The Higher I Go The Harder I Fall [Tarquin's end]

[kap]

[googlefont="Girassol:400"]Tarquin Athenian

"Another night I'm barely holding on
One step away from being dead and gone"

As her blade cuts into me, I remember what it felt like to be a soldier. I remember fighting for what I thought was right, but this fight here, right now, was different. I wasn't fighting for what I thought was right, now. No, I was fighting to survive, and in the end I'd failed. Not only was I not going to survive all of this, I had changed in ways that I never should have. I became vicious and cruel. I almost killed an innocent, too, but was taken down before I could.

I suppose I should have thanked the girl who stopped me from killing an innocent. I never could have lived with myself if I'd taken the lives of other tributes and lived to tell the tale. Even if I'd killed someone and died anyway, I knew I'd feel guilt in my dying moments. To be entirely honest, I did feel some guilt as my life was pulled away from me. I'd attacked an innocent person, after all, even if I didn't end her life.

What was it that had made me so bloodthirsty and bent on survival as soon as I entered this arena? My brothers and my parents would surely be ashamed of me. I could only imagine how disappointed my parents would be. They raised me to be kind, and I turned cruel in the moments that mattered the most- my final moments.

Tyrus had always looked up to me and now I was the worst type of role model he could ever have had. Tiberius was surely watching, too, and there's no way he would have been proud of me now. I always did things that I hoped would make Tiberius proud of me, and this time, I knew I'd failed. Would my body even be brought back to my family, and if it was, would they care? Surely they still loved me despite what I'd done, right? I could hope so, but I supposed I'd never know for sure, as I would never see them again.

In that moment, I wished I could just stand back up on my feet, swinging the sword that I still held so tightly in my grasp, but I knew there was no hope for that. My life was fading as I lie there. I could hear the fighting still happening around me, but I was on the ground now, never to rise again. I wasn't taken down in war. Rather, I was dying a death that I never would have expected. My luck had finally run out.

I just wished there was a way that I could guarantee that Tyrus wouldn't ever face the same situation as me. He was in the age range for being reaped to go into the Games, and that scared me. I didn't want to think about the fact that, sometime in the future, he may face the same fate as me. If there was anything I could have done to protect him and make sure that he lived the rest of his life in peace, I would, but at this point, there was nothing I could do. I just had to hope that he stayed safe.

Thinking of my nephews, I knew I wanted them to be safe, too, but, again, I couldn't guarantee anything.

I thought about the fact that my family was back home, watching this all broadcast on television and seeing me die. I wondered if they'd hear me if I said something to them. If I said something to Tyrus, just one last thing to let him know it's okay... Maybe... just maybe...

"You're stronger than me... Tyrus..." I almost couldn't get out the last word of what I'd said, but as I did, my sword dropped from my hands, and I felt the end closing in.

My end was here.

lyrics: "The Mountain" by Three Days Grace