all i was looking for were colors blurred [teddy/mackenzie]

[Tom]

i stood and watched
the summer shone,
rain down our backs
we didn't care
it was enough

The heavy daze of smoke upon his lips hangs in the air with an underlying cause of worry. He could be upset about something, but when it comes to the games, he's growing numb to the pain of losing more and more lives, despite the pain it is to see the solemn faces of relatives and regular people in the streets of Six. Whether any of them really care of whether his heart still beats or not, he still puts the effort of a hundred Theodore Ursas into his work, but none of it ever works. Seven has it figured out better than the rest of them, but he already knew that. Mackenzie Pryce was something else when it came to the games, whether others saw it or not, Teddy knew what strength and skill Mackenzie had.

An eye that's unmatched to many of them.

Maybe, that's why they ended up on this couch with their heads now in the clouds, calming whatever worries they carry. A heavy haze between then blocking whatever overthinking behavior fills his chest to the brim of no return. His own vision being filled with Mackenzie Pryce's determination, strength, but also the truth behind a man who did so much. Exhaustion lingers in those fingertips. The mask of victorhood still clear in his eyes, but easing away the longer they sit, where Teddy can get a view of the real Mack. The real Mack who had his hands too full to do anything else, except push forward and maybe that's why they're here. Teddy could feel the weight of everything on Mackenzie's shoulders because it's the same one he carried on his own.

Karma will be your ruin, Ursa.

Lux's sister echoes across his mind.

If this was ruin, Teddy Ursa could live. If the way he feels at ease around Mack was the ruin she had meant, he could survive. If Parson coming back to him, not in a casket, was the ruin coming, he could live with it. If the way he stresses and grows numb to the way he loses tribute after tribute, games after games, he could live with that. Suffering was a difficult thing, never really healing the same as a wound upon his skin or the missing half of his leg that still aches to be stretched some days. Suffering lingers with a festering wound; tearing open and healing close time and time again.

A smile pulls at the edge of his lips as he finally lets himself breath deeply for the first time in what feels like ages. A deep breath that coats his lungs with a warmth different to the volcano, but similar to the way Chester had comforted him, night after night. A way of releasing the bottled up pain lingering in his chest. Maybe, he's happier than he's ever been, but he can't stick to that thought too much for fear of crying in a sappiness that Mackenzie didn't need right now. Instead, he lingers back into the couch, letting himself sink deeper and deeper into the warmth filling his body and speaks softly.

"Its nice to finally get a second to breath."

Almost falling into a comfort that doesn't exist in the blurred colors of the capitol, his heads feels like mush among the colorless sky as he relaxes into the cushions of the couch, listening to the way he breaths and the way Mackenzie is. Everything feels okay for a second, just a silent second of something other than tributes, games, sponsors, capitol, or anything else in the same categories. All that's there in the room is just Mackenzie, himself, and the warm feeling in his chest.

Almost leaning on his side towards Mackenzie, where friendliness and something more fills the void. A solid warmth of someone nearby, someone who was there for him during all the madness of the eightieth, someone who he could trust for Mackenzie knew what he was going through, and even someone who felt safe, warm, and comforting to be around. All of this was something he wanted; no, needed. A way to escape for just a moment away from the magazines, press, and the capitol's deceiving ways. For a second, he leans forward and stares at Mackenzie, taking in the warm eyes and beautiful smile.

The world spins.

His eyes linger.

For a second, colors blur into his vision.

He can only see Mackenzie.

That is all he needs.

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

dust the dust up
off your shoulders
you’ll come round
and be h u m a n again

"It's nice to finally get a second to breathe."

Mackenzie smiled over at him, a kind smile. All genuine and with pretty teeth, the kind Mackenzie only shared with those who deserved it: Marley's yelp of horror when he noticed the spider by his foot, Lex bringing a six pack of beer when they had plans of working on the house, Maxine sticking her tongue out at him when she shot closer to a bull's eye than he, his mother falling asleep on the couch again- the precious nothings. The small things. Sitting on a couch with a good friend, no cameras around, no crowds waiting to see what they did: that was when his smile was genuine.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" He said, wrapping an arm around Teddy's neck playfully as he leaned toward him. He'd known- he'd always known Teddy was one of the good ones. He remembered the first time he officially met him, back on his Victory Tour. Four years felt like a long time in purgatory, but that's where they were, that's where they always found each other: in the in-between. In a daze of life and death, two people who had killed in order to live. Two people who were always, on a fundamental level, hoping for different people to come out on top. Two people who should have hated each other.

But they each understood something: it was never their choice. To live, yes, they'd each chosen to fight. But this? The games, the responsibility? It was never what they wanted, it was never where they wanted to end up. Mackenzie couldn't hate Teddy, even if he wanted to.

He bit his bottom lip, still smiling as Teddy's gaze lingered. He felt lighter, somehow, his grip on Teddy's shoulder acting as an anchor. Maybe the effects of their smoke was starting to hit him already. He let his hand fall from around his friend, now propped on the back of the couch instead.

Mackenzie leaned in close to Teddy, as if to tell him a secret. His lips hovered just a couple inches shy of Teddy's ear, almost cheek to cheek. A huff of air escaped him.

"I think I'm high," he whispered.

He let out a hearty chuckle, resting his chin on Teddy's shoulder and peering up at him.

"Are you?"

There was a gnawing in the pit of his stomach, a strange realization that he hadn't ever really been this close to Teddy, physically. A hug goodbye when the games were over, perhaps. His smile faltered and he felt himself begin to blush. He hadn't realized how close together they were until that moment, leg to leg, chin to shoulder, eyes staring back at one another with equal mystery reflected back. Mackenzie hadn't meant to get this close, but Teddy hadn't told him to back off yet, either.

Mackenzie hadn't ever noticed how nice Teddy's cologne smelled. Summer-like: sunlight and citrus.

"I, um— his voice escaped him throat tensing up and his first instinct was to retract, to laugh it off and say something like yep, definitely high, but he did not. He just sat there, okay to be lost in a pauper's bliss if only for this short second.

His eyes closed before he told them to, an inherent reaction that told him his body knew what he was doing before his mind did, and he could feel Teddy's breath on his parted lips.

"I—"

[Tom]

i stood and watched
the summer shone,
rain down our backs
we didn't care
it was enough

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

A warmth spreads across him as Mackenzie's arm reminds him that he's safe here. Safe in the presence of Mackenzie Pryce, able to breath in the air without his chest feeling tight or his throat choking down on the failures of his own efforts. Mackenzie looks years younger every time he gets high, as if the years of stress aren't lingering in his skin. The way Teddy remembers seeing Mack looking like a young deer caught feeding in a forest when they first met fills his mind. Teddy knew what Mack had meant to him back then, something in his heart knew Mackenzie Pryce would be one of the most important people in his life. That fire echoing in chest once more reminding him of Pan and Cub in the past, but Teddy knew Mackenzie was different.

They've seen hell together and separately.

Burned bridges that had to be burnt in order to survive.

Mackenzie's arm is warm, heavy, and much more needed than Teddy had realized. After sitting among capitolites and gamemakers and every other stressful person, Mackenzie Pryce was always a gift among the stress. Warm eyes that always knew what Teddy needed in order to survive through the whole capitol visits they're forced to attend. The warm arm falls backwards as Teddy's lips break through into a warm smile, eyes kept on Mack, always present in the conversation, always observing with a careful touch.

A warmth breath as Mackenzie leans close to his ear, touching his skin and sending chills through his neck.

"I think I'm high,"

A chin onto his shoulder makes Teddy feel giggly for a moment, letting out a breath of a laugh that almost echoes across his skin, warm and bubbly.

"Are you?"

The air changes, filling the way Mackenzie's eyes are now just right there, warm and caring. The warmth along the side Mackenzie is close to making Teddy feel like he's on fire, but in a good way, not like the lava flows of the seventy sixth, but the warmth of a campfire in the middle of the night where Chester used to let him rest his weary head upon him. The warmth is familiar in every way and almost makes him miss Chester once more. Mackenzie wasn't Chester, but he was just as important in Teddy's eyes.

"Y-Yes."

The word is choked out nervously as he can feel Mackenzie close enough that Teddy gets a smell of Mack's cologne. Fall-like: maple leaves and a fresh breeze of air. Calming and warming both at the same time. The lingering smell of weed sticking to them both, but Teddy can only smell what is clearly something so Mackenzie that it almost makes him laugh, but he can't, not when Mackenzie is stumbling over his words.

"I, um—"

Confusion bleeds from his lips as Teddy remembers the way Chester used to hold him as if they were going to disappear the next day. Eventually, the truth took them away from one another, but Teddy still feels on some nights when the summer heat rises that Chester's heartbeat rings in his ear. Comforting, yet haunting now. Lips too close for comfort as Teddy stares at Mackenzie Pryce, knowing this is not the distance supposed friends were meant to be in, but he can't help but to just feel the energy of the room.

There's a moment when Mackenzie closes his eyes that Teddy just watches for a second. The way his eyes flutter close, almost as if Teddy could just see the stress along his cheekbones. He's heard the way the capitol looks at Mackenzie Pryce. One of the most handsome bachelors of Panem, they would say along the screens. It didn't matter that Teddy was also considered one of them, but there's something about Mack that makes him feel warm in his heart and the way his smile still bleeds on his lips despite the closeness.

"I—"

Parted lips and a heavy breath reaching his own. Close enough that Teddy can see the little hairs on the edges of Mack's facial hair. A moment of just frozen fear in Teddy Ursa as he can remember wanting to lean forward with Chester. Lean into his space and let his fantasies go. Memories of Kaiser Fray's lips coming up as Teddy can feel the way his heart is beating erratically from his chest, a little too much. Mack looks different, feels different, but Teddy can't determine whether it's the high or his heart talking.

Instead, Teddy pushes forward. Lips parting against Mackenzie's own, letting go of whatever fucked up feeling is bubbling on the edge of his chest. Lips mix and he swears Mackenzie takes of pine needles and mint, soft and yet so warm that it almost makes Teddy's head spin. The kiss is soft at first, gentle because he's so afraid. He's afraid of what this means. He's afraid that he doesn't know why he pushed forward first. Fingers move gently to Mack's hips for a moment, letting himself lean into the kiss more.

Breaking away feels like the same fire of the lava once more, burning along his back. Destructive and heavy, almost as if the bridges of the past were burning once more. Karma was going to be his ruin. It's for a moment when he's finally opened his eyes, that Teddy can feel his cheeks burst pink, the blush falling past his cheeks and down his neck before he feels the high creeping up on his head, feeling more and more like mush until Teddy just lets himself breath for a moment.

"U-Uh-"

The word slips from his lips. The air feels heavier and he feels like he's burning up, but the taste of mint and pine upon his tongue is heavy, almost intoxicating to him. Instead of pulling back, Teddy pushes forward with less shame and more thoughts in his head. Pushing himself further into Mackenzie's space, ignoring the way he can remember Kaiser Fray and Chester Meisenzahl from the past. Colors blurring together and the taste of pine and mint being all that's left. The comfort of holding someone else in front of him, keeping himself balanced in a world that moves a little to fast for his liking.

He shouldn't be kissing Mackenzie.

Except, it felt so right to.

Colors bleeding together.

Karma would be his ruin.

His heart would lead to ruin.