tears to a fire. ally & mav

[gamemaker tallis 🧚🏽‍♂️kaitlin.]

M A V E R I C K

Getting drunk and kissing Ally St. Cloud over the summer had been reckless at best, and stupid at worst, and you're pretty sure that the puppy dog eyes she flashed you during homeroom has you leaning more in the direction of stupid rather than just reckless.

You knew you weren't interested in her, knew it and did it anyway.

You are a boy terrified by the notion that you are wasting your life, that you are throwing away days that should be spent any other way, that your brothers are going to have been right all along and you're going to get to the end of your life and realize that you had all the wrong ideas, loved all the wrong things, gave your attention to every wrong detail. And yet, there's one thing you're most absolutely certain of: Ally St. Cloud is not who you should be spending your social energy on.

And you still did.

Everyone in this fucking school is in a coma of their own making, deluding themselves into thinking that they're someone better than they really are, trying to believe that they are good and kind and going to be successful when you know that they won't. Ally is no different; you know that she was the one that invited Scarlet to Frankie's party, even if it had been Frankie's idea to do so. You know that she's no innocent lamb, despite the doe-eyes and the pouty mouth that quivers whenever you try and tell her that you see right through her.

You're pretty sure last time you tried to tell her that she thought you were being romantic. Some I see you kind of bullshit, like you saw her soul, like you understood her.

She wasn't wrong; you do.

You just were trying to tell her that you aren't particularly fond of what you see.

But then she'd kissed you and you'd been bored and drunk and then she'd kissed you again a week later at another party and you'd taken her upstairs and then you realized that you were maybe doing it as a way to punish yourself, tell yourself that you didn't deserve someone better than a girl who spent all her time trying so desperately to make everyone like her that it usually ended up making people hate her. That realization made you balk, down half a bottle of vodka, and then pass out in a field. You'd woken up alone, save for a couple of birds chirping on a rotting log a few feet away, and told yourself you weren't going to go near her again.

Would have been nice to remember she was in your god damned homeroom.

You do what you can to avoid her, skip math next period which you know that she's in, and go to hide out in the art studio during the first half of your lunch period, go back again when classes get out. You should have known that somehow, she'd find you. "St. Cloud," you say when she shows up in the doorway. "Since when do you hang out in the ceramics room."

You keep your voice flat, eyebrows arched.

Apathetic, maybe.

elegant

[gamemaker sloane ♕ kaяi ♕]

A L L Y

Eyes were never on Ally St. Cloud.

They were on Clara, or Stella, or anybody else really. It was a blessing and a curse, but really it just grew lonely. She was in the limelight, but also a shadow on the wall compared to the other girls. So, when someone seemed to truly see her her heart fluttered and she jumped at the chance.

The alcohol happened to give her the extra push she needed.

She was never one to drink much, but that night Father had yelled and she had cried and she knew she needed something to take the edge off. A drink later and she was already feeling tipsy, so when Maverick looked at her with those eyes she did the dumbest and bravest thing that had ever crossed her mind.

She kissed him.

Then she did it again and one thing lead to another which eventually ended in nothing. She should have known better, she should have known that he would be just like all the other boys, but part of her had hoped he was just a little bit different. Part of her had hoped that maybe for once someone would choose her.

The only thing he chose to do was avoid her.

Ally had gotten the hint when he ignored her for weeks, but skipping math and hiding during lunch? This was an all time low. She wasn't sure what she needed, it wasn't an answer or an explanation that she was looking for, but she wanted something.

Anything.

He was hiding out in the ceramics room, not the most creative of spots. She leaned on the door frame of the room and brushed the loose strands of hair away from her eyes.

"St. Cloud."

His voice sent knives through her heart. There were no feelings for this boy, but for some reason even looking into his eyes was painful.

"Since when do you hang out in the ceramics room."

Her hips swayed as she walked to the center of the room and sat gracefully on the chair that was placed there. Gently, she crossed her legs, placed her hands on her knees, and smiled at the boy.

"I'm here to be your muse, of course. I heard I can be very inspiring."

She did a little pose and winked at him.

"Go ahead, sculpt me. I'm ready."

Their eyes met and she refused to pull away. Finally, he was paying attention to her. At least she had somebody's attention.

Even if it was just for now.

[gamemaker tallis 🧚🏽‍♂️kaitlin.]

M A V E R I C K

Ever the performer, she comes in mask first.

You don't blame Ally St. Cloud for wanting to be something that she's not, for acting like she is the kind of girl who actually thinks waltzing into the ceramics studio and declaring herself your muse is a good idea, is something that will really work on someone like you. People spend their whole lives letting the world tell them who they ought to be, letting the world around them determine who they're going to become. Hero or victim. Saint or sinner. Smart or stupid. Rich or poor. People wake up and just let history tell them whether or not they're going to be good or bad, let their past decide what their future is going to look like.

So many people are completely unoriginal.

They let everyone they have ever met contribute to who they are in some way or other; they even let people that they haven't met decide what kind of person they've going to become. People like Ally St. Cloud are the combined effort of everyone they have ever met collapsed into a single spine.

And it shows.

The piece you're working on now is a waste of your time you think, an assignment from the ceramics teacher to warm your hands back up and get into the swing of creating pieces, but you still take care with the soft clay, slow the wheel you're spinning gently so that the vase you're making doesn't spin out of shape. Your hands and forearms are covered in damp clay, and you think there's probably some on your cheekbone from when you swiped at it earlier, but you can't be sure without looking in a mirror.

You look at her for a long moment, eyebrows still high and arched. You're a little bit amused by her antics, though you definitely wish she would have done almost anything else.

Almost.

Like, maybe not have looked at you with those puppy eyes like that and clearly been trying to flirt. That would have been a good start.

"I—" you start, inhaling slowly. You have a feeling she's the crying type, and you don't have the energy for that right now. "I don't usually sculpt pieces from life," you settle for.

Not good enough, you're sure.

"Not sure it's something I'm much interested in taking up."

Better.

elegant