forget the horror here. [ mint & keeks ]
Apr 22, 2020 23:00:37 GMT -5
Post by ✨ zozo. on Apr 22, 2020 23:00:37 GMT -5
k i a r a ;
"i'm the ghost
in the back of your head. "
Eighteen.
I'm older than any of my sisters ever got to be. It's a depressing thought, like blowing out a single, lame candle on a single, lame cupcake. Dad tries. I know he does. But we're still as poor as we used to be and we're just as sad as we were, celebrating birthdays seems taboo. Celebrating anything seems taboo.
I'd like to wake up happy on my birthday. I would. But it's just weighing on me, the fact that they're dead and I'm getting older. That one day I'll be twice their age, maybe. I don't think I'll ever be happy ever again - at least not for a long time. But I smile, and thank Dad for the cupcake and eat it all just to make his eyes crease up and shine for half a second. Everything I do these days is to make him happier.
Which is why I didn't want to be honest when he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. But I can't lie to him. I know he lies to me. He lied to us. He lied to Saffron, too. Lied about us. He's got all his secrets and I've seen how they cripple him so - I'm not going to be like Dad. Not all of him, anyway.
"I wanna see my sisters" - a confession. A statement. Straightening my back and looking him right in the eyes. It's not even a whisper. It's just the truth. Because I might be scared of hurting him but I'm not a coward. He's gonna love me no matter what I do.
He still loves Mint, and she-
"Okay," a crack in his voice, in our living room ceiling, in his heart. He knows I don't mean the graveyard so he gets up slowly and retreats up the stairs and I sigh, nod, get right to it. Put on my coat and my boots and just get on with it - it's my birthday, I can do what I like.
They appear like a dream, slipping into my view. Myara, then Emberly, and then Clementa. I always linger on her the longest. There's something about her that draws me in. Maybe it's because she chose to die, maybe it's because I remember her the most. Maybe it's the fire in her eyes that makes me a little scared.
I'm scared, but I'm not a coward.
"Were you scared of dying?" I ask absent-mindly to a ghost of my sister, melodies of Happy Birthday on repeat in the back of my head.