lola wardlaw / d6. ( wip )

[ruby wolfe [d2] kaitlin.]

lola wardlaw seventeen district 6

[ruby wolfe [d2] kaitlin.]

[ruby wolfe [d2] kaitlin.]

i think i might be in love.

i think that scares me more than anything.

i think i'm in love with the wrong person, that i'm in love with the past, with someone that i can't have and that i never will again. that's crazy, right? i swear my mom told me once that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome, but that's exactly what i keep doing. going back and crying when they leave and going back and crying again and going and crying and crying and crying and feeling like my ribs are made of glass, like i have shattered and been reforged along every crack and break. it's like i just get weaker and weaker every time, and i can't make sense of it. i lay in bed beside someone new now, sleep next to them almost every night, whisper in their ear that i love them and imagine my ex's face when i do it.

i'm a bad person, right?

yeah. i think i am.

but what can i do about it? all of these little memories in my head just keep marching on, coming up and blinding me at every fucking opportunity. they choke me and drown me and take all of the air out of my lungs, make me trip over my own two feet. i'll go to the coffee shop around the corner, and see myself sitting there across from my ex, laughing and smiling and looking at them over the brim of my mug, light in my eyes and in my heart and everything that i do.

is there a cure for this? i thought that they always said the best remedy for getting over someone was to get under someone else, but so far that hasn't worked.

wip —