societal blues [amos]

[Benson Sharpe D3M [Tom]]

i am a record -

spinning and spinning
with a swan song
that never ends

i hear a history
in these walls
angry,
pitiful,
and wrong

so wrong;

i play his game,
night to night
pretending like we aren't
two different beings

he shouts
i pout
he runs
i mourn

why do i listen to him?

fuck,
i say to nothing

this game
that we both play
has no winner

only pain -

a pain that burns
skin to skin
lips to lips
anger to anger

i leave
behind ashes
of an
innocence

pax cares
only about
himself

fuck,
i scream
eyes watching
my back

cement ground
and
static noise

"fuck off, amos."

did i do anything wrong?

no - i didn't

a city
does not
sleep

gangs, they scream;

as if
gangs are
the worst
thing in nine

no one
truly knows
what pain is

i just want to
help pax with stuff,
but i am not
what he needs

i am alone -

alone here
along cement walks
and brick walls

i can't stop
myself from

falling
falling
falling
down

fuck,
i whisper

as if
my heart
was not
breaking,

i guess
i am just
what pax says

a boy
who doesn't know
anything

smoke fills
my head as
i walk
away

shrouded in a
cloud of
uselessness

i thrive -

alone
naive
young
amos

"don't fucking go there, amos."

bruised knuckles,
black eye,
and split lip

trouble finds me
wherever i go

useless
naive
young
trouble

that is
what i
am

trouble

[Benson Sharpe D3M [Tom]]

what's wrong with me

my lips speak
to the cold
dark evening

i burn the
ashes of
my helplessness

streets linger
with the smell
of gunpowder
and alcohol

an empty space
where time flows
and empty people
escape to

the sign of a
place where pax
tells me to avoid

fuck that-

pushing past
the unspoken
obedience that
pax holds on me

i can handle myself;

i can
i can
i can

loud music
suspicious smells
and awful people

i am outrunning karma

breathless
frustrated
angry

karma won't catch up

i only can hope
that karma never
reaches me

i am trouble

this place
is trouble;

"don't fucking go there, amos"

i will do what i want, pax

seedy bars
disgusting people

i am just
a boy lost
in a world
of my own

i am just
a brat
among the dangerous

they look
at me
like i am
their next
conquest

i will not be;

all i want
is to know
what's wrong
with me

but there's
no answers
among these
people

don't - don't

don't
brown eyes
fucking
dark hair
touch
too old
me

drunk;

bruised knuckles
bloody nose
eyes rolling

a bar
is no place
for me

instead
cement walks
turn into
the rare
green fields

small trees
taller than me
fresh air
into my lungs

not an escape
but an echo
of the truth

i am nothing

nothing more than
just a single
human being existing

alongside
the other hundreds,
thousands, millions,
maybe even a billion
others that exist

on this planet;

what's wrong with me

everything
nothing
something

"amos"

no
not now
no
i don't want
to see pax

not here
not now

alone
naive
young
trouble

go away
i whisper

pax doesn't
instead he stays
waits in the moonlight
for me to give in

i know
that i will
give in

what's wrong with me

"nothing is, amos"

i don't
believe pax

i don't
believe myself
despite speaking
the same words

something has
to be
wrong with
me

every curse
every rejection
every feeling

something is

wrong;

and it's
with me

i am wrong

i am always wrong