boring, modern reality; temple & enzo

[Deleted]

I just feel like dancing today, life never stops and neither do I! Y'know, it's like I've got my left hand on her hip and life's got her hand in my right, and we're just swaying to the sound of digital whirring. Just that simple, monotonous hum, and my loud ass big brain thoughts blending together and to me it's like a melody. Maybe it's not, maybe it is.

My cheeks are flushed with the early spring sun roasting them like so, it's a warm day. It pretty much always is in district ten, and I've spent all day sitting in the fields- waiting. Killing time, I promised Temple I'd be on time but I didn't realize how tempted I'd be to just show up early. I think I'm pretty healthy compared to some of the batch that came out of the 80th, I know that because my life is less about talking about what happened, and actually what's happening now.

It's been a long time, but I think I'm just comfortable again. 

And you know what, I've actually started being grateful for how hot and dry home feels. It isn't like this in five, where the smog clogs your lungs, or in four with sea salt peppered into each waft of the wave-kissed winds. Lex in district seven isn't eyeing down bulls from across a prairie, and I've only just started realizin' that. 

None of the other vaulties reboarded their trains and came back to silos and sunflowers, except for Temple and I. And hell, I only just started realizing life is happening outside of ten. Everythin' I know in my life is just one small part of one district, I think I'm having an existential crisis.  And you know what, I've been having one for a goddamn while I think! 

Every day I learn more about Temple, Mace, Saffron, Kiara, Lowe, Lowe, another Emberstatt - I've still got no clue who the hell I am, myself! I mean, I just walk a tight rope from my house to the museum and I'm still scared sometimes that there's gonna be another twist. That I'm not out the gate, I walk alone to see Temple and I feel like there's not a single person walking this- not even myself. 

I lived, yes.

But why, I'm just another useless, beat up teen. What makes me important, what makes me different from Kieran? I feel like every day I walk two different paths trying to figure out if I'm trying to be like him, or just be him. Am I jealous? Does he consider me a brother?  I pace back and forth waiting, I'm just paranoid. It happens, I've been putting off going to the holograms since they've been implemented. 

I can't do it alone, and I'm too embarrassed to ask anybody but Temple to come with me. I knew what I was leaving to come see, and I'm making my way chewing through all my nails waiting. Somewhere in there is a thirteen year old me, the one who died and I don't think I'm anywhere close to fuckin' ready to see him, yet. There's one year left, one quell, twenty two vault-crawlers and one Annie. 

Do you think we're in danger, Temple? 
Are you as scared as me?

"TEMPLE-" facade time baby and I can't even see her because of how wide my smile goes, the muscles in my face burning as I toss my arms around her. "Been sittin' here for fucking hours, I got too damn excited and just left early, but I haven't gone in yet! Promised I wouldn't spoil it without you."

I'm scared, Temple. 

We're both older, we've moved on with our lives, but I'm still not convinced it's just borrowed time. The quell could do anything to us and I've got one year left regardless, and I can't lose everything. I'm scared to think about next year, and I'm scared to think about four years ago- I don't want to see that hologram, but I may not have this chance forever. 

I may not be here forever. 

But, "I'm happy you're here!" 

I'm here right now, still. 

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[sbeeg]

Home doesn't feel quite like home anymore. I thought I'd feel safe in the small wooden walls of my family's house but instead I'm reminded constantly of how different things are.

I spend most of time outside now. I visit Mace and Enzo, but mostly I walk. I take my little rat friend into my hand and just walk. Sometimes I set him down on a fence post and he follows parallel to the road for a while, sniffing around and soaking up the world, before he squeaks at me to pick him up again.

If I'm home I'm in the prairie. Honestly, I've spent more time with the cows than my family in the years since the Quell. Mother... she looks at me differently. It's like when she looks at me she sees the knife leaving my hand and plunging into Hellion's heart- the look on my face in the tree when I - We all know what I did, I don't need to repeat it. It's played enough on replay in the square - everybody has seen it. Pa was never one for words and hasn't magically become so because I died.

But it's Kahinta that hurts the most. When I left she was young, she was a nuisance but she was bright and vibrant. Now it's like someone else is wearing her face. I look into her eyes and it's a stranger.

I want to be there for her, to be the big sister she needs, but I'm not just a sister anymore. I'm Temple Jones of the 80th Quell. Tribute, murderer, and possible zombie. I can't just be Temple anymore, there's too much tied to me.

So when the chance to leave the ranch rears its head, I grab it with both hands.

The museum is quiet when I approach it. Ansgar's gift grips the fabric of my jacket and whereas he might chatter in my ear when approaching a person he's quiet when I see Enzo.

He knows Enzo; he's no threat.

For a moment I am thankful I never saw Enzo in the arena, just the letters sent by gull. If we had I'm afraid we wouldn't have as amiable relationship as we do now. I am only thankful that Hellion Mo is a district away and that Bette Sublino managed to kill me before I did the same to her.

Ripred, the thoughts I have.

Enzo smiles wrapping me in a large hug. I realize how stiff I am and try to relax. I'm glad he's here with me and I'm glad he waited.

I looked over at the entrance and a lump fills my throat.

"I'm happy you're here!"

I return his smile, but mine could never be as large as his.

"I'm glad we're doing this."

I feel the familiar tingle of panic in my chest and my little rat friend rubs his cheek against my neck.

"Are you ready?" I ask.

Cause I don't know if I am.

table credit griffin^^

[Deleted]

It's a lot easier to say yes when I've got Temple by my side, if I'm being honest. 

Maybe it's just the trauma bond talking, but I already trusted her with my life once and she didn't fail me with it. True enough, I only gave her the chance once, but that's still a one hundred percent success rate. What kind of greedy do I look like to complain about that? So consider it part of the pact that I ignore the rat on her shoulder. 

"Oh, so ready," I roll my eyes while I say it, that stupid grin still on my face. Stuffing my hands in my pocket and turning slowly on my heels, "I've been thinkin' of questions to ask-" hmm. For the first time in a while, I close my mouth; maybe it's better just to do this together and stay quiet. Just be something familiar, we've both been in this together since day one and through everything, I still don't know how Temple is holding together. 

The museum air is artificially cold, and I don't really know how to keep this up. 

Meh, "mostly, I just want to see if they got my jawline right. I mean, come on!" Maybe the best way to be there for Temple is to just be stupid, make it so less weird than it already is. What's not strange about two post-death kids going to hang out with digital copies of them from four years ago, y'know? "Do you think they'll update it to have my bleached hair?" I smile over my shoulder asking it before realizing the context of the question. 

How long would they keep up with what we're doing? I start to tap my hands on my thighs as we walk, the sound of my sneakers echoing and I didn't realize how alone we would be. In lower districts, these museums are pretty much just mausoleums and I try to keep that pep in my step - make this easy. I just ramble for the most part until we make our way down the newest wing. 

There's a velvet rope at the end of the hall, for whoever is reaped in the eighty fifth. 

If I squint hard enough, I can see my own name on the plaque. 

"Hey," and I stop a few feet in front of Temple Jones and Lorenzo Pevek, the holograms not yet activated. I'm trying not to struggle here, but it's always just been easier to ignore it all. Joke it off, 

"you think I look good blonde, right?" 

A gentle smile, "be honest!"

I'm ready when you are, Temple. 

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