You Matter to Me [Arianna/Vasco]

[Deleted]

Vasco Izar

And though I don't believe in silver linings,

I believe there's something in you.

something good is trying to break through

you might have to fight the good fight

and when you think you can't, you can

take it from an old man

I remember my reaping days.

Before the sun rose and we set about dressing ourselves, my brothers and I would spend the mornings telling chistes that would’ve made our mother blush (and our father hit us with the wooden spoon). I can still see Druso now, whispering out a tale at the foot of his bed, or Aresti imitating one of the elderly women at the market, with a blanket like a shawl over his shoulders. Even Bakar would poke fun at each of us – settling our stomachs through laughter – because if we knew what it was to love one another, to remember where we came from, we would not be afraid of what we could face.

Peacekeepers dawdle along the corridor of the justice building and I nod, recognizing the ones that tended to mill about outside the mayor’s chambers. There was a time when I would have been anywhere but this building – when I had come face to face with Raquel, my first and most stubborn. I stare at my own photo hanging along the wall ([Mayor Vasco Izar, 80 – ] marked in gold on placard underneath). If she were still alive, I don’t believe I would’ve ever dared to make myself so important.

“Arianna… ?”I knocked at the door, hand heavy against the wood and paused to listen. When an answer didn’t come I placed a hand to the knob and turned to open the door. As experience had taught me, it was best to knock to avoid the unexpected, and better still to let oneself inside when the call went unanswered. I pulled the door closed behind me and stopped.

On the chair along the wall was the body of the child, curled up as though she was already gone to pieces. I took a deep breath seeing her, and steadied myself. I stepped toward her and stopped, making sure to crouch down and take a seat on the floor beside her. I listened for a moment, eyes closed. The muffled sound of voices in the hallway. The whistling draft that came in through the windows. The quiet sound of our own breathing.

“You know, you’re right. It’s much better sitting down.” I say, wrapping my arms around my knees. I give my best smile, even with a lump at the back of my throat. “As Mayor I’m inclined to tell you I’ll do my best to get you sponsorship.” I gave a shrug. “And as a father, that if there is any of your family that I can help to say the word. That is what this district is – family, mija.”

*Take It From an Old Man, Waitress

[ᕙʕ•ᴥ•ʔᕗ]

As soon as the reaping was over, she was brought into the justice building—her second time there, her first since Annora—and led to a room where she would have to wait…again. As soon as the door shut, Arianna flung herself at the door let me out let me out let me out. When it appeared the Peacekeepers were not going to let her anywhere, nor would the Capitol for that matter, Arianna resigned herself to dragging a chair to the wall and sitting on it. Curled up had become her new default position as she heard the crowd disperse and not much else. There would be no knock on her door, no family or friends to greet her before she left for the train station.

Arianna had just closed her eyes when reality surprised her with a knock on the heavy wood, and her name followed shortly. There was no way to answer, her throat closed as she wondered is it already time? Her non-answer was not a deterrent as the mayor of District 11 stepped in, Mayor Vasco Izar. Arianna only knew him by name, one that was famous in District 11 along with Rhodes and Miristioma. She had heard the result of the election, but aside from the announcement, she knew nothing else. She didn’t know what to expect—a speech about the great honor of representing District 11 in the games?—but she didn’t move from her spot.

When he walked over to her and sat down beside her, Arianna trained her eyes forward, not wanting to look at the man who had come to see her. What does he want? Why is he here? Did he even know that she couldn’t speak? Did he know that all of his words would have no response? His words were kind, both formal and informal. As a father… Arianna didn’t know what those words meant, after losing her father at such a young age, but she shook her head at the words because there was no family and no way to speak. Everyone was gone and no one had claimed her, not since Annora died.

Family… Arianna started to cry silent tears as her shoulders shook. She had been alone for so long that the notion of having a family had long departed her mind. So as the mayor sat there in solidarity with her, Arianna felt herself overwhelmed with emotions. Not knowing what else to do, she moved from the chair—ignoring her stiff body—and she wrapped her small arms around Vasco. While she had no voice to communicate how she was feeling, she hoped that he understood as she rested her head on him. Thank you for those words.

[Deleted]

Vasco Izar

And though I don't believe in silver linings,

I believe there's something in you.

something good is trying to break through

you might have to fight the good fight

and when you think you can't, you can

take it from an old man

She’s not the first child I’ve seen fall to pieces. I can still remember Benat’s face when his name was called. Sampson crying out for Deval (and the monster Iago stepping in his place). Each time they tried to have us fall to pieces (and sometimes, we did). There’s only so much any one person can take before what’s lost is too much to bear. You start to feel the world turn to shadows around you, like everything else is falling away, and left you behind. Someone like Arianna’s known heartache (so much she can't speak), and now she was being told the world didn’t just think she wasn’t worth caring about, it was saying that it didn’t want her there at all.

Except no one should ever have to feel like their life didn’t have meaning. No matter what the capitol tried to tell our children, or to take away from each of us, they were someone. She was a girl that had cared about her sister, one smart enough and strong enough to still be standing here.

“Arianna…” I whisper out, letting her head rest against my shoulder. I close my eyes and embrace her little body in a good, hard squeeze like abuela Marisol gave me when I was a boy, hoping that I had the same sort of magic she did. “I want you to know, no matter how anyone makes you feel – that you will always be a part of us.” I lean in to wipe a tear from her cheek with my thumb and give the best smile I can, even though there are tears running down my own face and my voice shivers to get out each word. I had told myself that this would be hard, but that there were things that couldn’t go unsaid.

“Don’t let them tell you that you don’t matter. Or make you feel like you don’t belong. Do you understand?” I grip her in another tight hug. Emma had reminded me that we could choose despair, to wish that harm come to others and not our own. It was far easier to hold grudges, and spite the ones that had done us wrong. But we could also choose to love. It was far more powerful to open our hearts to those that needed it most, and give what we could, so that they too might be lifted up. If just one of us succeeded, then all of us were better for it, too. 

“And when you think that it is dark, and it is scary, or that it hurts too much to go on – know that we love you, that we see you, and are always with you.” My voice does not waver as I speak the words. I pull back to get a good look at her face, and give another smile, even with the pain in my chest. “You won’t be alone."