Afraid to go [Has day 4]

[Noah Vau - D2 (Cato)]

Ubbe Hammerfell
cause you search for years
but you lose everything you find

It's weird. I always thought it would hurt, but my body is numb, and my mind is stuck in a war. All I know is how to fight. I've never been one to let anyone down, but I feel like I've let everyone I know down. My world is falling apart, and it brings me to my knees. I'm at the mercy of those around me. All I wanted from this was to make my family proud. To live to the Hammerfell legacy, but I have failed. I've failed in so many ways. I'm a disgrace to my family, and it hurts. I thought I would gain the world, but all in all, I've simply lost my soul. I was so caught up in trying to bring home a crown, that I watched the world stumble away. This isn't my true desire, but now I can't fix it. Even with the blood trickling down my neck, I know the end is near. It's hard to hold my head up, and it's hard to focus. A loud roaring echoes through my ears, and I can't even bring myself to talk.

They're running away probably to mourn the loss of their own, but at this moment, I'm trapped within the walls of this place. Soon I'll be free. Soon I'll run away and fly with the rest of my family, but what's the purpose? I used this girl as a shield, but I'm the one that's not making it out of here. Where did I go wrong? What mistakes have I made? I thought I was doing well, but at the end of the day, I haven't succeeding. I'm so afraid of dying alone. Of letting everyone down, and now I have no other options. I have to let myself go, but it's hard cause I don't want to become another forgotten face. I wanted the honor and glory, but in return I got nothing. I fought for it, but now I fade into nothingness. That's all it earned me. So many of my family has volunteered for this, and they've all died. I wish it was different. I wish I had the chance to get the honor I deserve, but instead I will rot as I become a dead man.

I try to look around, and I see her kneeling at my side. I don't know what to say to her or the other two still standing here. I wanted to make it further. I wanted them to shield me. Looks like they're getting the last laugh. Nothing makes sense, and I just want them to know that she's a wonderful person. I'd never mention it to her face because it's not who I am, but I enjoyed the company despite wandering on my own so many times. I can't bring myself to speak. It's hard, and I just have to get something out. I want to make sure that I'm not alone. That they're still here. I want to make sure they stick together through it all. I muster up as much strength as I possibly can, and I force myself to look at them, but the world is spinning and I am fading. I have to make it quick, so I do what I can while stumbling along. "Where to? I'll be fine. I can make it. We have to stick together."

Template by Anzie

[d9 kristof parks {ems}]

Asari Rhodes

A broken heart hammers within the walls of her chest as she stands in place watching Ubbe. Blood trickles from his wounds, and she knows he's coming to an end. It's hard to watch, and it's hard to even comprehend what's going on. Just the other day he stood so tall and strong while fighting, and even charing into this battle, Asari thought he had a chance, yet they fought him. They struck him down, and now he's falling.

It's hard to even look at him. Tears pool in the corner of her eyes - this is all my fault. From the very beginning she knew his intentions, but she stood by his side because he gave her hope. He's a friend in such a dark place, and now he's slowly leaving her behind.

The memories linger in her mind. The taunting from a couple nights ago. Him stealing pieces of her candy when she wasn't fully paying attention. The late night talks. The battles they won together against the mutts. Careers are strong, and Harbinger wouldn't want this to happen. He wouldn't want her to attach herself to someone that's from a family of cold blooded killers, yet she stands at his side keeping him safe against anyone that may come their way.

Each breath catches in the back of her throat, and even when he says he's okay, and that he can move on, she knows it's impossible. She's seen it before back home, and now she has nowhere to go.

Every part of her being yearns for him to stay and fight, but her heart is breaking in pieces. During the loneliest of nights he stood by her side, and now she wants to stand with him. She wants him to know she'll never leave him, but he's denying it all.

"Let's just go find a small place to hide for the rest of the day." Her voice is soft, yet the tone doesn't change. A blank mask spreads across her face trying to block away the sorrow eating through her soul, and honestly, she doesn't care if the other two follows or not, but Ubbe is right, sticking together can save them.

It's another chance to act as a shield. Another chance to let someone down.

I'm sorry.

Every hair stands on end as she fights just to stay strong. "We can rest and go from there." She wishes he could stay, and she might still have the chance to help him. Acting fast is important, yet she knows she's nearly out of time.

Helping him is the least she can do.

Seventeen | District Eleven | Female

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