Vulnerable Souls (Jade v Arabella, Day 7)

[D1f Jade Morin - Alyssaimagine]

Jade hadn't meant to die. It happened so quickly. She had been struggling, and each breath had been painful, but she hadn't given up. She'd struck out with her sword and she saw the blade as it met with flesh. The blood had flowed from the wound caused by her sword, and she had felt confident. The girl who had spent so much time attacking her had stopped and attacked her ally Dominic instead, and she'd gritted her teeth and tried to move to push herself in front of him, but her limbs hadn't worked properly. They had felt so stiff and uncomfortable, and she realized how dizzy she'd been, but she still hadn't been ready to give in. Even when the boy's weapon crashed into her again, she'd been prepared to keep fighting.

Her body had given up on her. After the weapon crashed into her body one last time she had crumpled to the ground like a mere sack of potatoes. Each breath had been so painful, but even then Jade hadn't given up. She gripped her sword, even as it had grazed her side upon falling to the ground. She was ready to strike, but she could barely move. Her grip was weak, and almost useless. Her vision was blurring, and she struggled to hold on, because Morin kids were raised tough and she wasn't a weakling. She was going to bring glory back to District One, like she'd promised to herself. She was not going to die.

When her body had crumpled, everyone else gave up on the fight. They acted like she was dead and gone, and she wasn't! She wanted to yell at them, demand them to keep fighting and she'd be back up in no time at all, but her lips had moved and no words had come out. Only a wheeze of breath had passed through her lips, and she felt so frustrated, because they were giving up on her. Leaving her for dead, when she couldn't be dead. Didn't they realize that she couldn't, wouldn't die? She wanted to reach out for Dominic as he moved closer to her, wanted to assure him that she would be back up in no time at all. To trust her. He went through her bag and found her plushie and she was gripped with sudden fear: was he going to throw it away? She wanted to snatch it from him in order to protect it.

Instead, she watched as he cradled her stuffed toy and she felt relief crash into her. The dragon plushie was safe. She dropped the sword in her attempt to reach out to him, but her hand merely shook and couldn't lift itself from the ground. If she could have, she would have flinched at Callum's words, spoken soon after both of her allies had left her broken body there. He wanted to finish her off? Anger coursed through her, and she tried to get up, tried to lift herself but her body wouldn't even move an inch. Oh, she wanted to show him! He couldn't just talk about her like that, they couldn't! She was still alive and she'd be up and fighting again in no time, so why did everyone assume she was dead?!

Soon, her thoughts drifted and became distorted, even as she struggled to keep awake and alive. Sometimes she felt the urge to get up, other times she seemed so very far away. Thoughts came and went, drifting away on the wind. Before she died, she had a brief moment of clarity. She could see her parents in the distance, and she'd reached out to them. This time, her arm had behaved, but they'd merely shake their heads, a look of disgust on their faces and they turned away from her and shut a door in her face. That's the last thing she saw. That's the last thing she'd been aware of before her heart and brain gave in and she died.

------------------------------------------------

Suddenly, she woke. Jade was gasping for breath, as if she hadn't breathed in a very long time. She coughed and coughed and coughed, but it took her some time before she could think properly. It was dark, that was the first thing that came to mind. She felt something in her hands - hands? Hadn't she lost one? Maybe? She felt the cool metal beneath her fingers. The thought of her severed hand brought other things to mind: she had been fighting, she had fallen, Callum wanted to bash in her skull (ha, she was still here, she showed him!), and then her parents had turned their backs on her and left her there to rot.

Her heart ached at the memory, and she wanted desperately to make them appear before her. She wanted to reach out to them, she wanted to feel their warm embrace, she wanted them to tell her that everything was okay, even if she lost. That she wouldn't be forgotten, scratched out of the family, cast aside. She wanted a mother to hold her tight while she wept, but the longer she lay here, the more she remembered that wasn't going to happen. Her thoughts drifted back to the arena, and a sudden fear made her breathing suddenly quick. She didn't want to go back to that, either. She wanted...she wanted love. To be loved. She didn't want the arena. She didn't want to fight for her life.

Jade wanted to be loved, and the realization hit her fast. All of those things which she'd attempted to bury with all of her might: she was in this arena, because she wanted to be loved. She wanted acceptance, she wanted hugs, she wanted warmth. She wanted what so many other children were so freely given. She'd seen other parents on the screen over the years of watching the Hunger Games and so many had cried when their kids were called and approached the stage that more often than not would claim their lives. She'd felt it even back then, but she'd buried it then. She'd felt that stab of envy, that ache she could never fill.

All she wanted was love, and she realized now just how desperate she'd been to receive it. She'd signed her life away in order to earn it and she'd lied to herself time and time again. Lied and told herself that she merely wanted the glory that every Career wanted. Fame and glory, but now she knew the truth: she just wanted to win her parent's love and she'd known this was the only way to do it. And she'd even died to do it, hadn't she? She'd signed her life away just like that, and she realized that's not what she wanted. She wanted to live.

And now she was, wasn't she? That made her scared, though. She remembered Zenia, and was worried that she had been turned into the very thing she had accused Zenia of being: A Mutt. She felt like Jade, though. Her thoughts were her own, the feelings belonged to her, and she felt no more blood thirsty than she had before she stepped foot into this arena. That was enough for now. Her thoughts wandered to her allies and she envisioned them: she didn't want to tear out their throats. That was going to have to be good enough for now.

Even if she was a Mutt now, did it really matter? She was still Jade, wasn't she? After a few shaky breaths, she gripped onto the dagger she had been given and moved out of the uncomfortable place she'd been put into. She burned with a different fire now. She was going to fight and she was going to win, and for the first time it really wouldn't be for her parents, for glory, and not even for love, though she still craved that. No, for the first time ever Jade was going to fight and win for herself and no one else. She was going to be str--

Her dagger clattered the ground, and the noise filled the Catacombs. Her eyes had found the only other tribute here, the one who moments ago she'd been ready to kill before she'd known who it was. It was Arabella, and all of a sudden that fire disappeared and she was filled with a sudden panic. It couldn't be Arabella, it couldn't be the one girl she couldn't bring herself to kill.

"Do you mind? I mean, if you are just going to poke at it. It seems like such a waste, I'd be more than glad to take it from your hands."

Arabella's face flashed before her, the words first spoken to her by the girl resounding in her ears now. She'd found her so utterly rude, but there had been something else too. Something she hadn't been able to explain, but she could never have killed her, though she certainly did remember wanting to punch her in the face. Sometimes she still wanted to do that, but she never, ever wanted to kill the girl. There was something she didn't understand about her.


"My parents are dead."

Those words had caught her by surprise. She hadn't intended to be that cruel, she really hadn't! She was simply trying to point out what a rude, disgusting creature she'd just been, because it had been true! She had the manners of some sort of animal! She had expected the girl had parents, she had.

"So, no. I guess they didn't find time to teach me some manners. They were too busy, six feet under the ground."

And that's when she had realized how similar they were. Jade's parents may well have been alive and well, but they weren't there. They had never for even a single day of their lives cared about Jade. She had been a means to an end, she had been a tool used for glory, she had been born because they were expected to have kids. There was nothing else, and she realized the girl who lacked parents was so very much like the girl who had living parents, but still lacked parents. Yet, they were also so very different. Maybe that's part of the reason she'd been so drawn to this girl. They were similar, but so different. And she envied the girl. And she loved the girl too, and she didn't understand it.

"I should kill you,"

Then, everything had fallen apart, because it was destined to fall apart, because they were both headed to the arena that would claim all but one live. There was never an instance where they could both come out of this alive, but this had been the moment where everything had turned upside down. She had felt a stab of pain then, because that's when she realized the other girl didn't care for her. Not in the same way Jade cared for her. She'd been part of the reason her ally had been killed, of course, so there were reasons, but it hadn't been her fault, had it? It was Arabella's ally who had attacked, and Jade had almost paid with her life back then.

That's what had hurt the most: Arabella would have preferred to see her dead, rather than her ally and that had hurt so much more than she'd let on. Just another person who wouldn't care about her in the end. Just another person who would forget her. And now, forevermore, this girl would hate her every single time she ran into her, and that broke something in her, though she'd buried it deep inside, because she had to. She had to bury everything if she was going to survive this arena.

"Arabella," Her voice cracked, and she felt like a wounded animal.

Jade glanced around the arena, searching for something. "It's okay...it's going to be okay, we'll find a way out of here, we will, there has to be a way out of here for the both of us," Her voice broke, the panic it contained was obvious. She needed to find a way. Her hands searched the walls as if they could find the secret way out. She found the door, she tried opening it, but it was locked, but that didn't stop her. She began pounding on the door in desperation, because there could not be a future in which she and Arabella fought. It could not be this way.

But it was, and as time went on the realization was slowly beginning to take root, and eventually, she slid to the ground. And she stared at the ground. And she didn't know what to do, because she wanted so very badly to live, but she didn't want to kill Arabella. Out of all the people in the arena, why was it Arabella?

Jade does not attack.
Table made by Tom.

[k!ah]

........

Th-thump.... Th-thump..... Th-thump....

Th-thump, th-thump, th-thump, th-thump.

Her heart restarts.

A gasp of air.

Dark, cold eyes drift open.

Darkness surrounds her, her breath coming in shallow gasps. She had been dead, but as she gasped for air, life began to surge through her stiff limbs. She could feel the beating of her heart against her throat as her awareness slowly begun to creep in. Her fingers curled around an unidentifiable object, laid across her chest. She felt like a body on display at a funeral, her hair which had been streaked with blood and dirt, clean and brushed. Her uniform which had been dark and terrifying- ripped and bloodied. Pristine, white and flawless hugged her body.

Images of the moment Jamisons club crashed into her body, the sickening sound of her bones crushing, followed by the searing pain and loss of breath flashed in her mind. Panic began to surge through her, her body desperate to escape the small cavity that it had been laid in. It takes her a moment to realise that it didn't hurt to breathe. That the fire that was seared into her memory no longer burned. It was painless, easy. Wrong.

She should be dead. She had found peace. As her life bleed from her in Lysander's steady arms she had been ready. Ready to drift away into nothingness with hopes to find a world that she could only dream of. She should be in the arms of her parents, her birth parents who had been ripped away from her. She should see Cyro, his smiling face as he pulled her into a hug and told her that everything was going to be okay now. That he forgave her for leaving too soon. That he forgave her for giving up on his son.

Her life artificially brought back for the entertainment of those who had murdered her. Her skin felt too tight, her breath cold against her expanding and contracting lungs. Whats dead should stay dead. That was the word of the law. No exceptions. The capitol were playing Ripred, playing God and it made her skin crawl.

Ragged panic breaths and she flings herself onto the floor, the object that had been laid across her chest flung across the floor. The metallic sound of metal colliding with cement tugged her gaze towards it. It was a knife. Shaking fingers reach for it, ice cold to touch, it felt like death. Fingers curl around the hilt as she climbs to her feet, taking a few hesitate steps as she creeps through the dim light.

This must be another trick, another game that the capitol had constructed to ensure that their audience would be captivated. It made her feel sick. Sick to the stomach to think that the camera's would be stalking her every move, the her audience would either be betting for her or against her. Cheering when, or booing as she took her last breathes. Disgusting.

Then she see's her.

Jade Morin.

Cryo's face. Agony and pain flashing in his eyes as they meet her own.

His body falling.

Jade throwing herself at him, thrusting her blade into his flesh.

His blood dripping from her blade. 

Arabella's cry as she races to catch his collapsing body.

Tears in her mouth, running down her cheeks as her heart broke, as her last piece of home is ripped from her.

A tidal wave of anger, grief and pain crash into her, drowning her as she charges towards her. Tears fuelled by anger prick at the corner of her eyes. She remembers the way her shaking fingers had clung to the rock that hovered above her head that day. She remembered the urger to crash it into her skull, to end her. But she had been to weak, her mentality to fragile. Breaking as the stone fell uselessly to the sand beside her. Her knees had given way, and she had sucked in a wave of sobs next to the girl with his blood on her hands. Arabella had been to weak to kill her. It would have been a mercy, to end it there and then.

But that girl, the one who was weak, pathetic, died in Lsyander's arms. This girl, the new Arabella Shirley was fuelled by rage and anger and pain and she ran for the girl, a growl on her lips. "You" she spits, venom lacing the word. "You-" Suddenly she stops, her eyes widening in surprise, shock even, as Jades eyes meet her own. The weapon that had been clasped in Jades hands falls, hitting the ground with a clang that echoed around them. Jades eyes, ones usually calmed and calculating swirled with panic. The look that crossed her face reminded Arabella of being trapped. Like a fly caught in a spiders web, the more you struggle the tighter it holds on.

A frown knitted her brows, her own blade still clasped tightly in her hand. Why? Why was Jade so scared to face off against her? Why did she look like she had just woken from a nightmare only to be thrown into the burning pits of Hell?

"Arabella."

Her says her name like its a wound, seared onto her flesh as her voice cracks. Arabella falters, her frown slipping for a moment as her heart pound in her ears. This was a trick. Jade was playing games with her, pretending that she cared so that she could knocker her down when she was already on her knees. Arabella remembered so clearly the disgust that had laced her words in the dining hall. She remember the way her eyes had pierced her skin, like she was a piece of dog shit stuck to the bottom of her shoe. Her nose turned up at the stench as she tried to wipe Arabella's presence from her sole with few words to knock her down and remind mer that she was not worth her time.

So why now did she looked so pained?

Panicked eyes glance around them as Jade searches for something, anything to help her from this situation. "It's okay...it's going to be okay, we'll find a way out of here, we will, there has to be a way out of here for the both of us." It's going to be okay? How is any of this okay? They we're dead. Arabella and Jade had both died. Murdered in the name of entertainment. Nothing about this is okay. It's twisted, cruel and wicked. Yet Jade continues to move around the room, her fingers searching the walls, looking for an answer that Arabella knew she would not find. Arabella wanted to yell at her to stop, to beg her to stop. There was one solution to this situation. The Capitol had spelt it out as clear as day, lain it across her chest.

Death.

Jades knees give way and she is falling. Her knees connect with the ground and she just stared. Anger knots in Arabella stomach. Why? Why wasn't she fighting? She hadn't cared the day she had claimed her friends life. She hadn't cared as she had thrusted her blade into his flesh, watched as he crashed to the earth, watched as Arabella had howled in pain, before fleeing, tail between legs.

"Get up!" she screams, tears filling her eyes. She didn't get to pretend that she cared now.

"GET UP! Get up and fight-" her voice catches- "Fight me! I won't fight you on your knees!" She marches over to her, wrapping her fingers under her arm, attempting to pull the girl to her feet. "Get up damn it!" She cries, wiping her forearm across her face, determined to clear away any tears. "You killed him! You tore him away from his family, from his child! You don't get to give up now. Face what you have done! Face it-"

She stops, her eyes examining the girl before her. She didn't look like the girl she had come to know. She looked so small, so broken crumpled on the ground. She looked how Arabella's heart felt. Shattered. "Why?" she whispers, falling to her knees beside the girl, her knife places on her lap as teary eyes meet Jades. "Why do you care so much if it's me? I'm just a silly girl, remember? Your the career, the warrior..." She looks away, her eyes landing on the blade in her lap. "We have no choice. The Gamemakers have made that clear."

table: dars

[D1f Jade Morin - Alyssaimagine]

"GET UP! Get up and fight-" her voice catches- "Fight me! I won't fight you on your knees!"

Jade felt dizzy. She pressed her fingertips against her temples, but it wasn't all that helpful. The anger in the other girl's tone made her tremble, and she shut her eyes as if she could somehow make believe that none of this was happening, but she knew it was. There was no escape, not anymore. She was stuck in a situation where there would be no victory. At least, not for Jade Morin. She opened her eyes and looked the other girl over. Her eyes stung, and the hurt was apparent in her brown eyes. Maybe there would be a Victory. The other girl, if she won, the world would go on normally. It didn't matter to Arabella if Jade died here in these Catacombs, now did it? After all, Jade had killed Cyro. Arabella would probably feel relief the day Jade's heart stopped beating. She'd get revenge for her fallen ally, and make it out of this place alive.

"You killed him! You tore him away from his family, from his child! You don't get to give up now. Face what you have done! Face it-"

None of it were lies, and Jade was well aware of it. She may not have landed the killing blow on the boy, but she hadn't been sitting idly by, either. Similar with the girl from nine who had been killed by her alliance. She may not have landed a single killing blow, but there was plenty of blood on her hands. Would the girl from nine had died if she hadn't first cut off her hand? Would Cyro be alive if she hadn't attacked? She closed her eyes again at the thought. That's when she had almost died, and the pain flooded her again. There was no escaping this. Arabella wanted her dead. If she didn't, why would she be so angry? Had any of it been her fault? She hadn't attacked first. The girl from their alliance did.

Then Meredith had attacked her. The girl she both respected and liked. Then Cyro attacked her, and so she'd attacked back. When pushed into a corner, of course she was going to fight back. That's why it hurt. Arabella painted her into a villain, but she'd done nothing wrong and had almost paid with her life. Which is exactly what Arabella had wanted. It's not like she'd tried to prevent them from attacking Jade, was it? She'd watched on and broke down when Cyro had died, but her life would have moved on if she had died instead. Then, why did she hesitate now? Why did it matter if she was on her knees rather than fighting back?

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Her tone is just below a yell, the pain in her voice obvious. "You wanted me to sit still and die earlier, didn't you? I was dying and you didn't care then! You felt hurt that I fought for my life while your alliance tried to take it. I didn't attack anyone who didn't attack me!"

Jade had attacked plenty of people in this arena who hadn't attacked her. She'd started fights, and she'd done what she had to in order to survive, but she hadn't been the first to attack in that fight. Truth be told, she hadn't enjoyed that fight much, either. She didn't want to die, but she didn't want Arabella to only see death when she looked at Jade, either. In fact, she would have preferred never running into Arabella's alliance at all. She didn't want to hurt Arabella, and she didn't want to hurt Meredith, either. No one, however, cared all that much about her. After all, they all just saw a Career and Careers didn't matter, did they?

"Why?" she whispers, falling to her knees beside the girl, her knife places on her lap as teary eyes meet Jades. "Why do you care so much if it's me? I'm just a silly girl, remember? Your the career, the warrior..."

Why wasn't she attacking her? Jade knew that the girl wanted her dead. She'd just gone over that, after all. She notices the girls tears, and she reaches over to her to wipe them from her face. "Don't cry," she says, her tone soft. "I'm not worth it, am I?" And she knows it's true, because if she was worth it the girl wouldn't have wanted her dead. She mulls the girl's question over, but realizes she has no answer for her. She didn't have enough experience to know what she felt at the moment. Like a sister? A friend? Something else? Was there even anything beyond friends and family? What kinds of relationships were there? How many? What did they feel like? Even with her own siblings back at home most relationships were made with necessity. They were all kept safely at arm's length.

Jade Morin didn't know much about love. Any kind of love, because she'd had too little of it. She'd been raised not to feel it, not to think about it. She'd been raised to fight, to compete, and nothing else. She'd fought for attention with her siblings, and if she and Onyx were in the Hunger Games together would she hesitate to kill him? She doubted it. So, she didn't know what she felt. "I don't know," she says looking the other girl over. "Sometimes you annoy me so much I want to hit you, but there's more that I don't know. I don't want you dead. And I don't want to die, and I'd rather protect you, and I don't want you hurt, but I don't know why, because it shouldn't be like this."

With those words spoken, she reached into the pocket of her clothing and takes out the letter her father had sent her. She'd read it briefly upon revival, and offered it to Arabella. "That's the only life I know. I don't know anything else," And it's true. She doesn't know why she cares about this girl. She doesn't know why it's so hard to face this. It should be easy. It's what she'd been raised to do, wasn't it? Jade craved something more from life. Something that could clearly never exist. Not for a girl like her.

Letter reads,

J. Morin,

If you don't make it back home, you'll be erased from the family register. Remember that. You won't be missed.

- Steel Morin

Jade does not attack.
Table made by Tom.

[k!ah]

One of them would die today.

One childs life would be snuffed out for good.

Would she become a murder in her second life? Would that demon follow her past the grave, and into the this artificial life that she had been given?

If she wanted to have a second life... Then she had no choice but to become a killer once again. To coat her fingers, her heart, in blood. It pick up her blade and to bury it into Jades beating heart. She could, right now. She could lunge out at her, knife aim directly for that small organ that was her life source. She could sever her tether that her bound to the living once and for all. After all Jade didn't carry her weapon, it was discarded in her earlier panic. She say here utterly defenceless, her body, mind and soul breaking before Arabella.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" She had said before Arabella had dropped to her knees. Is this what she wanted? She wanted to make it home... She knew she wanted that more than anything else in the world. She had so much to fight for. She had Matthew. She had Ellen. She had Katelyn and Harbinger. She had Xander and her promise to her father. But she remembers the hollow, dark, cold feeling that had consumed her the moment she had taken Helle's life. It tormented her and she had had no connection what so ever with the tribute from Seven.

But... But Jade was different. Arabella had never had the desire to see her dead. She never had the desire to see anyone dead, but jade even more so. She believed with her whole heart the moment Cyro had been taken from her that she had wanted to see her dead. That she had wanted to see her face light up the darkness of night... But she knew, deep down, that when that moment came she would feel the pain of it. She would feel her heart ache for the girl who managed to stir so many unwanted- and if she was being honest with herself, wanted- emotions from deep down within her.

You wanted me to sit still and die.

No.

I was dying and you didn't care.

N-no.

She had cared. Hadn't she? Or had she become to heartless that she had been blinded by nothing else than the thought of losing the one person who she had fought to hold onto so tightly? She remembers now. She remembers the regret that had filled her each time she had thrown her knife. She remembers with each strike how it had slowly melted until she felt nothing except the desire to remove anyone who tried to take away her home. Had she had set her eyes to Jade she would have killed her. She would have, Arabella could feel it in her blood, the blood lust that had overcome her as desperation had consumed her to remove the things that were punishing her the most.

A caress of gentle fingers against her cheek surfaces her from her memories. "Don't cry," Jades voice is gentle, soft. "I'm not worth it, am I?" The words break her and the tears fall more freely. When had she become like this? In the past Arabella would never had been so cold, so callus towards a person who was broken. To a person whose body, mind and soul was ruined. She had promised herself that she would not let them change that part of herself. That no matter what happened to her, or what she did, she would always have that kindness in her heart. The one thing she believed with all her heart that she got from her mother.

Years in the orphanage where she was bullied and tormented hadn't managed to break her. She had still managed to smile and whisper kind words to those who put all their energy into attempting to tear her down. She had not let them win. But here in the Arena, in the matter of what, 8 days? She had managed to morph into a stranger, one that she didn't recognise. One that if she came across in the streets she would quickly turn and walk in the other direction.

"I don't know. Sometimes you annoy me so much I want to hit you, but there's more that I don't know. I don't want you dead. And I don't want to die, and I'd rather protect you, and I don't want you hurt, but I don't know why, because it shouldn't be like this."

I don't want you dead.

Jade Morin, the girl who had played the heartless career did not want to see Arabella Shirley, the little naive orphan girl, dead. Arabella had been adamant that from the moment Arabella had stolen her steak from right beneath her nose that she had wanted to stab her fork into her jugular. She had been so sure that the District One career had wanted to see her perish to the hands of the Games, that she would be delighted to see her face light up the night sky.

I don't want you dead.

I'd rather protect you.

I don't know why.

Jade cared about her. Maybe that time back in the dining hall hadn't meant to be completely malicious. The words that Arabella had confused as being condescending and harsh, maybe they really had meant to just be words of advice and nothing more.

Jades fingers dig through her pocket pulling out a letter, "that's the only life I know. I don't know anything else." She pushes into Arabella's hands. Arabella looks nervously from Jade to the letter. It seemed to personal. Arabella's mind flies back to her last moments bleeding out in the forrest. Of Lysander's fingers running threw her hair, of the words that fell from her lips and wrapped her in a warm embrace. Those words had been intimate and personal, she couldn't invade Jades privacy like that. But jade doesn't pull away, the note pressing into the palm of Arabella's hand.

Hesitating Arabella takes a deep breath before accepting the letter. Unfolding it she reads:

J. Morin,

If you don't make it back home, you'll be erased from the family register. Remember that. You won't be missed.

- Steel Morin

Breath catches, her heart beating loudly in her ears. "I- who wrote this?" She asks quietly, tearing her eyes from the letter she forces them to meet Jades. "Your father?" The letters contents were cold, harsh. I don't know anything else, she had said. And at that moment Arabella realised that she had judged her wrong. That she had been exactly like the kids who she had tried to escape back home. That she had judge the book by the cover and decided, without much thought about who she really was, that she was just a heartless career of district One. That she wanted what we are told that they want. That she wanted the crown to bring glory and victory to her district. But. But at what cost?mRaised by parents who had missed their chance, therefore force their dreams upon their children, forgetting that they were not tools to be manipulated, but children who needed to be loved and cherished.

Jade Morin wasn't an orphan in the truest form.

But she was an orphan in disguise.

A child who seemed what every child wanted so desperately: to be the joy and pride of their family. To be loved unconditionally.

Something Arabella had been so lucky to find in her short lifetime.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.. I didn't know. I'd always just assumed that coming from district One you would have it all. You wouldn't know what it was really like to struggle." she screws up the note in her hands, tossing into into the darkness behind her. "But Jade you don't need them. You are strong. You are resilient. Don't show them that they can break you. Don't give them that satisfaction." Dont let this be their last memory of you.

"Now, get up." She says more gently, climbing to her feet she walks over to where Jade had discarded her blade. Fear knotted in her stomach and her blood turned to ice as she picked up the knife. She was making a mistake. She knew that she was arming a girl who had been trained her whole lifetime in the art of welding a blade. But if Arabella was going to die here today, she wanted to be Jades equal. "There is only one way for this to end." Swallowing, she closes her eyes for the briefest moments. Deep breath and she opens them, turning to face the girl. Be brave Arabella. Be brave. "Ta- take this blade." She swallows her fear. "And attack me."

Please don't draw this out longer than it has to be.

"And remember to hit hard Jade.

Don't make this harder than it had to be."

table: dars

[D1f Jade Morin - Alyssaimagine]

Ever since Zenia had died and came back to life, Jade had been so sure she had things figured out, but the realization finally hit her hard. She had been so wrong, because if she had been right this would be quick and easy. If Jade and Arabella had been made into mutts there would be no hesitation between them. Knives would have been taken out, blood would have decorated the walls and someone would already be dead. She realized now that she'd been wrong. She had been running away from the truth, because it was too hard for her to face. She didn't want to face her own failure. She didn't want to face the fact that despite being a Career, despite being trained, she had still failed to save an ally. More than that, she didn't want to face the fact that she was human and had learned to care for people who needed to die if she wanted to live. Everything was slowly coming together now.

Jade wasn't so sure that she welcomed the knowledge. It had been easier when she had seen the dead come back as Mutts. It had been easier to run away from the truth that she didn't want to face. It was easier to pretend that they weren't human. It was all a wall of defense, because she knew the only way to make it out of these Games whole was by believing everyone else to be non humans. Now she realized that if she survived this, there was no way she would ever be the same person again. The Jade Morin who walked into this arena wouldn't be Jade Morin, the Victor. They would be two entirely different people.

After all, she was slowly realizing that there was no way out of this. If she won, then she would have killed Arabella and how could she come back after that? How could she murder the girl she liked so much? How would she ever be able to face herself in the mirror? Was surviving worth all of that? For the first time, Jade was beginning to wonder if she wanted to pay the price and return home. Would it be easier to die? To be erased. Her throat closed up at the thought, she clutched at her chest with the hand that had been surgically put back. She didn't want to be erased. She didn't want the world to forget her, because then why had she lived? Why had she suffered? Was it truly all for nothing?

She felt Arabella's tears flow more freely, even after she'd attempted to soothe her. Why had she cried more? Why was she suffering? Why wasn't she stabbing her while she sat there defenseless? More urgently, she tried to wipe the girl's never ending tears and she realized maybe the tears weren't weakness as her parents taught her. Not that it mattered all that much, because she was too trained to suddenly start crying now. However, when she looked at the other girl she didn't see weakness at all. This girl was strong, and Jade had witnessed that. She had been so naive, so brilliant, and her throat suddenly felt choked again.

Arabella was a different girl now too, and Jade hated that. Not the girl, no, she still loved her. She hated the Games for so fundamentally changing this girl, because she had been as brilliant as the sun. Annoying, sure, but brilliant. So full of life. So full of happiness, and curiosity and things that had filled her with so much envy back in the dining hall, but that girl was no more. She realized that neither of them would make it out whole. Both had lost pieces of their souls in this arena and they would never be able to find them all and glue them back together again. No matter who walked out of this alive they would be forever changed, and that thought made her eyes sting. Tears threatened, but they wouldn't fall.

"My name is Arabella. District Eleven. You're Jade, right? District One." She asks as she swallows the last of the meat, licking her lips happily. The juice had a peppery flavour. She would remember that. "Hope you don't find this as too upfront, but I couldn't help but notice your internal struggle just now. It looked very intense, and I would love to hear more about it!" her voice is eager.

She had been so bright. Rude. Annoying. And very, very bright. She was something Jade could never be. She'd been so...happy? Was that happy? Did she know? For a moment, she wishes that she could go back in time and answer the girl the way she would now. Without all the anger, the annoyance, and coldness. She had liked the girl back then, but she hadn't realized it yet. She'd only felt the envy, and she'd tried burying that too. She'd been so annoyed. Most of the time they met was like that, Jade realized. It was no wonder the other girl didn't care about her. Jade hadn't been warm. She didn't know how to be warm. She wanted to be. She wanted to change it all. She wanted to punch the Escort who pulled Arabella Shirley's name out of that bowl. If she got out of the arena alive, maybe she'd do that.

"I- who wrote this?" She asks quietly, tearing her eyes from the letter she forces them to meet Jades. "Your father?"

For a moment, she didn't know how to respond, but she manages a small nod. Her father. The man she had always needed to love her. How would it feel to be in her father's embrace like other kids were? To be looked at with warmth? The fact that her mother didn't write anything was still in Jade's mind, though she should have anticipated it. Being in the arena fighting for her life wasn't going to change things. Jade would never be Ruby, the only Morin child who found anything remotely close to love from their mother. She wanted it. She needed it. To be loved, that was the thing most worth fighting for. Others were given it simply because they had been born into this world, but she had been denied it. And she wanted it so very badly that it made her hurt. Why hadn't she been loved?

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.. I didn't know. I'd always just assumed that coming from district One you would have it all. You wouldn't know what it was really like to struggle."

The words dug deep, but she had known deep inside that the girl thought along those lines. Of course she did, because that's how the world viewed Careers. It didn't help when Careers like her existed. Those with cold fronts, bad attitudes, and no knowledge of how to interact with other people. She could put on a show with fake smiles, and step into a room where everyone may focus their attention on her. She may know some scripted lines, may know how to play a part, but she didn't feel it. She didn't understand it. She had charisma, or so she'd heard. She could be an actress, but none of it was real. When someone really tried to get to know her, didn't they meet her cold heart, the cold armor she'd formed to protect herself? Fake smiles when needed at family dinners, but inside she was cold.

Jade didn't know anything else.

"I...didn't make it easy to like me," It wasn't a question. It was a statement, because now she understood that. "I'm sorry for that. If I'd been better..." Jade looks at the ground, because she realizes nothing would have been different. They were both heading to the arena, and no matter what one had to die. "I didn't know I was struggling. I didn't know what I wanted. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you, because you're the last person I ever wanted to hurt."

The last words tumble out of her mouth, and they are all true. All of it was true. She wanted Arabella Shirley to shine just as brightly as she had in the Dining Hall. She wanted that so much, and she knew it was now impossible.

"But Jade you don't need them. You are strong. You are resilient. Don't show them that they can break you. Don't give them that satisfaction."

Why was she comforting her? Why wasn't she killing her? What use was it to help her? Jade was the girl who had killed Cyro. A letter from home didn't change that. Nothing could ever change that, so why didn't Arabella kill her? Her thoughts raced, and she knew that she didn't want to die. Not by Arabella. Not by anyone, but she didn't want this girl to die, either. A part of her, she realized, had been holding out on some hope that something would swoop in and save them. Decide that they'd suffered enough. Bring them both home. Like the 80th Games. Maybe then Arabella could shine brightly again. Maybe then she could find love, now that she knew what to search for. Maybe, maybe, maybe, but nothing was changing.

This wasn't the 80th Hunger Games.

"Arabella, I--" Jade stared at the other girl, then glanced down at the ground. "Why are you helping me?"

Why aren't you killing me? She thought. The words spoken were soft. They weren't a challenge. They were filled with the same hurt they had been. She couldn't fathom why this girl would help her when she should clearly hate her.

"Now, get up."
"There is only one way for this to end."

No. No. No.
There had to be another way.

"Ta- take this blade." She swallows her fear. "And attack me."

That was the last thing she wanted to. With shaky hands, she was given the knife that she had earlier discarded and she looked at Arabella and her eyes stung. Her hands were still shaky as they held the knife. Her stomach turned, and she felt that she may be sick. She realizes now just how strong Arabella had become. She admires the strength, but she hates what created it. She hates that the girl's innocence had been stripped from her.

"Get your head out of the clouds, Jade." She growls, her words laced with ice, running out of patience. "You told me back in the Capitol that I was nothing but a silly child with my head stuck in the clouds. Well," she looks her up and down, "looks like you've taken over that role." She steps away a few steps, retracing to be back beside Lysander. "It's not a good look on you.

Arabella Shirley had been right. She no longer felt like the warrior. Not when facing her, but Arabella had found her strength. She gripped the dagger tighter. She tried not to think about what this all meant. What was going to happen.

"I--" Jade stumbles. She doesn't want this. She doesn't want any of this. "I think I...love you. I don't know what kind. I don't know much about love. I don't want..."

She can't do this, she can't! Can she? She looks at the other girl. Her eyes sting. She has to do it, she has to. But she doesn't want to. Her brain screams at her. Tells her not to. She doesn't want to. Can't there be any other way? But, they've waited long enough and nothing was going to save them. She tries to remember to breathe. It's so hard to breathe.

"Is...is there anything you want, if you die? I...I'll do whatever I can," She doesn't say it, because she believes Arabella will die. She says it in case. "I-if I die, don't let them forget me."


"And remember to hit hard Jade.

Don't make this harder than it had to be."

And so she strikes. And she hates it.

(Jade attacks Arabella with Twisted Dagger)
D3t6XBWoTvknife
(Accuracy)
knife
(2119 -- Stabbed in Forearm -- 8.5(+1) damage)

Table made by Tom.

knife·knife

[k!ah]

"Why are you helping me?"

Because I'm an idiot, she thinks to herself as she watches the girl climb to her feet. Because I won't let you die like a coward, on your knees.

Because she wanted to believe that she still had that heart filled with kindness, gifted to her by her late mother.

She wanders what Katelyn might be thinking. Would she be screaming at Arabella to stop messing around, to take the kill and be over with it? Harbinger would. Worry about yourself, he had said. He had told her that she needed to find that one reason to fight, to live and hold onto it with both hands. And Arabella had found that reason. She had to make it home, so many people were relying on her. Xander and her promise to Cyro. She had to make it home. She had to tell him, tell the boy just how much he is loved. She wouldn't allow him to be like her. To stare at the empty doorway and wait. To constantly nursing the empty hole in his heart where his father should be. She hoped that he would never have to know that feeling.

"I'm helping you cause you are not helping yourself." She says quietly as Jades shaking fingers take the blade from her hands. Panic surges through her and she forces herself not to lunge for it, to tell the girl that she had made a mistake and to take the first strike. Be brave. Stepping back she forces herself to smile slightly, "now don't drop it. I won't pick it up for you a second time, okay?" She jokes in a light hearted attempt to conceal the fear that had begun to creep its way into her mind, and her heart.

She turns her back to her as she moves away, taking a defensive stance a few feet away.

"I--" Jade stumbles over her words, her eyes dancing nervously between us. "I think I...love you. I don't know what kind. I don't know much about love. I don't want..."

Arabella's brows knit together slightly. Love. It was a weird thing to hear from someone who was about to kill you. Arabella didn't know what to say to her, her eyes searching Jades closely, hoping that the answer might just appear. But when it became obvious that she would not find them there she pulls her lips back into a small smile, nodding at her, "I don't want to do this either. I don't care to see you dead. But I need you to stand up tall now. I need you to hold that knife like you mean it. And you need to fight me with everything that you've got... Otherwise it would be unfair to me. Don't hold back." Wiping away the last of her tears she forces her face to fall neutral.

"Is...is there anything you want, if you die? I...I'll do whatever I can... I-if I die, don't let them forget me." the question catches her temporally off guard. So much as she misses the moment Jade moves. Her body is like a weapon, sleek, fast and deadly. Her strikes out like a snake, and Arabella tries to shield herself, her arms raised blocking access to her neck. The knife burying itself into Arabella's forearm. A searing pain bursts through her and Arabella has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from screaming in agony. Instead she grounds her teeth, tears of pain well in the corner of her eyes as she cradles her arm, blood running between her fingers as her eyes dart to meet Jades.

She had hit her hard. Just like Arabella had asked her too.

She hoped she would not regret it.

She could see the pain in them, so similar to when she had first laid eyes on her and Arabella lashes out with her words. Refusing to allow the girl to collapse in on herself. She didn't get to break. Not now, not whilst Arabella stood here with her head held high. If she was going to break she could wait till Arabella's heart had stopped beating. Till her life had faded.

"Don't you dare give up now. Don't you dare go easy on me. I deserve better than that." She whispers, her fingers curling tightly around the hilt of the knife. "You break here and I won't ever forgive you."

table: dars

[ Arabella attacks Jade with knife }
GVOPnzMsVcknife
[ Severed Left Ear -- 8.0 damage ]

knife

[D1f Jade Morin - Alyssaimagine]

"I don't want to do this either. I don't care to see you dead. But I need you to stand up tall now. I need you to hold that knife like you mean it. And you need to fight me with everything that you've got... Otherwise it would be unfair to me. Don't hold back."

It was hard. Harder than she could have imagined, because she did not want to kill her and she knew the moment that she attacked there was no going back. If she held a weapon, it was to kill. This wasn't the training academies back home. This was real. This was life and death, and there was little choice. She wasn't willing to lie down and be a lamb, so she had to find her strength and fight. For herself, and for Arabella, because she knew that Bella was right. It was disrespect to not use one's full force when fighting, and she knew then that she couldn't hold back. She had to fight to win. Even if it broke her to do it.

"I won't be weak. I'll stay strong. And I'll...I'll never let them forget you, either." She promised.

Her blade stabbed into the girl, and she flinched as the blood flowed from the wound. Everything within her screamed that none of this right. She shouldn't be attacking this girl. This was the last person she wanted to see dead, let alone be her killer. Worse, she knew the girl didn't care as deeply about her as she did for Arabella, so why did she have to feel this way? The other girl didn't scream, but Jade guessed she'd experienced enough of the arena now to learn to control the pain. It hurt to think about it. Who had attacked Arabella? Who had been her killer? Jade wanted to find whoever it was and show them. She wanted them to feel pain as they were feeling now. It's the only thing that fueled her.

Then Arabella's dagger caught her ear and it fell to the ground. She felt the warm blood ooze from her wound, but she didn't process the fact that she'd lost an ear. Until she saw it sitting on the ground between the two girls. The pain was searing, and she caught herself as she was about to scream. No, she'd lost an hand. She'd been stabbed twice in the stomach. She'd been stabbed twice in the back. She'd died. Jade could endure this. She bit her lip until it drew blood, and refused to scream this time. She wouldn't let the girl see her like that. She wouldn't look like a wounded animal anymore.

Arabella wanted her to be strong, so she would be strong. She wouldn't let anything stop her. Nothing would get in her way. She tried to imagine the girl standing in front of her was anyone else. She wished that she could imagine it was Arabella's killer, but she hadn't asked her who killed her. Instead, she could only think about her own killer and the face she imagined belonged to Callum. The one who rallied the others to kill her. Maybe they would have let her be if he hadn't tried to get others to attack her. If it had just been him, wouldn't she be able to deal with it? Just a boy from...what? One of the lower Districts. Twelve? That sounded right.

"Don't you dare give up now. Don't you dare go easy on me. I deserve better than that." She whispers, her fingers curling tightly around the hilt of the knife. "You break here and I won't ever forgive you."

And she wouldn't. Jade would be broken. She knew that now. She already was, but if she lived she would walk out of here and she would never break down completely. She would honor Arabella. She would give her a Warrior's death, or die as a Warrior herself. And she would never, ever let them forget. Jade would never be forgiven. She wouldn't forgive herself, but she would be strong. And she would make it out, if she lived here, and she would keep her promise. She would not falter. Not anymore. And it hurt her so much more than she could understand.

"I will give it my all, Arabella, you have my word," she said, doing her best to keep her voice steady even as she felt like the world was falling apart. "If we die, we die as Warriors."

As the world falls apart, she thrusts the dagger forward, determined to keep her promise. Determined not to fall apart. She ignored the sting in her eyes and she tried to imagine it was Callum standing in front of her.

(Jade attacks Arabella with Twisted Dagger)
Vx80toLL3Nknife
(2060 -- Shallow Cut on Right Shoulder -- 3.5 damage)

(PTS Reroll)
knife
(2096 -- Shallow Cut on Back -- 4.0 damage)

Table made by Tom.

knife·knife

[k!ah]

When she moves she moves with intent, her knife darting out, aiming for the neck. But just as it connects Jade doges, her knife slinging threw the flesh that connected her ear to her face. Blood, warm and sticky, coats her fingers as she takes a step back, her chest heaving as she watches. the ear connect with the ground. For the briefest moment her courage falters, her eyes turning back to Jade, immediately drawn to the gaping hole in the side of her face.

But its not Jade's eyes she's looking into, its Meredith's. A smirk plastered to her lips, I've been told I have a hittable face, but not that it makes people sick. That's a new one. Quickly followed by Lysander's snicker, Hey Mer? Can you still hear me? DOES YELLING MAKE IT BETTER?! And suddenly Arabella is surrounded by their laughter, her lips pulling back into a slight smiles as she remembered how the two were constantly pulling each other legs.

Did Meredith end up finding Lysander? Were they together now, fingers poking each other in the shoulders as they teased each other mercilessly. She hoped that Meredith was okay, she wasn't here so that had to mean she was still alive- right? She hoped so. She remembers the way the girl had fell aspen on her shoulder. She had seemed so young then, her gentle snores had caused Arabella's lips to pull back into a gentle smile as she rested her cheek against the crown of her head and closed her eyes for the night-

Suddenly it was Jade again, her face contracted in pain. But she refused to cry out, her teeth catching her lip as she fought back the groan that danced on the tip of her tongue. Arabella flinched, her stomach beginning the familiar clench that signal she was about to vomit. No. No no no no no. She couldn't vomit here. Not now. Not after she had just demanded that Jade be strong. Cringing she swallow the cdidic taste of her inside as they climb her throat. She watched at the girl refused to give in, and despite the situation Arabella felt a little burst of pride at the way she managed to hold on. To keep herself together. Maybe Arabella would not need to pick Jade up, maybe she would surprise her and hold her own.

"I will give it my all, Arabella, you have my word," she vows as she stood taller, her gaze meeting Arabella's. "If we die, we die as Warriors."

Warriors.

The words causes her heart to clench, her lungs forgetting how to breath for a moment. From the moment she had stepped onto that train all she had wanted was to become a warrior. She remembers the first fight, against the three mutts and how she had failed. Her blade refusing to strike the beasts as they tore through her alliance. Ripping them to shreds. She remembers how desperately she had wanted to prove that she was reliable. That she was strong. That she was dangerous.

The next day she had sent her knife flying into Helle's eye.

And yet she still didn't feel like the warrior she had wished to become. She had thought the moment she proved herself she would morph into one of the characters of her dreams. She would feel strong and powerful and dangerous. But she had just felt empty. Empty and broken and cold.

And then dying in Lysander's arms she had felt like anything but a warrior. She had felt small and fragile as her life slipped away in the arms of death.

But standing here now, she did feel strong. She did feel brave. She felt fierce.

Maybe Katelyn had been wrong on the train. Maybe it did take more than blood, sweat and tears to become a warrior. Maybe death was also a requirement.

"Die as Warriors," she breathes, "we've come a long way from that first meeting. You've changed."

Jade moves again, but Arabella was ready, her body diving quickly to avoid the knifes edge as best as she could. It breaks the skin of her back, and she grunts slightly as she rolls on the ground, before quickly finding her feet. "Aim for the heart Jade, that's where I'm aiming."

table: dars

[ Arabella attacks Jade with knife ]
ljDRXAnjwjknife
[ Shallow Cut on Right Hip -- 3.5 damage ]

knife

[D1f Jade Morin - Alyssaimagine]

As her knife thrust out, Arabella was quick to react. She felt a surge of something...as she watched the blade only graze the other girl's skin. Was it pride? Was she genuinely happy to see how strong Arabella had become? She had come a long way. Jade didn't think she would make it very far when she'd first met the girl, but she'd found a strong alliance and had time to learn from real battles. Jade wondered how good she'd been when the Games first started. How much pain she'd had to endure to get to this point. Then she remembered that Arabella had died. And so had she, and for just a moment panic tries to seize her.

She'd promised Arabella, and that was all it took to make her breathe. She needed to stay strong, and she couldn't afford to panic. No matter who died this day, Jade had to ensure that they died like Warriors. Like she'd promised. She couldn't let fear control her anymore, and she couldn't afford to keep running away when presented with a problem. Isn't that how she'd died? Jade had allowed herself to be weak, and if she hadn't been weak, would she be here right now? Would she have been forced to kill the girl she wanted to protect? No, because she wouldn't have experienced her first death. Someone else would have been here, and maybe Arabella could have killed them instead. Would she have preferred that?

Jade wasn't entirely sure. Maybe this was the way things were meant to be. Maybe it had been destined from the very moment they'd met. Their relationship complicated, their hardships insurmountable, and in the end one would die by the other. Wasn't it better to die with respect? As a Warrior? Would anyone else she met give her that? Would they be weak, put up a fight? Or would they cut right through her? Maybe it was meant to be this way, no matter how much Jade wished it weren't true. She would ensure the girl died with respect and honor and...love. If Jade died, she may not be loved, but perhaps she could at least die with respect and honor. Maybe that's all she could ask for in life. Maybe love was never in the stars for her.

"Die as Warriors," she breathes, "we've come a long way from that first meeting. You've changed."

Hearing the words brought her back to the Dining Hall.

"If you aren't a Warrior before you step foot into that arena, do you think you can deal with the repercussions of winning or will you wilt the moment that you win and realize everyone else has died?"

Her words came back to taunt her then. She hadn't been prepared, not really, but she'd cut into Arabella in the Dining Hall. Jade had thought she had it all figured out, and she didn't realize that she hadn't. Not really. Not until she was so deep into the Hunger Games that it didn't matter. No matter how much training she'd been given before, she hadn't been prepared. She hadn't been a Warrior, but she was beginning to feel like one now. If she could get passed this, if she could take strength out of this, wouldn't she be a Warrior? She didn't want Arabella to die. She didn't want to be her killer. She didn't want any of this, but now she had no choice, so wasn't Arabella right? Didn't she need to get herself together and fight properly? She wouldn't let her down.

"So have you," Jade acknowledges, locking her eyes with Arabella. "You're stronger."

Jade loves the girl's newfound strength, but she mourns the innocence and nativity that she'd first had. She wishes she had never been forced to become a Warrior. She wished the girl had never had to experience losing her friends and allies, and most of all she wished neither of them had been in the Games. Maybe if they'd met any other way they could have been close. They could have lived, but she knew there had been no chance to meet her if not for the Games. Still, she'd prefer saving the girl's innocence and life over meeting her, even if she was such a bright light in Jade's life. It was better she was living, happy, breathing.

"Aim for the heart Jade, that's where I'm aiming."

If Arabella hadn't attacked right after, maybe she would have wavered with those words. As it was, even as she managed to dodge the most of the knife's attack, the words still sent a shiver down her spine. She didn't want Arabella to die. Didn't want to aim for her heart. She didn't want to make it stop beating, but she would, because Arabella wanted her to fight and she would be a Warrior whether she lived or died, and Jade would see to that.

"I will," she choked out.

And she strikes again.

(Jade attacks Arabella with Twisted Dagger)
NcxnbK6E4eknife
(2028 -- Shallow Cut on Back -- 4.0 damage)

Table made by Tom.

knife

[k!ah]

Jade moves quickly, her lifetime of training kicking in. Arabella was no match for her. Not really, she was nothing but a farmer. The only way she had been trained to use a knife was to slice through the delicious fruit of her orchard. Matthew had shown her the best way to slice an apple, to remove all the seeds but waste none of the flesh. She wandered what he thought of her knife skills now, Jades ear forgotten in the dirt between them.

Her knife slices into the girls hip, Arabella stumbling forward with the momentum of the attack. The unsteady moment causes her to lose focus, Jades knife moving too quickly as it once again slashes down the flesh of her back. Arabella cannot hold back the whimper that escapes her lips, her hands pressed into her knees as she fights to breathe through the pain.

Exhaustion was beginning to ebb away at her, her muscles burning, reluctant to listen as she demands them to move. Grunting she stands tall, clutching her knife coated in a thick layer of blood as she turns to face Jade. Their eyes lock, "So have you. You're stronger." But not strong enough, she cries to herself, as she cradles the arm which had been punctured. The pain was burning through her now, setting her blood on fire she she desperately searched for the energy to stay physically and mentally strong.

Her lungs protest as she sucks in air, her arm braced against the catacombs wall as she felt her knees go weak, her head spinning as she fought to stay upright. "I- I can't-" she gasps, her knees breaking as her body gives way. Danmit! How could she demand Jade stay strong when she couldn't hold her own, her body refusing to fight, her desperate pleas ignored as she felt her energy sap. Chills ran across her skin as she watched the blood drip continuously from the gash in her arm.

But she was not ready to give up.

Get up.

Get up. get up get up GET UP

she screams to herself, her fingers digging into the rough surface of the catacomb wall as she drags her exhausted body to her feet.

Because I won't let you die like a coward, on your knees.

She couldn't allow herself to die a coward. No. She was a warrior. She was strong. She was fierce. She could fight this. And if she couldn't she would die with her head held high. She would not beg for mercy. She would not plead, she would be strong. She would not die on her knees, looking up at Jade. If she died she would be looking the girl in the eye. Her true equal.

Blood stains the wall, as she moves from it, her body unsteady as she approaches Jade. "Don't worry. I'm not giving up either. You are going to have to hit me harder than that Jade." She clutches her knife tightly, so tight that her knuckles go white against the pressure. "I guess I will have to hit harder too."

table: dars

[ Arabella attacks Jade with knife }
l5PWWNUAvTknife
[ Shallow Cut on Left Forearm -- 3.5 damage ]

knife

[D1f Jade Morin - Alyssaimagine]

Stay strong, stay strong, stay strong... Jade commanded her as she watched Arabella struggle. She fought every urge in her body to reach forward and help the girl gain her balance. She wanted so desperately to support her, and Jade's chest hurt where her heart was. It was a deep throb, an ache so powerful it took all of her willpower to support herself and stay strong. She knew that helping her wouldn't be a good idea. They were supposed to fight like Warriors, and helping her now would only take that away from Arabella, and she couldn't take that from her. Whether she lived or died, she would be a warrior. That's what she had promised, and she was going to keep it. Even as watching the girl was killing her inside.

For just a moment, her fingers flexed and she almost did it. She almost reached for the girl. Almost tried to help her up, but then she shook her hand. Flexed her fingers, and fought the urge. Tears stung her eyes, but she would not let them fall. She would be strong for Arabella, because she knew the girl deserved it. Don't fall apart, Jade, you promised. She hissed inside her head. She wanted to punch the wall, because that would make it easier, but she wouldn't let Arabella see just how hard it was for her to hold it together. It was getting harder to breathe, as she slowly realized she was on the verge of losing it.

Jade couldn't afford that. She breathed in and out, forcing each breathe to be slow. She needed to keep it together. Needed to focus. She gripped onto the dagger tightly, mustered up all of her willpower to keep her hands steady and not shaky. A Warrior. They would be warriors no matter who fell here today. She would make sure of it. She would. She could. She had to. There were no other choices, because no matter what the Gamemakers had decided only one would live. And so it would be. Her knuckles turned white with the pressure of her grip.

"I- I can't-"

The words tear her to pieces as she watches on. Does she attack now? When the girl is down? No. She couldn't. She wasn't going to hold back, but she couldn't die a Warrior like that, either. She waited until the girl gathered her courage. She didn't respond to the words, because she felt that was best. She didn't want to make the girl feel like she was weak, because Jade knew that she wasn't. Arabella may be struggling, but she didn't have the years of experience that Jade did, and that didn't matter, because this girl could do it. Jade knew that she could, because she was strong mentally, and that's what made her a Warrior. So, she waited.

"Don't worry. I'm not giving up either. You are going to have to hit me harder than that Jade." She clutches her knife tightly, so tight that her knuckles go white against the pressure. "I guess I will have to hit harder too."

Slowly, Arabella proves her right. She gets back to her feet, and Jade is filled with immediate relief. She was strong, and Jade knew that she was. Her eyes widened in response to the oncoming attack. She was quick to gather herself. She had her faculties fully in order. Jade dodges, but isn't able to dodge it fully. She feels the slight burn of the dagger against her flesh. She is getting weaker, but she'd been in worse shape before. After all, she had died.

"You're strong, Arabella, and don't forget that. I may be strong physically, but you're stronger inside. Remember that." Jade encouraged her.

And she thrust her blade.

(Jade attacks Arabella with Twisted Dagger)
uW1541RQk1knife
(2054 -- Shallow Cut on Right Bicep -- 3.5 damage Stabbed in the heart)

Table made by Tom.

knife

[k!ah]

The knife breaks through the skin above her above her heart. Her eyes flutter as it buries itself deeper, pierces her beating heart. A groan escapes her lips, her body giving way, shutting down as its life source is compromised. Her body slumps forward, pushing the knife deeper into her heart. "Ah, you finally found it," she breathes, as Jades arms come around her, breaking her fall.

"My heart."

Her head falls onto the girls shoulder, blood climbing her throat filling her mouth with the taste of iron. "I found it..." she echoes, her voice breaking. She wanted to tell her that it'd be okay, that she only did what she had too. But the words die on her lips as her body shutters, as her heart begins to breakdown. For the last time.

"Arabella," she says her name like a prayer, before chocking on a sob. Don't cry. She thinks, lifting her uninjured hand to clasp the girls wrist. I'm not worth your tears, remember? I'm just a silly girl. But instead she whispers, "don't cry. I'm still here. Remember you don't get to break." Pain surges through her as her heart clenches around the blade buried in her heart. "You promised."

Don't break your promise now.

I won't ever forgive you.

"Can you feel it?" Her voice is soft, quiet as her body becomes numb. As the pain began to fade. "Can you feel it clenching around your knife, fighting?" The knife slides deeper as her heart falters, its beating becoming weak, fading as the blood runs from her body.

"I can feel it," her words no louder than a whisper. "It's strong like you, Arabella."

"Lies," a chuckles escapes her lips, quickly followed by a bout of coughing, her body choking on its own blood. "It's dying. Just like me."

"You're a Warrior, Arabella."

For so long she had been telling herself that she was not a warrior. That if she just did this, or just did that then maybe she could be that one step closer to becoming one. But what was a warrior?

A warrior was someone who was brave.

Someone who is strong.

Someone who doesn't give up easily.

And wasn't Arabella Shirley all of those thing? Hadn't she been all of them for the majority of her lifetime? From the moment she was born she had to become strong. Through the loss of her family she had to become strong. Through being teared down and tormented she had to be strong. To continue on living with a smile and a kind heart she had to be brave. To find a new family, to leave the place that had given her shelter and food in the search for love and comfort she had to be brave.

To keep on fighting, through everything that had been thrown at her, through everyone trying to tear her down, she had to be resilient.

For years she kept searching, kept seeking that reason to call herself a warrior.

When she had been one all her life.

She was glad, in that moment, that Jade couldn't see her face. Glad that she couldn't witness the lone tear that ran down her sweat covered cheek. Glad she couldn't see the fear that danced in the fading light of her eyes. Because she was scared. Petrified of what waited her the moment her heart gave way. The moment the darkness dragged her away forever. She didn't remember a thing from last night, only darkness. A cold darkness. She had died last night, at peace, ready to leave this world in the arms of Lysander, with Ellens words singing her into eternal sleep.

It's okay to let go.

She had let go.

She had found peace.

Found a way to be okay.

But then she had been resurrected, and her blood had been set on fire with the chance to live. A bitter laugh escapes her lips, as she fidgets in Jades hold, her body shaking uncontrollably.

"Is there...is there anything you want? I'll get out of this arena, and I'll do anything you want."

Jades voice is distant, muffled. Arabella fights to keep her eyes open, fights to keep her heart beating, but she was no match for the worlds most elite soldier. Death was whispering in her ear now, wrapping her body in a tight embrace.

Come with me, it whispered. Stop fighting, it crooned as her vision begins to blur. Give up.

"It's okay, Bella. You can go now. It's okay." Lysander's voice dances over her skin. You can go now. She didn't need to keep fighting anymore.

Bella, thank you... I will love you till the end of time.

Tears fill her eyes, as her life slips away, as her lungs expand for the last time.

"I-" her voice fails her, just as her lungs do.

Tell them how much I love them.

Tell them so they hole in their heart can start to heal.

"I-" The light begins to fade, her eyelids drifting shut.

"Tell them... Th-that I..."

She's slipping, further and further into the abyss.

Love them.

table: dars

[D1f Jade Morin - Alyssaimagine]

When she thrusts her dagger this time, there is no thought nor hesitation. Her actions swift and natural, all muscle memory and instinct honed after years of training. And before she could realize what it all meant the knife stabbed into Arabella's flesh and straight into the other girl's heart and that's when everything seemed to stop. Her arms reached out and cradled Arabella as she fell, the realization was slow to sink in. She held the girl in her arms as her mind raced and struggled to bring clarity to what was happening, but all she felt was shock.

"Ah, you finally found it,"

It takes time for the words to sink in, and she finds herself brushing a few strands of hair away from Arabella's face. Suddenly, her hands are shaking and her eyes are stinging, and her heart is pounding...or is that Bella's heart? She isn't sure anymore, because at the moment nothing makes any sort of sense. It felt like the world was crashing in on her, and for a brief moment she'd even forgotten how to breathe. Still, when her brushed Arabella's hair from her face, her hands were gentle. "I found it," she echoed, and her voice breaks as the everything slowly begins to make sense. The shock was wearing off, and realization settled.

She'd killed Arabella.

Her breathing becomes quick as she panics. She almost loses herself to the panic completely. She wanted to - needed to find a way to stop this. Arabella couldn't die, and Jade couldn't be her murderer. There had to be a way to end this. She looks down at the girl, and wants to tell her to fight it. That there was still hope, but deep down inside Jade knew it was a lie, and she wasn't willing to lie to Arabella, but she needs so badly to save this girl and she can't do this, she can't kill her, there has to be someth-

"You break here and I won't ever forgive you."

The words rush into her memory, and she slowly learns how to breathe again. Jade wouldn't disappoint Arabella. She can't break, not now when the girl is here in her arms and dying. She would keep her promise.

"Arabella," she breaths, but she finds it difficult to find the words to say. Her throat is closing up, and she chokes on a sob. She had to be strong for Arabella. She'd promised not to break. She'd promised to be strong, and she'd promised they'd die as warriors, but it was so hard to stay strong when the girl she wanted to protect was dying in her arms. Killed by her. That's what she'd remembered for: killing Arabella. The last person she wanted to see dead. "I can feel it," Jade whispers, as a few tears fall down her cheeks. She hasn't cried since she was little, because Morin children were taught not to cry, but right now she doesn't care about any of that. She blinks in surprise as Arabella claps her hand around Jade's wrist.

"don't cry. I'm still here. Remember you don't get to break." Pain surges through her as her heart clenches around the blade buried in her heart. "You promised."

Jade knew Arabella was right. She had promised, but keeping it was much harder, but she manages. She breathes in and she breathes out, and she does everything she can to stay afloat, rather than to lose herself to grief. "I promised," she confirmed, trying to keep her voice even. She realizes then that she doesn't deserve to break, because she'd killed Arabella. She deserves to feel this. She deserves everything the world throws at her for taking this life, and she knows that she isn't allowed to break. That a killer doesn't deserve any of those things.

"Can you feel it?" Her voice is soft, quiet as her body becomes numb. As the pain began to fade. "Can you feel it clenching around your knife, fighting?"

Now that it was mentioned, she can feel it. She can feel Arabella's heart pulse against her knife. She feels as it digs in deeper as Arabella's heart weakens. "It's strong like you, Arabella." Jade says, and she means it with all her heart, because while the girl was dying for now she was still here. For now her heart was still fighting, trying to stay alive.

"Lies," a chuckles escapes her lips, quickly followed by a bout of coughing, her body choking on its own blood. "It's dying. Just like me."

Arabella was dying, and Jade knew that, but she hadn't been lying. The fact that Arabella was still here, still struggling to hold on showed her that Arabella's heart and will to live was strong, and so she didn't bother taking back anything she said, because Jade had spoken the truth. Even if she was dying, Jade knew that Arabella was strong. She was stronger than Jade could ever be. She'd witnessed that here today. If Jade hadn't been trained to kill, would she have lived? "You're a Warrior, Arabella," Jade says, and she means every word of it. She grips Arabella tightly, as if it were enough to save her from the inevitable. "Is there...is there anything you want? I'll get out of this arena, and I'll do anything you want," Jade doesn't even know if she's strong enough to answer.

More than anything else, Jade wishes they could trade places. She isn't sure that living was worth fighting anymore. Coming home a Victor and earning love? That no longer seemed important. Besides, she was beginning to realize that maybe no one could love her after this. On the screens, she would be a killer. In reality, she was a killer. She was nothing more. She'd be paraded around in fine garments, she'd be admired, and she'd be famous. It was true that she would live in luxury, but wasn't that the extent of it? Who would really love and trust someone who walked out of the arena alive, when it meant they had killed?

If she wasn't loved before the arena, who would love her now? Arabella had people who loved her, who would continue to love her even after killing, because she was a bright soul, she was a warrior, and she hadn't been trained to be a killer. She'd merely been a victim of circumstance, but Jade? She was a Career, and that suddenly felt more like a brand burned into her soul rather than something to be proud of. Just as Arabella had said not that long ago, people didn't think Careers were really human. Not like other people. Trained killers. Never struggled. They were branded from the moment they were born and would carry that brand if they made it out of the arena. Living would only prove to the world that they were right.

Those thoughts were interrupted, as Arabella's body shudders in its attempt to keep living, and Jade holds her protectively. "You're so strong, Arabella," she soothes. It's all she can do to keep herself held together, but she won't break her promise. For as long as she lives, Jade vows to never break again, because if she does then she knows Arabella will never forgive her. Even in death.


"I-" her voice fails her, just as her lungs do.

Tell them how much I love them.

Tell them so they hole in their heart can start to heal.

"I-" The light begins to fade, her eyelids drifting shut.

"Tell them... Th-that I..."

She's slipping, further and further into the abyss.

Love them.

Jade struggles to listen, to understand, as Arabella is slipping so fast, but she wasn't able to finish before her body finally gave out and her words would cease forever. For a moment, Jade is rigid and doesn't move even a single muscle. She can no longer feel Arabella's heart beating, and the girl's chest is no longer moving with the struggle of breathing. She was gone, and Jade feels cold all over as panic and desperation attempt to control her, but she won't let it. She takes several deep, and shaky breaths as she tried to gather herself together.

She didn't know how long she'd kept that position, but for a long while she refused to leave Arabella. She dreaded taking the dagger out of the girl's chest, and she was thankful for the safety of the Catacombs for the moment, because no one could barge in here and kill her. It gave her time. Like a mantra, she'd repeat to herself that she will not break.

Then, slowly, she took out her dagger and laid Arabella on the ground. She placed the girl's hands on her chest, with one hand still holding the dagger. She found the flowers in the Catacombs, and while she couldn't pry the girl's other hand open to hold them, she laid them over her heart and tried to ignore the blood that seeped through the petals. Just as she's about to leave the catacombs, she looks back at her. "I'll never break my promise, Arabella. I'll be strong."

Table made by Tom.