perpeteia [carter&faux&fiona]

[Dana Lheureux D9F [Tom]]

Get out of your head
the voices don't know what is best for you
in the pouring rain
I head the devil call me out

You should have died, Carter.

The voice in his own head gets louder and louder with every aggravating second as he sits there staring at the screen which flashes with tributes that still live. Still have no clue of the weight they'll have to bear once they perish to someone else's blade. Fucking hell, everything was fucked in this moment. All he can do is glare at the screen as he keeps his right ear towards the dining area. The positives of losing his hearing in one ear is that he can both ignore and slightly hear their words from his other ear. A silence that doesn't hum, except in his other ear as he holds his stance. Fiona. A girl who didn't know anything.

Carter had watched her call Auto a spawn of Satan as if none of them weren't already that. As if they hadn't threatened to take another's life in the games. As if they all weren't in this fucked world stuck on the idea of living meaning death of someone else. He had watched her cut into Lars' skin where Carter would have protected if he didn't play the hero in someone else's fucking story. He could understand her reasoning. He could understand the protection over someone else, but god, she still cut into Lars because Auto was a monster in her eyes. If Fiona wanted a monster, Carter could be that. If she really wanted to see some spawn of Satan, he could be that.

Fuck, he was already going to rot in hell once he dies.

Probably fed to some coyotes like his own death for an eternity.

Or god forbid, stuck in a prison with Glamour Kinkade's fucking smirk.

Carter had watched her the next day too. Carter had heard what she had said to Max. Carter had seen what Fiona's true fucking colors were. Despite everything, she was blinded by her own selfishness and he could get that, but fucking hell, you don't need to rip into someone. In the end, she wasn't worth anyone's time. And yet here he is, sat pissed off on this fucking chair that is both comfortable and uncomfortable. Fuck Glamour and his furniture for this feeling.

The corner of his vision is what caught him on the edge of his seat. Faux and Fiona coming his way, probably wanting to be mad at him. God, if they wanted to hate him, screw it. Faux had been here the longest with him. Faux had been a friend in a place of no understanding, but god, siding with Fiona hurt. Not that he didn't expect him to, but the fact that it feels like he was stabbed in the chest once more hurts so much more right now. All he can do is stand up and glare at them despite Fiona not being able to see. All he can do is give a smirk and his best 'fuck off' look that he can muster before he starts this.

"Awwwww looks like you lovebirds have come back for some more."

Eyes glancing over their shoulders to Parson stuffing his face with food. Good grief, the guy probably hasn't eaten in days. A silence fills himself before he crosses his arms over his chest to block the weakest part of his injuries. His chest pangs with pain that shakes through his skin, but he ignores it over the two. Fiona and Faux. Fiona, a person he could understand, but the sight of her makes him feel sick and like he wants to punch her in the face. Acting like she was the most selfless person to give up her food.

Fuck. He hates this feeling.

"Faux. I know she's your friend, but I have to say this."

Fingers tighten as he looks to the screen and back to the two of them.

"Feed me to the 'mutts' if you want Faux."

Fiona isn't someone he can look at without feeling his fists tense, but he holds himself tall and a good safe space between them. She knows he's there, most likely. She knows that he's mad. She doesn't know who he is, but fuck, he was a no one in everyone's eyes, so it didn't fucking matter. A glare sent to her despite her blindness now. A smirk still upon his lips as he speaks once more.

"Don't act innocent, Fiona. Don't pretend to be a selfless person. I'm Carter Laws, you know ally and friend to Auto, Lars, Max. You've done a lot more to me than you fucking think."

Carter stays still in his spot as he looks to Faux and gives him a frown that he keeps plastered on his lips as he looks back to Fiona.

"You know, Auto who you fucking called the spawn of Satan. Larceny, who you took away from Auto in order to punish her for fucking what? Being a brat in the training center? A pathetic excuse to clear your conscious of wanting to kill a human fucking being."

His hand begins to shake with the anger pulsing in his veins. The cards tucked away next to his heart as he takes a breath in and focuses back in on the two of them. All he can do is hold his ground. Two against one. A lost friend now and the person who split Lars and Auto up and calling human fucking beings pathetic and not worth time. He only speaks from his heart now.

"See I'm not even mad about you killing Lars or attacking Max. It's the games I fucking get it, but what gives you the right to call someone something so fucking rude. What gives you the right to say someone is not worth your fucking time. You don't know shit about anyone. You don't know their life's outside of the games. What gives you the right to decide their fate? What gives you the right to act like a fucking asshole to people? Nothing does. You aren't going to learn that and you'll have to live with that blood on your hands forever."

Is this what Mitchell felt like in the games? Is this what his legacy was supposed to be? Fuck he can't handle this.

"You know, I can understand how you felt. I can understand wanting to protect your allies, but instead you attacked them with the want to tear everything from them. If anything Fiona, you've torn everything from yourself. You attacked Max for your own selfish purposes."

A heart beat and they are all being played like a deck of cards for the capitol.

"If anything Fiona, you're not worth anyone's time. That's why I would throw you to the mutts if I had the chance."

A glance to Faux as he feels his blood boiling and he gives the guy a glare before he speaks once more.

"You can hate me if you want. Throw me to the mutts because I don't fucking care, but she deserves to know what she's done and have a fucking crash landing back to earth."

A deck of cards being played.

Mitchell Laws saved him once, but he wouldn't save him again.

I should be dead. She should be dead.

No one should be alive.

Except they were.

Fiona deserved every single word that he spoke and if that meant he was a fucking asshole, then so fucking be it.

I finally feel okay
in the pouring rain
you say 'leave from the fog
inside my head'

song: rain

[d4a tide evros {ems}]

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

A broken reality slams into the ground in the blink of an eye. Faux watches Carter as he walks away. It's a terrible place living inside these walls. Sometimes people snap, and Faux never understood the reasoning behind it until now. This is a prison, a terrible place they're forcing him to live while the rest of the games carry on. Being locked behind the same walls with no form of entertainment. Sure the games are being played on a giant screen. Sure Carter has cards to play with. Sure communication with one another goes a long way, but there's only so much the human mind can take. At least before the games, they had a chance to sit on the roof and enjoy a breath of fresh air. Sadly that privilege was taken away.

His hands relax as Fiona starts making her way over towards Carter, and he wants to help her. To make sure she doesn't fall or get injured worse than she already is. She gave him so much before the games even began, and now Faux wants to return the favor as much as possible.

It's hard though knowing what he does now.

Knowing that even remembering her name is a difficult moment.

Knowing that Carter is furious for whatever reason.

Love birds?

It catches him off guard as those words reach his ears. Not once did those words ever cross his mind. Love is such a powerful word that so far only his family has heard it. He cares for Fiona, yet he doesn't know the true meaning of love.

He listens more as Carter speaks, and his voice is growing louder and louder, and Faux finds himself slowly raising his hands to cover his ears. Anger is such a powerful emotion, but the words are bouncing around until they're turning into a giant pit of nothingness. They're blurring together, and his heart is racing, pounding rapidly against his chest wall. Termors tear through his hands. Every hair stands on end. His head throbs matching the beat of his heart. It's beyond him what's happening, and yet he finds himself dropping to his knees hoping nobody sees him.

A gut wrenching sob catches itself behind his teeth stopping just moments before becoming a reality.

His eyes snap shut trying to block out the rest of the world.

Yet the screaming grows louder and louder, and he can't get away from it.

It's simply mind over matter, but the broken mind is winning in this matter.

His eyes meet Carter's, yet his gaze only stays there for a second before shifting over to Fiona. His heart drops rapidly shattering the moment it hits the ground.

Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing matters in this crazy world where friends don't always last forever.

Before Carter finishes what he's saying, Faux forces himeslf into a standing position trying to break free of the chains holding him down. Sometimes walking away is simply the best option anyone has. This isn't his battle to fight. Fiona brought this on herself, and it breaks his heart, but she'll be fine in the end. Anger is powerful, however, it only lasts a few moments before vanishing in the blink of an eye.

One step after another, he slips away, and he doens't stop moving until he plops himself on his bed where he watches with tear stained eyes.

---

table by Kaplan
art credit: Kap's photoshop work
lyrics: Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest

[*]

Darkness swallowed my heart up. There was an emptiness that I couldn't fill. The voices of my family was lost to me twice now. All I know, is that my life was being auctioned off by another bidder set to see me off for some unknown reason. It wasn't his bounty to collect. His voice, stature, weight, name - they all escaped me until Faux had, in slurred words, the name of the guy who sought to control my life. Anger was real. This guy had no reason to throw me under the bus. He had no right what so ever to assume that I didn't need my third chance.

I wasn't someone else's puppet to be manipulated and toyed with.

With Faux standing beside me, I felt stronger then I had in days, empowered, even. We lived, somehow. We were forced to live through the capital's twisted humor, but here we all stood living and breathing. Consequently, we were all paying the price for it in one way or another.


His footsteps was clear that he had in no way any desire to explain himself and tell me why he thought that someone as nameless as I was ended up being the fool at the end of his tongue to dispose of.

"What is your deal?" I spat at him, using the guide pole and the sensation of Faux's presence near me to propel in Carter's direction. The sounds of the games were all around us, but I honed in on the Carter, wanting to know more. I didn't know who he was and all the information I had on him was his name.

Carter... It doesn't sound familiar at all and his face was never more lost in my mind than him standing right in front of my eyes, or lack thereof.

His voice collapsed with anger in a way that was condescending at best. The coy little remark about Faux and myself. Had he seen my journal? Was it all over the capital right now? Embarrassment was supposed to be normal for someone whose little sister read her diary, but in the games, and outside of the games, it would kill for blackmail.

Faux, I know she's your friend, but I have to say this." Subconsciously, I glance in Faux's direction expecting to see something from him, to hear him say something in my defense again, but it doesn't come at all. It's complete silence.

Fuck, why can't I see what's going on. Why do I have to keep these bandages on. They said one eye was good... I listen though, even though my heart started to pound with anticipation and Carter wouldn't let me interject if I wanted to.

"Don't act innocent, Fiona. Don't pretend to be a selfless person. I'm Carter Laws, you know ally and friend to Auto, Lars, Max. You've done a lot more to me than you fucking think."

If I could, my eyebrows would be arching up, curling into a sense of disbelief like I'd been caught in a lie when I hadn't. I shifted my stance to the right. My fingers holding onto the stick in the same manner as I had the glaive . If his voice decided to carry any closer, I would defend myself if needed, but his voice didn't stray. He continued further.

"You know, Auto who you fucking called a spawn of Satan. Larceny, who you took away from Auto in order to punish her for fucking what? Being a brat in the training Center? A pathetic excuse to clear your conscious of wanting to kill a human fucking being." I could feel my mouth dropping as he spat those words out like a childhood rhyme without a hitch. All I could do was hear the tune and try to memorize the moments he was explaining.

He had seem the whole situation through the eyes of an ally that had never made it passed the second... third day? He and I never matched, but it was a terrible fight that somehow Carmen and I barely made it out of. I remember that fight, yes. I remember everything as if it were only yesterday. As if my life depended on it and the fact that it was that very fight that I had to make a very hard decision. It was tactics. It was a way to bring down the enemy a notch to save someone I was close to. Someone who really was innocent in all her ways before the games. This guy? Auto? Larceny? They were damned already with the amount of sins against them.

"You obviously didn't know who Auto really was then." I smirk, slightly, remembering the training center and remembering how she really was a little off on the sanity train. Perhaps, what he was saying was true. I had no right to call her names, but in the heat of the moment, I was never any good at playing nice when in a scrap with the other kids growing up. Even so, this wasn't back in district nine and the games seemed to have changed everyone already, not just physically.

"...If anything Fiona, you've torn everything from yourself. You attacked Max for your own selfish purposes."

Wait? What?

"If anything Fiona, you're not worth anyone's time. That's why I would throw you to the mutts if I had the chance."

His words hurt more then my own injuries. He doesn't know what we went through in the games. He wasn't even around long enough to know what kind of people his allies turned into. However, he was wrong about one thing.

"I didn't fucking attack Max for pleasure, despite what you think. You are so daft!" I feel my stomach dropping, churning. "If you watched anything, you'll notice that he attacked me first. You'll notice that he was the one who turned on his own fucking district - someone from home! How would you feel if it was your own district partner? How would you feel? I know I felt threatened and that he was an imminent threat. Same goes for Larceny and Auto - the quiet ones are the most deadly, haven't you ever heard of that? I'm sorry if you think I'm the bad guy in this equation, but I did what I thought was right. I was protecting my own. I was protecting Carmen because she's all I had! If you wanted me to be on your side, maybe you should have sought me out in the training center before all of this shit and maybe if Auto wasn't such a little punk, then maybe she'd still be in the games going for the crown."

Beating against my ribs, my heart took to running laps. Lightheaded, I felt my lungs screaming and my throat burning.

"I have no blood on my hands - other then the fact that I was there in the games, just the same as you, doing what I had to in order to survive -." It came in waves when I could muster up the words. "... and you're right. I sure as hell don't know anyone else's lives outside of the games. I can't decide their fate, but the games already decided their fate. Not me. I made that a point. I don't get close because you know why? They die in the end anyways. If you don't know anyone, then they can't hurt you. Do you even care about my past or am I that insignificant to you? Surprise me, please because it's what you just preached."

A breath passed. My stomach flips.

"I only learned five names. Yours didn't happen to be one of them, or I'd be having a really hard time right now. To be truly honest, I don't want to waste my time on you either, but we're alive and I have to make the best of it. I don't like to hold grudges against anyone. I just had to know why you hated me when you didn't even know me. You only saw what I did - but do you even try to think of what I had to go through? I lost my alliance on the first day. Oliver and Faux..."

His presence seemed to be gone. I couldn't seem to hear another set of lungs. Was he even still there by my side? I point blindly in the area I thought he was. "He was the only reason I kept strong because I thought we had a connection. He deserved to live and I had to fight for him and for Oliver. The difference between our alliances was that we never wanted to harm anyone but we had to."

My face felt hot beneath the wrappings. My eyes were pulsing with the added fear of a fight where I couldn't see the enemy coming. Thresh hold high, I kept wringing my fingers around the guiding pole until a moment later, my fingers relaxed. My head shifted from side to side. The right side of my lips upturned.


"You know, maybe I should be fed to the mutts, but I'll do it myself. I believe in Karma and I thought I already paid the price." The bandages around my eyes come off in one quick swipe, revealing the stitched area, void of an eye while the light blinded the remaining one. His blurry image causing pain with just the effort. "It was an eye for an eye. I guess death will come to collect someone like me for a third time. Thanks - for nothing."

That's when I turn to look for Faux, and my heart shattered.

He left me -

Fiona - c98667
Others- e7cbbe

[Dana Lheureux D9F [Tom]]

Get out of your head
the voices don't know what is best for you
in the pouring rain
I head the devil call me out

Faux leaves the both of them to Carter's issue with Fiona.

The way that Faux leaves makes Carter's throat tight with words that he wants to apologize for, but god, he really doesn't think he should apologize for anything, other than shouting at Fiona. Civilized conversations were better than shouting matches. His father would be disappointed for having another shouting match with someone else. Always told to keep it down when the house was always a bustle of voices and screams and shouts that he had to shout in order to be heard. Right now, it felt right, but deep down, he knew that they shouldn't be so angry.

None of them could help fighting for life.

None of them could help being reaped in a game where only death lives.

All he could do was sigh as she finished her words spat at him. Understanding of her view on somethings comes to him as he stands there with arms crossed. The world was a complicated mess of emotions and people who didn't deserve all of this. Why did he have to be picked for death? Was it even really death when they have to live with themselves and the past they had created. Monsters born from last wishes and all of them failures with the skills to kill. Lucky enough to know that he never killed a single person, but he caused scars on a few.

In the end, they were just humans on this desolate world of Panem. A place where kids learn to survive through fuck all in order to have a life in the future. Fucking hell, Carter Laws wasn't some innocent man, but neither was Fiona. She had blood on her hands and she can't deny it. Denying it only makes that blood soak deeper until they tear apart. Carter's already torn apart literately and figuratively.

"You don't know Auto clearly."

The words feel tight on his throat as he knew only the bits of Auto that he could see. There's other hidden secrets behind their lips, but he hasn't solved those yet. Auto and Lars were pretty quiet about their home in District Three. A silence follows as he had listened to Fiona before speaking up. He's always been more well mannered than most kids his age, but he still feels his blood boiling, maybe a little less than before, but he's still upset. Though, he's recognizing things now. He recognizing that no matter what they aren't going to agree on anything. That was fine, but he wanted her to at least hear his words. In order for them to get past this, she needed to at least listen to him.

"So what? Max attacked you because your precious Carmen attacked Auto. It's the Hunger Games. No matter what, you were going to be a threat to his survival and surprisingly enough, you had been. It doesn't matter about me. If Hellion attacked me, then oh well. I get it. I attacked her for ripred sake because her allies went for Auto. So fuck district partners, they are still someone at the end of the day, you would have to kill in order to live. Carmen would have been someone you would have had to kill in order to live."

Fingers tighten on his biceps as he sighs and remembers her infuriating words. He just stares past her and focuses on his own breath before speaking once more. Calmer than before. Calmer in himself. This was just a disagreement of ideals. He could do this. He could be civilized about this like his father would want him to be.

And if you weren't so caring about Carmen, you'd be alive too. Was it worth dying in order for Carmen to live. The quiet ones are not always the most deadly you know. Lots of quiet tributes have been useless from years before. Hell look at my own brother, died to a fucking yeti and he was a quiet guy. You don't know Auto. You don't see what I see, Fiona. That's fine, but maybe you should watch rather than listen to your head. You might see what I see about them."

Fiona was dead and so was he, so fuck anything else about games. They don't deserve to have a voice in the matter, but he still says his mind. A frown is given to her as he finally drops his hands to his side and stays quiet for a second before speaking again.

"You don't hold grudges? then why the hell did you attack Auto? Isn't that a fucking grudge right there? And I don't matter anyways. I died and I died the way I wanted to. I regret it sometimes, but also I don't. You don't know me. You may have lost Faux the first day, but Auto, Lars, and Max lost me that first day, but you don't know that. You don't know that I threw myself to mutts in order for the three of them to get away. I protected them like you protected Carmen. Then you took my sacrifice and threw it in the mud. Think about that before you say I'm not worth your time."

Eyes glance past Fiona as he stares at the medical area, hoping that he'd see Max soon, despite it all. He missed his pretty boy. He missed being with Lars and Auto who were his friends. Fiona should get that. Fiona should be able to understand him. They should be able to understand that emotion entirely in his mind. They should be able to at least get along for the time they'd be stuck together.

"We both have blood on our hands. I will not deny that. You better not either because you have more blood on your hands than my own, but I still get that. Though, the games shouldn't hold you to killing thoughtlessly. We're all humans and have feelings. You can't just act like if you don't know them then they don't matter. Every single person matters to me. Even you, Fiona. You can call me weak for that, but I think it makes me stronger."

Humans. The choice to be good or bad is always there, but Carter's never been one for cliches or maybe he is. After all, wouldn't someone who died early for his allies be considered a hero or would he be a foolish boy. Fuck, he's tired of feeling guilty for leaving them to Fiona and the people of the quell. Death was easier, but they didn't die. Not this time. Glamour's sex dungeon was their home until who knows when and all he can do is live it a moment at a time with his hand going through his hair which was getting longer now.

"I understand how you feel. Faux was important to you. Max, Lars, Auto were important to me. I died for them. And yet, I had to watch as my death was for nothing. I watched you and your friends tear them away from everything. Only to be stuck here in a place worse than death. Our alliances were not different. No one wants to kill, hell even careers suffer from it. Look at Justice Fray, the man is suffering from his own past. Don't think you don't want to kill when you knew you had to. It's the Hunger Games. You were going to want to kill no matter who was in it."

Eyes glance to Faux as he looks away from them on the far bed. A guilt fills his chest and eats away at him as he hears the word in it's cage honk silently. The rose looks pretty in it's glass next to him. A silence fills him as he knows that she was going to say she would throw herself away. A sigh comes from his throat once more as he pushes a hand through his hair to feel alive for a second. To feel like he isn't running around in circles with Fiona.

"I feel that. Death would be easier. Karma is what we deserve for what we've done. Mutts would be better than living with the guilt we carry. I deserved to be fed too. I called you awful names because I was angry at you for reasons that neither of us can control. I mean we can control it a little bit, but we still have no control over anything. Hell, look at today. The words that came out were set up to cause tensions to rise. I snapped. Made you snap. We gave them what they wanted."

A small smirk pulls on his lips as he sighs deep into his chest and closes his eyes as he doesn't care for Fiona, but might as well give her a taste of the Carter at home. A taste of who he really was and what it was like in Twelve.

"Well, I think we should just move on. Not as friends, mostly because I don't think I could smile at you yet. If we die, we die. If not, then we live with our past. Back at Twelve, I never was like this. I was just a kid who dealt with my emotions in form of card tricks. Thought they could hide my grief for my brother. My only friend was a girl, a Mortuus, who told me she spoke to the dead. Told me my brother was excited to see me soon. I should've known after that my luck would run out. Reaped for the games and yelling at my adopted brother for being a coward. I regret things in life, but I'm willing to accept my mistakes and I hope you will to."

A silence as he opens his eyes with a friendliness as he moves those guilty and angry words back down into his stomach where he can deal with them on his own. A blank face now appears as he gives himself a moment to compose himself. Eyes glancing to Faux and then back to Fiona. Words fall from his lips again.

"Despite being angry, I'm willing to move past this. I'm willing to end this now because despite everything. Faux is an important person to me too. I broke that friendship over this. And I regret that. Despite everything Fiona, I can't understand you completely, but I'm glad we talked. I can see more of the human about you. Sorry for yelling and sorry for saying I'd throw you to the mutts. I don't think I would do it now."

The anger dissipates as he stares at Faux and all he can do is take a deep breath and give Fiona a smile, a genuine one because everyone deserves kindness even if they tore your legacy apart in a moment of it's creation.

"I'm done with this whole thing if you are."

Silence.

You deserve to die, Carter.

Carter knows.

I finally feel okay
in the pouring rain
you say 'leave from the fog
inside my head'

song: rain