sadie taflinger / d8 / fin
Jul 16, 2019 22:53:42 GMT -5
Post by goat on Jul 16, 2019 22:53:42 GMT -5
sadie taflinger
18
she/her
district 8
18
she/her
district 8
There was a secondhand goods store down the street from Sadie’s old house. It was a run-down little shop where desperate people went to try to make a little money. They pawned off old decorations and sentimental objects that weren’t worth starving to keep. She went in as often as she could, heading over right after school to pour over the stacked shelves. She peered into all the vases, studied her reflection in the cracked mirrors, ran her fingers over the fabric of the old clothes.
She’d been fifteen when somebody had brought the camera in. They unloaded the gadget and the rolls of unused film onto the counter, and she watched from a distance as the worker appraised it. It was beautiful. It was old, and dented, but still beautiful. Sadie decided then and there that she would rather die than have somebody else take that camera home. As the worker found a place for it among the clutter of the store, she was already developing a plan in her mind.
The next day, she walked inside, put the camera in her bag, and left without a single word.
She knows that isn’t the motivational story that people want to hear. They want to hear that, in order to get the camera she so desired, she got a job, saved every penny, and then walked into the store and purchased it with her hard-earned money. The thought of that made her want to laugh. Come on, be realistic. She was a poor girl from a family that never seemed to stop growing. They barely had enough money to eat, and you think she’d be able to make enough money to buy a camera?
It worked out that they ended up moving soon after. Her eldest sister had had another child and finally moved out. Her parents couldn’t afford the home they had without her rent payments, so they had to leave it behind. Sadie knew it was only a matter of time before they started charging their next eldest daughter rent, and then Sadie would have to pay when she left. She didn’t blame them for having to do it— they had been homeless once before, when Sadie was eight, and they were always dangerously close to being back on the streets. They needed as much money as they could get.
The new home, while smaller and in need of repairs, sat on the edge of a small hill. When you sat on top of it, you could see past the district fence, a perfect view of the trees and grass and sky. Sadie climbed up every day, taking photos of the swirling orange sunsets, the lush fields of green. She took photos of her siblings, flesh-colored blurs running around the house, and her parents, always tired but always willing to smile. All the developed photos were kept in a box under her bed, where they’d be safe from hands that didn’t know how to be careful with them.
Her friends made the perfect subjects for photos. They were gorgeous, all of them. They loved to pose in front of the lens, pretending to be candid, putting the dramatics on full blast. Sadie could never stop herself from laughing behind the camera. Being around her friends was so different from being around her family. She actually felt loved, and appreciated, and never felt like she had to fight for attention.
It wasn’t that she was desperate for attention. She was fine without a lot of it. In fact, she’d rather she didn’t have too much, preferring to sit quiet and unnoticed in a corner instead. But there was a certain feeling one got when they had grown up with such a large family, where everyone always fought for love. She loved her family, but she never felt like she mattered there.
What is it like, to be an unusual girl who doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere? Lonely. Even among her friends, who have never been anything but kind to her, she feels like an outsider. She prefers to watch life through her camera lens. The sky, the trees, the people. She likes them better on paper.
She’d been fifteen when somebody had brought the camera in. They unloaded the gadget and the rolls of unused film onto the counter, and she watched from a distance as the worker appraised it. It was beautiful. It was old, and dented, but still beautiful. Sadie decided then and there that she would rather die than have somebody else take that camera home. As the worker found a place for it among the clutter of the store, she was already developing a plan in her mind.
The next day, she walked inside, put the camera in her bag, and left without a single word.
She knows that isn’t the motivational story that people want to hear. They want to hear that, in order to get the camera she so desired, she got a job, saved every penny, and then walked into the store and purchased it with her hard-earned money. The thought of that made her want to laugh. Come on, be realistic. She was a poor girl from a family that never seemed to stop growing. They barely had enough money to eat, and you think she’d be able to make enough money to buy a camera?
It worked out that they ended up moving soon after. Her eldest sister had had another child and finally moved out. Her parents couldn’t afford the home they had without her rent payments, so they had to leave it behind. Sadie knew it was only a matter of time before they started charging their next eldest daughter rent, and then Sadie would have to pay when she left. She didn’t blame them for having to do it— they had been homeless once before, when Sadie was eight, and they were always dangerously close to being back on the streets. They needed as much money as they could get.
The new home, while smaller and in need of repairs, sat on the edge of a small hill. When you sat on top of it, you could see past the district fence, a perfect view of the trees and grass and sky. Sadie climbed up every day, taking photos of the swirling orange sunsets, the lush fields of green. She took photos of her siblings, flesh-colored blurs running around the house, and her parents, always tired but always willing to smile. All the developed photos were kept in a box under her bed, where they’d be safe from hands that didn’t know how to be careful with them.
Her friends made the perfect subjects for photos. They were gorgeous, all of them. They loved to pose in front of the lens, pretending to be candid, putting the dramatics on full blast. Sadie could never stop herself from laughing behind the camera. Being around her friends was so different from being around her family. She actually felt loved, and appreciated, and never felt like she had to fight for attention.
It wasn’t that she was desperate for attention. She was fine without a lot of it. In fact, she’d rather she didn’t have too much, preferring to sit quiet and unnoticed in a corner instead. But there was a certain feeling one got when they had grown up with such a large family, where everyone always fought for love. She loved her family, but she never felt like she mattered there.
What is it like, to be an unusual girl who doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere? Lonely. Even among her friends, who have never been anything but kind to her, she feels like an outsider. She prefers to watch life through her camera lens. The sky, the trees, the people. She likes them better on paper.
