lost in the moment // c+t

[Python]

teva seraphim.

Teva was the most unromantic person he knew, but he would do just about anything to make Calcifer happy. That was how a boy with no patience waited weeks for the other to heal. The situation split his heart in two - half wanted to comfort Cal, and the other knew to leave him the hell alone. A wound didn't heal in one day, and neither did a heart. The Seraphims knew that better than most.

Problem was, it was impossible for Teva to truly sit still. He had to find a target for his aggression, so what better way to help Cal than by delivering sweet, painful vengeance?

That man would never touch Calcifer again.

The blood on his hands was long gone, washed away by the night's shadows along with the rest of his sins. Each one left a stain on his conscience, but that was a weight he was born to deal with. Seraphim blood was always meant to be tainted, and one more dead body didn't change that, especially when the asshole deserved it. Every scream drawn out, relished - to ensure he knew exactly why he was being punished. He certainly said his apologies over and over again, drenched in his own crocodile tears. You're only sorry because it hurts. He wasn't the type to be missed anyway.

Every sunrise was a fresh start, and today he was dressed for a special occasion. Cal had agreed to go on a real date with him. Teva was elated to hear the word yes, and only somewhat panicked because he had no idea what the fuck to do. Teva hadn't dated anyone before Cal, and romance was not his cup of tea.

Eventually, he realized all he had to do was think. What did Cal like? Shopping, of course. And he was more than happy to spend their first date spoiling the absolute hell out of him.

Teva didn't hesitate once they arrived in the markets. "Whatever you want, I'm buying," he said. No arguments allowed. Cal already knew he was in a gang, and although Teva hadn't quite disclosed how much money they actually earned, it was clear he didn't have any reservations about it. He had led Cal directly to the higher-end shops.

"See anything you like?"

table by elegant

[gamemaker kelsier]

c a l c i f e r .

"And you say,
"As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you."

It'd been a few weeks since the accident, since Teva had told him that he loved him and Calcifer knew that he wasn't supposed to feel this empty inside. He was pretty sure that the pain should have diminished by now. His body still ached with every step and he couldn't look himself in the eyes in the mirror anymore.

Cal didn't know when that had started, when he'd become so disgusted with his own form, but mottled bruises in purple and yellow hues feathered his neck and teased a pattern down his collar. They'd started to fade but his chest was still wrapped and Tate was still making him teas for the pain in his hips. Maybe that's just how it was going to be forever, just life in constant pain.

He knew he existed differently from before, that a separation had happened. Working in the club had just become something he'd gotten used to, the sex didn't even matter anymore but he'd never had it taken from him like that. He thought he'd known how to go away in his head. He thought it couldn't hurt him anymore but he'd been wrong.

Teva smelled like gunpowder, explosive.

Cal held his hand tightly, the sounds of the market somehow pushing in too tightly. It was their first date and he wanted it to go well but a small piece of him felt odd. It was a strange sort of semi-detachment as if he'd left a piece of himself somewhere but it was still connected somehow. It made it hard to focus. He moved closer to Teva.

They moved through the cheaper tents and stalls which is where Cal usually shopped. He was good at finding diamonds in the rough and had gotten some pretty good vintage pieces in the piles of castaways but Teva kept going towards the actual shops, where Nine's wealthy went shopping.

"Yeah," he said, and let his eyes travel slowly up and down Teva, "I think so." There was still so much of himself left behind but the more time he spent with Teva, the easier it was to just forget about it all. He loved seeing that flustered look on his face when he so obviously flirted.

"Hmm," he said softly and pulled the other boy along behind him into a men's shop, "I've been wanting to dress you up for awhile, you know?"

[Python]

teva seraphim.

Calcifer was an icicle that melted all of Teva's insides. As a gang leader, nothing was supposed to intimidate him - not bullets, knives, blood, or death, yet somehow Cal could turn him into a puddle at a moment's notice. He felt warmth in his cheeks at his flirtatious remark, and he couldn't blame it on the summer's heat. A little grin spread from cheek to cheek, and he did his best to maintain composure. The 'blushing bride' was not his style.

"Stop that," he said in a hearty chuckle. Definitely not embarrassed. "You're fucking cute." He gave Cal's hand a gentle squeeze. His skin was as soft as he had imagined, and his palms still managed to radiate pure ice even in the sweltering heat. The sun bearing down on the market square was bad enough, the crowds made it worse. On busy days, it was nearly suffocating. Today was not one of those days. By a stroke of luck, he had managed to choose the perfect day with the perfect amount of crowd control.

As they walked into the men's store, he ignored judgmental stares. Teva knew he didn't dress the part; casual clothes, the same black and gray tones, nothing flashy. He never looked like he carried money because he didn't care to. One who dabbles in illegal money shouldn't flaunt it every hour of every day. There was a time and a place for elegant attire - and that was Teva pretending he knew how to fucking dress elegantly. He really didn't. He never had to. With Cal, perhaps that would change soon enough. A change he was more than willing to make if it made Cal happier.

"Me? Really? I thought we'd be shopping for you," he said, eyebrow arched. His tone wasn't judgmental, simply surprised. He had assumed Cal would want something nice for himself, but he didn't mind dressing up to impress his date. "If you want to, I won't say no. You know fashion better than I do."

I don't know anything about fashion, actually.

At least he had the attitude and the muscle to make up for it.

table by elegant

[gamemaker kelsier]

c a l c i f e r .

"And you say,
"As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you."

"You're fucking cute."

Cal would have hated hearing that from anyone else. He was tired of being cute, of being sexy, or whatever words they wanted to throw at him. Teva saying it behind a laugh, hand tightly on his was different. He was glad for that, for the way that Teva's voice wrapped around the phrase perfectly and for the way that it was directed at him. It was all he'd ever really wanted. He squeezed his hand back.

A part of him still couldn't believe it, that Teva could actually love him back like this as if it were easy. He knew what kind of person he was and just how difficult he could be to be around sometimes. Somehow Teva knew all of that about him and still wanted him.

Which was almost too sickeningly sweet to consider for longer than a few moments.

Cal dragged Teva into the men's shop behind him, already building his boyfriend an outfit in his head. There was a reason Teva had figured that clothes shopping would cheer him up and it was simply because Cal did love fashion. He'd been keeping an eye on Capitol trends since childhood and was an avid follower of many stylist's careers.

"I can shop for me whenever," he said with a grin and waved away a shopkeeper, "This is much better, you can't run."

He made a beeline for the back of the shop where he knew the more casual items would be as well as the sale stuff. He didn't want to tell Teva the truth, that he didn't want to look at himself in the mirror or maybe that he couldn't. He didn't want to tell him how difficult it was still to pull a shirt over his head because it was supposed to be their first date. He wanted to have fun, he needed to.

Pushing his hands into a rack of clothing already felt comforting, this was his area of expertise after all. It wasn't long before he held a small stack of shirts and pants for Teva to try on. This would be the ultimate test of patience for him.

"Okay, you're going to try this top with these pants," he said and started handing Teva the clothes in pairings, "But also with these pants, got it?"

And he pushed Teva gently towards a changing room.

x x x

[Python]

teva seraphim.

He adored Cal's response. A playful poke at Teva's unwillingness to care about shopping, but little did Cal know he would do just about anything for him. A point he would have to prove over time. Actions spoke louder than words, and although Teva was the loudest person he knew, it wouldn't matter if Cal didn't see it. When Teva confessed his feelings, it had been after years of brewing and stewing. Everything finally burst at an awkward time, but he meant all of it. He was in love with Calcifer, and he would follow that boy to the grave if he had to.

Teva laughed instead, "True." He would watch paint dry if it meant spending time with Cal, but this was more fun. He idly touched a few fabrics, pretending to care about the stylings and colors. He tried to blend in, observing Cal's work. It was fun to watch him move. He was graceful with everything he did, even the way he waved the shopkeeper away. A sharp contrast to Teva himself, who was normally a bull in a china shop.

He stared for far too long, nearly missing what Cal was saying to him as he shoved clothes into his arms. Try this shirt with these pants...and also this? With the other pants? It wasn't fucking rocket science. "Right, got it."

He trusted Cal not to make him look stupid.

As he walked to the changing room, he looked over his shoulder and grinned. "I should model these for you, yeah?" And then he would pray to Panem's false gods that he would come across sexy, not embarrassing. He had no qualms about his own appearance - he knew he was fit, handsome, a total package deal minus the whole 'gang' life, but Cal was on a completely different caliber. Cal's caliber, heh. He was basically sculpted by Gods, if they existed.

Fuck. He was distracted again.

Teva slipped into the first outfit and inspected himself in the mirror. Not bad. Flowers weren't usually his style, but the explosion of red was eye-catching. Cal would be the true judge, however.

He stepped out of the changing room and waved him over. "Hey babe, how do I look?" He said, winking. Whether he bought the outfit or not, he just wanted Cal's eyes on him again.

table by elegant

[gamemaker kelsier]

c a l c i f e r .

"And you say,
"As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you."

Cal watched Teva walk away, suddenly feeling a little awkward. That was new too, he'd always been so confident before. Standing there alone in the back of the shop with the shopkeeper pretending not to be keeping an eye on them and the sound of people passing by outside should have been a normal moment. All he felt was this intense, building feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. All because Teva was out of sight.

Shit, when had he become so goddamned weak?

Cal let his hands wander through a rack as Teva changed, eyes on the entrance to the little shop. So many people were passing by, chances were that one of them could be him, Sam, A usually docile customer turned feral. A shiver ran down his spine and Cal shut his eyes tightly, hand gripping a shirt sleeve so hard that he pulled it off the hanger.

One, two, three.

He breathed out slowly then back in and when he opened his eyes, it was still just the shopkeeper, Teva and himself in the little shop. He hated how his life's epicentre had shifted so much in just a few short weeks. Cal had thrived off of his icy title, had loved being the stone-cold bitch. Now he could barely leave the house alone without wanting to throw up.

"Hey babe," came Teva's voice from over by the changing room and Cal sighed in relief. "How do I look?"

"Perfect," he said simply, the use of the pet name not lost on him.

He was standing there, that sweet grin on his face and so strangely his. It had all happened so fast, Cal still felt behind on the details. Since when had he gotten Teva? How could they fit together so perfectly? He walked over to Teva and just felt safer almost right away.

Cal adjusted the shirt carefully on Teva and made sure it was tucked in properly for the style, sliding his hands down a little further than necessary. It really did suit him, "The colour's great on you," he murmured as he fixed the collar, "Absolute yes to this outfit."

The dread was still there but lessened. No one would ever be able to even get near him when he was with Teva, he knew that. He was safe. He wanted more than that though, there'd be times when Teva couldn't be there for him. How was he supposed to get back to normal?

"I want to see you in everything else too," Cal said and he leaned against the wall beside the changing room. "Come on babe, then we can go eat."

[Python]

teva seraphim.

His heart burst with every compliment. Reduced to a schoolyard kid with butterflies in his stomach and wobbly legs - cut that shit out. The tough guy facade melted rapidly in Cal's presence, and he was still adjusting to the comfort of vulnerability. They had a long history together, but up until this point it was a platonic history. Romance, intimacy - with Cal that was all brand new, and it punched him in the gut every time Cal looked at him.

He allowed the word perfect to feed his ego. His grand smirk only broadened as Cal tucked the shirt in to complete the look. Even through the fabric Cal was like an icicle. "Your hands are cold again," he chuckled. That was one of Cal's quirks - cold as ice in expression and in the flesh. It was almost intimidating, but Teva knew him well by now. There was no reason to fear Cal, only his judgment (sometimes). Regardless, Teva was happy to be the wildfire that warmed him up at night.

He waited for the wandering hands to subside before he checked himself out again. Not bad. Cal was a man of taste. He would kiss him right now if they weren't in public; no reason to test boundaries in a damn clothing store.

"K. I'll be out in a sec," he said, moving back into the changing room to adorn himself with outfit number two. As he stepped out, he flashed Cal another smile. "You know, I'll still buy you anything you want from here. If you see something nice, don't be shy," he said, and he meant it playfully. Cal was the least shy person he knew, and they both fucking knew that.

After another stamp of approval, he rushed to try on the third outfit. A dinner date sounded wonderful after this ordeal. "Last one! What do you think?" He spun this time, raising his arms for dramatic effect.

table by elegant

[gamemaker kelsier]

c a l c i f e r .

"And you say,
"As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you."

He wondered what was wrong with him, why there was a gaping wound impossible to fix. The afternoon was going so well, he should have been happy to just be spending time with Teva but there was a heaviness looming over him and his stomach was twisted into knots.

He'd never heard about anxiety, if Cal had, maybe he'd know how to describe what he was feeling. He wished he could be better for his boyfriend, that he could just forget about everything that had happened and get on with things like usual but he didn't know how. For the first time in his life, Calcifer was at a loss on how to handle himself.

The wall he was leaning against felt cool to the touch or maybe it was just him. Cal had always run cold. He'd been told it was lack of proper blood flow but he'd just figured that it was because he'd always been a stone-cold bitch. Except for now of course. He wondered once again if things would have gone differently if only he'd done something different, like if he'd teased a little bit less.

Everyone kept telling him it wasn't his fault, what had happened to him, but Calcifer couldn't help feeling like it was.

Teva coming back out of the changeroom brought the room back into focus and Calcifer tried a soft smile. "I definitely see something nice," he said, never tired of trying to get Teva to blush, "Can I take this one home?" Cal snaked his arms around Teva's neck and pulled him down for a quick kiss while the shopkeeper was looking elsewhere.

They hadn't set any rules yet on what was allowed in terms of public affection but Cal had never really been shy about that kind of stuff. A little kiss couldn't hurt anyone and well, if it did, Teva would deal with it, wouldn't he?

"I think this outfit is my favourite," he said, "You should wear it out of the shop."