Shepherd of the damned (Harb/Kass)

[Cato]

Harbinger Rhodes District Eleven

Being home is always great. Just being around my family and seeing Navya again. It's hard being away from her even though I'm only gone a few weeks. It feels like eternity. Every second of every single day is hard. It's nice holding my kids in my arms again and just feeling the love that I feel every single time I look at them. They're growing up, and it terrifies me. I'm afraid of what they'll try to do to them when they're old enough to enter the games. Today I push those thoughts aside as I rummage through the refrigerator trying to find something simply to eat. I want Kass to feel at home, and I want her to know that I do care, and I understand.

I'm definitely not the best cook in the world, but I can try. I'm not even sure if she'd want to come over really. It's hard, but she's so young, but I know she can carry her own. She definitely showed everyone she can. I grab some lettuce and some meat, and I grab some other vegetables, and I start cutting them up. Manwe is running around screaming for whatever reason, and I wonder if the others are close behind. It's sometimes tough being a parent, but I also know that they're my world and I wouldn't change it for anything. I toss the vegetables into a salad bowl before grabbing the meat wondering what I could possibly do with it. Some seasoning here and there, and I've got it sizzling in a pan.

When it's done, I place everything in the oven so it can sit without anything happening to it, and I walk outside into the fresh air. I look around stretching my arms, and then I make my way over to my new next door neighbor. I'm still not sure what to say to her. District eleven had so many years of hope, and then it was squashed away in the blink of an eye, and we're still suffering from it. This year the drought ended, and while it's not one of my brothers, I'm not going to let it bother me. I sigh as I make my way to her door, and I lock away my emotions because I'm not sure how she feels. I knock a couple times careful not to startle her. "It's Harbinger." I keep my voice low because when I got home, everyone was the enemy including those I loved since I thought they were all out to get me.

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[sbeeg]

There was little to do back home. After all the running around of the tour it was strangely quiet. Kass wandered around her new large home, going up and down the stairs just for something to do. She checked and double checked the locks on the doors and the windows before finally just laying across a white couch in the living room and staring at the ceiling.

It was quiet. She couldn't even hear people outside. No kids playing, no adults working. No one going door to door to sell anything. Nothing. Not even a bird tweeting.

It was like space. The vacuum swallowing up everything. Like being locked into a spacesuit again and hearing only her breath as it fogged up her visor.

There's a knock at the door. She jumps up, her hand reaching out beside her for her blaster.

But it's not there. It was never there. Cold anxiety settles into her stomach, slicking her throat and making the hair on her arm stand on end.

"It's Harbinger." A voice calls from outside. Kass sneaks up to the door on her tip toes, stretching up to look through the peep hole at, well, Harbinger.

She shakes out her hand, trying to flick out the creature that kept making her fingers tremble and pulled open the door just enough to stick her head out.

"Do you need something?" she asked, as if anyone would need anything from a fourteen year old.

table by griffin

[Cato]

Harbinger Rhodes

For a moment, I wonder if she’s even going to answer. I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t because I understand. It’s a lot of turmoil surviving something like this. Even eleven years later, it’s still difficult. The smallest thing makes me jump. The nightmares still linger in the distance, and any loud sound is enough to bring me to my knees. For the longest time I couldn’t even turn out the light to sleep. It had to stay on because I was so afraid of what would happen. I’m not even sure why I’m here, but I just want to talk to her, to maybe give her some advice. To ask her to come over from time to time. I don’t know, but I just feel the need to talk to her. She could be my daughter, and it’s a terrifying thought to think of especially all that I’ve lost through the years. My eyes lower from the door to the ground, and I’m about to turn away when I hear it click.

My breath catches in the back of my throat because I really don’t know what to say to her, but just seeing her head sticking out the door asking if I need something is enough to break my heart. I don’t need anything. She’s proven she doesn’t need anything, but sometimes just having a friend, someone to help get through these moments is all anyone needs. Navya is my rock. She helped me more than she’ll ever imagine. She’s my entire world. She’s a wonderful mother to our children, and I can’t help but wonder where I would be if it wasn’t for her. I drank so much. I was ruining my life, and she stepped in and saved me. I blamed Katelyn and Kirito, and now Katelyn isn’t anywhere to be found. I draw a breath in, and I fidget with my clothing. I’ve never been good at talking, but I have to try. It’s all I can do right now.

”I was just stopping by to let you know that if you ever need anything no matter what time of day it is, you know where to find me.” I don’t know if it’s enough, but I know she’s young, and all I can do right now is stand by her side for as long as she needs me to. I know how rude I was when I came home. I know how much pain and anger I had living inside me of me. ”My house is just across the road. It doesn’t matter the time of day.” I hope I’m not saying too much right now, but I don’t know what else to do. I wish someone would’ve done this for me when I got home. I take another deep breath still unsure of what to do. ”I keep a key under the mat. Just let yourself in.” A soft smile spreads from ear to ear, but I still don’t know how she’ll react or what to expect, but this is all I have. It’s all I can give.

Twenty-Nine | District Eleven

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[sbeeg]

He doesn't need anything, he's come to offer help. Kass appreciates it, truly. One might think she was ungrateful for everything people try to do for her but Harbinger she understood. He spoke with a soft tone and rarely did in front of cameras. He wasn't forcing his help on her, just suggesting.

He did have a kid around her age, he must know how to deal with the ever fluctuating moods of a teen.

He smiled down at her and she almost returned it.

"You really shouldn't," she said, looking past him to his house across the walkway. "Leave a key out I mean. It isn't safe."

She wondered, suddenly, if anyone in the district had even considered breaking into a Victor's home. Everyone knew they were well stocked in food and useless vases littering every surface. Kass had already broken two of the stupid decorations. What were they even there for? They didn't hold flowers and were rather plain. Honestly, the worst part of the house (besides how she got it) was the damn vases.

But, knowing there was plenty of things they could eat or sell inside, had anyone tried? Or had watching the Games made them think otherwise? Would anyone want to try to rob Harbinger?

There was also plenty of security all around the victor's village that probably put off most would be thieves.

"I could steal all your stuff," Kass added on. If he didn't have to fear the district he should certainly think about fearing her. Everyone had welcomed her so quickly. Even if it was a sharp tone it was all because they wanted something better for her.

It felt wrong to be accepted so quickly. To have all of these Victors holding her hand and offering her help for what? For being the scrappiest orphan? The hungriest for blood? For being quicker to the draw?

For a brief moment she remembered Nell's face and the taste of ice cream on her tongue. That was someone who deserved this kindness. Or Ike, or Dio, or Blair, or Cyril, or Red, or Dusty- or any of them.

"Or murder you in your sleep- I am a murderer after all," she tried to keep her tone steady. The usual nasty voice she reserved for Persimmon, but it cracked at the end.

She didn't know what she wanted, not yet. But she knew she didn't want help.

table by griffin