago, before we were us," he said to her and to the silence, "We all went camping. I don't know if you even remember, but Dad and Saffron had gone to sleep and the two of us were sitting by the fire. And I remember thinking I wanted you, but I was too shy to try anything. And then you—" He smiled, placing his hand on her waist.

This was happiness, huh?

"You made me dance with you," he finished. It was one of his fondest memories, and he thought about it often. Anytime he heard music, or saw an elderly couple dance in their kitchen, or sometimes just because, he remembered how it felt to feel her pressed against him for the first time, how worried he was that she would hear his quickly beating heart and laugh.

"I knew then that I was yours, to be honest."

There was no need in withholding the truth; he had nothing to hide from her. Kieran had threatened victors fresh from their games over Paige. He would have killed for her— Hell, if it called for it, Kieran may have even died for Paige Lowe.

Bitterness. He held on to it for far too long, and it was Paige who finally allowed him to let it out.

"It wasn't long after that when we found that haunted house."

Now, he tried to contain a smile, lips scrunching to one side, his grip on Paige's side tightening for a moment. Surely she remembered that night. When they had been caught in the rain, taken solace under a willow tree, and his lips met hers for the very first time.

"You kissed me that night; practically knocked me on my ass in the process, if I recall correctly." He nudged her, kissed her on the forehead. He wondered if she had figured out where they were headed yet. Probably not. Daylight and a couple years did a good job of changing things since the last time Paige had walked down this path.

The clearing was just ahead; he could already smell freshly cut grass.

"I was so afraid of losing you, Paige; of getting reaped, or becoming unimportant to you, or of you finding someone better. So, I made myself wait to do this until I knew we were safe. You are already safe, and next reaping, I'll be 19, so."

He let his hand fall from her side as they rounded the corner, where a once terrifying house once stood. He still remembered the white paint peeling from the walls, the holes in the floors, the piles of leaves that had taken him weeks to sweep up. He had, of course, asked for Mace's help and his discretion. If anyone knew anything about building something great from the ashes of something bad, it was his father.

This house was probably bad, but the memories Kieran had of it were some of the most important ones he had. The paperwork alone had taken half a year to process, another two or three months for the Capitol to get an inspector out and get it approved for his purchase.

Where that house once stood, though, was now a glorious two-story colonial home. Southern exterior, with a wrap-around porch on the first floor, and a balcony on the second. Fresh white panel siding, and an abundance of windows.

Before she could even ask, Kieran held up a house key for her to see.

"I'd like to give you a tour, if you're interested. But first," he cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. Living together was something they practically already did. But this—

He dropped to one knee, forcing himself to breathe, and he just said it:

"Paige Lowe, will you marry me?"

tell the world I'm coming home
let the rain wash away
All the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits

song: Coming Home

[eulalie blake 1a 🍒 tris]

I have too many questions, and places to go
There are too many options,
far too many unknowns
This is why I need you

There are no scars — no glass on the floor, no windows torn from their hinges and holes in the walls. There are bruises, still, in the quiet places she can't quite reach; but there is security in the dark. Lips brushing her shoulder, hands around her waist. Paige Lowe has witnessed the destruction of her own life a thousand times over, all the regrets and the anger and the silence, but the tale always ends the same. The ashes give way to something kinder, a garden takes root over all the memories. And Kieran Emberstatt is always there, the final chapter in the saga, his hand tight around hers.

She's safe now, and she's happy, and she's learned how to forgive — all those knives that tried to cut out her heart. And Paige held some of them, she knows, but journeys are not always forward. People go backwards and under and some leave the path altogether; but all that matters is that she made it. Nothing good comes from lingering in the shadows. The sun is high and the birds are singing, and her lover keeps his hand softly on her hip. He guides her through the woods, through the story of their relationship and through all the obstacles she's faced, and she's a stronger woman because of him.

Her smile is genuine, unfaltering, and she listens to every word he has to say. She doesn't dare speak. This is his memoir, his perspective of the thing she holds most sacred, and she wants to share it with him. She loses herself in the brightness of his eyes, the way his dimples curve into his cheeks, and the way he kisses her knuckles like she's the most precious thing in his life. And there's no doubt of that, no insecurities biting at her heels; only a flush of pink and a gentle laugh. To Kieran, Paige could be something holy. All the angels have fallen and she's claimed her own. She'll never let go.

The way he trails his fingertips down her back makes it seem like he has the same thought, that he's searching for her missing pair of wings — and maybe they're both right. Maybe they had to fall to find each other. His speech comes to a close as they round a corner, and for a moment she doesn't realize where they are. She's too busy focusing on him, on the way he's laid himself bare and stripped away all his guards. His touch has left her, but she's still ablaze. Still secure. She doesn't know how to make sense of this man, to convince herself that she deserves him, so she trusts. All her walls are gone.

Turning, all the air leaves her lungs — and suddenly she's back in a buried memory. Thunder lights the sky and a willow tree shields them from the rain; she's afraid and she's in love and right now they're standing on the ground where they shared their first kiss. She remembers that house they entered all those years ago, on the verge of collapse and with many horrors calling it their home, but what looms before her is a white shadow. A resurrection of a black soul. And it's a gorgeous sight, reaching up to touch the sun and shining with all its magnificence on display. A mansion straight from her dreams.

Kieran flashes a key, her chest tightens, and for the first time she's speechless. Not of her own will, but because there's so much to process and she's finding it difficult to contain all of her joy. Paige had never wanted some sappy romance for the ages, she once considered herself fit to remain isolated from the world, but now here she is. And here he is. She wouldn't change a thing, closing her eyes to sleep has become the greatest challenge of her days — and she's so lost in this warmth that she doesn't notice she's shaking, that Kieran has lowered himself to one knee and that this is so much more than a gift.

It's a promise, and it's a declaration — and it's quiet, for a moment. When he asks for her hand in marriage, all the trees bow to listen, and even the wind stops in fear of swallowing Paige's response. She lifts a palm to cover her mouth, tries to stop a breath that she can't even form, and suddenly she's weightless. "I—" she attempts to speak, but her voice is a whisper. How could she have ever expected this? His proposal that morning had seemed so normal, just another adventure, but now something dire has come to kneel before her. It's impossible to tell herself that she has any right to make a man this perfect, this beautiful, her husband; that she could ever hope to link their futures forever.

Instead,
she trusts.

"Yes. Yes, Kieran. I—
I will marry you."

Everyone talks now, but no one is right
there are too many armies,
with no one to fight
This is why I need you

table: dars
song: this is why i need you