The One and Only [Xavier One Shot]

[uwu]

"Yesterday is in the past
But tomorrow I don't see coming
We have a gift, a new today
But I'm so sick of the present"
~

I killed someone today. I didn't think she would be my first victim. Hell, I didn't think I would have more than one victim to begin with. Did I enjoy almost decapitating her and watching her lifeless body hit the ground? I don't know. A twig nearby snaps in the darkness that surrounds our makeshift camp. My sword flies to my hand instinctively. My body stands up and silently walks a few meters out. The light from the stars don't do shit, probably making everything worse on purpose, so every shadow that moves could be a tribute trying to attack.

What feels like hours pass before I give up on caring. Nothing else made a noise except for the river nearby, but I keep my white-knuckled grip on my sword.Goddamn arena got me tense over nothing I go back to zoning out to the stars. Did she deserve to die? I mean, no one really deserves to die, right? Well, there's one person. But other than me, does anyone? I guess murderers. And people who promote murder. Maybe?

I push myself back up and head towards the rush of the river. I haven't done anything with my life, have I? The water feels cold to my submerged hand. How can I have worth if I haven't done anything worthwhile? What if this all for nothing? What happens once my family dies and our bloodline runs out. Then what? Whos' going to tell our story? We're nothing but a drop in...in a river. I sigh at the pun and look out at the sky.

I wonder if someone's up right now watching me for whatever reason. I hope they're having fun because I'm sure not. Maybe we can trade places so I can enjoy my suffering at home. The fake stars sparkle with an uncanny touch to them. I'll give credit to the gamemakers for making such spectacular and beautiful arenas. For the most part.

The river continues to ripple down to wherever it ends while I enjoy the silence of my empty head for a few moments before I remember to worry again. I just want to go home and get this over with. Even better, I can't wait to see where our souls go, if we even have any. Maybe I could haunt someone once I'm gone, all the people who've hurt me. How'd I haunt myself, though? Does it matter? There's plenty of others to choose from. Shit, is that light? I rush back to camp and pack everything up before I realize I'm a big dumb and am probably hallucinating again. How long has it been since I slept? 24? 36? I dunno. Maybe I should close my eyes for a little bit, see if that helps. Probably won't. Oh well. My vision goes from dark to darker, then to nothingness.

~

lyrics: "Lonesome Soul" by the Color Morale
table by kaplan