Crippled by burdens [Rade]

[Noah Vau - D2 (Cato)]

Harbinger Rhodes District Eleven

It's nice hearing the sound of my kids laughing as they play together. Manwe and Vera are playing outside in the dirt. Winter isn't usually that bad, and the most recent storm dumped a lot of rain, so I guess they're playing in the mud. It's a nice distraction, honestly, but it doesn't stop the pain. It hurt so much. I've lost three family members since I returned home from the games. I still don't know why Tamron volunteered, but he's gone, and I miss him. Weaver and Faux were reaped. Kirito has lost one, and while Iain was still so young, and my heart goes out to Kirito, I can't help how I feel, and to top everything off, the Capitol sent home a fake Faux and Carmen. I don't understand why they'd do that. I don't get it. I hate them. I hate everything about them. I sigh, but it's quickly taken away because I'm hit in the face with a mud pie. I wipe the mud away, and I find myself staring at my laughing kids, and I can't help but laugh along with them.

"Okay, kids, go clean up. We'll go out for dinner later." They both laugh and run away, and I sit back down taking a napkin and continuing to wipe the mud away. I can't be mad at them. I can't be angry or anything since they're just playing, and they don't deserve the anger. Just as I finish cleaning my face, there's a knock at the door, and I hear the familiar voice ringing through. "Hey." My hear drops. There's no forgetting her. No forgetting the woman I hated for so long but grew to love. I choke back the tears forming in my eyes because my blood starts boiling as I make my way over towards the door. My heart is racing, and I can't stop it because it's bleeding, and I want nothing more than to break down sobbing because I see her again, but I can't forget what she has done. I open the door, and instead of a polite greeting, everything just pours out louder than I mean it to.

"Where were you when Tamron volunteered? When Faux was reaped? Where were you when I needed you the most? You're my sister, and you left me. You abandon me, Kirito and the rest of us. I spent months searching for you, and you didn't even leave a clue to where you were. You just left because the going got too tough for you." I pause trying to hold myself together. I've missed her so much, but I can't help it. I can't do anything. I can't stand right now because my legs are shaking. That's when I notice Manwe and Vera standing behind me. "I've had four more children since you left. I wanted you to be apart of their lives, but you were gone. I want them to know their aunt Katelyn, but you weren't here." My voice cracks and grows quieter with every word. "You were gone when I needed you the most. You were gone."

I've been prepping for a funeral trying to get everything ready. A body never returned home, but Faux is gone. He's not here anymore, and the Capitol and everyone is trying to trick me into thinking he is. "I've got a funeral to plan. I should get back to work." I turn to walk away from the door, and I grab the papers I've been filling out from the table. With everything that's going on, I can't be sure she's even real. Maybe she's just a stupid impostor like this Faux that returned home with me. Maybe this is a trick just to get me to say something I'm not supposed to. I sigh. "I don't even know if you're real. Maybe you're just a fake like the Faux and Carmen that returned home with me. I don't know. It's impossible to tell anyway."

[googlefont="Irish Grover:400"]

[charade]

KATELYN PERSIMMON

The lawn was more or less how she remembered it. Muddy to a fault from the deluge the heavens had graced the fields and orchards with. She fidgeted in front of the door for a moment, biting her lip. It was so surreal being back, to see people cutting grain, gathering berries. The door in front of her filled her with dread. She'd seen him playing with his kids as she made her way up the path. 

God, they were so big.

What would he say?

She’d already tried Kirito’s door, but no one had been home.

Probably out campaigning for his brother. She hoped that at least. The alternative was that they’d been home and had declined to open the door, and she didn’t want that.

Couldn’t bear it.

Finally, she gathered up the strength to knock. The window was ajar, a light breeze rustling the curtains, so she called out a simple greeting in its direction.
"Hey."

The door swung open and Harbinger’s frame filled the opening. The look on his face cycled through relief, anger, sadness, fury, hate, and confusion.

“I-" she began.

Where were you when Tamron volunteered? He snarled.

In a musty cell in the detention center.

When Faux was reaped? He snapped.

Begging Jen to let me go home.

“Where were you when I needed you the most? You’re my sister and you left me. You abandon me, Kirito and the rest of us. I spent months searching for you, and you didn’t even leave a clue to where you were.”

“I coul—“

“You just left because the going got too tough for you.”

Too tough, too tough? This from the fatalistic man-baby that she had had to constantly hold on her shoulders? He had no right, no fucking right. Katelyn grit her teeth without realizing it, anger building pressure in her head.

But now she realized the depths of the capitols machinations. There was an old proverb in district eleven that said a bundle of sticks was hard to break, but on their own…

The Capitol had ruined that bond.

“Just let me—“

"I've had four more children since you left.” Four more kids, holy shit.
“I wanted you to be a part of their lives, but you were gone. I want them to know their aunt Katelyn, but you weren't here. You were gone when I needed you the most. You were gone."

Babies she never held. Birthdays she never baked cakes for. Memories she wasn’t a part of.

“Look, I—“

"I've got a funeral to plan. I should get back to work."

“Harb, I—“

"I don't even know if you're real. Maybe you're just a fake like the Faux and Carmen that returned home with me.”

Yeah. That’s fair. She thought numbly. She wasn’t the same person that vanished after the seventy-fourth games had come to a close. A half a dozen emotions warred for dominance in the battleground of her mind. She was cracking, she could feel it.

“I don’t know, It’s impossible for me to tell anyway.”

He turned away dismissively, grabbing paperwork off of an entryway table. With his shoulders squared and taut as they were, every inch of his body told her to fuck off back to where she came from. Maybe she should.

“I— “she choked on a sob. Forgive me? Hate me? She was their rock, their mentor, she was supposed to lead them. Stupid Katelyn, it was a mistake to come here. It’s been too long. Been through hell and back and got lost along the way.

“I was in prison!” she screeched when she finally found her voice.

“You don’t get—“

Harold patting her cheek, breaking her fingers. Be a dear and…?

"I’m not—“

Call me Katie, teehee!

“It’s—“

The darkest hole in panem.

Katelyn clutched her pounding head and let out a wordless howl of rage and agony. Leaning on the doorframe, she sobbed, burying her face in her hands.

This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

“Help me.”



table coding (c) ghosty

[Noah Vau - D2 (Cato)]

Harbinger Rhodes District Eleven

She keeps trying to interrupt me, but she never says more than just a word or two. It's such a mixture of emotions seeing her. My heart is breaking over and over because I'm so happy to see her, but at the same time I don't know if I want to see her. I've been handling my own for the last several years. I've been getting along with Kirito even though we've had a few disagreements. I've been raising my family. I've been trying to do all of this. Part of me just wishes she'd go away and stay away from me, but when she finally speaks and says she was in prison, the funeral papers drop from my hands landing on the ground. I look up noticing that Vera and Manwe are still standing there, and I want them to go away because they don't need to be here. "Vera, take Manwe and go play. Make sure the others are playing too." She nods, and they both take off.

I turn around, my eyes focusing on Kate as she starts howling, and she's clutching her head, and I don't know what's going on. Everything I said. It all makes me feel so small. I didn't know where she was. I didn't know. I thought she left us. I thought she ran away. My shoulders drop, and I feel like my heart is going to eat its way through my chest. I remember the anger I felt when I got angry once I won the games. I remember how I felt when she stood by my side. She's helped me through so much. She's been there for me, and hearing her sob, and hearing her ask for helps breaks me even more. I've never been good at helping people, and I've failed the tributes since she left. I haven't gave them my full attention, but she doesn't need to know that. "I - I didn't know." My voice is calm as I make my way over towards her trying to figure out what to do. "I'm here for you." She's family, and I need to make sure she's okay.

I want to hug her, but I know if anyone sees it, everyone will blow it completely out of proportion, but I place my hand on her shoulder. "Come on inside." I don't know what they did to her, but I know they've hurt her. I know they've done bad things, and I realize that she's the real person. She's so broken. So different, and she needs help. I need to help her like she helped me. I carefully close the door behind her before rushing towards the table to pull out a chair. "What can I do? How can I help you?" Maybe she can tell me what to do. I'm not good at this at all. I will never let them take her again. I will never let them hurt her. I will never let her go through whatever they put her through even if it means killing someone. She's my family, and I will do whatever I can to protect her just like I will always protect my own.

[googlefont="Irish Grover:400"]

[charade]

KATELYN PERSIMMON

He put his hand on her shoulder and she flinched involuntarily. He asked her how he could help. She reached for his hand, snatched it like a snake striking prey and pulled him into a hug. Katelyn cried into his chest, deep wracking sobs of relief. She wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but God, It felt good. She was home. She had a brother. Eventually, her tears dried out, leaving her feeling drained. She broke the hug and took a deep, shuddering breath in an effort to steady herself as she slipped into the chair.

It helped.

She let her emotions get the best of her. She couldn’t let that happen again. It had just been a lot to take in. His accusations. His hurt. But she had to move past it. Katelyn steeled herself before she started talking.

“There’s nothing you can do Harb. You can’t help, not with this.”

She clenched and unclenched her fingers into a fist several times in a row.

“They—

Be a dear and…?

“I wasn’t in prison the whole time I was gone. They brought me to the Capitol. They drugged me. Did t-things.”

We’ll give those fingers time to heal. But don’t get too comfortable.

"Did something to my head. I was in a haze, for months, years even.”She scratched at a patch of dried food on the table with a nail. “I wasn’t myself for a long time.”

The club lights flickered purple, yellow, green; she was dancing on top of the bar with some girl; her mouth tasted like pineapple, vodka and regret.

“I have all these memories. I think most of them are real. Some seem like dreams. A lot of time since the seventy-fifth quell is just a blur.”

Remember, we own you now.

She fidgeted with her hands, her right knee bouncing up and down.

“This is all my fault. I mouthed off one too many times, got careless. Met with the wrong people.”

She was in her nightgown, the man wanted to open an orphanage in her name.

“I—I made a deal with them. I spout the party line in front of the cameras. In exchange, they don’t put me back in the detention center.” Her knee stopped moving. She leaned back in the chair and looked at Harbinger, a haunted look gracing her eyes.

"They never said anything about tributes,” she said, wringing her hands. “I don’t know if it was supposed to be implied, or, or if they don’t care as much anymore?”It was coming up on a decade since Harbinger’s win. That was enough time right? She wasn’t going to have to set up any tributes for failure. But that man, that broken drunkard. He'd warned her that this would happen if Harbinger came home. She refused to entertain the notion that she should have done something else.

But it ate at her.

Dammit, she was the stable one.

The steadfast, loyal, brave one. She couldn’t let anyone see her like this.

Not her family, and definitely not the cameras.

Her hands came back together. She was safe now. Safer. That man was a smear. But she still had Jen to worry about.

“I’ll be coming with you guys when the next game starts. But Harb," she said, her eyes widening. “You can’t breathe a word of this to anyone other than Kirito. The rest of the district can make what they will of my absence, but they can’t know. Something could...happen. Promise me?"


table coding (c) ghosty

[Noah Vau - D2 (Cato)]

Harbinger Rhodes District Eleven

She embraces me in a hug, and I'm completely caught off guard. I take a breath before hugging her back, and then she starts sobbing in my chest. I can't just push her away. I can't imagine what it's like. I always saw her as someone so strong. Someone that was more than capable of carrying the weight of the world. She carried me for so long, and now it's time that I carry her. I have to. I have to do what's right. I have to be there for her, yet my heart is breaking the longer she cries.

I listen as she speaks, and my heart breaks over and over. I feel so bad. They've done something to her. She talks about these horrible things. That she wasn't in prison all the time. That she's not sure what's real or fake. She talks about the memories. She talks about dreams, and terrible things they did to her, and oh it makes me so angry. I want nothing more than to march on the capitol myself and hurt every last person who hurt her. They don't deserve to live, and they deserve to feel the same pain she felt. They deserve to feel it, but I don't think they ever will, and it hurts so bad. I hate them. I've hated them all since I won the game. My hatred for the capitol grows every day. I want them dead.

"It's not your fault." I snap. "Don't ever blame yourself for anything they do to you. You don't deserve it. You deserve so much better." I push myself away from the hug and motion for her to sit down. "They did terrible things for you." I don't know what to say, but I got her. She's family, and family never leaves anyone behind no matter what. I take a breath as she finishes speaking, and I can't believe what I've heard. "You will never go back to the detention center ever as long as I'm here. As long as I'm living and breathing, I'll make sure of that. I promise." My voice is firm because she needs to know that I care for her. "We can do this together with Kirito by our side. All of us." I sigh as I begin looking around the kitchen.

"I can make you something to eat, and I want to introduce you to my kids. I know I was upset earlier, but you're family, and I've missed you so much, and I promise we'll all make it through this." I take another breath trying to figure out everything I can possibly do. "Do you think everything is real?" I lean forward picking up the funeral papers that fell on the ground. I've been battling it for so long wondering what's even happening. I know she's real now, but I have so many questions raging through my mind. "All of it? Like Carmen and Faux and everyone else?" Maybe she can help me as I fight to help her.

[googlefont="Irish Grover:400"]

[charade]

KATELYN PERSIMMON

“It’s alright, I ate on the train.”

Not that she had much of an appetite these days. Though he apologized for his outburst, she didn’t know what to say. Maybe he should be mad at her. If she had done things different, maybe she never would have vanished in the first place. It brought a smile to the corners of her mouth when he promised to protect her. That with Kirito in their corner too, there was no way she’d ever go back to the DC.

Not that she believed him. The Capitol had eyes and ears everywhere. They had kept her away for years. She thought about how defiant she had been the year of the seventy-first games and had a suppress a grimace. The Capitol was far more dangerous than most people realized.  The conversation turned back to the returning tributes and Katelyn found that she didn’t have a straight forward answer. Not at first. The implications were staggering, and even on the train, the peacekeepers she’d rode with had discussed whether they were clones, mutts, automatons like the ones in the seventieth games or something else. 

“Yeah,” she said after an awkward silence. “It seems pretty likely they have the medical tech to bring someone back from the brink of death. Maybe even after their heart stops.” Katelyn shrugged, trying not to think about the injuries she’d suffered at the hands of the Capitol. The ones that they’d healed in order to hurt her again. “Yeah, it’s them. Has to be.” Because if they aren’t real, how do I know I am?

“It’s sick Harb. No one should play God like this. It goes against the natural order of things. And Faux—“

She shook her head. Still hard to believe that he’d grown up. Katelyn was a woman on the cusp of entering her prime, and those she had thought of as children were young adults. “Harb, those tributes,” she said, biting her lip as her knee started bouncing again. “Unless they’re turning nineteen, I’m pretty sure that they could reaped again.”

The ultimate cruelty. Victors were exempt from ever getting reaped again. But twenty-three of them weren’t. She hoped she was wrong about that. But she had a feeling that she wasn’t. A noise broke her out of her thoughts, the pitter patter of tiny feet. Katelyn flinched. Harb had sure wasted no time in raising a brood of his own to match his brothers; but it was something she couldn’t understand.

Not really.

How could he bring children into this world, a world where they would face the same reaping he had, only that they might not come back. Wasn’t he afraid? With all the siblings he’d lost alongside Kirito’s cousin, wasn’t he worried that the Capitol might rig the reaping against the next generation of his family?  Katelyn wrung her hands together. She cared about kids. It’s why she had paid for an orphanage to be opened in the district. Too many parents lost to illness or moonshine because medical care in Eleven wasn’t that great. But to have kids of her own?

Knowing what the Capitol had done to her? Was still doing to so many others? Not that it was an issue. Her twenty-eighth birthday was in a few months and the only time she’d gone on dates was when the capitol had forced her to do a reality show. It wasn’t like any of the contestants had had real feelings for her. It’s not like she was good enough for anyone, that anyone could love someone like her, baggage, scars and all. Maybe Harold had been right about her being more put together than the average victor, but that didn’t mean love, real love could find her.

Be a dear and...?

Who was she kidding, deep down she was still that gangly teenage girl that no one in school had given a second glance.

Katelyn clapped her hands to her knees and let a deep breath. Not the time to think about such things. It had been silent in Harbinger’s house long enough. “It’s going to take me some to time to adjust to being back.” She smiled weakly and shrugged. “But, you said you had some nieces and nephews of mine you wanted to introduce?"

table coding (c) ghosty

[Noah Vau - D2 (Cato)]

Harbinger Rhodes District Eleven

She declines the offer to eat, and that's cool with me since I don't know how to truly cook anyway. I always mess it up somehow, and my family eats it which makes me happy, but sometimes we laugh over how it tastes. My heart hung in my throat though. I've wondered for so long if Faux and Carmen are real. It's just too good to be true, and even though they move the same way, I still don't want to believe it's true. She tells me they're real. That the Capitol has medical technology that's capable of doing that, and she keeps going on and on about how it's sick that nobody should play God, and I agree, but her next words punch me in the throat. They can be reaped again unless they're turning nineteen. Everything stops moving, and I'm staring at her wide eyed. I'm glad Faux is nineteen, but watching Carmen die again isn't something I want especially since she threw her fight anyway. "Faux is turning nineteen in a few weeks, but Carmen is young still. Faux is different, and I struggle believing it's actually him."

But the subject changes. She says it'll take her a while to adjust to being back here, and I believe it. She's been gone for a while. A lot has changed. She claps her hands to her knees and asks about the kids. I haven't heard them making a sound for a while, and that's a dangerous thing. Manwe is hard to keep up with, so I can only imagine what he's getting into especially with Vera. I'm just hoping they're okay and not making a mess. I smile from ear to ear. My children rescued me. They showed me it's okay to love. They showed me what it means to have a family and be alive in this world. "Yeah -" A single word is all I can say because Manwe and Vera come running in the kitchen giggling before tossing another mud pie in my face. Vera laughs like it's the best thing in the world, and Manwe is giggling like there's no tomorrow, and then they run out of the kitchen leaving a trail of mud behind them. Navya's going to kill me. I sigh. "Yeah." I begin again as I wipe the mud from my face. "Vera is seven. I think you met her. Manwe is five and is a triplet. Madhav, and Mandira are his other two siblings, and then there's the youngest, Indira."

I look behind me and see Manwe and Vera standing at the door. They must've heard their names, and they're just looking at me wondering what's going on. I motion for them to come in, and Vera comes first. She stands beside me pulling at my sleeve. I lean down to her and she jumps in my arms asking to be picked up. She's getting older, and it's hard to do, but she's still my little girl. She may be the oldest of the group, but that doesn't make a difference. "Vera, I want to introduce you to your aunt, Katelyn. She's family." I smile from ear to ear as Manwe comes running over hiding behind my leg. His eyes lock on Katelyn. "This is Vera and Manwe. They've been hanging about trying to help me, but they're giving me a run for my money instead. Hard to keep up with them." I look around rubbing my hand on my neck before placing Vera back on the floor. "Go say hi." Vera runs over first and Manwe follows. Hopefully they'll get along and see her as family since family has a bond that's deeper than blood.

ooc: Collaborated with ems for Vera's actions

[googlefont="Irish Grover:400"]

[charade]

KATELYN PERSIMMON

Faux would be nineteen for the next reaping, the same age she’d been when Harbinger had come home. It was of a small comfort. While they hadn’t suffered any losses in a few years, she was still mightily convinced that the Capitol had it out for them. All because she’d mentored two victors in a district that wasn’t supposed to win. The ghosts from Harbinger’s finale flittered through her mind. What would the last few years look like if a career district had taken the crown?

If Heather Tenley had brought glory to seven?

If instead of losing an eye, Kirito’s brain had been pierced?

If Margaret Dubois had aimed just a little lower?

Foolish thoughts, she knew, the kind that should never be entertained, but they slithered through her head like crococondas, nipping at the edges of her mind. It didn’t help to focus on how life could have been. What she should have done. The way life could have gone. She shooed the thoughts away, focusing on the children as Harbinger introduced them by name. Vera had been an infant the last time she saw her. And then there were the triplets. That must have been rough on Navya. Katelyn felt ashamed that she hadn’t been to help her. Manwe, Madhav and Mandira.

But not to be outdone, there was also the little one. Indira.

Katelyn’s head was spinning. How did Harb keep track of them all? Some of them looked more like their mother. Others looked like how she imagined Harbinger had looked as a child. Suddenly, she was aware that she didn’t know how to talk to children. Teens weren’t so bad, but she hadn’t had much experience with anyone under thirteen. Was she feeling self-conscious over talking to a bunch of kids? It was ridiculous, and yet that’s what it was. She was a grown woman damn it! A bunch of children shouldn’t throw her off her game this bad. Katelyn fidgeted with her hands and smiled at them.

“Hey kids. You taking care of your dad here?” She kept the smile on her face and tried not to think about the inevitable passage of time that was marching them all towards their first reaping. Then she thought about it anyway. Five. Seven. Seven. Seven. Ten. Which one of them would bleed out in the dirt of an arena, so far from home.

It was too much.

"Hey, Harb I think I – I should go.” She rose a little suddenly, possibly startling some of the children, and headed for the door. She was certain the gardens she had planted around her mansion were suffering from lack of care. That was something she could take care of. Something she could do as she tried to return to normalcy.

Whatever that meant these days.

“I need to clear my head. But...it’s good to be home.”




table coding (c) ghosty