dry goods and wet bads {mallrats vs mru}

[lance]

BRUH

Everything still hurts, but to a lesser degree. It's almost like I didn't get stabbed and my ribs broken two days ago. This is some weird shit. Bruh.

We left the cooler, unfortunately - and really, who's genius idea was that? I blame flaily - and to be fair, I'd rather freeze then suffer through pain and capitalism. At least howdy lady gave me some weird tasting drink that made me feel all warm inside. So really it all works out in the end.

Oh dear. More intruders hellbent on delivering me pain. That will not do. Bruh.

Time to stabby stab. Bruh.

:bruh: attacks weary, knife

Ut9Y_XClMNknife

2126 -- Shallow Cut on Right Calf -- 3.5 damage

knife

[alex 🐺]

Hot damn, this here fight was heating up as the robot manager moved us from the cooler, shoving us towards Dry Goods because lordy, it was getting a bit too wet in our cold room, if ya get my drift. Cleanup on aisle 7. 

I see a Wig, a sponge, someone who looks like they got something in their nose, and someone tired.

“Oooo! Ya long eared, fur bearin’, flat-footed varmint … say yer prayers ya critter!”


[angryhowdy attacks wig; knife]

DhmkB_N|xrknife

[2059 -- Miss -- 0.0 damage (Knife)]

knife

[napoleon, d2m ₊⊹ 🐁 ɢʀɪғғɪɴ.]

Love is in the air and he wants this spark between him and Wink to grow ardent.

It won't work if others intervene, so Kerman lashes out at the first silhouette he sees.

“Die, shorty.” He hisses, green arms flailing.

[ attacks weary | spear ]

6OTdEHFE25spear

3147 -- Shallow Cut on Cheek -- 3.5 damage (Spear)

spear

[Azalea]

wig: an evolutionised word

Out of the cold, now that's hot. I'm a wig! I am my hair. My hair is front of shop. My shop is hair I front. I'm real when I shop my hair. 

The other emojis stand in front of us and I'm not scared. I'm just thinking about how expensive I am because I'm human and a lace front. This furby has really shaken things up for me, if I'm honest, because I can be my old kind of model now without having to settle for some Z list celebrity who wants to stir controversy by wearing a funny wig. First of all, they should know that I'm not funny. I'm a legend, and this is a wig for legends only - okay?

There's a cowboy hat wearing thing trying to snatch me. UM?? The level of disrespect... far too much! Don't you know I starred in E.T.?

"Wiggy wiggy woo bitch!" It's witchcraft, but for wigs.

[ wig attacks bruh ]

ZoibLATxJOknife

[ 2049 -- Deep Gash on Cheek -- 8.5 damage ]

knife

[Arrows]

Catch Me Out Here, Joyfully Sobbing

:jobbing:

    Suddenly my dream-moji is before me. Like the swirling hearts of the keyboard I am staring at angry_howdy determined to prove myself. We are here for a game, but I can be here for love too. Love... and protecting Wig. I look to the squad, it's time.

    "Release the caveman spongebob!"

Jobbing attacks Wink with Gift Cards(throwing knives)
sZRmLpnivsthrowing knife
{Shallow Cut on Stomach -- 4.0 damage}

throwing knife

[Malachor Erso D2 (Cato)]

I remember something my rival doodlebob said. It confused the heck out of me. It'll confuse my opponents I know it. I rush my opponents shouting "Me hoy minoy!"

caveman_spongebob attacks wink

QjbvOItsy2spear
3166 -- Shallow Cut on Forehead -- 4.5 damagespear

[d7f amber bosch 🌿 tris]

:wink:

Things keep getting in my way!

Soured milk, boxes, and now these idiots.

Can't I just be gay in peace? No one wants to spend a full day fighting.

... or do they? ;) Love and war go hand-in-hand.

__________

[wink attacks wig; throwing knife #1]
fgqxpHJHO|throwing knife
[miss]

throwing knife

[lance]

BRUH

"Wiggy wiggy woo bitch!" sounds from what looks like a literal wig, and then my face is sliced open. Bruh.

Cheeky bastard.

And to make matters worse, there's an avalanche of supplies crashing down like some sort of deadly rainstorm. I only get bruised, yeehaw escapes with only a little bit more damage, and the horndogs each get matching wounds for their trouble. How cute.

It's not all on us, though - a bottle of something lands on the hot one whose cute face appears to be stuck between a laugh and a sob.

I wonder if he'd let me drink it still.

But we'll worry about that later.

For now, another day, another bruhsh with death.

Bruh.

:bruh: flees that ish

[alex 🐺]

There is a sponge grunting at us and a rabig wig on the loose and what in tarmation is going on? We’re acting like some lily-livered sallies around here.

“Saddle up, mateys!” I yell as I stand tall on my silver steed, boxes around us acting like tumbleweeds.

[angry howdy flees the current fight] 

[napoleon, d2m ₊⊹ 🐁 ɢʀɪғғɪɴ.]

They are attacking Wink! Wink, who foolishly discarded his shirt in the coolers and have won his heart through nothing at all. Kerman is weak, both in the matters of the heart and the matters of war. 

And Kerman needs to run, but before he does, he screeches at Wink with a vicious flail —

“come along, you foolish bastard.”

This is what they call teasing banter, right?

[ flees ]

[Azalea]

wig: an evolutionised word

Weary just drops dead right in front of us. Wig? No, maybe it's not wig. But wig if it means I'm any closer to going home... so wig, I guess. I think that means it is over.

Wig. And I'm still here, here, here - I'm still here. I'm still standing after all this time. Standing - kinda, although I'm basically just perched on top of a furby. Anyway, time to spread my wiggy wings and fly off to wherever life takes me. I'll have my gorgeous singing voice to accompany me and of course my remaining emoji friends! I look at Jobbing and Caveman Spongebob and think - wig, what a team.

[ wig has left the chat ]

[Arrows]

Catch Me Out Here, Joyfully Sobbing

:jobbing:

    Gotta blast, woot.

Jobbing flees

[Malachor Erso D2 (Cato)]

Weary drops and doesn't get up. I shriek and jump in the cart howling at the strangers fleeing. Tears roll down my face for my fallen friend.

caveman_spongebob flees

[d7f amber bosch 🌿 tris]

:wink:

"On my way, you hateful bitch!"

This is the way you flirt with someone you love. God, we're so cute together. Kerman makes me want to close BOTH of my eyes in happiness.

Some guy just dropped dead, and I'm in a lot of pain, but I don't care. I'm outta here!

__________

[wink flees the fight]